


The Curse of The Blue Rose

by Sailingfreely



Series: The Field of Roses [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: And fluffier, Crack, Dubious Consent, I swear, It'll grow angstier and smutier, LMAO, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Slow Burn, Smut, These tags are so messy hdjskskaakajxg, This fic is about forgiving oneself, Wet Dream, and crossdress, and kinks...., and stocking, incubus, like tentacles maybe, prepare to sin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-05-01 14:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 124,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14522742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailingfreely/pseuds/Sailingfreely
Summary: Taeyong should know better that he shouldn't pick up the strange blue rose outside his window.Now he's stuck with a mouthy incubus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [akajung](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akajung/gifts).



> A story written for my lovely @akajung to somewhat brighten up your life a bit ♥
> 
> And for anyone who can enjoy my plethora of grammar errors and nonsense, lmao.

' _You're not getting any younger Yong, when are you going to settle down?'_  
  
_'How about you meet the daughter of a friend of mine?'_  
  
_'You know your boss will try to set you up if you don't have a partner, they said more work productivity or something.'_  
  
_'I took it as my responsibility after your parents left you, now I'm acting as your mom too and I worry endlessly thinking about you being alone. I know you hate being alone, so why?'_  


  
  
"Who told you to do that!" Taeyong yelled to his empty room, pulling at his hair, feeling frustrated.  
  
Work has been very stressful, less breaks, more work and more shit spewing out from jealous and idiotic coworkers. At first he thought having a boss who favors him would be good but in the end it served more problems than benefits. As if that's not enough, his friends and some other coworkers -who aren't stupid and somewhat friends with him- keep trying to change his status of a sexy, _free_ and _single_ man.  
  
Okay he admits he's lonely, but since people keep pushing him into a relationship, the more he rejects the idea. Why can't they just leave that part of his life alone? Do they think he's not capable of searching for the right time and the right person? And now his close friends are even going as far as trying to guilt trip him into having a relationship? Why do they think they're entitled to his love life anyway?  
  
Taeyong groans while pacing the room, stressed, yet doesn't want to go out, but staying in only further frustrates him, like an itch under your skin which can't be scratched. He's pissed, he's angry at these people who keep pestering him, but he can't say too much since he will feel guilty, he's too soft hearted to tell them off, especially when they practically saved his life.  
  
So maybe, yeah they're entitled to his romance, after all they only wish the best for him. How could he be angry with them? But that doesn't mean he can't when he's alone in his room. Right?  
  
He glares at his bed as if the inanimate object is offending him, contemplating whether he should go to sleep to wash off his pissy mood or finally go out from the comfort of his home. Nah, he figured that he would want to choke people, anyone, if he sees them. Why can't society be chill and understanding?  
  
Taeyong sighs deeply, trying to ease the burning in his chest. Calm down maybe if you drink some water it will cease the fire within, he told himself. He's seldom felt this kind of full, blown-up anger, hes often pissed off, but not like this. It tends to accumulate and it would explode before he could stop it, but thankfully this time he managed to lock himself in his home before throwing blankets, pillows, and sheets. Even in the time of rage he still has enough conscience not to throw breakable things or it'll be a pain to clean up.  
  
He went to the kitchen, grabbing a glass absentmindedly to fill it with tap water as he keep chanting in his heart, calm down, calm down, you're better than this. But then, his eyes caught something just outside the window above the sink. He peeks out, seeing dark green leaves and thorny stem. A blue rose.  
  
Taeyong frowns, a blue rose? Where did it come from? This is the fifth floor, who could possibly put it there? A blue, or any color of roses really, would be strange to have suddenly appeared just outside of his window. _What the_ -? He slid open the window, feeling soft breeze caressing his skin as he did so, noticing the way the leaves waved in the wind yet werent shaken. Normally they would already fall down due to the wind, yet they dont.  
  
Taeyong takes it by the stem, only to be shocked when suddenly fire sets ablaze from the opening of the rose petals, burning down to the stem where Taeyong was holding onto. Instinctively he let it go, yelping only to realize belatedly that the fire didn't have any heat and the rose evaporated along with the fire like a sparkling red fog. He stared bemusedly at the place where the rose once was, utterly confused at what happened, _what the fuck-_  
  
Then he saw it, the twist and curls of black ink in the skin of his right middle finger, the beautiful, complicated lines of a rose. Like a tattoo. His eyes widened, staring at it before a scream jumped out of his lungs in shock. He rubs at it, flailing his hand then washing it under running water, yet still the black ink of a rose stay there.  
  
"What the fuck, what the fuck, what the-"  
  
"You won't be able to erase it."  
  
Taeyong screamed even higher and louder than he did before, turning his body towards the sudden, deep voice which came from behind him, once again getting a shock, seeing a taller man peering down at him.  
  
" _Who_ \- How did you get in??" He screamed again.  
  
"Oh my god you scream a lot, I would prefer to hear you scream in a different situation," the taller guy covered his ears with both his palms.  
  
Taeyong didn't get the innuendo at first due to the fear and shock, until he saw the meaningful smirk on the guy's lips. How can a person who broke into his house look so confident? This guy must be _dangerous_! Taeyong's brain quickly supplies that he needs to defend himself from whatever ill intentions this taller and seemingly handsome guy want from him. Wait, _what_ , Taeyong's brain did not just think the guy is handsome, he's a criminal for god sake! He shook his head and grabbed a nearby knife in his left hand.  
  
The guy holds up his hands, "Woah, calm down tiger, no need to get aggressive," still the smirk stays on his lips as he tilts his head to the knife in Taeyong's hand, "don't want anybody to get hurt."  
  
"Who are you and what do you want?" Taeyong hissed threateningly, or at least he hopes so, considering his figure is thinner and shorter than the other guy. But right now Taeyong has a weapon, not the knife in his hand, but the anger in his chest from the shitty week he experienced. He's sure hed be able to at least beat the guy before kicking him out and then calling the police. He's calculating the things he could and he will do in his head, yeah he could do that.  
  
"First of all, I didn't come through the door," the guy said, still with his hands in the air, "and secondly you will only hurt yourself with that knife."  
  
Briefly, Taeyong looked over the guy's shoulder to the front door, he wasn't lying; the door was closed tight with the chain hooked, just like how Taeyong left it last night. So from where did he come in? The window? Was that blue rose his doing?  
  
Taeyong wasn't one to back down when his life at stake though, so he barks back to the guy, "You think I wouldn't dare to hurt you? You think you're smarter than me by trapping me within my own home?"  
  
"I didn't say you wouldn't dare, but you couldn't hurt me," the guy chuckled, taking a step forward to Taeyong, who instinctively tried to take a step back, only for his waist to be pressed to the edge of the kitchen sink. "And I'm not trapping you. You see, you're misunderstanding because you don't know what I am. I'm not a burglar, I'm not even human," he leans closer with a dangerous glint in his dark eyes, uncaring of the way Taeyong is pointing the tip of the knife to his chest, "I'm an incubus, Lee Taeyong."  
  
A shiver runs through Taeyong's spine, _great_ , it's a _lunatic_ who broke into his home, God wasn't it enough to mess with him after the shitty week?  
  
"You don't believe me," the guy said with a wider grin and an amused look on his face.  
  
Who would? Not Taeyong. Then once again the guy tries to get even closer to him, forcing Taeyong to push the knife forward with the intention to threaten the guy to back off. Taeyong may try to appear brave and fearless, but blood is his weakness, oh why he chose to take the knife? He could fight with his fist, but if he put down his knife now then that will give the guy a wrong signal.  
  
But what happened next as he push the knife forward wasn't what he thought would happen, along with his hand the knife going through the man's body. Taeyong's knees start to weaken at the realization that his hand goes through the man as if he is empty air, as if he's a ghost. Another scream gets caught at the base of his throat and he was about to let it out, until he saw the smug look on the guy's face and his blood boils anew with anger.  
  
_Oh he must think it's fine to tease me, huh? To make a fool out of me? Who does he think he is?_ Taeyong's anger due the shitty week comes back in full force and what happens next is him purely taking out his anger to the lunatic stranger.  
  
"Now, do you believe me-"  
  
The guy's words got punched back into his teeth at the swing of Taeyong's right fist, causing the both men surprise, because Taeyong had thought that his fist would go through the guy again as it did with his left hand. It didn't, and it was satisfying when he was finally able to punch the guy like he had wanted to the first time he shocked Taeyong.  
  
"Ow! Oh my god, how can those puny arms hurt so much?" the guy cried while cradling his jaw, eyes wide in disbelief, looking at a panting Taeyong.  
  
"Puny arms?" Taeyong is ticked off, nobody can say anything about his small feature, not even a lunatic stranger who seems ghost like and claimed to be an incubus.  
  
In reflex, Taeyong's left hand lets go of the knife and swings forward to give another punch, only for it to go through the guy like empty air once again. Taeyong is confused, and pissed off when he sees the guy trying to hold in laughter at his flustered look. It was luck when he reflexively used his right hand and was able to punch the guy in the nose again, earning pained cry although the guy is not, thankfully, bleeding at all from it.  
  
Now that is something. He stares at both of his hands, ignoring the garbled protest of pain in the background, how come his left hand is unable to punch him while his right hand can? Then he noticed the tattoo of rose on his middle finger. Is it- _No way_ , is this self-proclaimed incubus guy related to the mysterious blue rose?  
  
The guy, by then, is still grumbling non-stop under his breath. Taeyong, wanting to try his speculation, tells him to, "hey shut up."  
  
"Heh, I can only shut up when something fills my mouth-"  
  
"I said, shut up," Taeyong put up his right hand to the guy's direction and was surprised when the self-declared incubus followed his command. Unbelievable, Taeyong feels utterly fucked up and shocked to the point he feels breathless. "Oh my god, are you some kind of a creature and that rose was a sealing contract? And now it's embedded in my skin?!"  
  
"Wow, you really have my applause, you're so smart to have figured it out that fast," the guy says, clapping his hands, a bit ambiguous whether he's being sarcastic or genuine.  
  
"Stop patronizing me," Taeyong rushes forward to grab on the guy's neck with his right hand and new-found confidence, feeling a sense of satisfaction when the guy went still and quiet as if he's subduing the unknown creature. "Are you really an incubus?"  
  
"Yes," he answered with a shrug, still being a brat.  
  
"I never knew an incubus needs a seal for a feed."  
  
"Well, I'm not just any incubus," when Taeyong lifted an eyebrow in question, he elaborated more, "I'm extremely picky and kind of have allergy to some energy wavelengths-"  
  
"Allergy...?" Taeyong asked in a disbelieving and mocking tone, after which the guy shushes him with an offended look.  
  
"It made me vomit, hard to breathe, and weak, and even hungrier, it makes me sick, what was it if it wasn't allergy? Can't an incubus have allergies? Why can you humans have it and I can't?" he huffed dramatically.  
  
The guy looked so offended that Taeyong was feeling both a bit bad and had the urge to laugh, he didn't though. "And then?"  
  
"Well... Because of my extreme condition, I can't continue spontaneously picking up people to feed on, I have to search and plan out first before I can feed securely. And I tell you, it's a goddamn inconvenience and I'm left feeling hungry most of the time, because there's just too few people who I can feed on," he looked so sad as his eyes stared down to the floor. But then he grins to the human, So I put myself to sleep after I sent my rose to search for the most compatible human with me!"  
  
Now that's an adorable grin, but Taeyong is still pissed. "That's really sad and touching, but I don't want to be in a contract with a creature like you, break it off."  
  
"But I can pleasure you? I can help you fulfill your darkest and deepest desires, the highest pleasure men can ever experience, nothing is too much and anything is never enough," there's a flicker in the guy's dark eyes, lips open seductively and a silver pull to Taeyong's gut. Dangerous, this incubus could look so childish and innocent in one moment but then in the next he has this attractive, predatory pull in his eyes.  
  
Taeyong strengthened himself though. Before the sudden growing heat in his gut clouding his judgement, he's tightening his grip on the guy's neck until it earned him a groan and a cough, easing the heat to nothing. So it was a charming spell.  
  
"You can't try to charm me like that," he hissed, still a bit flustered at how fast his body was reacting, only to the guy's smouldering look.  
  
"That happens automatically, I can't help it," he didn't look a tiny bit guilty at all, instead looking even more smug than before.  
  
Taeyong sighed, so tired of this mess, "Just break off the contract, please."  
  
"That," the guy smiles with unease, a contrast to the confidence he's been showing before, "is not possible. Because it'll be a pain to search for another source, I made the seal permanent so... We're both stuck together."  
  
Anger was creeping up Taeyong's spine again, " _What_."  
  
"Hey, I have to say I'm disappointed too, I remember perfectly that I put in ' _demure_ ' as one of my preferences in the rose, it must have been broken somehow after searching for so long."  
  
"You think I care? Break it off or I'll break your neck!" Taeyong yelled, despite the growing cry in his throat, what is life doing to him? Why this mess on top of everything? Why does the universe hate him so?  
  
"To be honest I don't think your puny arm-"  
  
"Say another word about my arms and I swear I'll use the knife to cut your throat with my right hand," Taeyong hissed, unbeknown to him that he had somewhat acknowledged that his ' _puny_ ' arms couldn't break the guy's neck.  
  
The guy is wheezing when Taeyong's hand tightens on his windpipe, "Look, it's permanent, we can't break it off even if you somehow kill me, which you can't." The guy hurriedly adds when he sees a dark glint in Taeyong's eyes, "not that you can't because of your arms but because I can't be killed by the seal bearer!"  
  
Taeyong huffed, feeling a spinning and growing ache in his head. He loosened his grip on the guy's neck, "Aren't you an incubus, a male? I'm a man."  
  
"What's you being a man got anything to do with?" he frowns in utter confusion.  
  
"Is there such a thing as a gay incubus?"  
  
"Gay? Pfft," he snorted with mirth, "we don't care about gender, we only care about pleasure and love by the essence of it. The only reason why there's an incubus or succubus is due to our own preferences of how we want our body to take form."  
  
And somehow those sentences make Taeyong's resolve soften and he lets go of the guy's neck. Its the thing he always wanted to hear and it's coming out from a strange, trespassing incubus, such an unbelievable world.  
  
"Seeing as the rose chose you, you must refer to that ' _gay_ ' term."  
  
"Shut up if you don't want me to kick you out," Taeyong glares and the guy puts up his hands again in surrender.  
  
"Well, you can't really _kick_ me out since the only way to touch me is by your right _hand_ and the seal will spawn me near you even if, somehow, you managed to make me get too far from you."  
  
Taeyong groans and rubs his face frustratedly, "So this thing is for life? And no turning back?"  
  
"Afraid so."  
  
"Even if later I'll have a lover or get married or whatever?"  
  
The guy smiles confidently again, "No need to worry about that, I only exist in your mind which means nobody would be able to see or even sense me. That way I can help give you hundred-fold of pleasure when youre, you know, doing the nasty with your lovers."  
  
This incubus and his goddamn dirty talk, Taeyong is running out of patience and sources to keep calm, "So although I'm seeing you and can touch you with this right hand, you're not actually there? You're just in my mind?"  
  
"I can take a physical form where anyone could see and touch me, but I can't do that now as I have too little energy to do that-"  
  
"Apparently you have enough energy to sprout nonsense," Taeyong cuts in.  
  
The guy puts up a finger dramatically, "It's my nature to be witty, makes it all the more thrilling, yes?" causing Taeyong to roll his eyes while he only chuckled, "so to answer your question, yes I only live in the realm of your mind, for now."  
  
"Whatever, my life was so done already before you popped out and now its way past over done, it's ruined," Taeyong softly whimpers to his palms.  
  
"Don't belittle yourself, I can blow off your stress, you don't have to hold back," the incubus fucking winked at that.  
  
"Why do you think I'll let you get anywhere near me?" Taeyong frowns.  
  
"But I need to feed to live!" The guy gapes.  
  
"And you think I care... Dream on."  
  
There's a tremble shaking Taeyong to the fingertips when the guy smirks devilishly, "Oh, be sure that I will."  
  
Taeyong walks away to shake off the creeping sense of danger under his skin, only for the guy to call out to him, "And the name is Jaehyun."  
  
Taeyong brings up his right hand to the incubus's face and commands,

 

"Shut up, Jaehyun."

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong hates the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast update to cheer up my baby uwu
> 
> And for you guys who said this is interesting ♥

Taeyong hates his work, his -well, some of them- co-workers, his sometimes too flirty boss and the rest of the world.  
  
Only this morning the boss did it again, she called him over because apparently, _for her,_ his tie was slightly crooked. And he was sure there was no need for her fingers to graze over his chest when all she need to do was to fix his tie. And as if that wasn't bad enough already, amongst the annoying suggestive flutters of her eyelashes, his coworkers saw the scene and took it as him sucking up to the boss. Like really, can't they see he was the victim?  
  
No wonder he's only got two friends in that department, who he actually doesn't really trust for a big project which he currently needs to work on. Not that these two friends could or would sabotage his project, but Changkyun and Wonho just work too slow and sometimes don't satisfy his perfectionist self. So in the end, _again_ , he's suffering alone, chewing on his bottom lip as he's questioning himself, _and_ the world, why in the fuck he's where he is now.  
  
"Baby, I can blow some steam off your overheating brain."  
  
Taeyong's eyebrow twitches in irritation at the low, suggestive voice coming from above his work cubicle. Already knowing who it was, he kept his eyes trained on the words on his computer screen and hissed under his breath, "shut up."  
  
"Huh? But I wasn't saying anything?" Changkyun, who is sitting beside him, responded instead.  
  
"No, not you Changkyun, I wasn't talking to you."  
  
Changkyun's eyes fleeted to the ceiling, to the floor, then to Taeyong, "so were you talking to the air or to yourself?"  
  
_God dammit Changkyun, now is not the time for your weird brain to work_ , Taeyong facepalms mentally, much to the giggles above his head, "just go back to work, Changkyun."  
  
"He's cute," the deep voice says again and Taeyong ignores it to keep typing on the keyboard. "How can you go on without even a slightest bit of interest in, maybe one of your coworkers? I sense a deep void in your heart, that's sad."  
  
Taeyong types furiously on the keyboard after opening a notes app, ' _are you trying to make me mad.'_  
  
"No, I was being honest," he picks at Taeyong's hair only for his hand to be slapped, not that it will make him stop though, "you're so handsome you could pull off as an incubus yourself, yet it seems like you doomed your life by being single."  
  
Taeyong wants to ignore him, but then Jaehyun pulls harder at his hair, so he types again, ' _lay off, not everybody's head is full of sex.'_  
  
"That's not true, everyone, to a certain extent, has dirty thoughts."  
  
' _Are you gonna keep talking or do I have to punch your face._ '  
  
"Your colleagues would see it as if you're punching the air," he challenged with a smirk.  
  
' _Worth it,'_ Taeyong snorted.  
  
"Oh you finally smiled. Well, not really a smile but at least you don't look like somebody killed your cat anymore."  
  
At that Taeyong whacked the guy's jaw which earned him a satisfying yelp. Of course with the price of others eyeing him weirdly, as to why he suddenly swung up his hand like that, but it was definitely worth it.  
  
"You okay?" Changkyun asked with a worried look.  
  
"My arm feels sore, but I'm okay," Taeyong nonchalantly shrugged, strangely he really felt a little less stressed.  
  
"I can't believe you really slapped me," the guy grumbles, "I can't believe I can't dodge that. Look, can't you see how weak I am, don't you see how pitiful I am? Just give me a little energy."  
  
"You say that but when you get strong enough you'll devour me alive," Taeyong got so heated, he forgot that he said all that out loud, causing him to earn another moment of weird looks thrown at him.  
  
"Hyung, you're weird today, I was supposed to be the only crazy one here," Changkyun whispered, much to Taeyong's displeasure.  
  
"I'm having a rather imaginative moment in my mind right now, so just ignore me."  
  
"Wow that sounds awesome, okay," trust Changkyun to be awed by nonsensical things.  
  
"That was cute."  
  
Taeyong types in again, ' _stop saying cute this, cute that, I'll really strangle you.'_  
  
The guy smirked as he read the new note, "if that will bring you pleasure, then please do so, because I'll be able to feed on it then."  
  
Taeyong groans, exasperated, so tired, so done, ' _what the fuck do you want from me????'_  
  
The guy dramatically sighed, looking dreamily to a certain corner of the office room, "look at him, he looks so fine."  
  
Taeyong turned to the direction, seeing Wonho bending over a copy machine, making his round ass very visible due to his choice of overly tight pants. Taeyong briefly wonders how his pants never rip or if his dick doesn't get suffocated, but then he feels the smug smirk on the incubus's face.  
  
' _Okay fair enough, I did have a certain attraction to him BEFORE, because of his freaking sweet cotton candy smile but not anymore so you better not suggest anything_ ,' he quickly types in, hoping the heat on his cheeks is not him blushing.  
  
"You know, the more you deny me of my meals, the longer you won't be able to do your work," the incubus dared to giggle, and Taeyong never wanted to poke someone's eyes out so bad.  
  
_'I can ignore you._ '  
  
"How well has it been going?"  
  
Taeyong grunted so deeply Changkyun jolted in his seat in surprise, it sounded almost like a beastly growl. He's peeking in worriedly to see Taeyong glaring to the ceiling before he suddenly stands up and says, "I'm going to toilet."  
  
"Stomachache?" Changkyun asked with an unsure, low voice.  
  
"Sort of," and Taeyong went out, dashing to the restroom when he reached the hallways. Going in and slamming the cubicle so hard that for a moment he's afraid he will accidentally break the door. But all thoughts vanished when the smell of sandalwood filled his lungs and warmth seeped into his back.  
  
"So eager now?" the husky whisper caressed his ear.  
  
Taeyong's right hand surged forward to catch the incubus's neck, eliciting a chuckle, not minding how pissed off Taeyong is, "I have no time to waste, so you better be fast before I change my mind and command you to forever sleep, that way you can't bother me anymore."  
  
The incubus softly laughed, "You may be able to command me, but it's only for a temporary moment, mere fleeting minutes, really. The only thing which can put me into absolute submission is my true name, which, you don't have. So please, entertain yourself by the idea that you can restrict me, it makes me want to rebel even more."  
  
In that moment Taeyong realized, he may have underestimated the incubus because he could feel a heavy dark aura oppressing his very being, dangerous and intimidating. But Taeyong gritted his teeth and tightened his fist to fight off his reflex to cower under a stronger opponent, keeping his right hand coiling around the guy's neck.  
  
"Before this you tried to charm me and now you try to make me submit by fear? I'm not impressed," Taeyong hissed.  
  
"Oh my, aren't you something? I'm really amazed you can withstand that, normally humans would already be on their knees, and beg me instead," he looked genuinely surprised and amused, "aren't you very special Taeyong?"  
  
There Taeyong could feel his beating heart leap, the drop of Jaehyun's voice causing a churning in his stomach. The guy is trying to lure him with a charm now after pressing his fighting will with fear. Taeyong almost smiles at how cunning and clever the incubus is at fucking up his emotions, he'll have to admit the guy is smart.  
  
"Just let it be done with so I can go back to work-"  
  
"As you wish master," Jaehyun smirked before catching Taeyong's lips with his, wasting no time to lick and suck on Taeyong's tongue.  
  
Taeyong gasped in surprise, overwhelmed by the sudden kiss, he barely finished his sentence and Jaehyun was on him so fast. It wasn't just any kiss, every wet and warm sensation could be felt by his entire body, his skin tingles in a way it never had in his past experiences. And when Jaehyun softly sighed into Taeyong's open mouth, it felt like hot caresses down to his throat, burning far down to his groin that he couldn't help moaning himself.  
  
His fingers clutched on the incubus's black shirt, to either ground himself or to pull the incubus closer, he didn't know. The kiss is filthy, wet and messy, and he could feel the spilled drools on his chin and they only served to further make him gasp in pleasure, his body twitching from the sheer power of it. His body feels so hot, so horny, Taeyong never loses himself so bad in a mere kiss.  
  
As Jaehyun licks at his palate, his big warm hands slip into Taeyong's brief, squeezing his ass and spreading it apart, making Taeyong moan loudly in surprise and hot pleasure, hands flying up to pull at Jaehyun's dark hair. Taeyong jerked away a bit when he felt thick fingers grazing over his rims, his skin burning so bad with desire but mind clear enough to notice this is going too far.  
  
"W-wait," Taeyong chokes on his words as he's being spread more, fingertips not going in yet teasing in the cruelest way. "You can't do this-"  
  
Taeyong keens as one thick finger push in deep inside at the same time Jaehyun is kissing him deeper, swallowing his protests and further rendering him weak to the pleasure. It's been so long since last he's being touched, but he doubts this breathtaking and weakening pleasure was only due to his sensitive body. Mildly he wonders, how can Jaehyun fingering him dry and yet it doesn't hurt at all?  
  
Taeyongs subconsciously rutting forward to Jaehyun's dick, feeling them both hard and now he's eager to taste more, reciprocating Jaehyun's kisses as the finger inside him drags in and out tortuously slow. He could feel himself twitching and clenching to the thick finger when Jaehyun moans into his gaping mouth, racking his body stronger as his desire burns more.  
  
But then he suddenly feels cold air and hollowness, opening his eyes only to see Jaehyun crossing his arms on his chest with a smug look. Taeyong almost, almost cries out ' _why did you stop_ ', but he regained enough conscience and pride to stop himself from voicing it out. And Jaehyun, likewise, knows Taeyong wouldn't fall that easily in his trap.  
  
As Taeyong starts building up his wall of indifference again with hardened glare, Jaehyun has to say it just to rub it in his face, "I couldn't proceed as you told me ' _no_ '."  
  
"Good, you understand," Taeyong says with his usual tone, but nobody is fooled, they both know Taeyong was so close to submitting to the pleasure. Jaehyun only smirks to that and lets Taeyong try to fool himself, it'll be funnier like this after all.  
  
The abrupt end makes Taeyong frustrated though, his groin burns with need to be released, but his pride whines to keep it to himself and not to grovel to Jaehyun just like how the incubus wanted him to do. He applauds himself at how good he's holding himself back when a sweat of the remaining desire rolls down his burning back, god he could still feel the ghost of Jaehyun's finger inside him. He tries to kill his desire by thinking about his awaiting work, pride is such a powerful thing.  
  
But actually Taeyong's reaction and his grumpiness is what makes the incubus more keen on teasing him, if only he knew. Jaehyun kept it as his secret and put his fingers in front of Taeyong's eyes.  
  
"Why are you showing me your fingers? If you want to make me embarrassed by saying they were in me few minutes before, it won't work," Taeyong inquired with a frown.  
  
Jaehyun is laughing so hard at that, it wasn't his intention but his laughter effectively makes Taeyong blush, the poor human realizes he's taking it wrongly and is making a fool out of himself.  
  
"You're so silly, I wasn't showing you my fingers," Jaehyun is still softly laughing as he puts up his fingers again, and then snaps them, "it's time for you to wake up."  
  
Taeyong jolted awake and opened his eyes to find himself suddenly sitting on the toilet lid, wide eyes looking down to his previously messy attire to the neat one he's currently wearing as if everything they did didn't happen at all. Then he looks back up to Jaehyun in question.  
  
"I was... It was a dream?" he asked with utter confusion.  
  
"Your awareness to understand a situation is so fast and always amazes me. Yeah, it was all a dream, right up before I kissed you. Did you forget you can only touch me with your right hand? Where's the fun in that? Didnt it occur to you that you were suddenly able to freely touch me?" he smirks, taunting.  
  
To be honest, no, it didn't occur to Taeyong. But he remembers, "I thought it was weird it didn't hurt when you fingered me dry."  
  
Jaehyun bursts out laughing at that, but fortunately Taeyong wasn't in the mood to punch him. Taeyong just wants to go back to his desk, and drown in his projects to kill down his horniness.  
  
  
  
Such is his life now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward smut, I know. But how to get better if I don't practice? I hope you'll forgive me (๑・ω-)～♥”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because to be honest, he longs for a loving relationship.

Whenever Taeyong is stressed, which happens all the time now, he cleans or cooks to soothe it. It makes him happy and satisfied to see the fruit of his doings happening visibly; a cleaner room, more organized things, and delicious home cooked meals. A feeling of accomplishment, that soothes the ongoing stress of his incomplete or progressing things which happening out of his control in life.

He wonders now why the dull ache behind his eyes doesn't fade when he's accompanied by the gentle bubbling sounds of his boiling soup, the smell and sound of his cooking usually soothe it. He blames it on the ever present and noisy voice of his new shadow.

"I didn't peg you as a good cook."

"Do you even know what a good cook is?" Taeyong sighed as he turned off the fire and closed the pot lid, going to retrieve a bowl for his dinner while his ' _shadow_ ' followed by floating around him.

"When you say it like that, I guess I don't, but what you cooked looks good."

Taeyong turns around to see the incubus in his same dark shirt and equally dark pants flying, almost touching the ceiling, he wonders if the guy ever change clothes. He doesn't, yet he always smells like nice, soft sandalwood.

"Are you saying that you never eat? I mean, human food?"

"No, why should I?" he's spinning on air before landing softly to the floor, hands making grabbing gestures at the bowl in Taeyong's hand.

"Don't touch," Taeyong said, only to see Jaehyun's fingers go through the bowl, unable to grab it.

"Hmm, I guess I still can't touch anything," he pouts and Taeyong almost, _almost_ finds him cute.

"Aren't you supposed to have lived for a very long time? You never get curious enough to eat our food?"

"I never have enough time to be curious about something which wouldn't give me the nutrition my body needed, I was always hungry, and sick, and miserable," he said with a very blank face, yet with an exasperated tone that Taeyong couldn't help but snicker to. "Ah, you're smiling again, you look cute when you do that."

"Fuck off," Taeyong gritted his teeth as he shoved away the incubus's face with his right hand, a bit embarrassed that he let his strong facade slip.

"You're obviously capable of showing more emotions than being grumpy, why don't you show it?"

"When you're gone from my life and lessening my stress, I will," he pours the soup into the bowl, cautious and precise, ignoring the insult.

"I bet you already lost all your smiles before I even came to your life, such a sad human," Jaehyun sing songs mockingly, becoming more amused when Taeyong whacks his head with the soup spoon.

"Ah! Look at the messy droplets! It's all your fault!" Taeyong screeched, horrified.

"You were the one who's swinging that spoon around and hit me with it! Oh my god, why are you so dramatic, just wipe it off!"

"That's because you were being a brat!" Taeyong whines while putting away the bowl and the spoon, then proceeding to clean up the mess meticulously, as if it's dangering his very existence.

"I swear even germs are scared of you, you must not have any friends," the incubus snorted, trying to dip his fingers into the soup to sprinkle more of a mess, but unfortunately he couldn't, "damn."

"I swear I'll have you exorcised if you dip your fingers in again!" he screams. "And sorry to disappoint you but I have friends, okay? A heartless creature like you won't understand."

"It's not like my fingers really touch it. And those friends of yours must be stressed to have a friend like you, who is constantly stressed, grumpy and acts as if the world is ending on your shoulders. Who hurt you, seriously?"

Taeyong knows that the incubus only mocking and joking, but those words did hurt him, _a lot_. He scrubs the counter even harder to bite in the sudden bubbling cry in his throat. Jaehyun is such a heartless bastard, what did he do to deserve being stuck with this creature?

"Hey, are you crying?"

Taeyong shrugged off the sudden soft tone in Jaehyun's voice, it can't be concern, the incubus won't be able to feel such emotion, "shut up."

For once the incubus is being quiet, so Taeyong is a bit thankful he can eat dinner in a calm atmosphere, despite Jaehyun shadowing over him. The soup grows cold in the pot and he put it away into a much colder refrigerator, just like his heart. When did Taeyong's heart grew so cold?

He went to lay down on his soft couch, the TV plays as a background noise as he's contemplating over life, so dull, so hollow, eyes blank and so tired. Not long after that, there's a rustling sounds and a heavy weight crawling on top of him.

"Hey," the deep voice called, brushing over the skin of Taeyong's neck, so close almost intimate.

"Considering I can feel your weight on me," Taeyong starts without taking his eyes away from the TV, "I must have fallen asleep."

A chuckle heard but the incubus didn't say anything, instead leaning down to kiss his neck, tender and with a certain intention. Taeyong softly sighed when the kisses trailed down to his chest and fingers opening his shirt, the warm caresses felt like the shudders of his body due to the sensations.

"Go away," Taeyong says without heat, too tired to really stop the incubus.

"You've eaten your meals, now it's my turn, I'm also hungry," Jaehyun said while licking deep into Taeyong's navel, eliciting a muffled grunt.

"Bastard," Taeyong protested in whisper, biting his forearm to hold in the moans caused by the incubus's kisses and delicious ministrations. "I haven't given you any consent."

"This is all happening in a dream anyway, you're not losing anything," he kissed the peeking thick hair near Taeyong's waist band, trained fingers opening the jeans so quickly that Taeyong is surprised.

"Wait, wait- Ah..." he gasps when he felt a lick to his inner thigh, so close to his arousal, shaken by the pleasure but also at how fast Jaehyun is striping him. His fingers instinctively running from the plane of his stomach to Jaehyun's dark strands between his thighs, pulling at them as he hisses when a hot breath caresses the sensitive part. "Stop..." he moaned.

"You don't seem like you want to stop," Jaehyun rubs his nose to the hardening flesh, dragging the tip of his tongue to tickle, arousing, so close yet far from enough. Taeyong groans and pulls at the dark hair, frustrated yet still prideful enough not to say anything.

He's weak for pleasure, what's more with his stressful life and almost void love life. Taeyong knows he's melting and surrendering to the incubus's touch, he could feel that he's beginning to lose control over what he wants and not. If he was stronger, Taeyong wouldn't want this, he was hurt, humiliated just a few moments ago, and suddenly he's being pushed around like this. _He doesn't want this._

Yet at the same time, he wants this, he needs this. To be caressed open, to be touched, to be kissed and all he needs to do was drown to the hot pleasure, to let it all go. And the way the incubus is touching him, every stroke, every lick burns his desire alight ever greater, racking his body in the most pleasant way he ever experienced. Oh he wants to be drenched in that liquid pleasure, every electrifying sensations and curls of his toes. Yet...

Fingers digging and stroking on his sensitive inner thighs, thumbs pressing at his perineum and Taeyong hisses, being impatient. As the incubus avoids to touch his hardened arousal, the more expecting Taeyong is and the more sensitive he is becoming to the stimulus. Then a lick at the base, too short, too far that Taeyong almost cries out ' _please_ ', hands tugging harder at the dark hair to pull Jaehyun's head up, he wants that hot tongue directly on his dick.

Taeyong chokes on his loud moan when suddenly he feels the intensity of hot tongue and breath engulfing his erection, reflexively digging the heels of his feet to Jaehyun's firm back, fingers flying up to clutch at the couch. Jaehyun's mouth is so hot, so wet and every flick of his rough tongue to Taeyong's hard arousal is a heavenly touch. He's moaning almost like a scream when the incubus took all of him in, swallowing at the head and rhythmical hot breathing caressing Taeyong's thick hair, causing him to press the heel of his feet subconsciously spreading his legs wider, trying to get into the hot sinful mouth more and more.

He swears, the incubus's tongue is a sin, it's inhuman of how amazing it feels, there must be aphrodisiac in their saliva. Taeyong would laugh if he wasn't so far gone. He could feel the couch dampening under him due to his sweat, head swimming in a blissful cloud. How can everything feel so real and detailed when this supposedly a dream? He wonders if a simple blowjob -it's not simple- can make him lose this much of sanity then how amazing it would be when they have intercourse?

A harsh shiver runs up and down his body like a fire snake as he's imagining it. God, he almost came just by thinking about it. He jerks with a loud mewl when suddenly Jaehyun pulled away with a strong suck, thick line of drool connecting his red, abused lips to Taeyong's angry red, pulsating arousal. Taeyong wants to cry for being so exposed and to be left when he was so close.

But Jaehyun is not done yet, he decides to torture Taeyong in a different way, rimming him with all he have, causing Taeyong to repeatedly twitch with splutters of curses rolling out his pretty lips, his lean fingers going back to Jaehyun's dark hair again, desperately pulling at it, uncaring if it would hurt. The hot and thick, rough tongue circling his rim and breaching in along with the surrounding wet, soft lips sucking in, while the blunt tip of Jaehyun's nose is rubbing over his perineum.

It's all too much, too strong of a stimulation that Taeyong's eyes blackened and his hip lifts up, creating a beautiful arch as his feet curl on Jaehyun's toned back. He feels so breathless that his cry gets swallowed by his desperate attempt to stay conscious. Can he faint in a dream, though?

But jerk, bastard, assholish Jaehyun decided he hasn't tortured Taeyong enough as he pulls away, taking away his tongue far, far away from Taeyong only to run it on his own pretty red lips, his dark eyes staring deep, up and down on Taeyong's desperate, wet, and messily open body. He knows, he's betting on this exact moment whether Taeyong would give in or not.

Taeyong's soul is dying inside, crying hopelessly for the release which is buzzing extremely loud under his skin and the spin in his head. But he won't beg, not to Jaehyun, not to anyone. So he brings his fingers to coil around his hard, desperate arousal instead, not caring for the eyes staring at him and he moves it to bring himself into completion.

Unknown to Taeyong, the incubus is actually feeling aroused at seeing how desperate yet prideful Taeyong is, making him want to devour the human wholly. Which is saying a lot because Jaehyun is often satisfied by only feeding on the sexual energy without being engaged in the act. But this, however, this Taeyong human is making him feel a lot of things, even the burning in his crotch. He's horny, and that's new to Jaehyun.

Taeyong is half groaning, half screaming when he's coming and suddenly Jaehyun catches his release into his mouth, engulfing him once again as if he's trying to suck him dry, and swallowing. Taeyong is panting hard to calm the harsh twitching of his body, he's being overly stimulated as Jaehyun keeps licking on his extremely sensitive skin.

"Stop, stop-" Taeyong whimpers with tears rolling down his blushing cheeks. God, why does Jaehyun keep sucking him, is he trying to suck out his soul too...

The incubus lets go with a filthy slurping noise right at the moment when Taeyong's dick feels like it's going to get hard again. And the incubus dares to chuckle as he's crawling up to blow a kiss to Taeyong's face.

"Ew, no," Taeyong turns away with protest.

"You know, you spoke out loud when you asked if I'm trying to suck out your soul, too," he laughed softly, eyes crinkling with amusement.

Taeyong, utterly embarrassed, turns his body to hide his face on the couch, back facing Jaehyun, "shit..."

"Cute," Jaehyun giggles as he's kissing Taeyong's back and snuggling close, heavy muscled arms circling Taeyong's lean waist.

This alarmed Taeyong, "what are you doing?"

"In case you don't know, this is called snuggling," the incubus sighs, as he rubs his cheek to Taeyong's back.

"No, this is cuddling and it's intimate," he said and tried to turn away, but Jaehyun's arms are too strong to break free.

"Oh," Jaehyun let's out, not committed.

"And it's for lovers?" Taeyong stressed on seeing Jaehyun not getting it.

"Is that one of the human's rules? Why is it restricted to lovers only, when this feels so good?"

 _That's precisely why, idiot, it makes people catch feelings, especially me,_ Taeyong thinks miserably. Cuddles are too close to his heart, to his soul and Taeyong is afraid. Jaehyun still doesn't let go and is only squirming to snuggle closer, so that their bodies are touching even to their toes.

Defeated, Taeyong warily lays his head down, letting himself being cuddled. He always loved cuddles and it has always proven to be his ultimate weakness, even more than pleasure. He craves it, to be touched and felt cared for, to be loved. He tries to reason that this is nothing, the incubus feels nothing and means nothing, but he can't help thinking about the forbidden thoughts.

Because to be honest, he longs for a loving relationship.

But before he delves deeper into the warm, fuzzy feelings, Taeyong hears a strange sound, "what's that?"

The incubus shifts a bit, "oh, I think someone is knocking on your door in reality?"

Taeyong tries to hear it better and indeed, the sound resembles a muffled, far away noise of a door being knocked on. Then he tries to remember who would come to visit him that late in the night, until a somewhat semblance of dread fills his heart.

 

"Doyoung."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot thickens :))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong cried in his mind that he need to find someone to exorcise this incubus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the amazing help at fixing my terrible grammar Lola! 💖💓💗💕💞💖💓

There's another knocking, longer and louder than before, making Taeyong hastily push off Jaehyun's heavy arm and trying to jump from the couch only to realize the faded and fog like edges of the room. He's still in his dream.

"I need to wake up, that's Doyoung," Taeyong looks to Jaehyun with a pleading look, the only time he would beg, "please wake me up, hurry!"

"Your friend? Or...?"

"Doesn't matter, hurry!" he stressed.

"Why are you so panicked?" Jaehyun asked with a yawn, "hm? I'm sensing strong emotions within you right now-"

" _Jaehyun!_ "

"Alright, alright," Jaehyun brings up his fingers to snap them, then Taeyong found himself waking up on the couch, sleepiness hanging in his mind and for a moment of disorientation he's confused of what is happening before there is another knock, which is clearer and harder be heard.

"I'm coming!" Taeyong yelled reflexively and due to the sleepiness, he’s almost planting his face to the floor as he tries to get up.

"I wonder who that is to make you this... affected," Jaehyun's deep voice rang out yet Taeyong didn’t see him.

Taeyong opened the door to an extremely worried looking guy, "god dammit Taeyong, what the _fuck_?"

"Before you start your preaching, I ate already and I just fell asleep," he huffed, moving to the side so the taller guy could come in.

"Oh, he's about the same height as me, I thought you would have tiny friends just like yourself," Jaehyun's voice rang out again and Taeyong is worried Doyoung can hear it too. But Doyoung doesn't seem like he could because he stares Taeyong up and down with that same worried look.

"You usually text me when you get off of work," he said sternly, hand brought up to cup Taeyong's face.

"I was tired and I guess it slipped my mind."

"But you only do that when-"

"When I'm too stressed and barely functioning, yeah, but that's not the case as you can see," he quickly added with a shrug, catching Doyoung's hand which was on his cheek to hold it instead.

"Are you, really? You look thinner than I last saw you and that was only last week."

Taeyong sighed, Doyoung always worries a lot, "I promise, you're only overthinking it, I haven't lost any weight."

But Doyoung does a once over again on him so that Taeyong knows he needs to distract him, "you asked if I've eaten yet, have you?"

"I came here straight from work, so no. But I'll have an easy dinner for my sensitive stomach if you have any," he sighed and visibly relaxed his tense shoulders, eyes flickering as if he'd be sleeping if he wasn't standing.

"Look at you, you're skipping meals yourself," Taeyong tsked, "I have soup if you want."

"I have work Taeyong, it's not like I can help it. I haven't gone home in three days, there's been a lot of accidents and I got held up in the ER too much that I don't have time to eat today, aside from energy bars and a quick, inadequate lunch," he grumbled.

"You haven't gone home? And you went straight here?" Taeyong gapes.

"Of course, you didn't answer my text and I got worried."

There's warmth spreading in Taeyong's chest at that, he feels happy and loved. Which he is, but not in the way he wishes it to be. "You shouldn't do that, someone else is worried for you."

"But you're important," Doyoung said nonchalantly as if it's a matter of fact.

Taeyong turns away to get the soup heated but also to hide his smiling face, he hates and loves the way he's feeling right now.

"Oh my, there's more affection in you than I ever sensed."

Taeyong halts, then looks around, trying to see where his voice came from, but he couldn't see him still. It's creepy how he knows the incubus is there in the room yet unable to be seen. But his wariness makes Doyoung curious.

"What is it? What are you looking for?"

"No, nothing," Taeyong shook his head and then turned on the stove, glancing at the taller man for a moment, "just sit, I'll bring it to you."

"What are you, my servant?" he chuckled but then walked closer to stand just behind Taeyong, leaning forward to bump his head to the shorter one's, "I missed you."

Taeyong stiffens when he feels arms wrapping loosely around his waist, eyes darting around because he's aware someone else is watching them. Because this is Doyoung, he wants the times they share together to be privately his, and his alone. It's not just him being possessive, but also because he knows Doyoung is different when they're alone, just like Taeyong is breaking down his fortress only for Doyoung.

"You don't miss me?"

Taeyong is brought out of his thinking when Doyoung pulls away a bit to search in Taeyong's face, he's always able to read him like a book. "We met just last week, you dope," he chuckled to lighten up the mood.

“You promised to tell me if there’s something troubling you,” he said and Taeyong could almost hear the underlying, ' _Just like you always tell me that you miss me, even though you’ll deny it later. You didn't even do that, something must be troubling you.'_

"Which I don't have, at the moment," Taeyong quickly said, a lie but a necessary one.

The look in Doyoung's eyes is that of skepticism, of course he could tell when Taeyong lied, "I'll trust you this time because you seem less stressed."

"I do?" Now that's really surprising, he looks less stressed?

"Yeah, it seems you're getting more sleep," he's stroking Taeyong's head, always so gentle, "but if you lie to me and it's getting worse, I'll tie you up and bring you home with me."

"Wow, kinky."

Taeyong almost chokes at the sudden comment coming out of nowhere. For a moment he was too lost in Doyoung's care that he forgot about another entity in the room.

"Are you okay?" Doyoung looked worried again as Taeyong was half wheezing.

"I'm okay, just- Choked on my saliva," he laughed awkwardly.

Doyoung pats his back with a frown, "you silly goose, how did that happen?"

"Life messing up with me," he half glares to where he assumed the incubus is hiding, according to where his unnecessary comments heard from.

"I know you're weird, but you're getting weirder, that's not you getting a neurosis right?"

Taeyong yells in protest, although he's a bit relieved to see that signature wide grin on Doyoung's face, still he slapped the guy's head, "I'm your hyung if you forgot!"

Doyoung sighed dramatically, "like I ever call you that, except when we were still kids."

"Or when you want something from me," he snorted.

"Ah, he's your childhood friend," the invisible incubus commented again, which Taeyong ignored.

"Are you trying to burn my throat or something? You're boiling it too long!"

"Sit down then! I'll bring it to you in a moment."

"How can I trust you?"

"I'll put in cyanide if you keep it up," Taeyong hissed but he couldn't help the laughter jumping out of his lips when Doyoung smacked his butt, "hey!"

When Doyoung sits down and starts eating the soup slowly, Taeyong sits down across him too, leaning his head on his palm as he stares at the other guy protesting about the soup being too hot.

"It's too late already, how are you gonna get home?"

"Ah I'll stay over tonight, I can go back in the morning," Doyoung answered with a wince as his tongue got burnt a bit.

"Won't you get scolded?" Taeyong snickers, "you can sleep in since you look so tired, but I guess she'll be worried then, did you tell her you're staying here?"

"No, she’ll think I'm just coming home from the hospital tomorrow. Because... Well," Doyoung clears his throat, seemingly a bit nervous.

"What is it?"

"Actually... She doesn't like it when I keep seeing you, something about I care about you more than her..." Doyoung stirs his spoon, eyes uneasy, "she doesn't understand."

Taeyong sighed, "you need to stop doing this, not just for her but also for yourself. You can barely rest and if you keep this up... You'll be far too tired, Doyoung."

"I do it because I want to, I _need_ to, for myself. And don't lie to me, I know you feel lonely if I don't come to see you even for a day and I feel bad to only come after a week, we only have each other now."

"No Doyoung, I... Yes I feel lonely if you're not there, but that doesn't mean I have no one but you. And that's not true, you don't only have me, you have your family too... And her," he forced the lump in his throat to go away, god this is too late in the night to have this sort of emotional talk.

"Taeyong, please don't do this..."

"Doyoung," he said sternly, "it's high time you let it go, let _me_ go. I know that you're only trying to protect me, but... If you keep forcing yourself like this, I can't help but think that it's my fault, that I'm holding you down."

"You don't-"

"I'm not your responsibility, it's my own," Taeyong cuts in, "if you keep this up... I'm also stuck in the past, I need to move on."

Doyoung grips the spoon so tightly his knuckles turns white, a hard look painted on his face, "I would argue that yes, you're my responsibility and yes I want you to move on. And if me being too clingy to you holds you back from that, then I'm truly sorry, that wasn't my intention. But you can't keep me away from your life, this isn't just about you needing me, I also need you, Taeyong."

Taeyong almost cries as Doyoung strokes his head, he is always full of love despite his cold and teasing manner and Taeyong kind of hates him for that. Maybe he hates himself more.

"Don't start crying now," Doyoung teases yet his hand on Taeyong's head is still so gentle.

"Ah I hate you so much," he grunts, relenting and lets his precious Doyoung keep spoiling him.

"Don't lie, you love me," the taller man laughed, much to Taeyong's annoyance.

"That you do, I can feel it that you really love this guy."

Taeyong jerked at the sudden deep voice behind his left ear, he turns around to find that the incubus is still invisible. Doyoung got surprised though when Taeyong suddenly reacted that way.

"What's wrong?"

"No, no it's nothing..."

"You love him," the deep voice said again, caressing the side of his neck and Taeyong could feel warm fingers running down his chest, "don't you?"

Chills are running down Taeyong's spine at the realization that the incubus could touch him in reality, yet he can neither see nor touch him back to stop the twirls of the incubus's unwanted fingers on his skin. He tries to slap away the feeling of fingers on his rib with his right hand, the only hand which can touch the incubus in reality, yet it's of no use as those invisible fingers are still dragging down to his lower abdomen.

"I can feel the swirls of your desire, Taeyong," the voice whispered as Taeyong stares back to a worried looking Doyoung, the fingers going down under his waistband, pressing near his crotch, "here, the heat of your hidden desire."

Taeyong almost moans at the sudden hard squeeze of those fingers right on his dick, his eyes wide in fear because Doyoung is here and he can see his dirty self. No, not Doyoung, he should never see this side of Taeyong. Not his _pure_ Doyoung.

"Why don't you let it go?" the evil snickering of the incubus touches Taeyong's slowly sweating skin.

"Taeyong are you okay-"

"I need to- toilet, stomachache," he hastily stands up and half runs to his toilet, locking the door to hiss accusingly to the invisible incubus, "you fucker!"

"I haven't fucked you yet," the incubus then materialized in front of Taeyong, without wasting even a second Taeyong slapped his face hard with his right hand.

"You!" he shout whispered as he yanks the incubus's dark collar, "you're not allowed to do anything when we're not alone!"

"It's obvious you love him and he does love you too, why are guys not getting it on?" Jaehyun whined with a flicker of hurt in his eyes.

Taeyong's heart kneels at the words, but no, "he doesn't love me like that, so no, get your mind out of the gutter!"

"I don't get it, it's true he loves you too."

Taeyong exhales deeply, pulling at his hair then rubbing his face in frustration, "that’s another kind of love, asshole. He's my friend, my family, that's different love."

"But you do love him like that?" Jaehyun for once look confused, he pointed at Taeyong's crotch, "I could feel it, you desire him."

Taeyong blushed hard at the spoken words of his affixation towards his friend, "you have no right."

"I don't get it," the incubus scratched his head, "but if you don't want to do it with him... Well, maybe I can help you satisfy your desire which you're feeling and... Hiding."

Taeyong splutters, shocked and blushing so bad he looks like a boiled crab, "what the fuck are you sprouting??"

"I mean, I can be him when we do the next dream, you can let it out," Jaehyun says as if it's not a big deal, as if he doesn't understand what's going on. But wait, this incubus really doesn't understand, does he?

"No," Taeyong said sternly with a tone that no argument should be risen, it's already too embarrassing and shameful for him to admit that he's indeed desiring his friend. He doesn't need the incubus to rub it in his face, "no, you will not do that. If you dare to do that, I swear I'll never let you feed again."

"Eeeeeeh," the incubus pouts and Taeyong swears such a lewd creature shouldn't be allowed to look cute. Wait no, he shouldn't think that!

Taeyong was about to speak again when the door got knocked on, " _Taeyong? You okay?_ "

"I'll be fine!" he instantly yelled, right hand instinctively covering the incubus's mouth as if the other human could hear his voice too, which he doesn't, but Taeyong couldn't help but be cautious.

" _If you say so. I've already washed the dishes and put the pot back into the refrigerator, so I'll be going to sleep now, okay?_ " Doyoung’s slightly worried voice said, muffled by the door but Taeyong could still imagine how he look like right now, confused and ever so worried.

"Okay, sleep tight," Taeyong said then glares back to the incubus who had his hands up in the air, mouth still gripped tightly by Taeyong's desperate right hand. "Okay, I have a question for you."

The incubus rolls his eyes then points at his covered mouth. Taeyong finally let go after he made sure to hear Doyoung walk away and entering another room.

"How were you able to touch me? Just now?"

"Oh that?" Jaehyun snickers, "I don't really touch you as I still don't have the energy to turn physical, but I make your brain feel those touches instead."

Taeyong frowns in confusion, "what?"

"Meaning I create illusion, that's the best I can do in reality now. Like this," the incubus twirls his fingers in the air, far from Taeyong yet the human can feel the warm slide of fingers going up from his crotch to under his jaw, "I don't touch you, but your brain is being conned to believe that I do."

Taeyong feels some sort of dread weighing him down at the realization, "and you... Can do that anytime now?"

The evil grin on the incubus's face feels like a curse being bestowed upon Taeyong's already messed up life, "of course my dear master, whether you're at work or walking around a park, I can ' _touch_ ' you now and your sealed right hand can't stop it. This way I can feed even outside of your dreams, it'll be so much fun!"

' _Fun for you, you cursed creature,'_ Taeyong cries in his mind that he needs to find someone to exorcise this incubus.

 

ASAP.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, there's a darker plot behind all this, if you noticed from Doyoung - Taeyong's conversation. ;)))


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why his life is so ridiculous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Lola for making this story better uwu 💞💓💖💕💗💓💖💕💞💖💓💗💕

' _I'll call the ambulance!'_

_'No! Please don't, I don't want anyone to know! Please Johnny, please.'_

_'I'll get Doyoung then-'_

_'Not him, promise me you'll never tell him, please, please Johnny I beg you.'_

_'What happened to him?'_

_'Disgusting.'_

_'Taeyong, I will always love you, I will always be with you, so please stop hurting yourself. If you need to hurt something, someone, please hurt me instead, I'm always here for you.'_

_'Doyoung, I'm toxic, you should let me go.'_

_'Do you think you're worthy of love? You?'_

 

 

Taeyong woke up with a harsh jolt, feeling cold yet the bed damp under him due to his sweat. He blinks again and again for a few minutes, taking in the surroundings of his dark bedroom then exhales harshly after he realized it was just a dream, a nightmare. He's in the present, nobody is hurting him and he's getting better, _calm down, calm down_ , Taeyong chants in his mind.

His body relaxes after a moment, but his chest is burning with anger and the need to cry, hating it how weak he is feeling right now. This must be triggered by his talk with Doyoung earlier and by the incubus’ unnecessary comments. At least he's thankful to have enough conscience to comprehend what was happening and not the strong pressuring impulse to do something he didn't want which is out of his control. Last time he had it was a year ago, he didn't want to relapse so quickly again after deeming himself getting better.

But he couldn't stop the burst of his cry, loud hiccups jumping out due to the force to hold them in. He didn't want to cry, he feels weak, he feels useless. And along with it comes the desperate need to see and touch Doyoung, he needs it, he craves it to cast away the seeping darkness. It's always like this, Taeyong rendered hopeless and Doyoung to pull him out of his own darkness, Taeyong hates it, he hates himself for being the burden he is again and time again.

Despite Doyoung said that he also needs it, their proximity, Taeyong knows his friend is only keeping an eye on him to make sure he won't do anything foolish, _again_. And rouse guilt and anger within him. He wants to stop, he needs to stand by himself, he hates it so much to be that dependent on Doyoung, he's angry that Doyoung treats him like a fragile glass, how could he move on if he's being coddled like that? Yet at the same time he couldn't bear a life without Doyoung, he couldn't and doesn't want to imagine how he would survive if his friend wasn't there when he's falling down again.

_Why is his life so ridiculous?_

Suddenly Taeyong feels a weight dipping in each side of his body and a body heat radiating above him, he couldn't see anything in the dark room but he knows when someone is hovering over him on the bed. For a moment he felt dread drenching his whole body, arms flying up to push the looming body away from him, fingers trembling from fear. _Is he still within his nightmare?_

"What's wrong with you?"

Taeyong didn't really register the familiar deep voice at first, too far gone in his fear he only wants to run away. But then the touches on his head is far too gentle for it to be a nightmare, slowly his brain is catching up with realization, "...Jaehyun?"

"Yeah, who do you think it was? Your lovely Doyoung?" the voice snickers and partially triggering some distaste in Taeyong's mind, but he knows the incubus is only being the tease he is. "You were writhing in your sleep, I thought you were having a sexy dream or something, but I guess not. I can still sense some residue of darkness, were you having a nightmare?"

Taeyong, against his own judgement, feels relieved upon the incubus' imposing features. At least he's not alone to get through this and for the first time he feels blessed to have Jaehyun with him, talk about weird. He must be getting insane, the annoying incubus should be anything but relieving. Though he subconsciously hiccuped with a lone tear of relief rolling down his cheek, although he quickly wiped it and prayed the dark room makes it unseen, still the incubus catches on.

"What's this?" a thick finger, a thumb Taeyong guessed, runs on his damp cheek, "were you crying? Aww, what a softie you are, you're scared? Was the dream that scary?"

Taeyong feels beyond embarrassed and ashamed at the cooing tone, oh he hate this incubus so much, "fuck off."

"But I was trying to cheer you up, why are you so grumpy?" there's a whiny tone to it and Taeyong cringes.

"You try to cheer me up by mocking me? What kind of fuckery."

"Mocking?" there's a shift on top of him and a hot breath fanning Taeyong's jaw, "It was? I wasn't mocking you though."

"Then you have no idea how to cheer someone up," not long after he feels a hand caressing his chest, brushing over his nipple then circling on his stomach with a soft kiss to his shoulder. It alerted Taeyong, "what are you doing?"

"Trying to soothe you?"

"By engaging sexual activity? What fucked up your brain?" the hand is still roaming his skin at that, then another set of fingers are playing on his nipple while teeth graze over the skin below his ear, both of his sensitive spots being touched causing a shiver through Taeyong's body. But he's totally not in the mood, "stop that, _stop_."

The incubus stopped this time, because he feels waves of disgust from the human, that's weird. He still brought his hands up to stroke Taeyong's hair though, "so I should just leave you be?"

Taeyong sighed to the welcomed ministration now, because it's no longer heated touches. He's dreading the next words to escape his lips, but he can't deny he needs it, "just... Hug me or cuddle me, whatever."

"Okay," the incubus is going lax on Taeyong's body then snuggles his face to his neck, strong arms wrapping his waist.

"Not _on me_ you fucker, you're heavy," Taeyong hissed, trying to push the other guy off him. "Am I awake or am I still in my dream?" he inquired as he noticed he could feel Jaehyun's weight on him.

There's a chuckle before the heavy weight lifted off of him then settled right beside him, arms never letting him go, "You're still asleep and you're such a weird human, this is the first time someone is so grumpy in my presence."

"Not any weirder than you actually capable of being considerate," Taeyong snorted, awkward fingers itching to hug back the incubus yet he settles with clutching on the guy's sleeves.

"Is that so weird? I think it's weirder that a strong guy like you is capable of crying," Jaehyun moves one of his arm to slid under Taeyong's neck acting as a pillow, then bending it so his fingers could caresses the human's hair.

Aside from how Taeyong's heart swoons at the gentle gestures, he couldn't believe what he heard, "strong?"

"Yeah, you came terms with me being an incubus so fast as if it's not at all weird, then how you strive hard at your work and how you goes ' _fuck it all!_ ' to those people who keep badmouthing you and try to sabotage you. Then there's you bullying me, if that's not strong, then what is it?" the incubus huffed out a soft laugh, rubbing his cheek closer to Taeyong's shoulder, just like a cat.

He noticed the feeling of sudden bubbling cry in his throat at the words, so Taeyong is turning his body to give Jaehyun his back, hiding his brimming tears with a soft snort, "bullying you, huh?"

Jaehyun, all the while keeping his arms wrapped around Taeyong, bites the shoulder playfully before he chuckled, "yes, you did."

Taeyong closes his eyes, telling himself that, _you should listen to him, he said you're strong, you are a strong man, Taeyong._ And for the first time after so many years, he falls asleep with a thin smile on his lips despite the tears.

 

\--

 

In the morning Doyoung woke up first. He made the bed, opened the guest room curtains and swept the living room floor a little before he quietly came into Taeyong's room. He inspects for a while how Taeyong is sleeping deeply with a calm expression on his face and he's happy to witness it. It's such a rare thing to see that Taeyong's face isn't marred with a frown or a dried trail of tears on his cheeks, as if he's stressed even in his sleep.

He walked out of the room to the kitchen, preparing an easy breakfast because usually Taeyong would go to work without it and Doyoung is against it. Then he wrapped the plate before writing a note and goes back to Taeyong's room, pasting the note just right on the nightstand, knowing Taeyong will see it there. Softly, he stroked over Taeyong's head, not wanting to wake him up and placed a kiss to his forehead.

"I'll be going now, be sure to have breakfast okay?"

Then he went out, locking the front door before slipping in the key to the mailbox, unaware of an incubus watching his every movement. Jaehyun then went back to Taeyong's room, watching and letting the human sleep more as there's some time left before he needs to get get up and prepare for work.

Laying himself down on the bed, he cuddles Taeyong tightly although he can't really touch him but he can send the sensations of his warmth to the sleeping guy because that's what the human said he wanted. Feeling a bit happy to receive a soft sigh from Taeyong as a response, knowing the human really can feel him.

He never has the need to stay that long with a human, being it in his nature to feed then go and search for another prey. And it fascinates him to learn more about humans, about Taeyong who at first seemed too grumpy, too hard to open up yet actually holds more emotions than he lets out. He's learning more things about how humans live, what emotions they feel, what feelings are caused by certain experiences.

So when he feels the human is about to wake up, Jaehyun kisses Taeyong's forehead imitating what Doyoung did because if that guy who knows Taeyong better did it, he supposed that's what Taeyong likes. But he also kisses his eyelids because the flutters of Taeyong's eyelashes look somewhat cute.

At first Taeyong smiled at the kisses, but a frown made it's way to his eyebrows as he stared back to Jaehyun, with a raspy voice he asked, "what are you doing?"

Jaehyun is a bit confused at that, "you don't like it?" _but Doyoung also did that?_ "I'm waking you up?"

"Waking me up? With a kiss?" Taeyong cringed, slowly sitting up, ignoring the pout on the incubus' lips. "Don't do that," he sighed and got up from his bed.

"Why? You don't like it? But... I can sense that you actually like it?"

Taeyong shook his head and proceeded to make his bed, pulling at the sheets to shoo the incubus off, "it's not like that, it's just... Weird?"

"Weird how?" Jaehyun asked with his innocent look.

 _It's too intimate_ , Taeyong grumbled in his mind, but he doesn't say it, "just don't do it."

"But you like it," he whined successfully making Taeyong groan in defeat.

"Fine, do what you want," Taeyong then noticed the yellow post it on his nightstand, recognizing Doyoung's writing as a soft smile grows on his somewhat sleep-bloated lips.

' _Eat your breakfast! >:( You can heat it up or eat it as it is. And be sure to text me or I'll go rampant in your place!'_

Jaehyun intently watches the way Taeyong is reacting, he's a bit put off at how a small note by Doyoung could caused such a smile on Taeyong while anything he did only makes the human grumpy. It's a matter of pride you see, as an incubus he should be an expert at making humans happy, but he never did when it's involving Taeyong. Why is this human so hard to understand?

"I'm planning to keep doing it because even though you said no, I know you actually like it," the incubus huffed out, causing Taeyong to roll his eyes.

"Whatever," he pats the bed once more before walking out to the kitchen, "oh he made me pancakes!"

"You like sugary food?" Jaehyun winced seeing the amount of syrup Taeyong is pouring over the pancakes.

"Excuse you, sweets are the best!" Taeyong grumbled, getting a fork to start eating.

"Makes sense, you need something to sweeten your grumpy ass," the incubus snorted, feeling smug at the glare Taeyong sent him.

"I will poke your eyes with this," Taeyong points the fork threateningly to Jaehyun.

"Ha! As if you dare to- _Aah!!_ " he screamed when Taeyong really did it, "you really stabbed my eyeball!!"

" _Oh I'm so sorry_ , I thought only my right hand could touch you," Taeyong singsonged, not at all guilty.

Jaehyun is lucky because the seal bearer can't do physical damage to him, not that Taeyong doesn't know that which is precisely why he did it, but still it hurts. " _This_ , is what I call _bullying_."

"You asked for it," Taeyong said nonchalantly as he starts munching on the pancakes, eyes never leaving the incubus.

Jaehyun grumbles under his breath with a pissed off look, which only makes Taeyong laugh loudly and surprising Jaehyun in turn, "you laughed!"

Taeyong stops, a semblance of a blush creeping on his cheeks while he stabs at the pancakes, "you think I'm some kind of a demon who doesn't laugh?"

"With how you're always grumpy and stabbed my eyeball? Yeah, you're definitely a demon."

The incubus screams in pain again when Taeyong stabs his shoulder with the fork, "I didn't stab your eyes, I _poked_ it!"

"With a _fork_?? And you thought I'm the lunatic one here," he hisses when Taeyong stabs him again, with a laugh even. Jaehyun should question his sanity when he thinks the human is cute laughing like that after torturing him.

Maybe he needs to find out how to kill his seal bearer, but then he would lose his source of meal.

 

Life is so hard.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dumb and dumber indeed :DD


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this huge dick won't hurt, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you know it, I'm pro at grammar errors and awkward smut. Have fun with it, I guess? This chapter is filthy lololol.
> 
> Thank you very much for Lola's kindness to fix my grammar although I'm so cruel to you Hshshjs.

Taeyong wondered, as his fingers keep dancing on the keyboard, sweat pooling on the damp waistband of his briefs and a hard bite of his teeth to his slightly chapped bottom lip, how many days it has been that he's forced to bring spare briefs to his work? His right knee jolted and hit the desk, swallowing a sound so he won't let out unwanted noises in the office.

Changkyun, a coworker _slash_ friend, peeks in from his cubicle right beside Taeyong's, "are you okay? You seem restless and you're sweating..."

"I'm fine, just... Maybe a little cold," Taeyong smiled, gritting his teeth behind his tight closed lips. And he heaves a quiet yet long and deep breath after Changkyun wasn't looking at him anymore, wiping the sweat from his temple and telling himself that, _no he's not going to yield and he'll be the victorious one today._

He thinks again to when all of this started, he guesses it was two or three days after Doyoung visited him. Taeyong was not in the mood, really _not_ in the mood and no amount of the incubus's pouting would bend it, not even when Jaehyun kept inducing those wet dreams where Taeyong is at his weakest and the incubus holds more power and control over the human. They ended up only cuddling because the incubus whined that he at least needed a close contact and Taeyong let him, despite the teeny tiny naughty touches which Taeyong slapped away.

Which then persistent and assholish Jaehyun thought it was such a good idea to harass him at work. Taeyong had almost forgotten that the incubus can cause sensations of his touches in the real world now, until he felt warm palms sliding down his stomach then pooling in his crotch, when he was talking to his coworker Wonho _in the office_. He still remembers the look of fear on his friend when Taeyong accidentally bit his tongue and screeched through the pain.

At first Taeyong was only angry and ashamed to be touched like that in public where everybody can see him. But he has to admit that the incubus's touches feel different, as much as he hates to say it, it's a _good awesome_ different. The touches are more solid, more direct and stronger, maybe because it's a direct stimulus to his brain and causes more vibrant sensations. Or, maybe because he's awake, it's his real body being touched and the thrill of it being done where people's eyes can see his expression is what caused his whole body to blaze hot with loud buzzing desire.

Taeyong soiled three, no, _four_ briefs because of that. In the middle of the day, amongst his coworkers, where his lady boss sometimes bit her lips sensually to him and when Changkyun unknowingly stroked his shoulder asking for a lunch, _he came_ , in his pants. He doesn't want to know what Changkyun could have seen on his face right at that time for him to have such a weird look on his face, _ever_. And Taeyong thanked all kind of higher beings that his alien friend never asked him about it.

So today, after so many attempts of Jaehyun making Taeyong soiling his briefs and possibilities of him being labelled as a freak or a pervert, Taeyong swore he would not let the incubus have his way over him. It's fucking hard, but pride is a powerful thing. Even when the incubus is creating a real image of him sitting in the shadow under Taeyong's desk, hot hands roaming his thigh and stomach, with wet red shiny lips sucking on his dick, Taeyong doesn't budge. And thankfully his dick stays soft as he keeps imagining the most unwelcomed sexual harassment the lady boss has ever pulled on him. But the incubus is no joke, you see, even when he's disgusted, the touches are still able to make his knees jerk in anticipation. So he needs to think about scary and disgusting gore movies to keep it down, _I told you pride is a powerful thing_.

Yet this makes Taeyong realize something that he had missed before, despite all the evil mental images, his body still _reacts_ -although suppressed- to the incubus and this says a lot. Without him knowing, Taeyong had come to trust the incubus, although thinking this out loud still makes Taeyong want to vomit, but he did. Before Jaehyun, no matter what was done to him, when he wasn't in the mood, then he was not in the mood and would not react, _at all_. But this, this shocked even Taeyong and with it a sense of dread came along. But he reasons, there's nothing to fear, he's stuck with the incubus for the rest of his life after all, he can handle it if things go wrong, he will make sure of it.

"What is this? I can't believe it!"

Taeyong almost grins smugly at the desperate, pained voice of the incubus, but he keeps typing on the keyboard to make sure his mental power to keep his dick soft wouldn't be broken. He hadn't known he was capable of such level of multitasking, what a big discovery.

"Unbelievable, never was in my life a dick soft in my mouth!"

Taeyong snickers softly, he could almost hear the shattering sound of the incubus's pride being tainted. He sighed, leaning back to his chair and said victoriously, "give it up. You won't get me hard."

An eyebrow shot up on the incubus' face, "we will see Taeyong." Then the guy's gone with a ghost of his smirk and Taeyong's dick neatly tucked, like it wasn't touched at all. So even all that, everything happened only in Taeyong's head.

"What's this about getting hard?"

Taeyong turned to the side to see Changkyun looking at him weirdly, "I wasn't saying anything."

"Really? I'm sure heard something about getting hard-"

"Stop thinking weird things and finish the proposal I asked you to do," Taeyong pushed the kid's chair away, hoping that his face won't give out anything.

"Why are you so ruthless hyung?" he groaned.

"If you want to join my project, show me what you got first."

After that Jaehyun didn't bother Taeyong anymore, no floating near his chair, no commenting things, nothing. Although Taeyong is relieved and finally able to fully concentrate on his work, he's also somewhat worried, this feels like the incubus is planning something and Taeyong is not keen of it. When it was time to go home, Taeyong hesitates, not ready for what he would find in his home, whatever it would be. But he supposed the incubus is latched on him everywhere, so if the guy decided to ' _bother_ ' him, it'll be better to face it when Taeyong is alone where no one can see him.

Taeyong didn't get as far as changing his clothes though, the moment he locked his front door and placed his bag down on the coffee table in the living room, suddenly his surroundings zoomed out into a vast, endless white room.

" _What the_ -" he looks around, extremely confused and disoriented, gone was his living room and his bag. He then notices there are weird unrecognizable noises reverberating from somewhere Taeyong can't place. Then he hears another sound, somewhat like slow rhythmical tap sounds, so low that he almost misses it and gradually Taeyong feels lightheaded, _what is this?_

When he realized, his limbs are starting to feel weak and his body heavier despite the floating sensation in his head, suddenly many appendages burst out from under him and coiled all over his lean body. Taeyong screamed, terrified as all his limbs got tightly tied and his body was being lifted up. He almost couldn't breathe from how much he was scared, fingertips numbing as he hyperventilates.

" _Shh_..." the voice shushes, deeply dark with an underlying evil chuckle, "I won't hurt you."

Then it all clicked in Taeyong's head, _who fucking else?_ He swallowed hard, forcing himself to stop his erratic breathing before hissing, "Jaehyun."

The chuckling rang out again before a shadow materialized from the white ground and Jaehyun's features sharpened, eyes glinting with mirth and promises, "were you scared?"

"How did I fall asleep so fast?" Taeyong wondered out loud, hands instinctively trying to break free as the thing - _what the fuck is that_ \- coiling harder and spreading his limbs. "What the fuck are you doing? Let me go."

"And risking myself to get punched by you? Not a chance," the incubus is gliding on air then stops just right between Taeyong's legs, his fair fingers caressing so slowly up the human's skin, teasing and challenging until they rub the nipples through the shirt causing Taeyong to groan. "I induced this dream, meaning I have more control over it than you, dear Taeyong. You can scream all you like, but I won't let you go."

"You despicable creature, this is rape," he hissed, hating how his body is keening to the touches whether he wants it or not.

"Not if you want it," Jaehyun chuckled before he leans down, dragging his lips and tongue over the collar bone, to the sensitive neck then kissing the jaw. "I will make you want it."

Taeyong hisses as the incubus kisses his way down and dips his tongue in his navel as the large hands lift up his shirt and caress his chest directly. Taeyong starts to feel the tickles of his roused heat under his skin, so he's tugging at the restraint on his limbs wishing to have more control but it was futile, "what is this- _thing?_ "

"Thing?" Jaehyun sucked the skin softly before pulling away, eyes darting around on Taeyong's messed up attire, "oh, the tentacles?"

"The what? Ten-tentacles?" he splutters.

"Yeah, I saw your man... _manga_? You seemed fascinated by it so-"

"I did not!" Taeyong protested in a yell.

Jaehyun shushes him with a finger, stroking the lips then kissing him open with his tongue, biting on the lower lip before whispering huskily, "it's no use lying to me, I told you I know your deepest desire... And I'm more than willing to indulge you in it."

Taeyong sure hopes he's not blushing when he feels his face burning in shame, "I'm not into this, I accidentally saw that manga and read it, that was it."

"Maybe you don't know, maybe you can deny it subconsciously," Jaehyun smirks as he pulls away and the thing - _tentacles_ , Taeyong dreads that fact- which are coiling around Taeyong move, rolling on his skin with their slightly rough, bumpy and slippery surface eliciting a choked gasp out of Taeyong's wide open mouth. "But you can't deny you _did_ entertain the idea of being tied up by something that has its own mind."

Taeyong flinches when suddenly he heard the incubus' deep sultry voice vibrating so close he could feel the heat seeping into his ear and causing hot tingles to spread even down to his groin. What surprised him with a yelp was Jaehyun's seemingly delicate fingers ripping apart his shirt as the rough tugging rubs his thrumming skin and burn him further in a sudden flame of lust, his reddish nipples hit the cold air as they got exposed.

"Look at the shy bud here," the incubus grins as his dark eyes molest Taeyong's blushing skin, leaving trails of hot tingles under it as if he touches it with his fingers before his eyes focus on his nipples. At the attention, Taeyong feels embarrassed but also equally aroused. Jaehyun chuckles softly seeing the way the human's nipples getting erect due to his aroused state. "Oh is the bud blooming?"

Taeyong wonders why he grows quiet everytime the incubus is having fun with his body, all he does is moaning when a wet warm tongue is pressing on his nipple, fiddling with the tip then circling it before soft lips catch it with a suck. His arms got pulled upwards by the tentacles and as if the tongue on his left nipple wasn't enough of a sensation, a moist thin dotted tentacle coiling around his right nipple and tugs at it. It's all kind of disgusting, shameful but also incredibly and sinfully pleasurable.

The incubus left his nipple to kiss him open mouthed, by this time Taeyong already goes along willingly if not even more impatiently. There are more slick tentacles fiddling and running around on his torso, rising awake goosebumps and the burning in his gut even more while Jaehyun keeps licking into his mouth and sucking it with all his wondrous skills.

Taeyong's body has started to subconsciously twitch in pleasure, hands and legs jerking and wanting to circle it around the incubus' broad shoulder and lean waist, yet the tentacles only pull his arms up above his head and spread his legs wider. Jaehyun then rips off a chunk of Taeyong's dress pants exactly at the crotch area, letting his hard dick spring out and revealing his itchy, waiting opening in one go. _Oh god_ , Taeyong curses as he feels how weird it is to still wear his pants yet having the hole there, makes him feel exposed more than being entirely naked.

There's something thrilling about not being able to do what he wants to, and how he'll be touched only when and where the incubus wants to. Taeyong groans frustratedly when a thick tentacle slides into his ass crack, the bumps stroking his rim so deliciously he subconsciously clenches it open and close to get more friction. He almost choked on his accumulating saliva if it was not for Jaehyun cradling his head upwards to breathe, apparently he's too lost in pleasure he had forgotten how to breathe properly.

 _Throwing your head back and hanging it low when more lust induced saliva pools in your mouth is a poor decision when wanting to keep breathing_. The incubus chuckles as he's peering at Taeyong's flushed face, mouth open in erratic panting uncaring for the spilt saliva running down his chin. He should look ugly being that affected and lost, yet Jaehyun smiles with his profound dimples showing as if he's looking at a hopeless kitten instead of a fully horny and messy looking man, "so cute."

Taeyong closes his eyes as he got kissed softly, so gentle it's an extreme contrast to the constant rubbing and flicking of the tentacles all around his body, he's drowning even more in, _whatever the hell it is_ , pleasure or affection. He didn't even know what's left or right, he couldn't think and all he wanted was the urging need to be thoroughly fucked. He didn't care what the fuck Jaehyun was, a demon, angel or octopus, he just want to be fucked, hard and _good_.

As he thinks that with a soft hot tongue still filling his mouth, a slippery lean tentacle inches its way into his rim, sliding in without warning. Taeyong's moans got pushed back into his throat as Jaehyun's tongue invades deeper while sucking his tongue more and it steals Taeyong's skill to breathe and to let voices out, at the same time two more tentacles breaching in his rim and open him up, coiling and dragging in his insides in a way fingers would never be able to. Taeyong's dick twitches with precum dripping down the veiny, taut, angry red skin. He's dying to come and he's too lost in the strong pleasure he's determined to get what he wants now, he wants to orgasm and he will get it. He will not let the incubus stop in the middle, not when he's this far gone.

Still, he won't beg though, and Jaehyun know this so well. Taeyong lowly grunts, almost animalistic, so hungry, so aroused and it almost makes him come when he finally feels the heat and the hardness of Jaehyun's dick directly sliding teasingly along his perineum. His head spins as he can feel the sheer thickness and length of the incubus, _goddamn this demon that's some high quality dick_ although Taeyong can't see it from where he's hanging by the ever moving tentacles. Half afraid of not being able to take such a big dick inside him, his body thrums more with the desire to finally be fucked and that dick promises more than what he had expected. He decides this is an incubus after all and a dream, nothing to lose and he remembers the time when he felt no pain even when Jaehyun fingered him dry.

_So this huge dick won't hurt, right?_

Jaehyun is mouthing at his chin, a grin felt rather than seen, "what do you say?"

' _Does he want me to say please? To beg?_ '

Taeyong almost gives in, oh lord he is more than ready to give in, kneel and beg for that dick to be inside him. But he won't, that's not something he would do if there's not enough trust for him to let himself go. So he stays silent, turning his face away although his body subconsciously sways for more friction of that dick on his ass. Goddamnit he never hated someone so much, he doesn't know if he hates himself more or Jaehyun's satanic ass at this point.

He's truly taken aback when suddenly the mouth which was licking his chin moves upward to catch his lips into a very soft kiss, so soft Taeyong almost think he's kissing a cloud, a sweet cotton candy perhaps.

"I'm not asking you to beg, I'm only asking you if you're okay with this or not. I'm through our unspoken game, all I want to do is be inside you now, this is the first time ever I feel so urged to fuck someone," Jaehyun half whispered half moaned to Taeyong's open mouth, bringing shivers not only from the intensity of the spoken words into his mouth but also the hard, slick nudging to his ass.

Those words might as well be the incubus begging for his permission and for once Taeyong feels save, ready to trust this one time to say, "yes."

And he screams at the same time he's moaning as Jaehyun's thick, hard and hot arousal pushes in, dragging at his insides in the most delicious way and it's so very overwhelming that Taeyong comes, hard, with a scream even when Jaehyun is only half way in.

"Fuck! Oh fuck! _Oh-!_ " he keeps moaning and screaming as his hot burning orgasm lasts longer and so intense it feels like it won't leave him, fingers digging into the tentacles tying his arms up. The incubus exhales as he's halting, with one hand he's stroking to make Taeyong's ejaculation stronger and the human is basically screeching as he throws his head back and his body goes limp in exhaustion and extreme orgasm.

Taeyong thinks he's going to die, god he is if his ragged breathing isn't an indication, his mind got blown away he actually can't believe he's still conscious right now. It's an otherworldly experience and Taeyong is not sure if he's willing for another ride with that intensity.

"I'm not finished yet," the incubus chuckles and Taeyong becomes even more tired, yet for some reason he couldn't fall asleep or get unconscious.

"I came already I can't-" he moaned lazily as a hand stroking his spent dick, still too sensitive and too overly stimulated.

"Not if I deemed so," the incubus said with a sadistic grin and Taeyong is compelled to peek down to his groin.

"No fucking way..." his dick is erect again! What kind of witchcraft is this?! "But, but I'm so tired..." he whines, slightly whimpering when his arms are freed and Jaehyun catches them to circle them around his neck.

"Told you I induced this dream, I'm the master here," he tilts his head cutely with an equally sweet, warm dimpled smile as he start rocking into Taeyong.

"Good god, lord kill me," Taeyong moans loudly, arms holding on the incubus for dear life as arousal is coming alive again from the churns in his stomach, despite his tired foggy mind.

Taeyong almost regrets ever saying ' _yes_ ', but not long after he heard a soft, almost inaudible whisper of the incubus, "I'll stop if you say so."

Well, Taeyong wanted to get thoroughly fucked after all, he'll definitely get it now.

 

More and beyond.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmm, how was it? The smut? 
> 
>  
> 
> (Btw I'm still thrumming with excitement of Chain mv! People said they're laughing and find it ridiculous at how these guys handling the tools. But for me, somehow I see an au where they're psychopathic mafia and assassins... And it's awesome?
> 
> Jaehyun is kind of a erratic bipolar assassin while Taeyong is the neat, quiet sociopath killer.
> 
> But that's just me. I need fics where it have that dark humor and romance like Hannibal omg)
> 
> I'll shut up now hehehe.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You abuse me even with no reason"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some mild fluff~ ╰(*´︶`*)╯
> 
> (if this even considered fluff...)
> 
>  
> 
> *Thank you Lola for being so patient with me and my grammar Fhvxhddh

Taeyong is getting used to waking up tightly embraced by a pleasant warmth cocooning him in the morning, _always_ , even when he's taking a short nap on the couch before dinner, the incubus would still cuddle him. He loves it, if he had to be honest, he really adores it, although it's only giving him a false sense of safety and comfort.

When he drags his cold fingers on the crisp yet soft sheets and his toes curl for more warmth, the heavy weight of arms will press on him, as if pulling him closer to a warmer, broad and taut chest and thicker, larger fingers intertwine with his. There are soft kisses on his shoulder and to his warming fingers as another arm catches his legs to move them back under the blanket only to be tangled with the thicker and stronger thighs. It feels real, but Taeyong knows it's not, it's just the incubus playing tricks with his brain, but still, heaven it was. But Taeyong neither dares nor lets himself be fooled by the seemingly affectionate gestures.

Even when tender lips whisper good morning to his neck and kiss his lips, Taeyong tells himself over and over again, ' _there's no love, nothing_.'

But Jaehyun really makes it hard for him to stop the yearning in his tightly closed heart, chest aching with want, wishing. Taeyong knows it's not that he is necessarily starting to get attracted to the incubus, this is more of him falling in love with the idea of being loved, to be cared for, to be someone important. And he knows it doesn't have to be Jaehyun, anyone who treated him gently like this, Taeyong would bend for them, ironically. It's foolish, it's toxic, but Taeyong is too lonely to be immune, yet too hurting to actually try opening up his heart.

So he indulges himself in the thought that even when things will get bad, the incubus would still be stuck with him, even when it's breaking the unspeakable rule, Taeyong wouldn't be alone and Jaehyun would still be there whether they want it or not. After all, there's no problem which can't be fixed in a lifetime, right? He was sure he still has it under control.

This morning though, he feels something is different. He feels the dip behind his back, a weight which doesn't belong to him and the large hands are really pulling his body to the taller built behind him, along with the vibration of a breath fanning his nape. This feels too real, too physical that Taeyong opens his eyes to look back into the incubus' closed eyes, bringing his left hand to stroke the hair only to be surprised that he can really touch him.

"Am I still asleep?" he whispers in thought to himself.

"No, this is reality," the incubus hums before he opens his eyes, dark brown irises with purple and blue lights dancing within them staring back to Taeyong's similar yet lighter dark brown orbs. "I'm real."

Taeyong is mesmerized by the beautiful irises, this is the first time he ever noticed it, like reflections of lights on gems and he feels pulled into those eyes, so... so beautiful. But then he realizes they are way too close for him to have noticed that, so he pulls away a bit, pushing at the broad chest and once again he's amazed at the heat he feels under his palms, the thudding of heart beats and it's all so real, it's so overwhelming.

"How...?"

"This is my physical form baby," Jaehyun chuckles as if laughing at the human's confusion, pulling Taeyong back by the waist with his strong arms and kisses the chapped lips.

No one would blame Taeyong for feeling so weak at the gentle touches, the soft innocent kisses along with the endearment he thinks he heard in the way the incubus called him ' _baby_ '. He sighs softly when one of his legs is grabbed and placed to circle the other's hip, palm stroking down to his ankle as the soft lips keep kissing him. Then another hand is tickling up from his shoulder to his nape, slightly pulling at the short hair to deepen the kiss.

Taeyong wonders if he somehow woke up in another universe where he's starring in a romance drama, one where he's so loved, so treasured. How he wished, this feels too good to be true. He brings his hands on the firm chest again, pushing lightly at it because he's weak, he wants to stay but also to get away.

"Stop..." he hums as he got kissed again, "stop doing cheesy things like this."

"Why? You love it, look at how putty you are in my arms," Jaehyun smirks.

And Taeyong feels annoyed but also thankful that Jaehyun makes it clear that this is nothing, nothing at all to him. He pushes harder and jumps out of that amazing cocoon of warmth, "yeah, but don't do things you don't mean."

The incubus is frowning as he's watching Taeyong putting on sweatpants, his fingers playing with the blanket pooling at his waist, showing his marvelous upper body to a flustered Taeyong -because to be honest he thinks this is the first time he ever really sees the incubus half naked and wow if that's not a drool worthy body-, "what do you mean?"

"Meaning that just because you don't understand, you shouldn't play with my heart," he huffs, avoiding to ogle at that muscled chest, well fuck, his eyes know where to look.

"Play with your heart? How?" Jaehyun sheds the blanket, getting up from the bed and showing his naked body in all its glory.

Taeyong almost splutters, but maybe he did whimper though. His eyes travel down and look away immediately as heat creeps up his neck and cheeks, "oh my god, can you not show me your dick this early in the morning??"

There are snickers and a smug look on the incubus, he's swaying his hip teasingly and the cursed massive thing dangles in taunt, "why should I hide it? You like the scenery. And does that mean I can show you at any other time except in the morning?"

Taeyong swears he's going to have aneurysm, hands instinctively throwing a pillow directly to that dick and got surprised when it bounced away, "holy shit you are really real?"

"I told you this is my physical form, anyone can see and touch me now," he laughs, crawling on the bed only to pull Taeyong down into bed again and hovering above the lithe human.

Taeyong yelps when those arms catch his legs and spin his body around so their chests are gliding together, he'd be lying if he said his heart didn't went thundering in his chest, he's far from ready for this kind of sexual tension. His hands reflexively fly up to the strong arms caging him, protests got kissed away while their crotches make contact. _God_ this is too much.

"Let me go!" he feels truly weak and at the mercy of the incubus now, never did he imagine the other's physical form would be this affecting. To really feel him by flesh and blood, deep down Taeyong is yearning for a wish, if only Jaehyun was a human, if only there was love in these touches. Damn, he must have been single for far too long to be that desperate.

Jaehyun chuckles after placing his last kiss to Taeyong's chin, "chill babe, I won't do anything, I know you have to go to work."

Taeyong wipes his chin and hastily gets up when he's being freed, dashing to the bathroom to hide. Shit, he really hates Jaehyun, he should make him stop calling him with those pet names, he hates the way it makes his chest tight in yearning. No, _no, you shouldn't._

He jumps under the hot shower to get rid of the incubus' warmth on his skin, it's too much, after all this time he's still so weak. His fingers subconsciously touch his chin, noticing Jaehyun's affixation of kissing him there before he starts slapping it to chase away the sensation. _No Taeyong, don't start it, even donkey doesn't fall for the same thing twice._

Jaehyun really is a demon, Taeyong feels so wrecked. He washes his body and notices that he never feels sore even after the incubus fucked him hard every damn time, maybe because it's all happening in his dream? Instead he feels his body well rested and head clearer, maybe the incubus really blows off the stress. But now that the incubus can make his body turn physical, will he start sleeping with him in reality? Does that also mean he'll be getting sore every morning now? Jaehyun fucks him every night and that massive dick even in its flaccid state is a telltale of a really sore aftermath. Good god Taeyong is not ready, will he ever be?

When he goes out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, he catches the smell of something burning, "what the-"

"I don't think it's supposed to get like this..." Jaehyun mutters while his hands are shaking the pan.

" _Holy shit!_ Are you trying to burn down my kitchen??" Taeyong runs to turn off the stove, taking away the burning pan and dumps it into the sink under running water, "what are you doing??"

"Eh, I was trying to cook?"

"What for??" Taeyong yells and yanks at his hair, terrified and frustrated.

"Your breakfast?" the incubus grins guiltily.

Taeyong exhales loudly to calm his heart, "and what, in god's name, did you do that for?"

"Well you always skip breakfast and I learnt it's not good for humans? But you always had it whenever Doyoung came to make you one, so I wanted to do it for you."

Taeyong halts, utterly dumbfounded, his heart swoons as he notices Jaehyun did that to care for him, but Doyoung's name gives him a harsh slap of a reminder, "I'm fine, okay? I won't be dead just because I don't have breakfast and what in the fuck were you cooking?"

"That was an egg..."

Taeyong looks back to the black, sticky thing in the drowned pan, he deadpanned in pure astonishment, "that was... _An egg_. I never knew someone can fuck up a fried egg so bad."

"Hey that was my first time trying to cook, okay? Everyone is a beginner at first," he pouts and Taeyong just can't stay mad as he laughs softly at the defeated look on Jaehyun's face.

"I get it if you want to try things out, but please don't do it without me supervising you or else we- wait, I mean _me_ , I won't have a place to live," he huffs still with a ghost of a smile. "And you don't have to worry to try to feed me, I won't suddenly drop dead just because I skipped some meals, you won't lose your source of meal that easily, humans are tougher than you think."

At that Jaehyun frowns, "I wasn't thinking about that, I just want to help you."

Taeyong looks away when his heart leaps at the words, "and why would you do that? If it doesn't benefit you?"

"Do humans only do things which will benefit themselves?" the incubus is scratching his head in confusion, genuinely wondering.

"Well, no..." he's at a loss of words. No they don't, Taeyong starts questioning if he really thinks so every time someone is trying to be kind to him. Since when did he put himself that low? He takes glances at Jaehyun, watching him trying to scrub off the burnt stains off the pan. He thinks, in some way this incubus makes him notice certain things he failed to see about himself.

He didn't realize he was touching Jaehyun's back until the guy looks back with questioning eyes, "what is it?"

Taeyong pulls his hand away as if he's being burnt, "no, nothing. I... I'll get going."

"Okay," Jaehyun rinses his hand and lets the pan soak in the water, then following the human out. "By the way isn't today saturday? You usually don't work that day."

"Someone accidentally fucked up the presentation for monday, so I have to help him," he sighs.

"Why you have to be responsible for someone's mistake?"

"This is what being an understanding friend is, Jaehyun. Besides, it will affect me too if the data is ruined."

"Was it one of those coworkers you hate?"

Taeyong wonders how the incubus knows he hates some of his coworkers, "no it was Wonho, apparently he wiped some part of the data because he got too flustered when Hyungwon from sales department came to our department. Love and all that bullshit."

"Ah, that cute guy," he chuckles and waits at the door when Taeyong takes out his shoes from the rack.

"What... Are you doing?" Taeyong looks up as he's putting on his shoes, "are you going to follow me with... That physical form?"

"Is that not allowed?" he shrugs.

"But... People can see you now, right?"

"And?"

' _And?_ ' "They will see you with me," Taeyong deadpans.

"So...?" Jaehyun looks as if the human is talking crazy.

Taeyong sighs exasperatedly, "you'll be seen leaving the apartment with me, and if someone I know saw it, it'll create speculations, get it?"

"And that's bad?"

He grunts, "they will think I have a boyfriend, okay? _You!_ "

"Well just say I am your boyfriend then, so nobody will ask more? I'm creative at making up stories, we can just say we met at a party or something," Jaehyun grins, oblivious to Taeyong's frustration.

"Dear god I'm not capable of keeping my sanity if it's like this," Taeyong throws his head back, tired. He shouldn't feel the flutters of his heart when the incubus said he's willing to be addressed as his boyfriend, it meant nothing to him, _don't start deluding yourself Taeyong_. "Are you trying to chase away any ' _real_ ' potential boyfriends for me? If they think you are my boyfriend, how can I get a ' _real_ ' boyfriend?" he reasons, it's not entirely a lie although he's unwilling because he's afraid to fall.

Jaehyun scrunches up his face for a millisecond before he vanishes into dissipating blue fog. Why did he look like that? Taeyong shakes his head and goes out, then locks the front door.

"Okay I'm ready to go."

Taeyong almost screams but fortunately only choked noises jump out of his lips and he snaps his head to the sudden deep voice behind him, "you startled me!"

"What, why? I'm always following you, I was only changing back to my real form," he winces when Taeyong tried to whack his head with his left hand, but just like any other time before, his hand went through the ghost-like Jaehyun.

"Oh I forgot," he turns to whack the incubus with his right hand, eliciting a protest.

"Do you really have to slap me??"

"You surprised me! It's a lesson," Taeyong hmph-s as he stomps away.

"You abuse me even with no reason," Jaehyun hmph-s back.

"Excuse me, abuse you? I have never-"

"I will start counting everytime you smack me," Jaehyun cuts in, poking his tongue out as he's twirling in the air above Taeyong's head.

Taeyong huffs, "as if you don't abuse me."

"Does it count as abuse when you like it though," he snickers and the human blushes.

" _I did not!_ "

"You're aware people are looking at you weirdly seeing you yelling to yourself?"

Taeyong splutters as Jaehyun laughs loudly in victory, he then grabs the incubus' dark shirt to whack him in the butt.

" _One!_ " Jaehyun counts with a laugh still, "I know you love this round butt of mine, but you gotta hold back when people can see you."

"Oh my god, shut up!" Taeyong is half yelling, half groaning, uncaring of the looks people throw at him.

"Or do you prefer the jiggly dangling thing?" He shakes his butt with a wink.

Taeyong gasps with a look as if his very soul is being tainted.

 

" _NO!_ "

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahaha omg I really love their characters here, it's really fun writing them bickering back and forth! And Jaehyun's dirty mind and Taeyong's high key thirsty ass yet pretending to be low key, you're not fooling anyone kid lmao. 
> 
> Has anyone notice the pattern of Taeyong's way of thinking though? Hehehe


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all, this one is word vomit, I wrote it and haven't read it again to edit it if there's any unforgivable grammar errors.
> 
> I'm sorry I'm just so impatient and so emotional because this one is full of emotions hdjskskaakajxg.
> 
> I hope you like it and I'll edit it later! (if there's any mistakes)
> 
> Edit: Thank you my ever patient, big hearted Lola for helping me fix it 😭😭

There's a throbbing pain behind his eyes as he keeps focusing on the white light glaring back at him, Taeyong inhales deeply to settle down the mild nausea in his stomach due to the growing headache. He just wants to sleep, but he needs to finish what he has to before he can finally turn off the laptop, peel off his butt from the couch and sleep in till tomorrow sunday noon. He curses at the reminder of today's noon at the company, it was bad enough Wonho deleted a part of the data and he thought it was a good idea to accept his crush's offer to help him? Taeyong ended up doing more than he intended to do seeing such incompetence.

He doesn't know if he hates himself more for giving in or hates his friend for being a fool in love. Seeing Wonho starts to aggravate him. It's just so stupid to see him all that invested into some kind of love, it doesn't make sense. He will just get hurt. That's why Taeyong doesn't want to fall in love and seeing people so stupidly throwing themselves into it repulses him, goosebumps rack his whole body at the remembrance of the way Wonho was staring into his crush's eyes. _Bullshit_.

What kind of hypocrisy is he trying to feed himself here? He knows he's weak, he's terrified of the notion of it and his huge ass denial is the only thing he's afraid to admit. Who is he trying to fool when he craves attention and affection so much? He wants to be loved, yet doesn't want _to love_ someone, how fucked up is that? He sniffs, forcing his brain to focus back on his work or else he'll have to work on a sunday, no fucking way.

Suddenly a face comes in between him and the laptop, grinning up to him, "hi."

"...hi?" Taeyong is dumbfounded at the sudden distraction and he gets even more so when the incubus takes away his laptop and instead replaces it with his own head on Taeyong's lap. "What-what are you doing?"

"Soothing you up," he says, still with a grin then snuggles to Taeyong's stomach, it's ticklish and he dares to blow on it.

It makes Taeyong giggling and squirming, yanking at the dark hair when it becomes too much, " _hey!_ Stop that!"

"Hehehe," Jaehyun chuckles cutely before rubbing his cheeks to Taeyong's lap with closed eyes, just like a purring cat.

Taeyong's heart swells at the display, it's so adorable but he knows better, the incubus is more than that, "seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"I figured you're getting very tired as it's 1 AM already, I let you be since we walked back home because you were really, and I mean _really_ , upset. You kept typing on that thing as if you wanted to kill someone," the incubus says, his voice is soft almost like he's concerned but it also holds a tone of playfulness.

Taeyong snorts, _kill myself maybe_ , "am I hearing things right? You let me be because I, what, look grumpy to you? That didn't stop you before, what changed?"

"Besides that I could practically smell that void darkness coming off of you? You're not just grumpy and I'm not as heartless as you thought I was, I don't like it when my human is upset," he curles an arm around Taeyong's lean waist, rubbing his head on it again before looking up to Taeyong's pained look. "At least I can tell when you're overworking to... try to forget something. Maybe I can offer some kind of distraction?"

 _Void darkness huh?_ Taeyong's eyelashes flutter not only at that realization but also because of how considerate Jaehyun is to him, so soft that it makes him almost forget about how annoying the incubus usually is. But then he offers a distraction? Taeyong scoffs at that, " _ha_... I get it now, you're being kind just because you need to feed, isn't it? You haven't had any today, figures."

Jaehyun is frowning, visibly displeased and he digs his elbow to Taeyong's thigh, causing a scream due to the very strong mix of tickles and slight pain. Taeyong reflexively slaps down his palm to Jaehyun's head, " _argh-!_ What the fuck??"

"You pissed me off," the incubus huffs, shifting his head on Taeyong's lap so he's staring to the ceiling, there's a glint of anger in his dark eyes, something Taeyong has never seen before. He's really angry, causing an aching burn in Taeyong's chest at the display, as if he's witnessing more than the mask Jaehyun has only ever shown him. "You think the only times I want to do something is when I have ulterior motives? You asked me what fucked up my brain but I should be the one to ask you that instead, what fucked _you_ up so bad Taeyong? The amount of distrust I smell from you about everything, even yourself, it's starting to sicken me."

Taeyong feels a burning yet cold chill running down his veins, _dread_ , so _so_ dreadful. Nobody, not even himself ever acknowledged it and now those words feel like a hard hit cracking his layer of defense. A crack to the thick wall separating him from his past, his hands instinctively fly up to his chest, clutching on it as his breathing turns painful and hard. He feels the hard trembles within his chest as white fog is growing from the edges of his sight. What is this? _Panic_. He's having a panic attack.

He jolts as he tries to stop his erratic breathing, failing as his arms grow stiff and numb, skin tingling dangerously with hypoxia. In his head he's screaming that name, that one person who's always beside him, understanding him, accepting and comforting him. He keeps calling that name in his head even when his sight blackens and nothing of the outside world comes in. He's alone, isn't he? Doyoung wasn't there, he's alone. _Alone_.

" _Taeyong_."

It sounds is so dull, so far away, but Taeyong can feel the gentle thudding of his heart as his name was being called.

" _Taeyong, calm down._ "

 _Warmth_. There's tender warmth around his stiff, cold body. The voice feels so soft to his ear, something moist and warm caresses his temple. It's pleasant, comforting and Taeyong feels his soul getting pulled towards this warmth. There's a soft light and messy colors filling his eyes.

"Taeyong," the voice calls again, as gentle as the soft lips caressing his own. Purple, blue and green colors swim in those dark irises, like a rainbow in the darkness of night. _Beautiful_. "Can you see me? Taeyong?"

Another kiss to the corner of his lips and Taeyong exhales deeply and slowly, calming down his breathing and the throbbing at the back of his head, his limbs relaxing and warmth spreads again. He closes his eyes to relax and savor the soft touches on his skin, feeling so tired.

"That's it, breathe slowly babe," Jaehyun whispers to his lips, cradling Taeyong's body in his arms and on his lap now.

Taeyong's heart flutters a bit at the gentleness and nickname, he shifts a bit to press his forehead to the incubus' collar bone, "Jaehyun..."

Jaehyun responds to the call of his name with embracing the human tighter, he keeps placing kisses on his face and a hand stroking at the lean back, "you're safe, Taeyong."

He hums as the need to cry bubbles up in his throat, forcing it down so he would not crack even worse in front of the incubus. It's too much, too close to his raw core and he's not ready to share it with anyone else, he never even shared it with Doyoung. So he levels his breathing as he tries to erase his cry, pressing his face harder to Jaehyun's skin, inhaling the calming scent of sandalwood.

"Sometimes when one picks up a stray, you can't help getting attached to it. It doesn't have to be super emotional or something, we simply grow to care, like friends, even when we're not close, it's still natural to care and feel worried."

Taeyong blinks slowly to understand the words, eyelashes tickling the incubus' skin. It should be alarming how Jaehyun seems to understand his fear, those words say it all, but Taeyong only feels calm right in that moment, as if he's finally being understood without question. He inhales slowly, savoring the calmness and the temporary void of pain, as if all the accumulated tension was blown off and now he's only a hollow shell. Taeyong closes his eyes again, not wanting to think what was Jaehyun's understanding about his fear ' _to love, to care_ ' would entail to.

"Are you saying I'm a stray that you picked up?" he asks instead with a slightly raspy voice.

The incubus chuckles, "I was a stray you were forced to pick up. But as I come to know you more, I think we're both stray to each other."

Taeyong doesn't really understand that, does that mean they both need each other? He snuggles to the neck when the incubus lays them down and cuddles him on the narrow couch. Taeyong is far too tired to fight against his own thoughts, so he lets his arms circling Jaehyun's warm torso tightly. He needs this, he craves for this warmth and Jaehyun gives it to him freely along with kisses to his neck and shoulder. Does being loved feels like this? So overwhelming yet also soft at the edges and floating his insides? After having a glimpse of it, will Taeyong ever be able to let go?

"You know, when I first saw you I thought about what kind of a living doll you are. You're so beautiful and the sharp, thick darkness which I sensed within you makes you all the more surreal. I thought I was getting dull and mistook you as a human, but you really are a human. There's something special and unique about you."

Jaehyun's soft voice is so calming, it feels like a lul to make him sleep, but the words said cause butterflies in Taeyong's stomach. He doesn't know if he likes the praise or hates it, but if he was to be honest, he does like it. It makes him think that there's still something about himself that is _maybe_ , good and likeable. But this darkness, Taeyong knows it will be his lifetime war.

"But you are always so grumpy, you always have this resting bitch face and I thought, is that your default expression or something?" Jaehyun laughs, mocking and teasing like he always does yet still he kisses Taeyong's cheek after it.

This is getting too _weird_ , all this affection is too much and Taeyong is growing wary of it. Even when the incubus reasons that friends could care as such, they don't kiss like this. He wants to tell him to stop, but he's feeling so weak that he tells himself to let him be spoiled only for now, he can tell the incubus off later.

He chuckles to what Jaehyun said though, he remembers something from it. The incubus is grinning seeing him chuckling like that, "what is it? Was it something I said?"

"Ah, I just got reminded of something," he says and there are fingers lifting up his chin so their eyes meet, and a soft peck is placed to his lips. But Taeyong looks elsewhere, it's far too intimate for him to handle, "it was when I first met Doyoung."

The incubus hums still with a wide smile, as if he's also happy to see Taeyong smiling and relaxed. _But that can't be it_ , Taeyong tells himself. Jaehyun leans forward to rubs his nose to Taeyong's cheek, causing a burn in the human's chest, "how was it?"

 _Or maybe incubuses are naturally clingy and affectionate?_ Taeyong wonders while his cheek is heating up, he stutters a bit, "ah, I- well... Um, h-how was it..."

"How would I know?" he laughs softly then hugs Taeyong tighter, a palm cradles his nape and he's being kissed, shallow yet an adoration tangible within the touches of his lips, Taeyong's heart goes thundering at that.

 _Wow, wait, abort! Abort_! Taeyong leans back to stop the kiss, but surprisingly Jaehyun chases after his lips and kisses him again, his fingers tangling in Taeyong's hair, evoking hot shiver to his ears and neck. It was just a kiss, Jaehyun's tongue didn't even dive in to his mouth, only meeting his and swirling at the opening of his mouth, occasionally caressing his gum. But _damn_  it's so intense that Taeyong's body feels like turning into jelly. _There's something about that kiss_.

Taeyong can't help the low gasp out of his mouth when Jaehyun finally pulls away, seeing the human with flushed cheeks and panting, and the incubus pecks those red lips once again before he whispers, "how did you two meet?"

"Huh? What?" Taeyong exhales, mildly confused.

"You were telling me about when you first met Doyoung," he giggles, as if satisfied then he kisses down Taeyong's neck.

"Oh..." Taeyong wheezes too taken aback, _what the fuck?_ "uhm... I, I can't remember..."

"You can't remember?" Jaehyun grins wider with a mischievous look.

"No, I mean, _yes_... Yes I remember," Taeyong exhales harshly again, calm down breathing, don't make a fool out of me. "I... It was-"

Jaehyun kisses him again while giggling, "it was?"

"Hey! Stop that, why do you keep kissing me?" he yells, irritated but also blushing.

"Why can't I kiss you? You're cute," he laughs when Taeyong grumbles, "even when you're grumpy. Well, as long as you aren't poking my eyeballs."

"Stop that before I forbid you from kissing me," Taeyong hisses threateningly.

"You can't forbid me of anything," he challenges back.

"Oooh, yes I can," Taeyong holds up his right hand, twirling his fingers which adorned with a black rose tattoo.

Jaehyun scoffs, "I told you your commands can only last for mere minutes, even if it could stop me from kissing you for a while, I'd be able to in the next."

"Well then I'll just have to renew the command over and over again right?" Taeyong smirks when he catches the lost look in the incubus' eyes, it's not everyday that Taeyong is winning over him.

"Why can't I do it? You like it! You can't lie to me," he whines and then pouts with inflated cheeks and shit if that isn't melting Taeyong's heart.

"Jaehyun, I told you it's not for... Friends?" _what are they anyway?_ "it's weird."

"Why is it weird? Isn't what matters is whether you like it or not?"

"It's one of human's rules, okay? Or we can call it _my_  rule. I'll let you do it but not too much," Taeyong exclaims a bit desperate. He can't give in now, oh how he wishes he could, he loves it but that doesn't mean he can foolishly let himself being twisted into the comfort it offers. Bad, _bad idea_ , he's been there before.

Jaehyun grumbles under his breath, eyes narrowed and looking away, he may mutter something like, ' _whatever_ ' or ' _I'll still do it_ '.

Taeyong bites his lower lip to stop himself from smiling, finding sulky Jaehyun too cute. He's stroking the incubus' head to coddle him a bit, letting Jaehyun snuggle down to his chest or else he's sure the guy would still try to kiss him. So he begins to distract again, "I was about to tell you how I met Doyoung, right?"

Sulky Jaehyun doesn't want to look up and only hums to respond, causing Taeyong to smile widely, the incubus can't see his face anyway. He's ruffling the hair to hold in his adoring squeals.

"It was when we were in elementary school, I was two years ahead of him, of course. His first words to me were kind of similar to your first impression of me, but he didn't say a ' _doll_ ', he asked me, ' _are you a statue?'_ " Taeyong chuckles with a distant look, remembering the face, the exact scene. "I think I was in 4th or 5th grade and honestly I was shocked, why did this little kid say that to me? Then he said that he never sees me smiling.

"Am I? I wondered if what he said was true, then I remember thinking that I never felt happy... I remember that. But I was a kid, I didn't understand why he said that and who he was, so I ran away and avoided him whenever he came looking for me."

Jaehyun slowly looks up, staring deep into Taeyong's eyes with wonder, "why did you do that?"

"I don't know," he whispers, chest tight from the reminder of forgotten past, "I guess it was my parents influence, I had to be perfect and stand on the top, above anyone else. Maybe that's why I was afraid of Doyoung, that one innocent question felt like he's peeling everything about me that was crafted by my parents, that made me feel like I'm nothing but a doll in the making. But he was very persistent, even until now he's that kind of person who has to be close and befriend everyone, loving them equally. In the next, I saw the world through his eyes rather than my parents' eyes, it was much more colorful, more free and liberating, then he taught me to see it with my own. He made me what I am."

Taeyong stares back into Jaehyun's eyes, searching in the ever dancing lights within it, for some reason he found himself sharing these words so easily like the pour of his soul was being accepted by those dark eyes. Maybe it's because Jaehyun _is_ accepting, understanding from his outsider point of view, different from the people who were there in his life and gives him a different kind of understanding and acceptance. It's as if Jaehyun accepts his person just the way it is, the raw core without the taints of their own understanding. Taeyong's heart feels so full that somehow, he leans down and kisses Jaehyun's lips, soft yet intense with the pour of his person. _Honesty it was_.

But then he catches himself and pulls away, "sorry, I-"

Jaehyun doesn't give him a chance to say anything, one of his hands pull Taeyong's head forward so he could kiss him again, one arm heavy and warm on Taeyong's waist. It isn't just a kiss, they somehow know it, something between them is shifting. When they pull away, Jaehyun is smiling softly, eyes like crescent moon and wrinkles around it.

"That was the first time you kissed me."

Taeyong blushes, but he hopes he hides it enough by leaning on Jaehyun's head so it won't be seen, it was too late though. The incubus laughs, finding the human so adorable he kisses his neck again, circling both his arms tighter around the lean body. So small, so fragile within his muscular and taller body. He stands up from the couch with Taeyong in his arms, causing the human to yelp in surprise.

" _Jaehyun!_ " Taeyong screams, hands gripping the incubus' shoulder so strongly since he's afraid to fall down, legs instinctively coiling over the thick waist to hold on to.

"I will never let you fall Taeyong," Jaehyun says with another kiss to his neck, his smile is not smug nor teasing, it's gentle and the butterflies go mad in Taeyong's stomach.

Those words, they feel so strong to his soul although Taeyong knows the incubus didn't intend it in that way, _but still._ He wraps his arms around the neck, resting his head by the crook and then he closes his eyes to _trust_. For once he deliberately lets himself be vulnerable, tired of being scared, for once he just wants to give in. _Just this once_.

"Let's go to bed, you have to rest."

"My work..." Taeyong mumbles, neither really caring or wanting to go back to his work, nor letting go of the warm embrace.

"There's always tomorrow babe," Jaehyun carefully carries Taeyong to the bedroom, lays him down to the soft bed without letting go then snuggles under the sheets with him, placing his head on Taeyong's chest as if it was a pillow. They both exhale deeply when they find the most comfortable position, tangled with each other's warmth. So familiar, so intimate, but this time Taeyong is too tired to argue with his inner turmoils.

"Good night Taeyong," Jaehyun whispers and kisses his collarbone.

"...Good night Jaehyun," Taeyong closes his eyes, his heart, his fear.

 

_Just for tonight._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I hug both of them....


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again to sin and filth!! Ajjsksakka
> 
> Tell you what, their engines goes from 0 - 100 in a speed of light lmao.
> 
> Thank you Lola for editing the grammar~ \\(-ㅂ-)/ ♥ ♥ ♥

_There's horror and panic, a heavy weight, he can't see but he knows what is going to happen. Then there's pain exploding in his lower body, crushing him and destroying his soul. He's clawing again and again, but the pain continues and dread fills his entire being until his body shuts down and darkness engulfs him. He's lost to the world and along with it, his trust is lost forever._

_Doyoung holds him close but he wants to get away, because no, he doesn't understand, he would never. His childhood friend who has shown him the world, he puts him on a high pedestal, untainted and pure, almost like a deity. Someone not to touch but Taeyong is_ tainted _, his yearning feels like a poison more than anything else, he doesn't want to taint him. So he runs away, away from this protective warmth, away from Doyoung._

_"Johnny, please," he pleads, fingers harrowing to beg, to run._

_"Taeyong I can't, not like this."_

_"Only you can free me, please... Please..."_

_"Taeyong this is insane."_

_"I can't stop myself, if you really want to help me, then please help me erase him."_

_"Taeyong..."_

_He feels his body being shaken, big warm palms holding his shoulders and lips to his cheek. It's familiar, but it doesn't belong to this memory, this wasn't there. Johnny never touched or kissed him that soft, that tender._ What is this?

 

There's another shake and a dim light is coming in.

"Taeyong."

He blinks, taking in the darkness of his familiar room, a soft scent of sandalwood and gentle dark eyes peering down at him.

"Taeyong, are you awake?"

Who is this? Is he in his room? But there should be nobody who is allowed in his room, not this room because he needs to detach himself from the past, _the memory_. Who is this?

"Hey, are you awake already?" the hands on his shoulders gently shake his body again.

Why does he keep asking him that? Awake? Is he? He remembers that soft deep voice, "Jaehyun...?"

"Yes it's me, are you awake?"

Slowly Taeyong regains himself and his surroundings, getting back his orientation, "why do you keep asking me that? I... Yes I'm awake, why? What time is it?"

There's a soft exhale and the hands on him let go, "you were dreaming so I woke you up. It's still 4 AM though, so you can go back to sleep."

Taeyong registers the hand moving to his waist and another pulling his head to rest on a firm, warm chest. He's blinking again still slightly confused, "I was dreaming? Did I... Did I say something?"

"What were you dreaming about?" the deep voice asks instead.

He tries to remember what it was, but he can't, he only remembers it was kind of unpleasant, "I don't remember, I think I was just sleeping..."

"You don't remember?" Fingers gently stroking over Taeyong's slightly damp hair, soft breath fanning it, "it's nothing, just go back to sleep."

Taeyong then circles his arms around the broad shoulder, somehow finding himself needing the close touch, "I did something... Didn't I?"

"It's nothing, you were writhing and I thought you were having a bad dream, that's it."

He knows when someone is lying and he knows about himself when nightmares plagued him, he couldn't have been just writhing like the incubus said. He knows it from experience, having Doyoung to hold him down tightly and slapping him to wake him up, and judging from the brimming tears within his friend's eyes, he knew it was bad. Still, he somewhat understands that Jaehyun says nothing about it to ease him and Taeyong finds it endearing, it's really comforting and considerate of him to do that.

He wants to say thank you but decides against it, the incubus would only act oblivious anyway, or maybe Taeyong is just being overly emotional. He presses his head closer to the chest, forehead tucked under Jaehyun's chin to inhale the ever present and calming scent. Closing his eyes to get blanketed into darkness again, feeling the rhythmical soft breathing and the rise and fall of the chest under him, it's calming and soothing. But minutes later Taeyong is blinking his eyes open again, finding himself unable to go back to sleep.

"Jaehyun, you jerk... I can't sleep again," he whispers without heat, simply informing. His mind is going around about his work, remembering that he left it unfinished, then about his current life and he can't shut it down.

"Why can't you? Just close your eyes and you'll sleep again," the guy breathes, unmoving with his arms pleasantly heavy around Taeyong.

"Do incubus even sleep?" Taeyong inquires because the other is behaving like he's losing sleep because of him.

"We don't really have to... But sleeping feels good, so why not?" His voice sounds, indeed, sleepy. He must have been sleeping before he got woken up to whatever nightmare-plagued Taeyong was doing.

"Kind of weird, but I feel glad I guess," he mutters, trying to imagine a life without sleeping. No way, that seems too stressful.

"Why would you be glad about it?" the voice now sounds less sleepy and more awake, a kiss is being placed on the crown of Taeyong's head.

"It's more relatable that way and..." Taeyong guesses it would be weird if they stayed in bed together and he was the only one sleeping, wouldn't the incubus be staring at him then? That's creepy. Deep down Taeyong is chasing away the thought of a sleeping Jaehyun seeming more ' _human_ '. Dangerous thought.

"And?"

"Nothing," he closes his eyes and is about to try to sleep again, but the hand that was on his waist suddenly catches his hip and lifts his body up so he's lying directly on top of Jaehyun's bigger body. He yelps in surprise, "oh my god! You have to stop doing that! I almost got a heart attack!"

"You were saying?" Although the room is dark and Taeyong almost can't see anything, he can hear the teasing tone in Jaehyun's voice.

"I said nothing!" he slaps the chest under him, he's sure Jaehyun wouldn't even consider it a hard slap, still, being startled like that justifies it and his sulky mood.

"You can't say something only to leave it hanging babe," there's a chuckle, then a hand on Taeyong's head before he's being pulled down into a kiss, chaste and soft.

Taeyong slips his hands into the incubus' hair only to yank it away, "I told you not to kiss me too much."

"If I didn't hold back at all, I would have already kissed you lots of times since you woke up," Taeyong feels a grin touching his lips as the other guy says that. Then there are warm palms cupping his face, a thumb gently stroking his cheeks before he's being pulled down again. This time Taeyong is unrelenting, pushing himself up while his hands are yanking down the other's hair. " _Ouch_! That hurts, you know?"

"I told you not to kiss me," Taeyong huffs, trying to squirm out but the arms are holding him in place, "hey let me go!"

Jaehyun shushes him quietly, "are you aware how late it is? It's already early in the morning." But as he says that, he lets one of his hand wander down to Taeyong's ass, stroking it before squeezing it, hard.

" _Jae_ -! What the fuck??" Taeyong shout whispers to the face under him, being caught by surprise into a kiss, deeper and open mouthed, creating lewd noises within the dark, silent room.

He tries to struggle again, but one thick arm is holding him tightly by the waist while the other keeps groping his ass. Gradually, heat is growing under his skin from the way the inside of his mouth is getting explored by the wet, warm tongue, caressing just right where he's very sensitive. He moans to the hot tongue and fingers are slipping under his briefs, touching his skin directly. He jerks as those fingers glide in between his ass cheeks, one of them touching just near his rim and goes down to scratch his soft and sensitive perineum.

He gasps as his lower lip is being bitten softly while he tries to pull away, "w-wait, Jaehyun... You can't-"

Jaehyun catches his lips again, kissing him filthy as his fingers press the tender perineum hard so that Taeyong is slightly rubbing up Jaehyun's body due to the surprised jolt, toes curling on the sheets at each side of the incubus' thick thighs. Jaehyun's body feels so hot and firm under him, Taeyong's loud moan got swallowed and he's harrowing his fingers to this toned chest to ground himself, burning heat crawling up his spine from the touches and tingles he feels between his legs.

He whimpers when a thick finger slides up to graze over his rim, it's dry and although Taeyong's head is spinning from the growing arousal, he still knows it's a bad idea, "no- Jaehyun, stop..."

"Do you really want me to stop babe?" His seductive whisper caresses Taeyong's damp chin, he licks under it and bites softly to stimulate more gasps from the pretty red lips. He feels a wet smile on his chin as Jaehyun's fingers press on Taeyong's rim, teasing, not really going in, vibrating it just to elicit another loud moan out of Taeyong. "Look at you, can you feel it? Can you feel yourself twitching on my fingers? Are you hungry for my fingers? You love it when I twist it inside of you, right babe?"

Taeyong feels utterly embarrassed, feeling himself twitching to the dry fingers hoping they would slip inside, he can't stop the twitches even if he wanted to. Throbbing desire burns his crotch even further so he unconsciously starts rutting down to the incubus' crotch, moaning when his bulge meets with Jaehyun's clothed hard dick. Holy shit, his body feels burning to the fingertips and he can't stop his hip from slowly rutting. Embarrassed as he may be, his arousal is much more pressing than that. And honestly, Jaehyun's words stir up his insides so bad he's writhing on top of that attractive body.

Still, Taeyong catches Jaehyun's wrist when he feels a finger is about to press down on his rim again, "w-wait," he breathes harshly, closing his eyes to calm himself down a bit, "this is... Real right? Not a dream? It feels different..."

"Yes, this is real," Jaehyun licks up his neck to his ear, the wet tip of his tongue tickling inside bringing a racking hot wave of goosebumps down his whole body, he's jerking a little to hold in the sudden intense pleasure, another loud moan is getting ripped out of his mouth. He can't ever be quiet if it involves Jaehyun.

"Your fingers... Are dry, gonna hurt..." he mutters almost incoherently as Jaehyun keeps kissing and biting his neck, undoubtedly leaving a mark, or marks.

The incubus doesn't reply, instead kisses his lips again, opening it up with his tongue and delving in deeper, curling and pulling and making Taeyong getting lost in the intensity of it. But then Taeyong realizes a finger is poking at his lower lip before it's coming in, joining the tangles of their messy, wet tongues, getting drenched as more fingers are coming in, spilling saliva down to Taeyong's chin. He gasps when those three fingers tickle up his palate, his gum, causing different sensations than those of Jaehyun's tongue, warm tingles dance down his arms to his fingertips, as if it were his fingers inside his mouth rather than the incubus'. It's overwhelming and he finds himself getting unbearably hard and wet just from the foreplay only.

Jaehyun takes out his fingers when he pulls away, licking up the wetness on Taeyong's chin before kissing those red, abused lips again, "you look amazing when you're aroused."

Amidst his dazed mind, Taeyong tries to move away from the body under him, but Jaehyun catches his hip to settle him there, all the while rocking up to rub their hardnesses together, eliciting moans from both of them. Taeyong feels his dick twitching at the sexy, low grunts of the incubus, reflexively clenching his rim in arousal, burning anticipation coiling in his gut. Fuck Jaehyun for fucking up his mind real good.

His fingers dig into the muscular arms as a loud moan is spilling out his red lips, legs spreading wider on top of Jaehyun's huge hard dick as a thick middle finger pushes in. The slow drag burns a bit, it's been so long since his body has been touched like this. It was easier in the dreams, filled only with pleasure without pain, yet now, as the finger keeps pushing in and drags at his insides causing a dull burn, since saliva is never enough, Taeyong chokes on the pure intensity of it. He never knew that pain could be so arousing.

His body twitches and he almost moans when he sees Jaehyun taking his other fingers into his mouth, licking and sucking on them like he's making a show, it's fucking filthy it's so arousing. The incubus sucks down his three fingers as he presses the middle finger deeper inside Taeyong up to his knuckle, tentatively twisting around just in the same way he's twisting the ones in his own mouth. What a show. Taeyong keens when the finger inside him finds his prostate, pressing hard on it so that his lower body jerks and a silent scream is forced out of his lungs.

He only closes his eyes for a moment, mere a fleeting minute but then suddenly there's another hand spreading open his ass cheeks under the damp brief, being drenched by his dripping precum, wet fingers stretch at his rim so that despite the alarm inside his head, he's swaying back to those fingers, wanting more inside him. He hears a chuckle breathing up his cheek then a lick to his temple, tasting his sweat.

"Look at you, do you still want to stop?"

 _Bastard, jerk_ , Taeyong curses in his head. Too aroused to stop, yet too prideful to beg, he leans down and kisses Jaehyun's lips with fervor, deliberately moaning into the hot mouth as he's rocking back to the finger and on the hard dick underneath him, the burning lust snaking up his spine while satisfaction fills his chest when he feels the twitch inside Jaehyun's pants and the way the fingers on his ass are gripping harder. It's obvious the incubus is as affected as him, he grins victoriously to the lips under him.

" _Fuck_ ," Jaehyun hisses and rutts up to reciprocate Taeyong's rocking, moaning together still with their mouths open to each other. He doesn't waste another second to push in his other middle finger, earning himself a half scream right in his face, fucking awesome. He's spreading the rim by pulling his middle fingers to opposite sides, causing Taeyong to bounce up on his dick and back arching beautifully. Holy shit, never in his life was Jaehyun that horny, having Taeyong's lithe body writhing above him is such a sinful bliss.

Both of their cores are burning hot impatiently, needing the friction and pleasure stronger and harder. But Jaehyun still has enough mind to make sure to prepare Taeyong carefully, even when he's tortured by said man's writhing on his painful erection and hot breath tickles his neck in a way he almost loses his sanity. He's breathing hardly too as he's trying to hold back, hands grabbing tight on the soft ass and he salutes himself when he's in four fingers past the tight, slicky rim.

Taeyong can't help his hip jerking up by itself everytime the twist of those fingers press that heavenly bundle of pleasure, his briefs totally ruined and drenched, inner thighs wet unknown to him if it is his own precum or the saliva Jaehyun uses to finger him with. His gut churns hotly up to his throat everytime Jaehyun sucks on the fingers that were inside of him to wet them again and pushes them back inside him, it's damn filthy, yet in that moment, even for Taeyong's clean freak self, it's fucking hot.

Suddenly Jaehyun takes out his fingers and Taeyong whines as his gaping rim clenches on empty, cold air, lusting for something to fill it. But the incubus is in no better condition, hissing impatiently he motions Taeyong to lift up his hip, agile fingers hurriedly pull down the damp briefs to the smooth slender thighs, letting Taeyong's hard erection spring out with sticky dribbles stretched from the red head to the inside of the brief. What a stunning sight.

"Shit," Jaehyun hisses through ragged breath, unconsciously biting down his lower lip so hard it's almost bleeding to hold in his moan.

He catches Taeyong's lean waist with his bigger hands, only realizing just now how erotic it is to see the contrast of his pale skin on Taeyong's light golden skin. God, he just wants to fuck up to him without caring, but he stays down, not wanting to hurt Taeyong as they're in reality and not a dream. This is for real.

Taeyong keeps twitching in his hold, eyes dazed and saliva sliding down his chin, a red flush adorning his skin from the tips of his ears to his thighs, so beautifully messy. The pleasure is on a different level now than in his dreams, he half moans, half screams when the blunt tip of Jaehyun's hard dick presses onto his rim.

"Jae-Jaehyun, wait..." Taeyong whimpers, hands grabbing the shoulder under him hard, to hold up his weight and also to ground himself. Damn he's losing his mind.

"You want to wait?" he groans, swaying his hip up to slide his erection between Taeyong's ass cheeks.

Taeyong chokes on his moan as he falls down to the chest under him, pressing his face to the sweaty neck, "y-you... I don't think I can handle you..."

Jaehyun thinks his brain is having a short-circuit since he doesn't understand a word the human is saying, but he forces himself to exhale, "what is it you can't handle?"

Taeyong gasps when Jaehyun pushes upwards again, grazing over his twitching prepared rim, "I've never... Yours is too big and it's been too long for me..." he mutters lowly, feeling shy all of a sudden and cheeks heating up, hoping for the incubus to understand what he is saying. He's practically back to being a virgin now.

"Fuck Taeyong," Jaehyun grunts while digging his fingers into Taeyong's hip, causing a harsh shiver down the human's spine at the desperation within his voice. Who's begging who now? But Taeyong doesn't have any source within him to feel smug about it, being desperate himself, far too aroused yet still afraid enough to continue. Before he can say anything else, he is being flipped over and his back is hitting the mattress, damp and slightly cold to his burning skin.

"Jaehyun..." he trembles when Jaehyun gets between his legs, spreading him open by his bend knees with his moist palms.

"You really want to stop?" he whispers and Taeyong can almost taste his disappointment, who wouldn't be? Taeyong is disappointed too, but he's a sane person, if he doesn't feel he's ready then he's not ready, he doesn't want to get hurt. And he doesn't trust the incubus all that much, he's scared, but at least he wants to believe that Jaehyun would stop if he asked him to. Then, as if Jaehyun read his mind, he says, "I won't hurt you."

Taeyong hums to Jaehyun's head placed on his heaving chest, frustrated and almost giving in, "I'm sorry..." how did this happened this far anyway? They were just talking then... Things just got spiralling out of control.

Jaehyun tries to breathe in and out to calm his raging lust, he's an incubus, how can he be swept away that hard? He's leaning down to catch Taeyong's lips into a soft kiss, calming the both of them with it. Nothing good happens when one is rushing. At first Taeyong is eagerly kissing him back, holding Jaehyun's cheek as he's leaning up to kiss better, but he's slowing down gradually. Jaehyun can't stop caressing Taeyong's moist skin, fingers running up every bump and smooth hair, tasting every soft gasp that leaves the soft lips, the heat within their cores is shimmering down, giving space to think more clearly.

But Taeyong still chases after the promised release, pressing and rubbing his ass to Jaehyun's hard dick, whining at the sensations. His fingers then rack through the dark hair, kissing up more, fervor anew as he keeps his hip rutting to Jaehyun.

"Fuck Taeyong, I thought you wanted to stop," he grunts, pinning the lean body under him to stop the agony, but Taeyong is a fucking tease whether he does it deliberately or not. Now Jaehyun thinks he learned his lesson. Never push Taeyong too far or you'll suffer too.

"Sorry," Taeyong breathes to Jaehyun's lips, "I just... _Fuck_ , can't stop."

Jaehyun almost throws all his sanity out of the window, but regains himself before he can hurt his human, "it will be okay if I fuck you in the dream right?"

It takes a moment for Taeyong to understand before nodding, "yes..."

"Be prepared then, I'm gonna fuck you real hard so that even if you're begging me, I won't stop." The incubus is more ruthless in a dream after all, having nothing to lose and Taeyong for once, shivers in anticipation.

 

"Do it."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops.
> 
> Aren't sexual tension is the best and the worse? (*´∇｀*)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinky is back! Even only for a while and with a little bonus courtesy of my dirt filled brain ;)))
> 
> Thank you Lola for the grammar uwu ♥♥

"No more tentacles."

Taeyong quickly says when he is brought to the familiar white vast room, yeah it is that same place. The incubus gives him a look, "why not?"

"Why not? I don't even like it," Taeyong deadpans, a sliver of a chill running down his thighs when Jaehyun's eyes glint darkly.

"It's no use no matter how many times you lie to me, you know?" he's stepping closer to Taeyong, upper body naked, wearing only tight black pants. Opposite to Taeyong's attire that is a big white shirt down to the mid of his naked thighs, the clothes they wore before going to bed, except that Taeyong's briefs have been stripped away so now he's wearing nothing under that shirt. "Do you know what boys like you get when they lie?"

Taeyong is pulling at his shirt to hide the twitch of his hard dick, horny enough to continue without anymore foreplay, yet it seems the incubus is still stubborn enough to drive him further mad. He just wants to get fucked goddammit, but he won't appear so desperate too. "I'm _no_ _boy_ ," he hisses.

"Is that so?" Jaehyun stops right in front of Taeyong with their chests lightly colliding, he's breathing down to Taeyong's head, a play of dominance and pleasantly Taeyong looks up to challenge him, although he's obviously aroused and impatient. Well, they both are, and they both are stubborn. Jaehyun rounds the shorter body, breathing on the exposed nape as he says, "no more a boy but _a man_ , aren't you?"

Taeyong grits his teeth to hold in the shivers from the tension rousing up between them, choosing not to answer so he won't fall right into Jaehyun's bait. He ain't gonna submit that easily. Despite that he keeps his hand in front of his crotch as his throbbing dick is leaking impatiently, _fuck_. Embarrassing yet so thrilling, he doesn't want to admit it though.

"But," Jaehyun starts again, getting closer to Taeyong's nape so that his lips touch the skin and rough breathing purposely sends a tremble down his spine. Unable to contain, Taeyong softly gasps. "Should a man be dressed like that?"

Taeyong exhales deeply to calm down his trembles, getting confused of what the incubus is saying. When he's about to turn around to ask, his feet move and it feels weird, like _really weird._ He looks down and gasps in shock, heart leaping so much it almost feels like it's going to jump out his throat. There on his lean feet is a bright, hot red glaring back at him. Fucking red high heels on his feet and a thin, dark pantyhose is wrapping his slender legs up to his mid thighs, just right under the edge of his loose white shirt.

He screeches in terror, "wha- _what the fuck is this??_ "

"That's called a pantyhose and a stiletto, darling," Jaehyun smirks, looking so satisfied and smug. His big palms then drag up the white shirt to Taeyong's waist, revealing not only Taeyong's hard dick, but also the sexy black garter belt on his thin waist clasping down to the pantyhose, "and this is a garter belt, making sure your pantyhose stays up," he's leaning down to whisper right into his ear, touching it with the moves of his lips, "so when I fuck you _hard_ , it will still beautifully stay on your pretty legs."

Taeyong's body gets shaken by an intense shiver, feet slipping since he's being inexperienced with wearing a stiletto, only to be caught by Jaehyun's big hands, one on his inner thigh and the other arm across his chest, fingers grazing on his perky nipple. "You and your dirty mind," he hisses when his nipple gets pinched and the hand on his thigh caresses up to his crotch.

Jaehyun hums, kissing Taeyong's shoulder before biting it softly, "I know we both like it. Look at how much you're leaking, you're so wet in my hand."

Taeyong gasps and twitches, being affected by the dirty words and the warm palm which is stroking his hard arousal, a moan paints his red lips as his nipple is being pinched and pulled. His body unconsciously leans forward to get away from the intense pleasure, feet slipping again and Taeyong's gut drops knowing he will fall to the ground. Yet instead of pain and the hard white floor welcoming him, Taeyong falls onto soft, silky, dark purple sheets. A freaking bed suddenly materialized to catch his fall.

"Or would you like to have sex on the beach? Bed seems too common," Jaehyun whispers to his nape, his big hand sliding up the white shirt just enough so he can breathe directly on the golden skin, tasting it with the tip of his wet tongue.

"Oh- oh! _Ah...!_ " Taeyong's back arches and jerks from the sensation, his knees which are clad in the black pantyhose dig into the soft bed as his ass springs upwards due to the arch of his back. Jaehyun's naked chest causing goosebumps all over his body as it's gliding on his sweaty back, a big hand grabs one of his thighs and spreads him open at the same time fingers play with his nipple again. He hisses when Jaehyun's hard dick presses to his opening, the hand on his chest squeezes just in time to make him clench his rim more impatiently. "So suddenly?"

"I don't think it's sudden at all," Jaehyun snickers and pushed all his length inside Taeyong in one swing, causing him to scream and clutch on the sheets desperately.

" _Jaehyun!_ " he screams again when he gets fucked hard without warning, the incubus keeps pounding into him so hard that his face gets pushed into the bed. There's no pain, only burning pleasure and raging lust racking his body, Taeyong spreads his legs more to accommodate the hard thrust, turning his head to the side to allow him to breathe and moan shamelessly. "Ah fuck! Jaehyun, _goddamn_ -!" he moans again and again, toes curling in sheer pleasure and the way his head is spinning with floating white clouds.

His knees slip off because of a particular hard thrust dead on his prostate, Taeyong's mouth opens in a silent scream as his body twitches uncontrollably. A thick finger is slipping under the black garter belt, pulling at it only to let it snap back to Taeyong's ass, eliciting a mix of a grunt and a moan, body convulsing from a strong orgasm washing all over him.

"Did you just have a dry orgasm?" Jaehyun chuckles, slowing down his thrusts when Taeyong still twitches from the high he's experiencing. Mind too white to really register what Jaehyun is saying, he only notices the way his body gets turned around and how a firm chest touches his heaving, sweaty chest, pointy nipples rubbing on his slightly swollen perky ones.

He moans loudly when he's being penetrated again, body still too sensitive and dick so hard it looks like it's going to burst. Soft lips catch his moans as he's being fucked again, slower than before yet still fast and hard. He's writhing under the bigger body caging him, every thrust hits his prostate hard and he feels like he's going to die from pleasure. Jaehyun leans back, grips Taeyong's ankles and holds them up before fucking into Taeyong harder, causing him to scream over and over again.

Taeyong's gut is burning seeing how debauched he looks right now, legs with red heels and black pantyhose hold up by Jaehyun's hands forming a wide V pose, black lace garter belt adorning his sweaty and blushing golden waist. _Holy shit_.

"You look really pretty, the way your skin gets red and your sweaty face gets messed up with the pleasure I give you. Fuck, Taeyong you're so beautiful," Jaehyun groans as his thrusts become more erratic. Then he stills for a beat of a moment before fucking up into Taeyong some more.

Taeyong reaches a stronger orgasm and ejaculates hard at the realization that Jaehyun is coming inside him, warmth spreading inside and the thought alone brings him into a hot, burning completion.

"Fuck," Jaehyun hisses, slowing down to stop then leans down to kiss Taeyong's lips deep, yet soft. Taeyong can only reciprocate the kiss lazily as his body feels weak and his wide spread limbs are like jelly. There's a hand caressing his cheek then down to his neck and shoulder, gently and caring. Taeyong closes his eyes to savor the tender touches.

"You really fucked me hard..." he whispers to the lips above him. Harder than ever.

"Told you so," he chuckles before snuggling down on the side of Taeyong's spent body. "Now you can sleep, right?"

Taeyong blinks slowly, he does feel sleepy. But does that mean Jaehyun was planning to make him sleep by tiring him out like this? He smiles as much as his spent body allows him to, "thanks..."

Then the welcoming darkness engulfs him into a dreamless sleep.

 

\--

 

When he wakes up, there's, as always, a heavy arm on his waist and a warm breathing to his chest, he hums in content from both the cuddle and how good his sleep was. He looks to the nightstand, sees the digital clock and gets surprised when it shows 11 AM.

"What the- _I'm late!_ " he's about to jump out of bed before the arms around him tighten and pull him closer.

"It's sunday, Taeyong. You can sleep in."

Oh. That's right. He relaxes again and shifts a bit to get more comfortable - as much as the limbs around him allow him to. But then he feels a slight soreness at that place. "Why am I sore? That was a dream right?" he's slightly panicking.

"Did you forget I fingered you before that? Probably why," Jaehyun answers with a sleepy voice.

Relief washes over and he's glad to have had enough conscience to stop, if Jaehyun's four thick fingers can make him sore, even just for a bit, it will be worse with that huge dick of his. _Damn_. Taeyong is about to close his eyes to relax and chase away the image of that dick when Jaehyun suddenly springs up and kisses his cheek.

"Come on, you need to have a breakfast! You skipped dinner last night, it can't be good for your stomach."

Taeyong groans, feeling tired and lazy all of a sudden, "too lazy to cook... And I'm not in the mood for some bread."

"If you don't get up by yourself, I'll carry you instead," Jaehyun threatens with a grin.

"Why are you so excited? How suspicious..." Taeyong turns around to lie on his stomach, face buried into a pillow, not yet wanting to leave his bed. But strong arms coil around his waist and lift him up, flipping him around so that he's being carried bridal style by Jaehyun. For a moment he's struggling within those arms, but stops when he feels he's risking himself to the possibility of falling down, "what are you doing?! No, I don't want to!"

"I warned you."

"I just want to laze around a bit more... Before I have to get up and start working again," he whines, feeling defeated as he's leaning his head on Jaehyun's shoulder tiredly.

"Eat first and no, today you won't do any work," the incubus is walking to the kitchen while carrying him as if he weighs nothing.

Taeyong's about to protest, but he catches the smell of something good, "what is it?" he asks surprised at seeing a plate filled with fried egg and ham with messily cut tomatoes on the counter, "wait, you made that?"

"Of course! There's nothing I can't do," he says proudly as if he cooked something elaborate, placing Taeyong on a chair softly before getting a fork and a spoon.

"This, coming from the same man who badly burnt my pan by trying to fry an egg..." Taeyong scoffs, taking the spoon and fork with a soft ' _thanks_ '.

"Everyone is a beginner of everything! What matters is how we improve," Jaehyun pouts, taking a seat beside Taeyong and stares intently.

"That's true... Why are you staring?" Taeyong mutters and takes a bite a little nervously under that stare. Well, it's as good as such a simple dish could be, "it's really a good improvement though. Wait, is that why I've been missing eggs from my fridge?"

"Well, we can only be better with practice," he hmph-s, "so? Is it good?"

"It could be better if you season it a bit with salt, but considering your last atrocity, this is good, really well done," Taeyong chuckles, finding Jaehyun so cute he pats his head, "when did you find the time to practice though?"

"When you were sleeping."

Ah, he didn't need to sleep after all, makes sense, "you did it because you were bored?"

"Some part of it, but also because I want to cook for you," he shrugs.

"Why would-"

"If you start again with your argument about one would only do something with ulterior motives, I'll deck your face."

Taeyong shuts his mouth at the intimidating dark look, opting to finish his meal rather than looking into those eyes. He's down to the last tomato when he can't help but look back and asks, "but decking my face? Really?"

"You think I wouldn't be able to hurt you? Try me."

"Oh no, I know enough to know that you're capable of that," Taeyong swallows his last tomato and puts the plate in the sink.

Jaehyun lifts an eyebrow, "you think I've hurt you before?" he shoos the human so he's the one who's washing the plate instead.

Taeyong is really surprised that Jaehyun is suddenly doing things for him, heart warm at the consideration, "hm, who knows?"

"If anyone was hurting someone here, it was you, poking my eyeballs like that," he huffs, making Taeyong smile.

"You'll never live that down, will you?"

"Nope," he grins, washing the plate carefully with clumsy movements before giving Taeyong a look, "and don't try me or I'll show you how I can really hurt you."

"As if," Taeyong scoffs, shaking his head in amusement.

"Oh?" Jaehyun turns around with a challenging look after putting away the dishes, a hand on his waist, "as if what? As if you will let me or as if I would do it?"

 _As if what Taeyong? Do you really have that much trust that Jaehyun won't hurt you? Since when do you have so much trust left?_ "Who knows?"

Somehow that makes Jaehyun smile, the kind that is warm and not teasing, "are you aware that you're smiling more around me? That's a good look on you."

Taeyong goes stiff at the words. That's not good. "Am I...?"

"Yeah, at least now you don't look like you're forced to feed a stray you hate anymore," he laughs but then stops, "did you hate me?"

"...I don't," it's easier to hate, to protect himself. But since the start, Taeyong just can't hate this incubus. Annoyed and pissed off maybe, but not hate.

"Then that means you're less stressed about life now," he laughs again, ushering Taeyong to the living room. "It's always a nice feeling to see you smile."

Taeyong's heart skips a beat at that, what is he implying? "does it? Why...?"

"Why do you ask ' _why_ '? Don't you feel happy when you make someone happy?" he puts a tee and a casual jacket he took from the pile of folded clean clothes into Taeyong's hand who's frowning in confusion, "that's why I've been telling you that you can make others happy without a reason, isn't that a nice thing to do? And it also makes us happy in return, so where's the harm in that?"

Taeyong eyes the clothes in his hands, _why did Jaehyun give him these?_ "being kind and receiving kindness does make us happy, but... Sometimes it's blurring the lines and you begin to hope for something which never been there."

"I don't get it. Maybe it's a human thing that I don't understand," Jaehyun shrugs and ushers Taeyong again, this time to the bedroom, "but, I guess there's a limit to being kind too, it's not good if you keep giving in to the people abusing your kindness and taking it for granted, you have to learn how to say ' _no_ '."

Taeyong stares back in question, hands clutching the clothes, "what are you trying to say?"

"You never say _no_ to those coworkers you hate, instead you keep doing their work to the point you're not getting enough sleep. The thing you were working on last night wasn't yours, right? They won't stop if you keep doing it."

Taeyong brings the clothes to his chest as if that could hide his heart. Since when did the incubus watch him that close to be able to notice it? There's shame and anger stirring in his gut for being exposed, yet at the same time the intensity in Jaehyun's eyes is settling it down as he meant no harm by saying all this.

"Say no to people who are using you, Taeyong."

"Does that mean I should say no to you too?" Taeyong scoffs, purely out of the remaining anger he's feeling, shame coiling tighter as he knows very well how petty he's being right now.

Surprisingly, Jaehyun smiles to that, "if you really feel bothered and forced to do it, then you should say no to me."

Taeyong's heart flutters, he remembers when he said no and Jaehyun stopped, he listened and even took care of him. _He meant it_. Now it feels like they're bare at the heart, some part, more closer than before. And he thought the incubus was thoughtless, he couldn't be more wrong.

"It seems I've underestimated you," Taeyong smiles, half playful and half serious, coming deep from the inside of his heart.

"Figures, but that was intended," he grins wider, looking like the mischievous kid he is. Suddenly he pulls down Taeyong's pants, causing the human to drop the clothes and shriek embarrassingly while at the same time Jaehyun quietly whispers to himself, "knowing pain doesn't mean I want it on others."

" _What are you doing!?_ " he screams again, utterly embarrassed by his unmanly shrieks.

"I'm helping you change," Jaehyun says nonchalantly without guilt.

"Why suddenly- I can do it myself and why do you want me to change into-" he looks to the piled clothes that were given to him, "these are outdoor clothes, you want me to get out?"

"Yes, _yes_! We've been cooped up for too long, I'm losing my mind," he whines then smiles widely so that Taeyong can almost see him having a waging puppy tail.

Oh, he's more of an outdoor person huh? Taeyong prefers to stay home but it seems Jaehyun can only stay in for so long. "But my work-" he stops when Jaehyun is glaring at him, if he really was a dog Taeyong bet he'd be growling right now.

"I told you, no. It's their responsibility and if they get shit from you not helping them when you're not supposed to, they had it coming."

Taeyong is not stupid. If he has to be honest, he feels the dominance seeping out of Jaehyun's pores from time to time, seriously. But this time, it's the unbending dominance which makes Taeyong feel so small, like a kid being ashamed for getting caught stealing something, and begrudgingly he almost cowers at such intensity. He doesn't though, and only pushes his chin up to at least show that he's not affected. A lie, but a necessary one.

"Fine, but tell me first where you want to go," Jaehyun can try to be intimidating but Taeyong is stubborn.

The incubus' face perks up immediately, "where can we get ice cream?"

 _Ice cream_...? "you want ice cream? That's it?"

"Of course not only that, I want to properly see how the world is nowadays and since I slept for a very long time I guess ice cream is not the same as the ones I knew. It really surprised me seeing these colorful and different shapes of ice cream on TV. And I'm still not over the fact that a thin rectangle thing called TV can produce such realistic and beautiful images, next thing I know people may start making images come out of that flat screen," he looks so excited, eyes wide with an even wider smile, hands moving around in an elaborate gesture.

Taeyong puts a fist on his lips, holding in giggles seeing how cute and adorable Jaehyun is behaving right now, "do you know coffee?"

"Of course I do!" Jaehyun gapes, slightly insulted. "This aromatic black, bitter liquid right?"

"You'll be surprised," Taeyong sing songs and bends down to take the piled clothes, changing his attire slowly for a more dramatic effect, "oh and, they already did it, you know? Floating images out of those ' _flat_ ' screens, it's called 3D."

"Seriously?" he gapes again in awe, so adorable like a precious child, "can we...?"

"Hm, should I," Taeyong grins, being a tease since now he's the one having the upper hand, "have you been to a zoo? Those places where they keep animals, a lot of animals of the wild."

Jaehyun groans, then pouts, "you're doing it on purpose, making me curious but deprive me of it."

Taeyong laughs loudly, genuinely happy and carefree, tiptoeing just so he can ruffle Jaehyun's dark hair, "so cute. I guess why not, I've been saving money all this time without ever really spending it. So, this hyung will spoil you now."

"Hyung my ass," he grouches, but in the end he's smiling happily anyway, going as far as lifting up Taeyong and twirling him excitedly, although the human only gets scared instead of being grateful.

" _Put me down!!_ " he screeches, holding on his shoulder for dear life.

 

"Payback for teasing me!"

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you like their progress AND the bonus? ♡⃛◟( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )◞⸜₍ ˍ́˱˲ˍ̀ ₎⸝◟( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )◞♡⃛


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't fret."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remind you this is word vomit, but I'm impatient to share this one with you. This one contain a turning point, in some way.
> 
> Angst coming up!
> 
> *Thank you Lola lovely cutie for the edit uwu*

One of the things Taeyong hates is when he sees things in disorder, especially when it's a place of his own. And now, he's being faced with things scattered around in the living room, blankets thrown over the couch and a tall pale-skinned man, blissfully oblivious to his irked mood, lying on the couch.

Dress shirt and pants cleanly worn, hair combed neatly and feet clad in a dark shade of work socks ready to go, eyes narrowing in displeasure and judgement seeing the pitiful state of his once neat and dust free living room. He's torn between scolding the man and letting him be spoiled in the new temporary excitement. Taeyong sighs, walks over to the couch and accidentally kicks a marble jar, looking at it makes the anger within him dissipate and a tired smile is playing out on his lips.

He supposes it's kind of cute and _sad_ , to see the way Jaehyun is marveled by such simple things like marbles, pencil mechanic, vending machines and many more. Those are things that exist in his everyday life, novelty is never a word to describe them, but for Jaehyun it's almost dream like, his sparkling eyes tell Taeyong as much. So even when he hates to see his room in disarray, he thinks he can allow Jaehyun let loose a bit.

"Are you not going to come with me?" Taeyong asks since the incubus had always been his shadow. He smiles a bit at Jaehyun's sheepish grin, who's still playing with his new phone, courtesy of Taeyong of course.

"Can I stay? Please make me stay, I still want to play, please command me to stay at home," he says with a soft, pleading tone, eyes wide almost like a puppy. He can't stay because the seal compels him to follow Taeyong around, wherever.

Taeyong almost laughs, but stops since he doesn't want to be rude, "now look who's begging."

"Well, excuse me for not being like you who always needs to pretend and hide his desires."

"Oh my god, that's just rude and hurts at the right place," Taeyong gapes in surprise, yet he's also somewhat amused.

"Yeah, I can't relate to you since I'm not pretentious," he smirks, slightly mocking and challenging.

That did it, it did _hurt_ Taeyong's pride, "apparently you were not joking when you said you can hurt me. Now I'm deciding whether to punch the living daylights out of you or should I just command you to follow me so you won't be able to play on your phone."

"No! I can't play if I'm in your office," he whines, sitting up on the couch with a sad look, "I was only being honest why am I getting punished for it?"

Taeyong's heart aches at the display, realizing something, "that's true, you never hide your desires, not caring at all whether it's embarrassing or not, don't you?"

"No, I'm a creature of desires if you forgot, we're created by the congestion of human desires, so it's in our nature to never hide it, we relish in it," his eyes glance to the phone, but back again to Taeyong's to show respect so he gets what he wants.

"So you don't have pride?"

"Pride? Of course we have and just like you guys, it differs from each other," a frown makes its way on his face, as if asking ' _why did you ask?'_

"And what is yours, Jaehyun?"

They are staring at each for a moment, noticing the serious tone within the spoken question and Jaehyun answers equally serious, "making others happy, I take pride in that."

Taeyong's eyes go wide at the surprising answer, he didn't expect honesty but most of all he didn't expect such a noble reason. Who would have thought? _So who's the twisted, dirty one here?_ Jaehyun who he thought was just a dirty, lewd creature at first, or him who's a seemingly straight laced person yet he holds in a lot of guilt, shame, sins and grudge? His fingernails dig painfully into his palm.

"It's not what it sounds like," Jaehyun adds, eyes intent and catching on every little twitch which becomes apparent on Taeyong's features. "At first I did it because I wanted to be accepted, make them happy just to feel belonged. But as time passed, I realized it's not worth it, not when they hurt me harder."

 _Pain_. These spoken words are the reason why Jaehyun told him to say ' _no_ ', too similar, too close. That's why he understood without questions, without words, he's been there and now it feels like Taeyong is clawing deeper into his own flesh, raw and bleeding profusely. Is there a way to stop it, to _heal_ it?

"But," Jaehyun suddenly smiles, eyes soft yet distant as if remembering something, making Taeyong look up to his eyes, seeing the beautiful colors sparkling, it's really something, "one time when I felt like giving up, there was this girl, she was smiling to me, so... _so_ happy and it struck my heart, warming it to the point the ice that was planting itself inside of me was no more. And I felt really happy too. I couldn't stop laughing and smiling for that one fact that I could make her that happy. Then I cried... Because that was it, I found it, it was my own and not a persona I created just to fit in. That's why I keep doing it, that's why I take pride in making others happy."

Taeyong's eyes are burning, tears gathering but he holds it back, for a moment he can see the wonders of the world within Jaehyun's eyes and coincidentally they fit with his own. _Acceptance_ , wasn't it? Not by others, but by his own, his own person. From his aching heart, he reaches out a hand to touch Jaehyun's dark hair, feeling so raw and bare he's urged to touch the man, it's the pour of his heart. One by one some of his locks get opened by the incubus, gently without force, a reconciliation Taeyong made by his own. It's scary, yet somehow he allows it.

"You make me think more about the world, seeing it from a different side of view. It's scary, there are so many mixed feelings..." he whispers.

Jaehyun takes his other hand and holds it gently, hearts being shared and souls liberating, "after all this time, humans never changed, so much darkness within them that they're drowning in their own doings, their never ending greed. But that's not all what I've seen, even from the darkest souls they hold a light, they have the chance to be better and it's their choice. And you, Taeyong, I know you will find it because your lights are beautiful even when darkness is surrounding them. Don't fret."

Tears just spill out uncontrollably at the gentle and soft words, so many emotions within it, and it's the ache in his heart which is racking his body. Pain, because he speaks the truth, _he tells you about the darkness within you, but he trusts you to overcome it_. Jaehyun never speaks flattery, he is honest to the point his words sometimes are brutal, but that's what makes it much more overwhelming now. _Trust_ _Taeyong_ , _he trusts you despite nothing_. And for the first time after years Taeyong lets it all go in front of another person, crying to pour out his pain, his regrets, his lost.

And Jaehyun catches it all with his warm embrace, letting Taeyong wet his shoulder and tenderly strokes the human's back for comfort, to say that he's there, Taeyong is not alone. Jaehyun doesn't say anything else, he only embraces Taeyong and compassionately waits for the tears to stop, never asking, never judging.

After a while Taeyong sniffs while hiding his embarrassment, "I need to go to work..."

"Call in sick, I bet you never do that, you always try to wear yourself thin. For now, even only for today, you can be spoiled, you made a milestone today," he smiles softly, pulling Taeyong down so they're lying on the couch together, hands still stroking the human's back and head.

Taeyong falls silent, his head feels empty, but a good kind of empty, like a huge burden he never knew was there was being lifted off. He buries his face to the firm chest, inhaling the calming scent of sandalwood to fill his lungs, relaxing visibly, "I never thought I'd say this to you."

"What is it?" he asks with a kiss to Taeyong's forehead, fleeting yet enough to leave tingles under the skin.

"You're amazing," he whispers, hiding his face and tightening his arms around Jaehyun's torso.

The incubus is taken aback, but he smiles and hugs the human tighter while placing kisses on the neck, "you too, Taeyong."

Even when they aren't looking at each other, their smiles are in synch, souls mending together into a kinship of similar pain and acceptance. For Taeyong, the road is still long ahead of him, but now that he can see it differently, maybe it'll be better. He dares himself to hope.

 

\--

 

It turns kind of chaotic. That's what happens when he suddenly calls in sick when he usually never does, messages and calls come one after another, asking files this files that, what should be done and sort, not to mention to the ones that other people pushed on him and now it bites them back in the ass. It's kind of satisfying though, since Taeyong is still unable to say ' _no_ ', this makes him think, ' _serves you right'_. It's kind of twisted, but he supposes, seeing the look in Jaehyun's eyes he thinks he has the right after being used for so long.

The ones making him feel bad are the ones coming from Wonho and Changkyun, they sound really worried because Taeyong always goes to work even when he's down with high fever and a bad cold, they think he must be seriously sick to be taking a sudden day off, offering to visit to make sure he's okay.

Lying through his teeth to these people who care for him feels wrong, so he reasons that he's okay and just needs a short break since he's tired and stressed. The response was immediate, they told him to rest more and it's fully justified for him to do that after all the shits he's been through from the boss and those other coworkers. Mostly Wonho is the one who is guilty because he made him work through Saturday just to save his ass, Taeyong took more time to assure him than he did to Changkyun.

Taeyong puts down his phone after that and looks to Jaehyun who's back to playing with his phone, "what is it that makes you so engrossed with it?"

"Huh?" Jaehyun looks up for a moment before looking back to the phone, "you mean this? Uh, I'm playing solitaire."

"Solitaire? All this time you've been playing that?" Taeyong finds it incredulous.

"Not only that, I'm also playing... What's this, mahjong? And minesweeper."

"Oh my god you're _so old!_ " he guffaws, so unbelievable. "Try something else!"

"Excuse you, but I am older than your grandpa, I take no offense from that," he hmph-s.

"And yet you're pouting," he snickers, poking the plump cheek of Jaehyun's, so adorable.

"And what do you suggest I should play if, as you said, I'm so old?" he hisses and tries to bite the finger.

" _Whoa!_ " Taeyong pulls his hand away, laughing, "can't have you biting me or I'll get rabies."

Jaehyun narrows his eyes disapprovingly, "rabies? I'm no mad werewolf."

"Oh? Werewolves really exist? And they have rabies? For real?" now he's curious, taking the phone off of Jaehyun's hands to get answers and in turn eliciting whines of protest.

"Give it back!" he snatches it back and hides it away from Taeyong's reach with his bigger body, "yeah, they exist and no, but rabies mostly come from dogs right? I don't like werewolves."

"Why?" he giggles when Jaehyun whines again when he's coming closer to try to get to the phone. _Why is he so cute?_

"They're aggressive and lose their minds when certain things happen, I hate when things happen out of control and they're exactly that. And go away! Don't bother me," he whines, curling his big body so much to the couch to protect his phone.

"Come on you've been playing that since last night, don't be like those humans who are addicted to their phones," he's teasing the man by pretending to try to take the phone, feeling happy and satisfied with the way Jaehyun softly says ' _you're mean'_. "Do vampires exist too?"

"Yeah... Why? Interested in becoming one of them?" Jaehyun looks back with a smirk, "but I also don't like them, they can be too stuck up and selfish, many of them are egomaniacs."

"That may be a good idea, if you hate me then you'll leave me alone and stop bothering me."

"Ha ha _ha,_ so funny," Jaehyun says in robotic tone, so much for mocking. "Told you the seal is permanent."

Taeyong leans back to the couch and falls silent, thinking about that fact. It's so complicated. For the rest of his life he'll be followed by Jaehyun, talk about weird, "won't it be fucked up when I have a lover?"

"Why so? He will never know of my existence since I will only live in the realm of your mind."

"Why do you say _he_ as if you're so sure I'm totally gay?"

"With the way you love to be fucked? Women would never be able to satisfy you," he smugly laughs, as if he won a lottery or something.

"Very funny," he grouches, "but you're not wrong..."

"Oh ho, so you admit that you love getting fucked, _hard_ ," he snickers.

"Wait, _wha_ \- I mean, I was admitting that I only like men!" Taeyong splutters, suddenly shy and feeling wronged.

"No need to deny it boy, I told you I know your desires."

"I want to strangle you but because I'm a kind human I will not," he grunts in defeat.

"Yeah right, you're so kind that you blessed me with a poke to my eye with a fork, very kind indeed."

"I swear you use that every damn time to go against me," he groans, slapping the wide back in frustration.

"What goes around, comes around."

"Don't make me do that to you again, I'm extremely capable of that."

"Sure," Jaehyun sing songs.

"Urgh, _you_ -" a sound of a ringtone cuts off his attempt to strangle the incubus, seeing his own phone light up with a message notification, "If it's one of those guys again, I-" his eyes move around as he reads the letters, "it's Doyoung..."

 _'I heard you took a sick day off? I'm coming over_.'

"What the, how could he find out?" then panic settles in, "oh no! This room is so dirty! I have- I have to clean it up before he gets here!"

"Doyoung is so admirable to always make sure he checks on you every week," Jaehyun sighs contently with a wide smile as Taeyong starts running around to clean the place, no longer bothering him.

"Hey, Jaehyun, change back into invisible! Don't let him see you!"

"What?" he whines, "but- but I can't play my games if I do that."

"And you think I care? _Now!_ "

"Ugh, fine, here, I'm no longer in my physical form."

But he's still playing on his phone and since Jaehyun looks the same in physical form or not, there's only one way to make sure. Taeyong slaps his head, hard, "you liar! I can slap you with my left hand so that means you're not invisible yet!"

" _God_! You're so dramatic whenever he's coming," he groans in displeasure, phone suddenly plopping down to the couch as he's crossing his arms on his chest, a massive pout on his lips, "done, anything else?"

Taeyong tries again to slap him, going through the ghost like Jaehyun and feeling satisfied that the incubus listened, "good, thank you."

"Wow, you _thanked_ _me_."

Taeyong stops his cleaning to turn around and look the incubus in the eyes, "I never say that to you?"

"I don't know, but it does feel new," he shrugs.

Okay that's kind of cruel, "I'm sorry, but the truth is there are many things I'm thankful for about you."

Jaehyun's face perks up at that, "if getting slapped means you being honest like this, I will let you do it a hundred times. And, he's by the door now."

"Huh?" Taeyong turns to the door the incubus points at, right away the sound of knocking fills the room, "shit the room is still a mess!"

"For your clean freak ass, maybe. But it's not so bad."

"He knows me," Taeyong exhales and tries to calm down before opening the door, seeing the ever familiar frown on the tall man's face.

But what comes out of his lips catches Taeyong off guard, "who you been talking to?"

"What? What do you mean?" his heart palpitates in anxiety.

"I heard you from the outside, you have someone over?" Doyoung lets himself in and slips out of his shoes by the door.

"No, I've been talking to myself," he answers, hoping that excuse will suffice.

"Crazy, right? He talks to himself now," Jaehyun's laughter sounds and Taeyong feels like he might have just popped a vein.

"To yourself? You having some kind of crisis or what? You look fine despite you're taking a day off," Doyoung looks around, still with a frown.

"I'm fine, I just need some time off, it's not because I'm sick," he sighs, he never has the strength to bullshit his childhood friend.

Doyoung gives him a look, that kind that is trying to see past him, reading him more accurately than any MRI will ever be capable of, but then he stays silent until he sits down on the couch, just right to the left, missing Jaehyun's invisible body by a few inches. By then Taeyong knows that Doyoung didn't just come because he was worried about him.

"Are you sure you're fine?" he asks again after a long silence.

Taeyong decides to keep standing to have something to distract him if the incoming talk is something bad, "yes I'm sure, I'm just a bit off from the recent workloads, but other than that I'm totally fine."

"This place... For your standard is quite messy, it's not because you... Have something bothering you?"

"No, it was work and I haven't find the time to clean it up," Taeyong sighs again, nerves on overdrive with the way Doyoung is rounding the talk, "just say it Doyoung, you have something to say to me, and how do you know I have a day off?"

"Winwin told me, he was going to meet you for lunch near your office and he... He had something to tell you," Taeyong sees the way Doyoung tightens his fist, anger filling his worried look so that it makes even Jaehyun shift uncomfortably beside him. "I've been avoiding telling you this because I know you don't like it. But if Winwin is going as far as trying to seek you out, I prefer to tell you first so you won't be too shocked."

Now Taeyong is sure he needs to sit down. Winwin, Doyoung and that look of anger on his friend only have one thing in common and he's not ready to hear it. _For years,_ it's been going on for years and now he needs to face it again. Like a snowball rolling down and getting bigger and bigger, Taeyong is not sure he can handle it now.

"He's been persistent at calling me," Doyoung scoffs and laughs humorlessly, "now that I think about it, he wouldn't take a no if he was even brave enough to go through me to get to you."

Taeyong's knees start to weaken, he catches a glimpse of worry in Jaehyun's eyes but has no space in his mind to think about it except sliding down to sit on the floor. Shame, so much shame, and hot burning guilt twists his gut and tainted soul.

"Johnny said he wants to meet you," Doyoung finally says.

And Taeyong wishes the earth would just swallow him. He's not ready to face it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is Johnny and what happened? What do you think? I'm curious to know what do you think ;)))


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you're the prettiest when you're laughing or smiling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one is angsty chapter.
> 
> Warning for mentions of: self negligence, suicidal behavior.
> 
> A glimpse of Taeyong's chaotic emotions and also unhealthy relationship of codependency and dependency.
> 
> But as always, there's always, Hope.

"Go home Doyoung, I know you haven't had any good sleep."

"I'm not going home until I'm sure that you're fine," his fingers are pressed white on the warm mug, half filled with red tea, eyes stern on Taeyong's eyes which filled with anxiety and fear.

"I will be okay-"

"The last time I told you about him, you refused to eat for _days_ , Taeyong if I didn't come to check on you at that time, you would probably-"

"Stop that, I said stop!" he hissed, launching forward to pull at the collar, too upset to keep himself in check.

"Look at you, rattled by the mention of him yet after all these years you never tell me what happened that day."

Taeyong feels choked seeing the brimming tears inside Doyoung's eyes, accusing and demanding explanation. _This_ is what Taeyong feared, those eyes looking back at him with anger, with disappointment and Taeyong's tongue went stiff in his mouth, metallic taste spreading from where his teeth digging into the inside of his cheeks. After all those fucked up shits he did, it's always about Doyoung, wasn't it?

' _Do you see it now? Your relationship with him is toxic. You are toxic._ '

He closes his eyes to chase away the voices inside his head, breathing in and out slowly to suppress the imminent feeling of panic. No, he would never see the end of it if he's having a panic attack in front of Doyoung, he would not leave and Taeyong wouldn't get the space to be alone which he needs it so badly right now. But then a warm big palm pressing on his forehead gently, a strong arm coiling around his waist with a comforting weight, quiet and patient, understanding.

 _Jaehyun_. Taeyong is calming down at the tender touches, tense muscles relaxing and voices of guilt dulling into nothingness. And in turn his heart fluttering at the realization that Jaehyun's presences can calm him down to such effects, a realization which are both butterfly inducing and rousing fear. Have he, somewhere along the way, slipped down from what he thought was carefully planned life?

What made him so twisted?

"Go home Doyoung, it's already hard as it is without you making it harder," he said after a long, shuddering breath, fingertips still tingling from the intense emotions.

"I can't leave, if it's at the risk of witnessing you wasting away again," trembles was within his voice, thread thin of self control.

Why Doyoung's tears hurts Taeyong so? He wants to bend down and beg, _please don't cry, don't waste any tears on me, I'm not worth it_. Sorrow is not for Doyoung, the Doyoung he know should always bask in happiness, wide smiles of freedom, strong and living a beautiful life.

' _And this is why you're toxic for him.'_

_'You're just closing your eyes in denial.'_

_'Was it even love, Taeyong_?'

This is why Taeyong hates to be vulnerable, especially when Doyoung is there because he's losing all his sanity faster than he could handle, leaving him go spiralling down for the darkness to swallow him whole, clawing at him unrelenting. Those darkness had him locked away for a week without food and barely any water the last time.

"Calm down Taeyong, don't get sucked in again."

Taeyong inhales deeply at the gentle deep voice from behind him, "Doyoung, I won't do it again, I promise you."

"You said that the last time when you locked yourself in for almost a month."

Not Jaehyun, not Doyoung, they always love to bring up his past doings huh? He sighed, "now it's different."

"How is it different?" Doyoung questioned with skeptical look, but he must caught something in Taeyong's eyes and the way the room is uncharacteristically messy. "You have someone?"

Now Taeyong's heart is leaping in miles, what should he say?

"Admit it," Jaehyun whispered to his ear, both his hands are placed on Taeyong's shoulder, soft yet holds a command to be fulfilled.

Holy shit, Taeyong is fucked, emotionally fucked. "Somewhat," he chose to say instead.

"Somewhat?" Doyoung scoffed with disapproval, "have you went back to your bad habit of sleeping around?"

"How dare you," Taeyong hisses with anger, not even Doyoung is allowed to say anything about that, especially him. "He's not like that, but we don't have anything official."

"Feels kind of weird saying that, doesn't it," the voice commented. This damn brat.

"Who is he?" Doyoung probe further.

"Woah seriously, he's such a mom," god Taeyong want to punch Jaehyun's face so bad.

"Not someone you know," when Doyoung about to talk again Taeyong cuts in, "Doyoung, please, just... Just stop, please just go home."

His friend clearly look displeased and unsure, fist tightening that the knuckles turning white, "I don't know this guy and I won't trust him before knowing him, so I'll check on you every day."

"God, Doyoung you are so-"

"It was _me_ who found you half dead! It was always _me_ who found you trying to kill yourself! _I_ -!" Doyoung screamed, losing control before he's looking away, face red in anger and frustration. "I don't want to see it anymore, but you won't let me know what pain you're hiding."

"I never wanted to kill myself, I was just... I was lost, you don't understand," Taeyong mutters and Doyoung quickly turning around to grab his arm, eyes intent and desperate.

"Then make me understand Taeyong, you used to tell me everything but since Johnny-" he stops, a lone tears rolling down his angered feature, "what kind of evil he put you through to changed you so much?"

 _You_ , Doyoung it was you, Taeyong want to scream back, but he didn't. "For the love of god I told you over and over again he didn't do anything to me."

"Then why were you wounded? Why was there blood on you? If it wasn't him, then who?" Doyoung hissed impatiently to Taeyong's face, "I know you, Taeyong. When your parents hits you, made you bleed, you said nothing and instead believing their words that was done because of your fault, that it was you who is the devil instead of them. Isn't that what happened with _him_?"

Oh how now he wishes for the darkness to swallow him whole, pain, so much pain. Doyoung's words hurting him more than years of abuse, much more painful because he knows Doyoung was unaware of his pain, he didn't do it purposely to hurt him. He closed his eyes dulling the voice of his friend, welcoming the painful emptiness of the darkness rather than seeing Doyoung tainted in those shapeless shadows.

"I'm here," the caresses of deep voice to his cheek, soft palms covering his ears to nullify the painful noises of real life.

There is silence, dark, empty. But this one is unlike those darkness which trapping him many times before, where within the silence there are whispers and images of his past being replayed over and over, as if a punishment for his sins, his guilt. But this one have nothing, empty and calming. Taeyong's breathing settling down, pain toning down to dull ache and there's warmth, accompanying, yet never imposing.

' _Say no, Taeyong.'_

He opens his eyes to see Doyoung's sorrowful and guilty eyes, once again heart faltering at the sight, unable to say what he has to say. And the voice echoes again in Jaehyun's soft deep voice,

' _Say_ no.'

"You're hurting me, Doyoung, I'm sorry but please go home."

"I'm sorry Taeyong, I- I didn't mean to say-"

"Doyoung, please, just go," Taeyong goes to open the front door, waiting for his friend to walk out.

Before Taeyong close the door, Doyoung grab his wrist and said, "please call me, even for nothing."

Taeyong smiled tightly then closing the door, feeling so drained that he's sliding down the door to the floor, emotionally spent and exhausted. A cry bursting out of his chest after a few silent moments, curling his small body even smaller as he cries to his knees, wetting his clothes, his skin, his scarred soul. Even when strong arms lifts him up, cradling him to the bed, he didn't stop crying.

Deep in his heart, the voice says, ' _this is Jaehyun, he understand_.'

It's strange, those voices of his ego usually says something which lead to bad decisions, is this also one of those? But he's far too tired to really mind it, and somehow, as he look up with eyes still full of tears, Jaehyun's colorful eyes are peering into him so softly, like gentle caresses to soothe a raw pain, and Taeyong decided to trust the honesty and comfort he saw within it.

 

\--

 

The night slowly getting late, Taeyong lying awake on his bed after being half forced to have dinner by Jaehyun. He don't know what time is it but he can't sleep, bad thoughts flying around, past mistakes haunting him into a congestion of silent anxiety layered by thick wall of indifference, a ticking bomb which will explode when it's due. Even when Jaehyun is cradling him to his chest, tentative fingers caressing his hair, those seems to have lost it's magic on him at that moment.

"Can I say something?"

Taeyong shifts a little bit at the sudden voice, a bit uncomfortable since he had expected Jaehyun not to question anything, it seems it's only his wishful thinking. "If it's about who is Johnny-"

"No, I can sensed you're not ready for that, I just want to say what I came to understand about... Doyoung," he interrupts softly, as if he's threading a cracking thin ice.

"What is it?" Taeyong asked with equally soft voice, tired, so tired yet unable to sleep.

"When he talked about what happened and when he reacted after you told him about me... Are you aware he have this codependency towards you?"

Taeyong stays quiet, thinking but mind hollow, the kind of hollowness which begging him to do something yet his soul screaming to run away, fooling himself into a sense of calmness which was never there, "I do, I realized it when all of this started."

This time it's Jaehyun who's keeping his silence, but Taeyong understand the unspoken question, "he wants me to stay dependent on him, after years of me following his every steps, nurtured into what I am, he keeps me tied up. His time is moving, but he keep me in the past, the useless me without him."

Taeyong took Jaehyun's hand which was on his waist, pulling at the fingers, touching it as his mind rolling unstopping. What is it about Jaehyun which makes it so easy to say everything? "That's one of the reasons why he hates Johnny, because I told him things which I never tell Doyoung. But it's not his fault, I made him like that, because _I am_ dependent on him, I was the one who twisted him."

"Is that why you can't leave? Or is it because you don't him want to leave?"

Pain, it's hurting again, it's always so easy for Jaehyun to break open his bleeding heart, but why he let him do that? "you asked me before if I hate you, right now I hate you Jaehyun, I hate you so much because your words hurts me. Your truths pains me."

"Tell me what you're feeling Taeyong, no hiding your pain from me, I speak from my heart when I say I will be here for you."

Cries spilling anew, wetting again the dried trails on his cheeks, "is it because I know you will stay with me that I can say these? Because I knew even if you come to hate me or be disgusted of me, you'll still be there chained by this seal in me, creating a false sense of security?"

Maybe there's pity in those dark diamond like eyes, but Taeyong only cares in the way Jaehyun is stroking his cheeks gently with his thumbs, palms warm on the side of his head, "you are crying, regretting and punishing yourself with guilt, you have a heart wanting to be better, to be healed, how can I ever hate such a heart? I will stay because I chose to stay, regardless of whether that seal exist or not."

"Jaehyun..." he cried out the name, heavy on his soul but also feels like a soothing summer breeze, pulling the man closer to kiss the soft lips, heart feels so full, so chaotic but also holds a growing warmth which was lost. "You asked me what fucked me up so bad, it's me, Jaehyun, it's myself... I'm toxic, to everyone, to Doyoung, to Johnny, and I... Maybe even to you."

The soft chuckle which leaving Jaehyun's lips was tickling Taeyong's wet lips, the big hands cradling his head so that their foreheads are connected, "have you forgotten I'm not a human? It'll take more than that to corrupt me so you can rest easy, fuck me up so bad and I'll still not be fucked by you."

"I can't believe you're joking at times like this," Taeyong cried in a mix of frustration and a laugh, making Jaehyun laugh a bit louder.

"But I meant what I said, I have different perspective than you, I'm confident I can handle all the shit you're willing to throw me with. And I'm patient, you can decide when you're ready to tell me, but I only ask you to do one thing, tell me when you're hurting, don't hide it. If you don't want to tell me the reason, it's okay, but never again hide your pain or holding in your cry, okay?"

"Why are you so kind to me?" he whimpered, getting kissed softly since Jaehyun find him adorable.

"I told you I prided myself to be able to make people happy, but there's something about you which makes me want to care for you."

"Pity?"

"Was it? It's not quite like that, but does it have to have a reason?"

Taeyong smiled weakly, "who's using who now? Me or you?"

"Why are you so negative? Call in mutual benefit, you're not hurting me since it's my choice because if I didn't want to, I can just ignore it, and as for me... Well, what I did to feed on you doesn't really benefit you, does it? But let's just say we're having fun together."

Taeyong laughed at that, " _having fun_ , yeah right, okay I admit it, it's fun."

Jaehyun grins, looking relieved and pleased, Taeyong realized why he seem so, "you were trying to make me laugh, weren't you?"

"Was I?" he kissed Taeyong's temple still with a smile, "you're the prettiest when you're laughing or smiling."

"And now you're trying to make me cringe," Taeyong shook his body in a fake shiver, then running his lean fingers in Jaehyun's dark hair with something akin to endearment filling his chest, "thank you..."

"Thank you too, for being honest with me."

They share one last kiss before Jaehyun luls Taeyong into sleep. The nightmare is still there, but at least when he wakes up from it, he's not alone.

 

 _Taeyong, this time you're not alone._  

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you thought who was fucked up? Don't worry the next chapter will be slower, I'm planning to fuse angst little by little so it won't be too much.
> 
> Any new thoughts of what happened? XDD I'm really curious!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you want to stop? Do you want to sleep?"
> 
> "Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I told you guys it's gonna be fluff, but the transition is needed :'))

Weeks passes by in a blur, Taeyong feels like his head being stuffed with cottons dipped into anesthesia, numb, so numb. Mind so chaotic it's stuck into a messy, overlapping silence. He woke up staring to the mirror in confusion ' _what I'm doing?' 'what was I'm going to do?'_ then Jaehyun would hug him before telling him that he should brush his teeth, wash his face and maybe eat something before going to work.

His annoying coworkers threw him glares, accusing him for not doing their job and murmuring things behind his back. His lady boss screwing up his life again, making the head section angry at him and blamed him for the defect in the last report. Wonho and Changkyun looking at him as if he's growing horns on his head, worried and being very careful around him. He's been working there for only a little bit over a year, but he's so sick of them.

He went home feeling extremely exhausted and even more hollow, body begging to shut down from the onslaught of storms like emotions. Too much of everything, too little of everything at the same time. Then Doyoung would call or visit him to see if he's alright, Taeyong answer shortly before cutting him off from the venom in his mind. Every night when his mind in the verge of exploding, forcing his brain to stop thinking, stop hurting and shutting down, Jaehyun would open him up instead.

Kissing him softly, fingers tangling in his hair and clothes off his burning skin. He closed his eyes to focus on the sensations, the pleasure and his mind clears into nothingness, choosing to submit to the tender touches. Jaehyun wouldn't waste his time, pressing just right and leave more hot trails all over his body, in a short time bringing him into a lasting buzzes of completion and all of it only for Taeyong.

"What about you?" he would asked with ragged breath, hands holding to the arms which caging him protectively.

"I can feed on it without having an intercourse with you, just like what we did at first."

"But-"

"Go to sleep babe, there's nothing for you to worry about, I'll be here when you wake up," Jaehyun shushes him gently, kissing his face until sleep took over Taeyong's mind.

And it's repeating every day over and over again. Wake up, confused, go to work, mind overdrive, go home, Doyoung calling or coming, have sex then go to sleep. But at least he's functioning, he's eating, he's drinking and he's sleeping. When it was weekend he would stay in and Jaehyun will spoil him, bathe him, put him to sleep or cuddle him while watching TV before the long week days repeating again.

Until one day, the ache in his heart is dulling and mind clearer to think better, coming to realize the insanity he had done for the past weeks. Fortunately there was Jaehyun, watching and leading him twenty four seven and managed to stir him away from another destruction. Damn, only a year and half passed and he did it again, Taeyong feels hopeless and so lost. How could he not being able to stay coherent when he's still waking up and living his days? As if someone else is taking over his body and only now he's truly waken up.

The memories of the past weeks coming into his mind, the way Jaehyun made sure he never go to the kitchen, scissors and any other sharp things got hidden away from him, accompanying when he was bathing or showering. He was being careful and watching over Taeyong, it says a lot of how bad it was, was he showing suicidal tendencies?

He's blinking only to realize the tickles in his eyes was tears which threatening to spill out, lips curled and sobs racking his too full chest, finally breaking down and crying after weeks of living like an undead. Shame burning at the clear conscience, but at least this cry is welcomed because that means he's feeling again, his brain is functioning again and body going together with the raging of his soul. He will start feeling fine now, gradually, slowly.

And Jaehyun keep embracing him to cast every lingering chaos out of his system, not any less sadder or happier, but now his body, mind and soul are in synch. Understanding that he is hurting, he's in the process of healing instead of forcing his brain to think that he's always been fine. He is not, and it's okay not to feel fine, now that his mind accepted the issue, he can consciously trying to get better.

He still went to work like always, mind rolling clearer yet apparently he looks even more half to death to other people. At least that day his lady boss doesn't seem to be too interested in him and his shitty coworkers got scolded since Taeyong stopped doing their works. In a way, at some part, he realized his life does get better. It's ironic to say that when he feels so shitty and his past mistakes is presently catching up on him.

At least he wasn't alone when he come home, opening the door to a smiling Jaehyun, sometimes with his annoying jokes or his teasing or rarely, his cooked meals. Although at times Taeyong have to eat burnt or weird food, he can't deny the way his heart feel at ease seeing the serenity within Jaehyun's eyes. Are incubus's eyes supposed to be that calming? Or hypnotizing? Whatever it was, Taeyong clutching onto it like a thirsty man in the desert.

When the night comes and Taeyong getting ready to sleep, as always Jaehyun is cradling him in his arms, unknown to himself that Taeyong have been craving for the warmth all day long. Nothing calms him better than Jaehyun's arms around him after a long day, as if saying ' _you did good, you're okay now_ ', then tension bleeding out of his bones and muscles.

Maybe it's the darkness, maybe it's those arms or maybe it's because of the hanging sleepiness in his head which makes Taeyong believes that he wouldn't have to be responsible for the consequences of him opening up his pain at those nights. Sleep talking, he reasoned.

"There was a time when Doyoung would forbid me from going out, either to go somewhere alone or play with other friends which I rarely have. He would ask if I'm sure they won't betray me, playing around only to hurt me later when I'm alone. His words are always so sweet, so caring that I questioned everything and always ended up believing him instead, playing and only staying over at his house," Taeyong blinking up to the ceiling, eyes distant and heart aching.

"His mother and father was always sweet to me, welcoming me everytime I'm staying in their house as if I'm their son. That house was my sanctuary, much more of a home than my own house. Maybe Mr. And Mrs. Kim pitied me and that's why they were so kind to me."

"When was this? When he cut you off from having an outside world without him?" Jaehyun asked in a whisper, laying down a distance away on the bed because that's what Taeyong needed to say all of this. Separated, a distance which create an illusion as if he's alone and saying all of this to himself rather than to Jaehyun. Because when he's feeling too much, he can't let it go with another presence there.

"It was in middle school, I think," he whispered back, inhaling the silence dawning at them.

"He was possessive of you even then?" Jaehyun took Taeyong's hand when he receive no answer, "do you want to stop? Do you want to sleep?"

"Yes," Taeyong half whispered and whimpered, swallowing a cry before Jaehyun coming closer and kissing his lips. Those big hands awakening the flame under his skin and opening up his body until nothing but moans spilling out his red lips and exhaustion filling his body to put him to sleep.

The next night they would cuddle in silence, when no impulsive urge raging Taeyong to split open his tainted heart.

"You're too kind," Taeyong whispered to the chin, rubbing his nose down to the collarbone to rest his head, closing his eyes to the calming beats of a heart.

Jaehyun hums, bringing his hand up to sink in his fingers to Taeyong's hair, massaging the scalp lightly, "I'm just doing what I want."

"You hide no desire, you're honest, have you no fear?" he let his hand running on the toned chest, feeling the warmth under his palm, deep down he's questioning the urge to feel more of the incubus.

"Fear? No beings in any realms are without fear, Taeyong. Fear is what makes us stronger, only if we learn from it rather than dwelling in it. I fear of not belonging anywhere."

Taeyong's hand stops, lifting up his head to stare into the dark diamond like eyes, seeing nothing but calmness, "do you?"

"I was the odd one in my kind, too sensitive, too compassionate they said. Moreover with my condition which didn't allow me to feed on just any human, I was kind of shunned out yet still some used me for their own benefits. You could say there was a time when I grew cold just so I can't feel anything, well... That's what happens when you're too sensitive while in a group of egomaniacs," he laughed.

"What changed you?"

Jaehyun is gazing deep into Taeyong's eyes, as if he's seeing beyond the layers, "I found kindness. Like I told you, I was touched by someone's happiness and it broke me free. She was a human girl, an orphanage in the street who sell flowers to put food in her mouth, so thin and sickly. I was given a silk, laced handkerchief by someone which serve me no purpose, so I gave it to her and she was so happy as if I have given her a rich life without pain. Then after that whenever she saw me, she would always gave me a flower and a wide smile, it was then that I was touched and intrigued by the lights within humans.

"After that, I kind of developing a soft spot for your kind, if you will. I became what I am without the chains of what others expect me to be and give helps for those who need it, even when doing that took me further away from my own kind. But I'm happy and happier when I made someone else happy. Until I lost all my strength and went to sleep, leaving a flower behind until it found you."

Taeyong took the words to settle inside his heart, somewhat feeling touched by the strength it holds, "do you see the flower girl in me?"

"I guess at first I was irked by you, I saw the old me in you and it made me upset," Jaehyun shifting to pull Taeyong up so they're laying side by side, eyes meeting in the middle, "but as I came to know more, I just want to be there for you, I see your own strength which are waiting to be seen and I know you will."

What they share at this moment is very intimate, no veils to cover the shadows, connected in a way words can't describe yet felt deep in the beats of their hearts.

"Are your kind, like you said, all egomaniacs?" Taeyong asked with a smile, trying to lighten up the sudden intimate tension.

"Good god, _no_ ," he laughed as if Taeyong had gone completely nuts, "are all your kind like you? Of course not, there are some of my people who are kind too, but because naturally we are beings who are true to our desires, you can say we're mostly seen as selfish and heartless."

Taeyong hummed, "when I first know you, I think I also hold some kind of prejudice towards you."

"Aren't we all? For me I don't think it's possible for a living being to never have some sort of prejudice against another, it's basic survival instinct I guess. You would want to get away from anything which have possibilities to harm you, judging before knowing better. Like when you tried to stab me with a knife or poke my eyes."

Taeyong rolled his eyes, "that again."

They both laughed although Taeyong may have smacked Jaehyun's bicep in slight annoyance, but they are pulling each other closer to share the welcomed familiar warmth.

"So, you have a soft spot for me?" Taeyong teased only to be surprised when Jaehyun answered honestly without missing a beat.

"I do, I came to care for you," he snickers while pinching Taeyong's cheek, "you're so cute whenever I teased you."

His heart fluttering and butterflies swarming in his gut at the words, he mutters lowly to ignore it, "you bully."

"No, _you_  are," he grins.

"I swear if you bring up that eye poking-"

"You said it yourself already!"

Taeyong screeches as he jumped on the incubus's stomach, hitting the laughing face with a pillow, annoyed. Jaehyun caught his wrists and spun them around, pining Taeyong to the bed.

"Now, now baby, so feisty huh?" he challenged playfully, leaning down to blow Taeyong's neck, eliciting a high squeal and a bark of laughter, hands pushing upwards to be freed.

"Let me go!" he's whining but also laughing, face red from being tickled, squealing in glee when Jaehyun pulling him again and suddenly he's laying above him. Jaehyun's laughter sounds so sweet, softer than Taeyong's high pitched one, lips spreading wide with big dimples adorning his slightly chubby cheeks. Warmth spreading in his chest at the urge to lean down and kiss those cute dimples, he kissed it before kissing the pretty smile, feeling the way it opens and their tongues meeting.

"I shouldn't make you exerting your body too much," he giggles, kissing Taeyong's back and hands caressing his spine in a somewhat sensual way.

"I'm fine..." Taeyong whispered before tucking his face under Jaehyun's chin, basking in the delicate touches on his spine, sighing softly everytime it's causing pleasant shivers.

"Go to sleep now Taeyong," he pats at his lower back, as if lulling a baby to sleep.

"Are you not gonna...?" he mumbled, lips pressed to neck under it, sleepiness coming faster to his mind.

"No, you need to rest more."

Taeyong's fingers lightly scratching the skin, a mild distraction to keep him awake for a bit longer, "last time we go out, I've only shown you an electronic store and toy stores... Wanna go somewhere this weekend?"

He can't see but he can feel the grin on Jaehyun's face, "going for adult toys store now? only if you want to."

A smile gracing his lips before his heavy eyes closing and the last words murmured, "it's a deal then..."

Somewhere far away he heard amused and muffled voice saying, " _we're really going to adult store? Wow."_

Taeyong didn't realize he was softly chuckling in his sleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some date time? :DD


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, to be honest I can't write pure fluff omgggggg. Writing a date is so haaaaard shsjsjsksis.

"I didn't say we're going to an adult toy store," Taeyong says when Jaehyun about to wash the dishes after a relaxing breakfast, he snatched and washing the plates himself instead when the incubus look so crestfallen.

"But- But you said last night, you said ' _deal_ '!"

"That was about us going out today, not going there," he chuckled, digging an elbow at Jaehyun's hip to tease, "what do you wanna see there anyway?"

"Many things, I wanna see those colorful dildos, or those paddles and... What do they call those leather harness? It's all seems so interesting."

"Oh my god I shouldn't asked," he's dumbfounded, "I mean, are you planning to _only_ see it or buy it and use it?"

"If you allow me to buy it since you're the one who got any money," Jaehyun wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, "and use it on you of course."

"Oh my god," he groaned, feeling his cheeks heating up at the image, all he ever done pretty vanila after all, "how do you know about those things anyway? I doubt they exist before you went to hibernate."

Jaehyun laughed at Taeyong's choice of word to describe his temporary sleep with _hibernate_ , "I came to be quite an acquaintance with master Google."

"Goddammit, we're not going anywhere those stores and I should activate the parental guide on your phone, who knows what you'll end up learning-" he's shrieking when suddenly hands gripping his waist, "and what you think of doing to me!"

"Excuse me mister, I was only touching your waist a little bit, why are you reacting that extreme?" he guffaws, big hands not letting go and bending down to lightly bite Taeyong's ear, earning a whimper, "what were you thinking, hm?"

He hums to hold in the noises at the back of his throat when Jaehyun's tongue licking the shell of his ear, stomach pressed to the sink as Jaehyun grinding on his ass, "I thought... We're going out."

"What were you thinking? Tell me," his whisper hold a somewhat authoritative tone, bringing shiver to Taeyong's spine.

And what is Taeyong if he's not a little bit rebellious? "I'm still washing the dishes... Soap all over my hands."

"I only asked a question to be answered, there's no need for your hands to do anything," he purposely chuckling as he's dragging his lips to the nape, elated to see goosebumps visible on the golden skin, "answer, Taeyong."

He's gritting his teeth, heart thumping madly in his chest and breathe coming out short from the tension, finally he said, "harness... I was thinking about the harness."

"There you go, isn't it nice to be honest? You're being so good, now tell me, how did you imagine those harness on you?"

Damn, only from Jaehyun's dark tone voice could make Taeyong's knees weaken, palms flat on the bottom of the wet sink to keep him standing, "Jaehyun... Please."

"Please what, darling? You only need to be honest, say it, be a good boy for me."

 _He called you_ boy, Taeyong is half hating it yet also a bit thrilled with the dominance Jaehyun is playing right now. Since when he's so quickly submitting to Jaehyun like that? "on my wrists... And neck..."

"Must look so pretty on you," the trembles of the whispers brought wave after waves of shivers down Taeyong's spine, a low hiss escaping his bitten lips when Jaehyun's big palm pressing on his lower stomach, causing more friction of his ass to Jaehyun's bulge, the heat from Jaehyun's body licking flames on his clothed back. "Did you imagine what color those harnesses are? What color do you like, Taeyong?"

He moaned when a tongue licking under his ear, body twitching from the harsh shivers dawning on him, fingers fisting in the sink. Jaehyun ask again, more pressing, deeper and dominant, "what color?"

"Black..." he wheezes, hip subconsciously swaying back for more friction. Then suddenly the big hands letting him go, heat on his back disappearing after a peck to his cheek.

"Good, I'll make sure you get it later."

Taeyong's head is buzzing with confusion at first, did Jaehyun just stopped right when his dick already half hard? What the fuck. Then he felt fingers on his chin, titling his face up before soft lips kissing him gently, eyes reflexively closing at the tender touches of those fingers on his cheek, another hand caught his hip and turned him around so their chest meeting.

"My hands..." he mutters to the lips, got twirled around again and stomach pressed to the sink when bigger hands washing his then drying it, little kisses placed on his nape and jaw. Why his head feels so.... Floaty? They weren't even doing anything.

"Now, let's go out, shall we?" Jaehyun kissed his ear then ushering Taeyong away to get ready while he continue washing the forgotten dishes and put it away. He's so good at doing things for Taeyong, huh?

Taeyong went to change his slightly damp shirt, mind getting slowly sharper as he finished and staring back at his reflection in the mirror, cheeks bright pink and dark pupils blown with dazed look. Embarrassment catching up on him fast, falling to a crouch position with silent scream and hands pulling at his hair frustatedly. Why the hell he behaved like that! Usually he would chose to stay quiet if he's losing his mind to the pleasure, still not submitting.

But did he just- damn, what's happening? Did he just said _please_? _Oh my god this is not happening_ , Taeyong shook his head desperately. Does this reaction goes hand in hand with his trust to share those stories of his past with Jaehyun? And now he's more trusting to _submit_? What does that even mean? Questions and insecurities twirling around inside his head, he's afraid. Is he going to make the same mistake?

"Taeyong? Are you okay? I sensed something like panic from you," Jaehyun's deep voice heard from behind the door, shattering Taeyong's sudden train of thoughts.

"Fine," he croaked since answering too fast, too flustered, "I'm fine, I was just... I'm coming out, wait."

He stood up and dusting away his pants to shake away the slight tremble of his fingers, a distraction to calm down his breathing and eyes looking up to see the way he look in the mirror. He look fine, hair and clothes neat, skin color gaining it's once lively tone after such horrendous weeks, now he looks healthy except for the horror in his eyes. He close his eyes and exhales deeply, _I'm fine_.

When he opens the door, Jaehyun's worried face is the first one he sees, seemingly expressionless but Taeyong knew enough to catch the worry in those dark colorful eyes, "shall we go?"

Instead of answering, Jaehyun cupped Taeyong's face in his warm hands, thumbs gently stroking his cheeks and his temple before he pecked the lips, "if you're tired, we don't have to go. What do you want to do?"

Taeyong's heart thundering madly at the question, partially scared as he's reminded of everytime Doyoung talked to him sweetly to make him change his mind, manipulating with sugary words that he sometimes didn't notice what Doyoung intention was. Jaehyun won't be the same, right?

' _Taeyong, you can never say no to Doyoung because he is your world, your love. How about Jaehyun? He may, at the very best a friend to you, can you say no to him?_ '

Taeyong is gazing deep into Jaehyun's dark eyes, mesmerized by the ever swimming colorful lights in it, as if he's in a trance, lost in those eyes and the touches on his face only further lul his brain into a hypnotized state.

' _Can you say no?_ '

"We will do whatever you want, what do you want, Taeyong?"

The deep voice like caresses snapped Taeyong's mind into the present, focusing back to what was asked and the gentle understanding in Jaehyun's eyes. There's something different about Jaehyun's dominance, he wasn't leading in the way he chose the path for Taeyong, instead he's giving him the right to choose what Taeyong really wants and will remind him if he's really sure with his choice.

 _He's not Doyoung, Taeyong, he doesn't give you possibilities of things which you're scared about only to make you chose the one path he wants you to choose. Jaehyun only asked, '_ what do you want _', and he was the one who told you to say '_ no _', he's not the same. Nor was he the dominant shit who hurt you before, you know how tentative and considerate he is._

"Kiss me," he whispered instead, eyes fleeting to Jaehyun's lips and the dark eyes, hands sliding up to the broad shoulder, to pull him closer and to ground himself in the present.

There was surprise in Jaehyun's eyes at first, but then he's smiling those sweet wide smile with dimples, hands still cradling Taeyong's head gently as he's kissing down his pink, thin lips, licking the dryness with his wet tongue. Slow and tender, this wasn't just a kiss and they're drowning in calmness within it, _trust_  palpable in the heat that they're radiating and tangling together.

"I want to go," Taeyong said finally, heart gradually at ease, "I need a whole bucket of ice cream to soothe my shitty weeks."

Jaehyun chuckled, running his fingers through Taeyong's hair just above the ear as his eyes wide with adoration, "and you said you'll never bring me to an ice cream shop just to make me miserable in my curiosity."

"Well, I can do whatever I want, right?" Taeyong smiled, somewhat challenging but his words hold more than that, and he knows Jaehyun understood from the way his eyes lit up.

"I always knew you're such a tease," he giggles before kissing Taeyong's lips again, pulling away with a sigh and twinkling eyes, "I'm proud of you."

Taeyong's chest feels tight with so many emotions filling it, but most of them are happiness and proud. _Proud_ , when have you ever feel such emotion Taeyong? Only now, he's proud of you because you're strong, you learn to stand up for yourself. How liberating does it feels? A lot.

Laughter bubbling up his chest from the happiness he's feeling, the dull ache in his chest was something else whenever he sees the thick, obvious adoration in Jaehyun's dark eyes. He knows that look, but how could it be possible? They're different, a human and an incubus, that's just not possible. Maybe that's just the way Jaehyun gazes at the people who he care about, not just to Taeyong, maybe also to the late flower girl. Or maybe he was seeing it wrong, that must be it.

"Shall we go?" Jaehyun asked still with that wide smile.

Taeyong decided he was thinking too much and he only want to have fun this weekend, "okay."

 

\--

 

"Pistachio? Melon... Raspberry are you serious?"

"Look here, they also have wine ice creams too, or these cookies ice creams," Taeyong pointing out the other sections aside from the fruit section, "I really like the baileys ice cream though, but it sold out so fast. Oh look, have you tried matcha ice cream?"

"Matcha? That bitter thick green tea? How can it taste good turned into an ice cream?" he cringed, hands flailing in rejection when Taeyong pulling him to the said ice cream.

"You silly, don't judge before trying it, it's good and not that bitter, trust me," he laughed seeing the weird face, hooking his arm around Jaehyun's arm just to keep him from escaping.

"But I want to try the pistachio ice cream and the chardonnay one..." he glanced back to the other section with longing eyes, turning back to Taeyong with pleading eyes.

"The pistachio and the matcha have a matching green color!" Taeyong tried again, bursting in laughter when Jaehyun trembled in disapproval, "alright that was a shitty idea to mix flavors based on the colors. I was only teasing you, pick your choice."

"You mean we can get more than one flavor?" Jaehyun asked with wide eyes, mouth gaping in awe, just like a child.

"Of course, you can have five different scoops here, which mean you will get a big bowl of ice cream. I would tell you not to because I'll worry about your teeth or your well being, but since you're not... Well, hyung will treat you to a big bowl, so eat away!"

"Did you just addressed yourself with ' _hyung_ ', again?" he grinned, whining cutely when Taeyong tiptoeing to pinched his chubby cheeks.

"I'm paying for everything so I can at least be the hyung today, beside you're behaving like a little kid right now," he cooed, heart fluttering when Jaehyun smiled even when his cheeks being pinched, strong arms suddenly pulling him and their chest colliding together.

"You are the best, _hyung_ ," he dropped his voice very low, teasing and suggestive sending shivers to Taeyong's body before he pecked his thin lips, earning a surprised gasp and wide eyes as a response.

" _Jaehyun we're in public_!" Taeyong hissed while pushing him away lightly so it's not too obvious, eyes darting around the few other people in the shop. No one was looking, except for the waitress behind the counter, but still Taeyong is afraid.

Jaehyun quickly letting go seeing how flustered Taeyong is, but keeping a hand on the thin wrist, "Taeyong, calm down, it's okay."

"You don't understand, it's not okay, they will-"

"I know," Jaehyun cuts in softly, tugging at his wrist but give a space between them to soothe Taeyong's fear, "I know, I've lived in a life much worst than your time, Taeyong. But it's okay, you're not doing anything wrong, you're not hurting anyone, we're just being us and there's nothing wrong with it. People gonna love and hate, no matter what, but are we really gonna let them stop us?"

Taeyong slowly looking up to Jaehyun's eyes, fear and anxiety painting his beautiful face, but he didn't let go, he holds their gaze together and Jaehyun squeezes his wrist to reassure him.

"Taeyong, I told you to say no, not because I ask you to be selfish. I know that you're kind, you're compassionate and that's why I told you to say no. Not to be selfish, but to be your own person, to cherish yourself, to be _yourself_. And I'll be there for you through it all, so please don't be scared."

' _Don't fret_.'

He didn't say anything, but Jaehyun caught the glint in Taeyong's eyes, he understand. And when Jaehyun about to let go his grip on the thin wrist, Taeyong catch his instead, so they're intertwining their fingers, seeking warmth and strength. Such a simple touch yet it holds so much meaning to their hearts. Fear still swimming in Taeyong's eyes, but it's not alone, there's determination in it.

Jaehyun smiles softly, "do you trust me?"

' _Do you, Taeyong? Do you trust him that much to be able to break free from your fear?_ '

His heart knows what is the answer, but his mind tells him to smile instead and squeezing the hand in his as the answer. Still not ready to voice it out.

In the end Jaehyun asked for two scoops of pistachio and mint ice creams on a cone so they can take it away. A weird combination but Jaehyun look very happy so Taeyong is not complaining. He chose a weird combination himself anyway, blueberry and bubble gum, a mix he never tried, but he thinks those colors reminds him of the lights in Jaehyun's eyes.

At first they were still holding hands, strolling around until Taeyong felt it's too much and Jaehyun let his hand go, apologizing for not noticing. Then he's ushering Taeyong to sit on a bench in a relatively empty park.

"I can be quite ignorant if you don't tell me, I'm sorry, do you feel okay?" Jaehyun presses his palm on his forehead to check before taking the melting ice cream from Taeyong's hand.

"Just... I guess I got too nervous that I'm slightly nauseous, sorry," he attempted to laugh to lighten up the mood, but shrunk down when Jaehyun pining him with a scolding look, "I'm sorry..."

"I'm not angry with you, but don't try to be okay when you're not okay, tell me, okay? I can be quite observant but at times I can be fucking ignorant too," he sighed, finishing off his ice cream before it's melting for good and motioning for Taeyong's ice cream if he should finish it off too or if Taeyong wants it back.

"Go ahead," he answered weakly.

Jaehyun eats it whole and munching with stuffed cheeks, hurriedly finishing it, "now, it's my motto to never waste any food and since it was melting I had to do it, but we were talking serious conversation here."

"And so you inhaled it without properly savoring it?" Taeyong chuckles finding it amusing.

"I can try more ice creams another time, but this talk can only happen for now, so," he sit down beside Taeyong, rubbing his palms together to get rid of the crumbs, face looking to the front instead to Taeyong. "Sometimes I'm too stubborn and can only see my own belief, so I'm sorry if I'm forcing you with it."

Now that was unexpected, Taeyong is beyond surprised, "what? No, you don't..."

"Just like right now, for me there's nothing wrong with being yourself and show it to the world proudly. But this life is yours, despite what we hoped for the best, things can be bad and I expose you to it just because of my own beliefs, I'm sorry for that."

"Jaehyun," Taeyong interrupts by placing a hand on Jaehyun's thigh, "maybe you're right, I was only doing it because you said so despite I'm still scared and against to the idea. Being openly gay here is... For the lack of better words, sucks. And there are risks when someone from my office can recognize me, or friends, or family..." he whispered the last part.

"I can get fired just from it. But, you're right, this is _me_ , I just want to be me even if it's only for a fleeting moment and you made it happen. It's still scary and I'm risking myself, but it's also liberating and thrilling, you know? So I'm thankful for you, thank you for saying the things which I always wanted to hear, it's okay to be _me_."

Jaehyun look down to their hands when Taeyong reaching for his, sorrow growing in his eyes and Jaehyun know that he's about to share his pain, "remember I told you my parents only want me to be perfect and stand above everyone else? They threw me out of their house the second they found out I'm gay."

Taeyong is glad to be able to hide his face when Jaehyun embracing him to continue talking, hands soothing his soul with gentle stroking on his back, "when we first met, do you remember what you told me?"

"Err... That you have puny arms?" he grinned, yelping when he got smacked on the head.

"I was being serious!" Taeyong groaned but can't help laughing along, fingertips wiping away the dampness in his eyes, "you told me you only care about the essence of love, genders and all doesn't matter. Maybe... I've trusted you since you said that, those words of yours touched my core, telling me that it's okay to be me."

Jaehyun's eyes went slightly wide in surprise, but it settles with a sweet wide smile, "if you say so, then I'm glad."

"Thank you," he whispered with a smile while squeezing the hand in his.

There that adoration look in Jaehyun's eyes again, Taeyong's heart swells at the deep gaze, the urge to kiss the man filling his entire body. So he leaned forward, kissing those lips without thinking that they're still in public, it's so overwhelming that kissing Jaehyun right in that moment feels so _right_. When he pulls away, Jaehyun is still smiling with those gaze, hands rested on Taeyong's waist.

"Really, I'm blown away by how beautiful you are, Taeyong," he mutters with obvious amazement in his voice.

Taeyong is blushing at the sudden compliment, abruptly standing up to hide it and letting go of Jaehyun's hand in the process, "we should... Go, you said you want to see around more."

Jaehyun chuckled but standing up too, motioning with open palm for Taeyong to hold hands, "just say no if you don't want to."

Taeyong eyeing it for a moment before turning away, "let's do it when we're home instead."

"Will do."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more of the date, I promise lol.
> 
> Do you notice the change? From being stubborn of never showing his desire to now Taeyong actually asked for a kiss? Hehehe ♥♥♥


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or is this where his life will take another turn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turbulence Is coming!! Prepare yourself, as I told you I'm suck at fluff, pls forgive my poor ass :D
> 
> Angst at the end of the chapter.

"So, are you sweating at all?"

"Huh? Why you asked that?" Jaehyun slurping his raspberry truffle cappuccino frappe loudly after being disappointed with death by chocolate frappe, ' _it's just chocolate over chocolate_ '.

' _That was called death by chocolate for a reason, idiot.'_

"Well, you're mostly in your physical form now and I noticed you never change your clothes, don't they stink?" Taeyong eyeing the said dark shirt and black tight pants, getting mildly disturbed by the way Jaehyun wiggling his eyebrows to him.

"Wanna try... Smelling them?" he smirked making Taeyong cringe with fake gagging.

"Oh no, no-!" he's shrieking loudly when Jaehyun caught his wrist and pulling him closer, Taeyong is disgusted, " _Jaehyun!_ "

"You asked, I'm answering!" he was laughing so hard that he pulled Taeyong too hard and the said man's face accidentally colliding with his armpit, eliciting garbled mix of a scream and a cry. Jaehyun is stunned for a moment -because he totally didn't plan the incident- before he went laughing harder, running away when Taeyong chasing after him and keep kicking him in the butt. "I didn't mean to do that I swear!"

Taeyong keep running after him all over the empty street, kicking his butt or his ankle whenever he's catching up, "I'll kill you!"

When Taeyong about to kick again, Jaehyun suddenly turned around and caught his leg before holding him up by the waist then secured his arms under Taeyong's butt, successfully stopping the kicking and instead making Taeyong squeaking and squealing, or at least the mix of both considering how weirdly scared and excited he sounded.

"Let me down!" he's hitting Jaehyun's shoulder repeatedly and screaming again when Jaehyun pretending to let him fall only to catch him again, legs reflexively hooking around the incubus's waist. " _Jaehyun oh my god!_ "

"Such a screamer you are, don't worry you're too light for my superb arms," he laughed, amused when Taeyong screaming again as he's twirling them around.

"I swear I'll put on weight so you'll never be able to hold me up like this anymore!"

"Try me, I really wish you do that so I can fuck you on the wall without being afraid of breaking you."

" _Holy shit,_ " Taeyong wheezes from the impact of those words punching out the air in his lungs and the heat stirring alive in his gut. Goosebumps running through his skin at the dark look Jaehyun is giving him, full of promises to which Taeyong is both scared and thrilled.

"No more kicking or I'll use those tentacles you so _loved_ later, I apologized already and I know I don't smell bad when your face _accidentally_ got shoved into my armpit," he grinned smugly.

That's true, Jaehyun always smell like nice sandalwood no matter what and Taeyong is not so keen at the promise of those tentacles, but this isn't about the smell is it? What kind of _ethical_ social conduct was it to shoved someone's face into another's armpit? Taeyong may only hallucinating about it when his face feels itchy, a sensation which caused by his clean freak side, but for once he chose to surrender since he's being held up.

"Okay, okay, put me down we're still in public!"

Jaehyun twirled him around one last time to gain another scream before putting him down, flicking Taeyong's nose with a victorious grin as if saying, ' _you're far too young to mess with me_ kid _'._

Taeyong scowls at that, speed walking away before he did more stupid things which will make it worse on his pride, he can't stop himself from commenting though, "how could a grandpa like you smell nice all the time when you never change your clothes?"

"Did you just dissed all the grandpa in the world? They smell nice too you know, some of them," he laughed, following Taeyong effortlessly with those long legs of him, "and I don't sweat salt and water like you guys, I sweat pheromones, so when I'm sweating real hard and it's soaking my clothes, you can be sure I'll smell even nicer."

That's kind of unfair, isn't it? But Taeyong say no more so he won't over inflating Jaehyun's ego even further, "we've been to ice cream shop, coffee shop, to the park, where else do you want to go?"

"I know you purposely changing the topic," he snickers, bumping his arm to Taeyong's shoulder making the human even more annoyed, "and since you _oh so kindly_  pointed out my questionable sanitary, should we go find more clothes for me? Only if your money agree with it though."

"Well, we could..." Taeyong _definitely_ only want to show that he's not a cheapskate okay, it's not because he want to see Jaehyun in other clothes.

He came to regret that decision though, because Jaehyun look so good in _everything_ , even in the most ridiculous outfits -the ones he forced the incubus to try on with the intention to laugh at it but failed miserably- That's just unfair, is that another incubus thingy benefits? That Jaehyun would always look so effortlessly gorgeous? He hates and amazed by it, not that he'll admit it but considering that smug look on Jaehyun, Taeyong knows everything was revealed on his face.

"Hey look at this, man, wouldn't it slip out when you wear this?" he's giggling happily not minding how embarrassed Taeyong is witnessing him holding up a flimsy purple male G-string.

"I never wear one so I don't know and don't want to know, put it back," Taeyong hissed frustatedly.

"Chill dude, I'm the one who's holding it why are you the one who's embarrassed?" he smirked, "or... Seeing you being so defensive could mean that you actually wore one before?"

Taeyong's face reddening so quickly at the accusation, mouth gaping wordlessly being too caught off guard, earning himself a laughter from the incubus.

"Holy shit, you _did_!"

"Excuse you, but I have reasons as to why I wore that," he retorted weakly, "and only once!"

"There you go being defensive again, you wore it at least more than twice, right? Admit it."

"I have a tight, too thin white pants, okay? It will only work with those kind of underwear, anything else then it'll show up."

Jaehyun unabashedly laughing so loud in that store, gaining more than a few pair of eyes staring at them and Taeyong just want to throw himself out of the window.

"Oh dear, that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard from you," he wiped the tears at the corner of his eyes, face red from all the laughter unlike Taeyong's which was caused by utter embarrassment and the urge to punch the guy. "Which was better, the G-string or the garter belt I put on you?"

Taeyong want to scream, but he know social conduct so he held it in with a wide forced smile, "another word and I'll fucking punch your guts out."

"So feisty," Jaehyun sing songs, "have I ever told you how hot you look when you're fierce? Damn."

 _No Taeyong, he's mocking you, that can't be for real from the way he said it,_ "I'll show you fierce when I'm holding a chainsaw."

"Oh my, you're making me wet my pants!" he fake trembling.

"Jaehyun I swear!"

"Calm down babe before you bust a nut," he laughed being so proud of his own joke. And Taeyong may busted a vein instead of a nut. Maybe he should check for any possibility of having an aneurysm from communicating with Jaehyun, he needs more resources and extra energy to handle this shit.

"Do they sell male lingerie here?"

"Jaehyun!" he hissed threateningly, he swore Jaehyun is purposely asking that just to rile him up, what other reason could it be?

"Can't a free man ask questions?"

"Not if you only want to make me suffer," he's walking closer to Jaehyun who's playfully evading him with a shit eating grin.

The next embarrassing thing is when Jaehyun keep commenting and searching for those questionable printed English words on the shirts, laughing loudly without any mind to the strange looks people are giving him and Taeyong prayed he can just drop dead on the spot, anything just to escape this embarrassment. Never go shopping with Jaehyun again, ever. 

They ended up buying two pairs of jeans, three shirts -with the questionable words- and one pajamas, because Jaehyun said he'll mostly sleep in his boxer or naked anyway. Taeyong is so not keen at the image -a total lie-, but what's new? He always slept on those naked firm chest after all.

While they were lining up for the cashier, Taeyong saw a hetero couple ahead of them, being all over each other and so adorable. Taeyong didn't mean to, but he unconsciously looking at them longingly, heart clenching as he's witnessing them giggling and holding hands openly in public. Something he will never have. 

Jaehyun must have seen him staring at them too because he's also looking to the same direction, Taeyong can't help but muttering, "must be nice to be in a relationship."

"You never been in one?" Jaehyun asked without looking away from the seemingly happy couple.

"No..." his life only consist of _before_ Doyoung and _after_ Doyoung. Relationship just wasn't meant for a tainted person like him.

Suddenly there's a hand holding his and Taeyong look down to see Jaehyun's big hand wrapped around it, fits like a protective glove, "you have me now."

Maybe, in another world, those words would send Taeyong's heart into a giddy beats of shyness and happiness. But what Taeyong felt at those words are a big bucket of ice water pouring mercilessly over his stiff body, a realization which came too late.

_What are they?_

It was so easy to fall into Jaehyun's arms that Taeyong never really thought of it, the true nature of their relationship. It's so easy to open himself up and hang all of him onto Jaehyun because from the first their relationship start in the most unusual way, it's a given for them to be that intimate, that _close_. But what are they? Is this fear coming from the reason why Taeyong felt butterflies whenever he saw the adoration in Jaehyun's eyes? A reason he's afraid to acknowledge yet can't deny growing so quickly in the depths of his heart?

Taeyong pulled his hand away from the warmth that is Jaehyun's hand, a protective cocoons which suddenly raising questions and trepidation. Suddenly his eyes growing dim, heart closing again. He's a human, Jaehyun is an incubus, what could possibly come out from that? A lifetime of sealed contract without feelings attached?

_What are they?_

They walk around some more after shopping, strolling by the Han river to see the sunset, a beautiful scenery which failed to bring Taeyong out from the onslaught of thoughts, fear seeping deeper into the ever present darkness. Then they goes to another street just to walk longer after a short subway trip, passing a certain shop Taeyong came to know from Google, courtesy of Jaehyun.

"Are we really going to the adult store?" he asked with, hopefully, a neutral tone but from the way Jaehyun is smiling softly at him, he knows the other guy had caught on his low mood.

"Nah, we can visit it later and I don't really need to see it just to be able to conjure it in your dreams," he smirked, either acting oblivious or he was trying to lighten up the mood. "But can we buy some flowers? I think it'll be nice to have it in your living room, it can brighten up the place."

Taeyong nodded, too tired to say anything and leading them to the nearest flower shop to his apartment. Jaehyun must really love flowers, it's so apparent with the way his eyes lit up seeing the abundant flowers which filling the shop. Not the excitement of a child like he had shown when he was in the ice cream shop, but more mellow, gentle like late spring welcoming summer. As if it was precious, his eyes soft and smile unlike what Taeyong ever seen, somewhat familiar yet also new.

"Too bad they don't have Lily of the valley, I love those. But these white tulips are also pretty, I like things which are simple yet beautiful," he took the paid bouquet of the said flowers in his gentle hands, holding it close to his heart.

"What kind of flowers is that?" Taeyong asked, more curious about why Jaehyun could seem so different amidst all these flowers and why that one is special.

"What, lily of the valley? you never seen them? They're cute and pretty, white little bulb like flowers, here let me show you," he took out his phone from his pocket, turning it on to show it to Taeyong.

"You love it that much to even use it as your screen lock?" Taeyong smiled from how adorable it is, what a sweet guy.

"Yeah, I use it as my wallpaper too, look," he unlocked it then showing it again another beautiful picture of the said flower, grin wide with a soft look in his eyes.

"That's a beautiful little flowers, but why are you so obsessed with it?"

Jaehyun laughed seemingly so happy, "obsessed is such a strong word, Taeyong. But I do love it, it was Dahlia's favorite flower too."

Somehow, Taeyong's heart feels like it stops, somewhat already knowing the answer even before the question is asked, "who's Dahlia?"

"Oh I never tell you? The flower girl I told you about, her name was Dahlia. It's kind of funny right that she loved another flower when her name was Dahlia, " he smiled, so oblivious, so happy in his memories that this very scene rouse a venom in Taeyong's heart.

' _He was in love with her_.'

"You must really loved her, huh?" there's half mocking and half self-hatred when Taeyong said it, a burning sensation in his eyes.

"Yeah, she was my wife," he grinned, looking back to his phone as if he's looking at one of the world's wonders.

And there, Taeyong hear the shattering sound under the layers of darkness in his heart. Life is so cruel, isn't it? Jealousy and regret comes first before he acknowledge what is it that he's feeling. There's a part of him which is a bit elated that such romance was possible, but another part was much more terrified than the denial of what is it that he's feeling towards Jaehyun. When, oh when he fell so hard?

Now he's looking at Jaehyun not with the serenity which those dark diamond like eyes used to show, but with so much fear, horror coiling on all his limbs like the poison tainting his every being and those who's near him. When he look to Jaehyun, he asked himself,

Is he looking at another Doyoung, or is he looking at another Hanjae?

He shouldn't ever open his heart again, he swore he wouldn't, not again. But the force that was Jaehyun is not something he could stop, how dare he wishing to be happy when he created a monster? And when he's looking deep into Jaehyun's eyes, is he making another mistake again?

Or is this where his life will take another turn?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Finally Hanjae (oc) name is out! A major past is revealed in the next chapter!
> 
> And fucking finally Taeyong realizing his feelings aweeeesk!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He worth no love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first, I'm sorry this is such a word vomit.
> 
> Second this is ANGSTY chapter. Warning for:  
> \- mention of abuse  
> \- mention of rape
> 
> And third, I think these songs fits their inner minds, if you want to delve deeper into it:  
> \- Doyoung to Taeyong : Fake Love - BTS  
> \- Taeyong to Doyoung : Strange Enough - Verite  
> \- Jaehyun to Taeyong : Headlock - Imogen Heap (or if you prefer the reglitch by Cryptex).

The first memory he came to remember was the sound of his cheek got slapped and the pain of his palms scraping over the broken glasses on the floor, a punishment for his clumsiness and the broken vase glaring at him accusingly. He remembers of his face being shoved to a plate of food, head slammed to his own vomit when he was sick and he remembers his shins got beaten by a bat for not doing well enough for school. Getting 80% for his exam may as well put him to sleep in a cold, stuffy and scary garage.

And he was not to ever show what is it that he's feeling, no cry, no weakness. Once, he cried because the pain was too much, he was only a little kid, an elementary kid whose memories still hollow at times yet somehow, he remembers the pain and the darkness so clearly. He cried and he got punished worse for it. So he always hid it, never cry at home, never cry at school, never cry when anyone could see him, the dirty public toilet in the park was his sanctuary. He can hide his cries, but he couldn't pretend to smile, to be okay. Maybe that was why a little kid two years junior than his fifth grade came to him with curiosity in his eyes.

"Are you a statue?"

Taeyong's first reaction was fear, because the tapes he wraps around his shattering facade mask are flimsy and in shambles, he's afraid that the kid could see through it and then he'll be in pain again. But a play must be played and so he asked, "why?"

"You never smile, you never cry, do you even feel anything?"

' _I do_ ', the kid's big eyes makes Taeyong feel uneasy, too penetrating, so he ran, ran before his mask crumbling down while he's not yet in his sanctuary of the poor toilet.

After that he learnt the kid's name was Doyoung, a lot shorter than Taeyong at that time, a cheerful and caring boy who always share his candies with anyone, even Taeyong. So innocent, so pure he was that he's curious about a senior who always seem so lonely with little to no friends. Taeyong never understand why a little kid like him keep following him around like a baby chick to a mother hen, giving him candies, cards and sort which a little kid could get from snacks.

"Why are you following me?"

Doyoung gave him another tiny green plastic toy soldier, a gift from a chips bag, with a wide grin of messy toothless and little teeth, "you're very pretty but you never smile, I bet you're prettier when you smile! Maybe then you'll get more friends!"

Taeyong only eyeing the toy with blank eyes, "I don't need friends."

"No!" Doyoung gasped dramatically, "everyone need a friend! My mom told me it's good to have many friends, but I never seen you with one... I'll be your friend! It's boring when I'm alone, so you'll not get bored again."

Taeyong doesn't understand what it feels to be bored, whenever he was alone, his mind is never alone, too many images, too many things to try to forget. Doyoung, such a peculiar kid, at first he was scared of him but now all he felt for the kid was annoyance, why can't he leave him alone? "why do you care? You have many friends, why would you even try to talk to a senior like me?"

Doyoung opens his mouth, but he closed it and look down as if confused and embarrassed, "you gave me the last chicken drumstick."

"Huh?" now he's the one who's confused.

"In the canteen! There was only chicken wings and one drumstick left, but I want the drumstick although it was your turn... You glanced at me and told the lady to give it to me," the kid is playing with his fingers as a distraction to his nervousness, "I thought, you were a scary senior, but you were so kind to gave it to me so... And you never get angry or try to shoo me away, that's why I know you're kind and I want to befriend you!"

Such a typical confession and misplaced image, Taeyong wasn't being kind, he was just not hungry and the chicken wings have less meat on it. But, this was the first time anyone want to know him better, care enough to keep following him and so Taeyong's heart was intrigued by the ever smiling Doyoung. What does it feel like to smile and laugh? Isn't it tedious? But Doyoung's smiles always seem so sweet, maybe because it came from his heart.

"Why are you smiling?"

Doyoung look a bit scared and confused at the question, "...because I feel thankful to you and happy...?"

' _Happy_ ', maybe that's why you found smiling is tedious, Taeyong, because what is being happy?

That was the start of Taeyong seeing the world bigger than his house, the school textbooks and the huge schoolyard. Doyoung share his snacks which Taeyong never allowed to eat by his parents, showing him comic books which later Taeyong got addicted to, the hidden place in the park and many more. Smiling become easier and later he found out laughing feels ticklish and warm, a fuzzy feeling lingers in his chest, he supposed this is _happiness_. And just as he start to show more expressions, he also find it harder to hide his emotions and every pain feels worse than before he knows happiness.

Doyoung who is growing almost as tall as him, becoming a place where he pour all his emotions to, pain, sorrow, anger, everything. Sweet, kind Doyoung was always there, wiping his tears or washing off the blood on his clothes, crying with him and for him. Taeyong clung to him so tightly, afraid of losing this new sanctuary, a new sense of safety, the person who taught him to laugh, to see the world. He never say anything explicitly for attention, but sweet Doyoung was always weak to tears, more so if it was Taeyong's, gradually all that's left as his friends was Taeyong.

Doyoung was taller than Taeyong when he start to get overprotective, constantly worry for Taeyong, care for Taeyong and eventually, obsessed with Taeyong. Doyoung himself have a few other friends although not too close, but whenever he sees Taeyong with other people than him, he felt jealous, thinking that he's being replaced and less important. Suddenly, it wasn't only Taeyong who's afraid to lose his sanctuary within Doyoung, but also Doyoung who's afraid to lose Taeyong whom always so fragile, needing his protection and always seeking out for him.

Doyoung began to twist things just so he could keep Taeyong with him, attached only to him, and Taeyong who learnt the world from Doyoung, trusted him without second thought. Until puberty hits and fondness turned into affection, Taeyong fell in love with the only one who's ever around him, Doyoung. But he's scared, because they're both boys and he was already too much of a disappointment, enough to at least got a slap to his face everyday except for the days when he stay over in Doyoung's house which felt more like a home to him.

He's good at hiding his emotions, but he don't want to do that again after Doyoung freed him, so he was stuck in confusion and desperation about what he's feeling to his childhood friend. Pure, innocent Doyoung must not be tainted by him, he's too pure almost like a deity in Taeyong's life that he must not taint him with his feelings. That was when he came to know Johnny and Hanjae in highschool, new friends who told him honestly that they weren't straight and Taeyong once again felt like he found a place where he belongs, other than being with Doyoung.

Doyoung was, of course, not pleased and even hated Johnny with all his might, searching for his weaknesses and rumours to tell Taeyong, which unfortunately for him, Taeyong doesn't mind. For Hanjae, Doyoung swore he would kill him if he ever see him, he hated Hanjae more than he hated Johnny. Johnny, in some ways are similar to Doyoung personality wise. He needs attention too, like to care and being taken care of, like to share, to show his good side and nag for good cause to those he felt close to. What's different about him was that he's more of a risk taker, more free, more flirty.

He wasn't as much a flirt as Hanjae though. Doyoung is a few inches taller than Taeyong while Johnny is few inches taller than Doyoung, and Hanjae's height was in between Doyoung's and Taeyong's height. The way he brought himself makes him seem a lot more taller than he actually was though, he was confident, good looking and smart, and he knows he's charming, he flirted anyone boys and girls.

He knows what he's talking about, he could follow almost any topics and his good sense in switching between his serious and laid-back self made him very popular. Even when they were still young and foolish teenagers, it's obvious Hanjae was a leader, a dominant. And being charmed and desperate, Taeyong flirted back.

Taeyong have no intention to turn it into anything, they were friends, flirting friends and it feels good, but no more than that. It felt almost like a fight, a daily challenge to see the one who will blush or get flustered first and they'll be the loser. It felt good because it's scratching the itch which Taeyong wouldn't let Doyoung to soothe and because he felt more free, this is _him_ , gay or not, there's nothing wrong with liking what he like, so he was stepping around the boundaries with Hanjae. He won't deny sometimes things got too heated, but there was never more than a light peck on the lips or fingers trailing too low. Nothing.

"You should stop leading him on, Taeyong."

Taeyong snorted to Johnny in disbelief, "you know that's not what we're doing."

"I heard he stopped playing around and only focusing on you," Johnny may only be whispering, but those words have a weight Taeyong doesn't want to carry.

"What?" he can't believe what he heard, "but we're friends, you're joking right?"

"I wish I am, Taeyong," he sighed deeply, eyes darting around aimlessly on the notebook page he's supposed to copy, "I heard you're moving in with your boyfriend?"

 _Boyfriend_? Doyoung? "I told you he's not my boyfriend and it's not that I'm living with him, I still have to go back to my parents' house most days." Doyoung have becoming more and more paranoid, nagging to Taeyong about nonsensical things, but mostly to keep Taeyong beside him. And so Taeyong had no choice but to ' _move in_ ' with Doyoung to a nearby small apartment room, too conscious about their fights which affecting Doyoung's parents when they did it in their house.

"A friend won't keep pestering his friend's other friend though."

"He did what?" this is the first time Taeyong ever hear this.

"He keep sending me messages asking about you, to tell you to go back, complaints about you being too long with me, asking if I'm with you or not, when you're going to come back or where are you and so on, so on. I'd think even if he's your boyfriend, those still doesn't seem... Right."

Taeyong must be hearing things, or Johnny must have been joking, that just not right, Doyoung isn't like that. But Taeyong caught on something else, "is that why you told me to stop leading Hanjae on? Because you thought I was with Doyoung?"

"Yeah..." Johnny shrugged and he look visibly uncomfortable, "I'm just worried about you, I heard things about... Hanjae. It seems he kind of have bipolar issue or something. And now, he seems serious about you but suddenly people start talking about you with Doyoung."

"Wait, I don't even understand what's bipolar, but people talking about me and Doyoung? What the fuck?"

"Hanjae can be temperament and losing his reasons when he's in that state," he sighed again more deeply, "and there's been rumours about you two, since the first, you were far too close to be a simple friends. But they don't really mind it when you told them you're childhood friends, now though, those speculations resurfacing again and spreading around. So I'm afraid Hanjae might hear it, I've never think that he could be serious about you, that's why I never tell you about the rumours surrounding him."

Taeyong is utterly dumbfounded, he never notice the rumours involving him and Doyoung. He was too caught up with that one news that he failed to really heed Johnny's advice and warnings. If only he could turn back time, he should have listen attentively, he must, but alas, Taeyong was a fool.

Hanjae didn't go anywhere near him for a few day until suddenly he greeted him with a huge grin and asked if it was true about him moving in with the junior, Doyoung. Then he asked Taeyong if he could show him where the apartment was for a visit. He didn't think it was weird, just the other day Johnny asked the same, being vocally jealous of him to be able to have his own place away from parents.

' _Sure_ ', Taeyong said, ignorance was a huge mistake as he leads the way obliviously.

Hanjae was the one who closed the door when they went in, Taeyong thought he heard a click of a key, but he dismissed it and show Hanjae around the small room. When they reach the bedroom though, the look on Hanjae's face changed and he locked the door not minding Taeyong's confusion.

"Is this where you fuck with him?" he titled his chin to the bed, eyes dark without a hint of a smile.

"What?" suddenly a hand choking his throat and his body slammed to the bed, a heavy weight on his body. He coughed from shock, pain and unable to breathe. He can only cough when a knee pressed painfully to his chest.

"You slut, you act like a cat in heat with me and yet you fucking with other man, must feel so good for you, huh?" he spat to Taeyong's face.

Then, the harsh, painful realization dawning on Taeyong. He didn't remember much but the feeling of terror, extreme pain and humiliation still ringing so clear in his head as if he's reliving the scene over and over again. He can't breathe, he can't scream, he can't do anything but crying and praying for the pain to stop, fingers clawing to be released, he was being destroyed and there was no one to help him. He don't remember how long he lost consciousness, reaching for his phone with shaking bleeding body and trembling fingers to call Johnny.

Because Doyoung can't know, he must not know Taeyong's dirty self. Johnny was horrified, losing his mind at the carnage before him, Taeyong was bleeding and bruising badly. And Taeyong had to plead, to beg, to clutch on Johnny's feet to ask him to never tell Doyoung.

' _Don't, please, no one can know, not even Doyoung. Please just take me away from here, no ambulance, please, please Johnny, please_.'

Taeyong went missing for a couple of weeks after that, sheets dumped somewhere far away by Johnny and Doyoung went lunatic. Doyoung beaten Johnny so bad the poor guy's face was disfigured for weeks, nose and cheek bones fractured when he found out Johnny was the one who had been hiding Taeyong's whereabouts. He doesn't care if it was Taeyong's wish, all he knows that Taeyong was hurting and Johnny was the one who was with him.

Taeyong felt utterly ashamed with his acts, being selfish and even causing Johnny injury from Doyoung's wrath. He can't come terms with the fact that he was using Johnny, asking him to sleep with Taeyong to erase _him_ , he was beyond ashamed that he can't even look at Johnny's face. Even years later, Johnny reminds him of his shame, pain and humiliation.

Things got worse, Hanjae transferred out of school scot free since Taeyong said nothing to no one, yet instead nasty rumours spreading like wildfire about Taeyong being gay and slutting around. It was bad enough he had to receive more pain and humiliation from his own parents when he came home after went missing, and when the rumours got out of control, they threw him out, literally kicking him out and left him sprawling on the cold concrete sidewalk with a bleeding nose and torn apart soul.

Doyoung was always with him, still so kind, so caring even though he also received bad treatments from those from school. Johnny chose to stay away although sometimes he texted Taeyong asking for his well-being. That was the moment when Taeyong's heart hit rock bottom, so much pain that no cry can ease it. But Doyoung was both a gift and a nightmare, because that was when Taeyong's finally realized what was wrong.

_'I told you, I told you only I care for you, look at them hurting you, this is because you don't listen to me, only I love you, Taeyong.'_

For the second time in his life, Taeyong feels scared looking at Doyoung's eyes, too deep, too twisted, too dark. He was looking at a mirror when Doyoung stare back, he was him, he molded Doyoung into _this_.

' _Taeyong, he was your world, and now he tries to be your world, a world where you are perfect, with gentle and understanding parents, smart brain and loved, so loved. He's becoming you, the you which you can't be. Can't ever have.'_

_'That was why you were so adamant to keep him pure, wasn't it? Free of your tainted heart. You longs not for his heart, but for the perfection you won't ever be.'_

_'You created a_ monster _._ '

Too heavy of a burden, the ground which was keeping him standing, taken away from him mercilessly. Without Doyoung, Taeyong is but a spineless creature unable to stand by himself, but he's terrified to see his own doings, his mistakes. Doyoung was only giving him so much freedom because Taeyong implicated that he could hide himself again and Doyoung is afraid of it.

Days spent intoxicated, sleeping around and uncaring of his well-being because he thought, he's not worth it, he's scared to depend on anyone again, he's afraid to make another mistake. At least, this was better than the times when he went semi comatose from the storm of pain and dark memories. All he wanted was to be loved, to be understood. But there was no one who was strong enough to lift him, to carry him without breaking their own bones.

He's toxic, he's tainted, he sinned.

_He worth no love._

And so he swore to kill his own emotions, to be stronger, to stop depending on anyone and once again, hide his pain and cry in his cold, cramped toilet.

 

 

###

 

 

He took another long drags as his eyes staring blankly to the other dirty apartment just outside his window, head leaning to the wall and heart hollow from the evil circle in his mind. But then another hand, bigger than his took the cigarette from him, pressed it to the wet sink before throwing it away to the trash can.

"I never seen you smoke."

"I stopped when Doyoung told me too," he muttered still with his eyes looking out the window, not reacting at all when the big hand stroking his hair, fingers scratching lightly to his scalp. Taeyong got too deep, fear mounting and he might do another unforgivable mistake.

"Talk to me," Jaehyun's deep voice sounds so calming, so gentle like a deep warm lake.

But Taeyong doesn't want to, he shouldn't, so he took the hand which was on his head and let it go, walking past the incubus to change clothes. It's so late at night, but he didn't care, he need to do this to erase the butterfly in his stomach, it shouldn't be there, he should feel nothing.

"Where are you going?"

Taeyong only turn around once before walking away to wear his shoe, "I'll go to a club, I won't be home, don't follow me that's a command."

"So suddenly? Why? Did something happened?"

' _Me, I happened.'_

"None of your business, I'm just going to search for someone," Taeyong stood up and hold up his right hand where the seal of a rose rest, "you can't follow me, stay at home."

Jaehyun is compelled to the command when the seal is used, but he's not gonna give up just like that, "sex? Why go there? I'm here, aren't I? Why I can't come with you? If you want to sleep with others, I told you they won't know I'm there, I'll only make you feel better-"

"I just don't want to see you, Jaehyun," that was Taeyong's last words before he went out and locked the door, leaving Jaehyun alone with confusion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

=================================================

BONUS

This may as well be the cover of this fic. Their expressions, the purple colors have meaning in it ;))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now, everything are explained, right? Does any of you expect this? I would love to know your thoughts!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The only thing which will hurt me right now is you leaving me hanging like this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I fell sick, but I don't want you guys to wait to long that's why I'm uploading this. I hope it doesn't feel too rushed or awkward. As always tho, it's words vomit.
> 
> I hope you can still enjoy it ♥

Taeyong remembers how fuzzy his chest felt when he watched a movie titled ' _A Walk to Remember_ ', tears wetting his cheeks the same way it did to Doyoung. How can people have such a love? So selfless, so compassionate that they learnt from the pain instead of blaming it? He then looked to his right, seeing Doyoung hiding his wet face and the fact that he was crying.

They were both lonely boys lost in the cruel world. Doyoung doesn't know what romantic love is like while Taeyong doesn't know any form of love, so when he took Doyoung's hand and they both shared a teary smile, he thought, ' _maybe this is love'_. They're lost in each other's illusions, naivety twisted them into toxicity years to come. They do love each other, but not quite as such they thought about.

And now, as Taeyong stir his gin tonic with the stick and pop music blasting throughout the club, Jaehyun's face was the image which came up in his mind whenever he thinks about love. But is it really such a love? Or was he only deluding himself again just like it did with Doyoung? And if he indulge himself with it, will it twist him and Jaehyun again like it did to Doyoung? Or will it become like Hanjae instead?

 _No, this is different, is it not Taeyong? Doyoung did show you freedom until you clung too much and twisted him such that he was cornered to give you freedom only if there's him in your life. And '_ that man _'? He was trying to possess you like you're a thing to be owned, but when he failed, he destroyed you so no one can have you nor will you ever be able to forget about him. No matter how hard you try to erase him, Hanjae will be there in the shadows to haunt you, doesn't he?_

But how can Taeyong be so sure Jaehyun won't be the same? Does he even interested in that way with Taeyong? What if he end up being twisted by Taeyong like it does to the people he's attracted to? There's is no way to know that won't happen, does it?

A finger tapping near Taeyong's glass, making his eyes glancing up to the owner of those fingers, a man with black hair and pointy nose. The man is good looking with his sharp and cold features, but when he smiles his seemingly cold face look sweet and warm. Suddenly Taeyong realized what the one thing these people he's attracted to have in common, their smiles. Doyoung, Hanjae, Wonho and Jaehyun, they are all have a sweet and cute smile, seemingly adorable and innocent whenever they did that.

"Having a bad day?"

Abruptly Taeyong's thoughts snapped into reality at the man's deep voice, he smiled rather than answering as a response, fingers continue stirring his too watery gin purely as a distraction and to calm down his nerves.

"You're too beautiful to look that sad."

It's always so fast to catch a fish in a gaybar that Taeyong almost laugh at the irony of it, he chugged down his gin, uncaring how sloppy it might look. Was there no originality in pick up lines anymore? He's too immune with these kind of cringe worthy lines, but he's not in any position to be too picky, is he? "And what are you gonna do about it?"

And just like a shark being smothered with the scent of blood, abruptly there's an arm resting on Taeyong's waist, as if the ambiguous question he gave is equivalent to giving a consent. From the start, Taeyong could already feel it that this man is no good, if anything happen, there's hell to pay. But he's in a weird mood, you see, he wants to be hurt, to feel pain because he thought, he's not worth being happy. And what's the best thing to remind his place better if it's not pain?

Just like what his mother used to say to him, ' _this pain is your fault, you did this to yourself because you can't be good enough. If you want to hate someone, hate yourself._ '

But do you remember what Jaehyun said to you? ' _I want you to cherish yourself_.'

Taeyong almost, _almost_ want to vomit, nausea rising up his throat at the sudden remembrance. It was shame, Taeyong feels the shame of trying to hurt himself and how foolish it is to do so, deep down he knows he's being an idiot. But the urge, it's hard to fight it off, he's compelled to do it and if he don't, the urge will keep raging over and over until he did it.

"What do you suggest we should do to cheer you up, hm?" the man purred to his ear, sending an unpleasant shivers down his spine.

But Taeyong thinks, _suck it up_ , you always do this and his face is nice, better than some perverts who had slept with you. He lean forward to play coy, to lure the man closer that he could catch the smell of whiskey from his mouth. Before he could think the smell was disgusting, suddenly an arm circling his chest and pulls him backward to stumble to a firm chest.

Surprised, Taeyong was about to get angry, but the yell dies in his throat and replaced by cold waves washing all over his body at the sight of the man behind him. Jaehyun, with his pissed and angry look on, arm tight around Taeyong's shoulder. The other guy who was hitting on Taeyong is visibly cowering being at the receiving end of Jaehyun's cold, piercing glare. He didn't even have to say anything and the man already surrendering.

"I'm sorry dude, I don't know he got a man already, I swear!" then he ran away with hands in the air, Taeyong didn't really blame him, Jaehyun is really scary when he's angry, which he rarely are.

"And why did you do that for? It was getting good with him," Taeyong sighed, pushing at the chest behind him to get away but Jaehyun tightening his hold instead and half manhandling him to walk away from the bar, "wait- what are you _doing_ -!"

Jaehyun spun him around and pinning him to the wall near the restroom, dark eyes glinting almost dangerously, "did you not see it? He was up to no good."

"I was searching for sex, not a dinner date, isn't it a given he's up to no good?" he snorted, playing it off as something not a big deal. "And why are you here? I thought I commanded you to stay at home."

"He got friends at the back, waiting, is the kind of no good I was talking about. And I told you before that your commands can only last for few minutes, after that I'm free to follow you and thankfully I did before it was too late."

Taeyong didn't know if he's shivering from the image of those guys waiting to lure him or at the intensity in Jaehyun's eyes, he's mad, absolutely angry and Taeyong still can't understand why he's that angry. "Why are you angry? It was you who said it's okay if I have sex with others."

"I'm angry because you think so little of yourself and stupidly almost got raped because of it!" he shouted, fingers digging into Taeyong's skin causing pain which makes him wince. But then the light in Jaehyun's eyes changed, eyebrows furrowing into a sad look and he bends down to bury his face into Taeyong's chest, voice low and very emotional, "shit, do you know how worried I was?"

There it is again the hot butterflies in his stomach, his skin tingles where Jaehyun's hands holding his arms and face pressed into his chest, heart leaping when he heard Jaehyun taking a deep breath of his scent, as if longing, as if he's really that scared for Taeyong. "Why?"

" _Why_? How could you asked me _why_? Do you mean so little to yourself or was it you who think so little of me? I care for you Taeyong, I really do, so how can I'm not worried when you suddenly bolted out with that dead look in your eyes? You said you want to search for sex, but with the way you looked it seems like you're searching for something else, something I don't want to know," he straightened up again so he can level his eyes with Taeyong, sincerity and worry shown so thick that Taeyong can almost drown it in.

"But this is not your business, I'm just a human you need to feed on, as long as I come back home it'll be alright, right? And you said it, I know you said it, it's okay if I sleep with someone else, you even implied that you'll join me. So why now I can't do it-"

"God, Taeyong! Because I care! I care and you're special to me!" Jaehyun shouted, hands gripping too hard it's swaying Taeyong back and head bumping to the wall. "I swear at times like this I feel like I want to punch you just to see if your brain working enough."

'Enough _. You're never enough for anyone, not even to Jaehyun, Taeyong. He said he wanted to hit you for it, maybe your mother was right? You made them want to hurt you for your inadequacy_.'

"I'm sorry," Jaehyun suddenly said after a long heavy exhale, "damn, I know I shouldn't run my mouth when I'm angry but fuck, I'm sorry, I don't mean those words."

A shiver runs up and down Taeyong's spine when Jaehyun leaning his forehead to his, their noses rubbing together as a thumb stroking his cheek, gently and so full of emotions, emotions which makes his chest ache, "Jaehyun... Don't."

"Why? What are you afraid of? You promised to talk to me. You don't have to tell me the reason, but please tell me what I should do so I can adjust and you don't have to run away. Stop running away Taeyong, I'm here with you now."

 _What if it's you who I'm running away from?_ "why do you care so much?"

There's a beat of silence, Jaehyun leaning back so he could show and see their eyes gazing into each other, "I don't know, but you're different to me. I want to embrace you so hard that you'll melt into my skin, keep you there so you'll be safe and you'll know that you're not alone anymore. And I want to kiss you, your eyes, your nose, your everything because sometimes just looking at you makes my chest tight. I... When I saw that guy was touching you, I got so angry, my blood was boiling that I might even hurt you too, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm feeling like this."

Taeyong chokes at the start of a cry and a laugh, hands going up to catch Jaehyun's body in his arms, pressing the heat to his own body, mingling each other closer to feel the words more clearly, "you don't know what that is?"

"This is the first time I feel like this," his voice was so emotional it caused goosebumps to Taeyong's neck down to his feet, a big palm cradling his head to secure it against the wall, while the other fits in between his shoulder blades, so caring, so gentle despite the tight embrace.

' _The first time? Think about it Taeyong, this is also the first time you ever feel so strongly, there was nothing like this with Doyoung, this is different. Is this really love?'_

Suddenly the urge rousing up again, more heated, more raging, he wants to feel it, the shimmering flames under their skin. So he runs his fingers to Jaehyun's hair near the nape, pulling at it to kiss the lips, soft yet burning with want, wetting it with their saliva.

"Take me, Jaehyun," he whispered to the wet, red lips.

"What...?" Jaehyun mutters in confusion, eyes slightly dazed from the sudden kiss.

"No more dreams, no more plays, just you and me. Take me, please," he gasped when hands lifting his legs and suddenly his back sliding up the wall, being pinned onto it as the lips kissing him with more fervor. He hooked his legs on the firm waist, moaning both from the friction in their crotches and the deep, hot kisses, hands racking into Jaehyun's dark hair to keep his mind together.

"Holy shit what are you doing to me? I feel like I'm losing my mind, I want to show you to these people that you're with me, but I also don't want them to see how beautiful you can be," his voice was rough with ragged breath, already too affected only by the kisses.

Taeyong softly moaned at the words, body trembling from the sheer emotions within it, the heels of his feet digging deeper to the waist to get more frictions, "I... Don't want to do it here though..."

"No, of course not, it'll only be for you and me," he grunted then peeling Taeyong off the wall still holding on to him.

"Wait! You're not planning to bring us home like this, right?" the swaying scared him and he's holding on tightly although he just implied to be put down.

"I run faster than you and you can hide your face in my shoulder, or would you prefer me carrying you bridal style?" he smirked, challenging.

"Get me down and we can run home together!"

"Nah, not a chance, I'm impatient," he slightly throw Taeyong up -of course eliciting a scream- to adjust his arms, one under Taeyong's butt and the other cradling his torso with the palm securely placed on Taeyong's nape so he wouldn't fall down or injure himself.

Then he run, running so fast that Taeyong almost missed the whistles of the people who seen them. Suddenly they're on the sidewalk, then the apartment complex and then Taeyong heard the familiar ' _ding_ ' of the elevator in his apartment. _What the_ , that was so fast that Taeyong is a bit disorientated. It felt just like a mere second after the sound of a door being opened and suddenly he was already being placed down on his bed, so softly it's a huge contrast of how impatient Jaehyun was at bringing them home.

Jaehyun didn't waste any time to jumped on Taeyong, kissing the lips and opening the mouth with his wet tongue, hands roaming all over Taeyong's body until a hot palm sneaking under his shirt, he moans at direct touch on his skin.

"Jaehyun..." he whispered, gasping when the lips kissing down his neck at the same time a hand trying to open his jeans, "I want to say slow down a bit... But I'm more amazed at how fast you brought us home, do I weight nothing to you?"

"I told you I'm strong, you can try to destroy me but I'll still be here as my own person," he smiled, seemingly playful but underneath it all his eyes hold a deep meaning for Taeyong to understand.

' _You can change him but his core are solid, you won't twist him like it did to Doyoung or Hanjae. And he was there, touching your cracked core to soften it and help you find your root to be a better person. Taeyong you know this, but is this why you're so scared to depend on someone again and haunted by the possibility of ruining it again?_ '

Strong palms caressing his cheeks, warmth and gravitating, "there's nothing to be afraid of Taeyong, I'm here for you and you can let it all go, I'll be here to catch your fall."

' _Trust his eyes, Taeyong, he speak nothing but the truth in his heart. Trust him.'_

"Take all of me," Taeyong mutters to the open lips, kissing it softly while he's undoing the buttons of his shirt, a big hand caressing down his shoulder to his naked chest, leaving trails of burning flames as it's shedding off the clothes from Taeyong's golden skin, "I want to feel you, Jaehyun."

"I'll give you all you want, Taeyong. God, you're so beautiful," Jaehyun kissed the lips deeper and hungrier before pulling away to kiss his way down on the golden skin, the color of red seeping into the skin as Taeyong's breathing gradually becoming more ragged. He drags his wet lips down from the chest to the navel, a shiver of pleasure racking his body as Taeyong's body fluttering like petals in his hold, a soft moan muffled by an arm as Jaehyun dip his tongue in the navel.

Taeyong wants to rut up to Jaehyun's toned chest, his hot and hard arousal begging for more friction and to be released from the strain caused by his tight jeans. But he's holding back, wanting to let Jaehyun fully take the lead, so instead he's digging his finger's into Jaehyun's dark hair, pulling at it in slight shyness and tingles as Jaehyun kissing the hair just above his briefs, finally opening the jeans.

He moans loudly when Jaehyun mouthing wetly on his clothed arousal, the nose inhaling harshly that Taeyong is both ashamed and thrilled, "don't..."

"Why? You smell good," he smirked as he pulled down the briefs and Taeyong's erection sprung out, lightly slapping Jaehyun's chin.

"Dear god," Taeyong grunts, embarrassed by the erotic scene and also the way Jaehyun's hot slicky tongue running up the underside of his erection.

"Feel me Taeyong, I'll give you my all too," was the last word he said before he went down on Taeyong's erection, hot mouth engulfing it all down to the back of his throat eliciting a soundless scream from Taeyong's gaping red lips, fingers tightening in the dark locks.

"Jaehyun!" he screamed when Jaehyun sucking hardly even when he's deep in his throat, waves of hard pleasure racking his body that subconsciously his spine arching off the bed. Jaehyun didn't stop blowing him when he reach out one of his hand to caresses Taeyong's torso, brushing over the sensitive nipple then stopping right over the moist, gaping mouth, stroking the hungry lips with his long, thicker fingers. Taeyong understood what was asked of him, he took the fingers into his mouth, twirling his tongue over to wet it and sucking like Jaehyun did to his arousal.

The sensations was too much and too little at the same time, he wants more yet his head is clouding too fast from the pleasure. Every flicks of his tongue on the fingers, send a shiver down to his lower stomach as Jaehyun did the same to his dick, twirling and sucking on the sensitive head. He gasped when the now slicky fingers pulling away and grazing down his skin to the between of his thighs, trembling as one finger pushing in at the same time Jaehyun kissing his way up to lick and bite on his nipples.

Taeyong feels his body burning, opening up slowly at every twists and flicks of Jaehyun's fingers, the wet hot lips alternating between kissing his skin, his lips then goes down to his erection, making the slight pain of burn into sheer pleasure. Jaehyun opening him up to four fingers with more than enough lube, carefully and gently, removing it when he deemed Taeyong is ready to take him. He kisses the red swollen lips tenderly, arms caging the lithe body under him as his palms cradling Taeyong's face, their chest gliding together smoothly from the sweat on their skin.

"Taeyong, open your eyes," he commanded with a whisper to the damp cheek, heart fluttering when Taeyong look back with a dazed look, too far gone in pleasure and the thick emotions stirring between them, "tell me if you want this."

"Give it to me, Jaehyun," he answered in equal whisper, his hands pulling Jaehyun's head down to kiss the lips softly, a confirmation, "please."

Taeyong held in his scream as Jaehyun breaching in, burning and painful, too tight that it feels like he's being split into two painfully. He throw his head back to distract himself from the pain and to breathe slowly, forcing the muscle to relax, hands fisting the sheet tightly almost ripping it. But then Jaehyun stops, running his fingers in Taeyong's hair as the other took one of his hand to kiss it and intertwining together.

"We can stop here and try another time after you're-"

"Don't stop, just don't stop Jaehyun, you told me you'll give it to me, then prove it," he chants stubbornly, head more likely delirious to think clearly, but he knows he want this, he need to feel Jaehyun thoroughly so there will be something to come back to if he's being swallowed into the darkness gain. He needs Jaehyun.

"I don't want to hurt you, babe."

Good god, Taeyong could feel the pleasant goosebumps racking his body at the nickname, as if he's precious, as if he's really loved. Maybe he is? Although right now he doesn't want to think, doesn't want to assume, all he wants is to have all that is Jaehyun and give all of him to the said man. Only that.

"The only thing which will hurt me right now is you leaving me hanging like this," he hissed, from being impatient and also the burning pain in his lower body.

Jaehyun is unsure, but if that's what Taeyong wants, he will give it, "open your mouth."

"What?" his question got muffled by Jaehyun's tongue, twirling deep inside his mouth hotly that suddenly there's another heat growing under his skin, so good that it's dulling the pain a lot, "what did you do...?"

"My specialty of course," he grinned before pecking the lips, "I had wanted to do it without any magic, but since you were in pain, I had to."

Taeyong moaned out loud when Jaehyun pushing in again, less pain but more pleasure, his whole body thrumming from how it good it feels, so overwhelming much more than any of the dreams that his tears are rolling down his cheeks. The sensations, the emotions are so raw it's touching his soul. He wants more.

"Do it, Jaehyun, don't stop," Taeyong muttering deliriously, hooking his arms on Jaehyun's nape as he spreads his legs wider, asking for more, deeper and harder. But Jaehyun was being too careful, too gentle that he's thrusting slowly and shallow, "Jaehyun, you're killing me."

"I told you I don't want to hurt you, be patient then I'll give you what you want."

He did kept his promise once Taeyong's becoming more relaxed and no risk of ripping his rim that Jaehyun picked up the pace abruptly, fucking Taeyong so hard that he can't remember how many times he reached orgasms. Coming over and over again and still the flames burning hotly as if it's never enough, mouth kissing wetly as his legs which was hooked on Jaehyun's shoulder are dangling fast at how hard Jaehyun is fucking him. Ruthless yet there's something gentle underneath it all, like the soft kisses on his skin, the hands which cradling his head and the way those dark diamond like eyes peering softly into his.

This wasn't just sex, there's something more beyond it. Taeyong closed his eyes as Jaehyun taking care of him from the aftermath, wiping his body gently before cuddling up to his spent body. There's something endearing at how Jaehyun mostly resting his head on Taeyong's chest, as if he's asking to be spoiled, like a child wanting affection. This is not just him taking care of you, but also you taking care of him, isn't that so?

So he smiled before kissing the crown of Jaehyun's head, happy when the man look up with a wide lazy smile to him, "thank you, Jaehyun."

"For what?"

"For everything."

 

 _Everything_.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly Taeyong's voice of reasons getting better and seeing the light of the life ^^


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did I drank a bad medicine or something?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi hi! Hello FLUFF we met again!
> 
> I feel so alive now after two days not sleeping lmao. I got sick pretty bad this time to the point I'm afraid to sleep and not waking up again. The only thing which distracting me from being anxious all the time was this fic and your kind comments, thank you so much for saving my life ♥♥♥♥
> 
> So a fluff for you all darlings and sprinkle of love~~

He got woken up by the soft thrumming on his chest, a familiar song being hummed filling the room like the soft sunlight peeking through the grey curtains. Taeyong slowly blinking his eyes to gather enough conscience, glancing down to see Jaehyun's dark hair on his chest, the pretty fingers toying with his shirt. What song is it?

He slips his fingers into the dark hair, brushing it lightly before a pair of dark eyes looking up to him with a smile, so precious, so warm that Taeyong is compelled to mirror the smile.

"Hi," Jaehyun greets with dimpled smile and kissed him on the chin before going directly to his lips. He's a bit heavy laying half on top of Taeyong, but somehow, Taeyong doesn't mind it.

"Morning," he rasped with morning voice, giggling a bit after clearing his throat, "my throat feels sore."

"You were screaming a lot, sure that's the only thing which is sore?" Jaehyun wiggling his eyebrows causing Taeyong to groan.

"I'm afraid to move my body and besides, I can't since you're flattening me with your weight."

Jaehyun laughed loudly at that, hugging the smaller man tighter without moving away, eyes crinkling and just look so happy, then he leans down to kiss Taeyong's chin couple of times before going for the forehead. Taeyong's heart flutters at the kisses, tingling with fuzzy feelings, "why you like to kiss my chin so much."

"I do? I only did that without thinking, you're adorable," he said and kissed Taeyong's lips this time.

Taeyong really hope that's not a blush forming on his heating cheeks, pushing the face away and whining to be let go, "you're getting heavier and I can't breathe!"

"Kiss me first than I'll let go."

Since when Jaehyun is this spoiled? Is Taeyong imagining things or something? Did what they did yesterday unlocking something in Jaehyun? There's a bit of uneasiness in Taeyong's mind, afraid to be drenched by the sudden affection, it's different than before. Or is it himself who's changing? Then the question raised again, _what are they?_

Seeing Jaehyun's crescent moon eyes, his radiating warmth and pleasant weight on his body, Taeyong just want to melt into it. Without question, without assuming, without being scared. The question would only break the fragile happy bubbles in his mind, so why would he? Can't Taeyong be selfish for once? Jaehyun said that he will never let him fall, and if he is, he will catch him, he will not hurt him. Is it wrong to take what Jaehyun offered to him? No.

Taeyong just want to feel, to take it all, so he pulls Jaehyun down by the hair, kissing up to the soft lips eagerly, morning breath be damned -Jaehyun's mouth never smell though, how is that fair?- pulling away with a soft gasp and seeing Jaehyun stills with closed eyes and open mouth.

"Woah... I was honestly, stunned," he finally breathed after a moment of silence, grinning with a surprised look.

"Now, let me go," Taeyong smirked, somewhat feeling proud.

"Wait," he kissed Taeyong again for the last time before rolling away to the other side of the bed, what a kid.

When Taeyong tries to get up though, his whole body screaming in pain and he grunted as he's laying back down, "fuck, I didn't think it would hurt this much..."

"I told you we should have taken it easy," Jaehyun sighed, reaching out to rub at Taeyong's arm.

"I forgot that a dick could make it feels like I've been ran over by a truck."

" _Holy shit_ ," Jaehyun snorted, half laughing since he was also worried, "I hope that's a joke because being ran over by a truck is a huge deal and I don't want you to be in such pain. Do you have a painkiller or something? Maybe I can massage you?"

"What are you going to massage at? My sore asshole?" he scoffed, earning another snort of held in laughter.

"I can massage your lower back, dumb dumb, it can help," Jaehyun chuckled after all, lightly tapping Taeyong's stomach out of adoration, eliciting a whine of protest.

"You said you don't want to hurt me but you slapped my stomach!"

"Now you're just being extra," he rolled his eyes.

"It vibrates! And it hurts, actually talking like this also hurts..."

"Then stop talking, I'll search if you have some painkillers," he gets up from the bed slowly so not to shake the bed frame and walked out of the room wearing a boxer only. Coming back after a while with a medicine and a glass of water, "I think this is the right one."

"How can I trust a man who burnt an egg... Let me see it first," Taeyong took the medicine to see the name, "well, you're right but I can't take this before a meal."

"I burnt it one time only!" he screeched, absolutely offended.

"Who knows how many times you did that when I'm not looking though? A lot of my eggs went missing after that," Taeyong is squealing and laughing when Jaehyun launching on him, protesting cutely that he knows how to cook now, "ah Jaehyun! I give, alright I give! It's really hurts... Stop making me laugh, ow."

Jaehyun hmph-ed with a pout, dashing out of the room and yelled, "I'll show you I can cook!"

Taeyong only hummed with a smile at that, closing his eyes again to savor the warmth tingles in his chest, happy, _so happy_. He don't want to get too emotional though, it should be normal to feel happy, yet somehow it feels so long since he's able to feel as happy as he is right now. As he waits, he tries to hum the song Jaehyun was humming, so familiar but he couldn't quite remember it yet. Then he remembers the word, ' _utopia_ '.

' _Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?_  
_Why does we have to kill the ideal of who we are?_  
_How will the lights die down telling us who we are?'_

Taeyong blinking his eyes open as he remembered the song, the lyrics. Why was Jaehyun singing such a deep song, what he were thinking about? Slowly a sense of unease creeping up on him, there are lines that makes it feels so lonely, so abandoned.

' _You're holding my hand but you don't understand, so where I'm going you won't be in the end._ '

Taeyong gritted his teeth, will he be alone again? No, Taeyong, you said you don't want to assume, maybe he was just humming it without thinking, there's no saying it was about you. _Stop over thinking._ Why can't Taeyong stop the sinister thoughts inside his head? Why can't he just stay in the present without being haunted by the possible consequences in the future? He wants to stop being scared. 

Before he could register the smell of food, there's lips kissing down his temple, glancing up to see Jaehyun grinning smugly with a tray of food, "I told you I can cook."

Just like that and Taeyong's chest feels full again, shadows casted away and smiling when the tray got placed on the nightstand instead of the bed, showing a plate with fluffy pancakes and honey instead of syrup, "I can tell you know me well now."

"I don't want you to go crazy seeing crumbs on the bed and _of course_ I remember you love sweets with the amount of cakes and chocolates you ate," he snorted, hands gesturing to pull Taeyong to sit up.

"No, don't touch me, I'm not kidding when I said it hurts," Taeyong winced when trying to shift his weight to his arms.

Jaehyun sighed with an eye roll, "and that's why you should let me help you." He effortlessly lifted Taeyong up and settle him into a sitting position, as slow as he can be.

Taeyong gasped, "I seriously feel like a weightless doll when you're holding me up like that all the time."

"Then put on more fat! Eat a lot, I really hope you put on more weight, you make me feel like I'm lifting a dry branch rather than a full grown man."

"Hey! That was rude, I'm not that thin!"

"You sure you want to bring up about your puny arms again?" he scoffed playfully.

"Jaehyun," Taeyong narrowed his eyes in warning, stabbing the toned arm with a fork when Jaehyun poked his tongue out to him.

"Ah! You bully!" he screamed although a grin still playing on his lips, rubbing his stabbed arm dramatically.

"You bullied me first!" Taeyong screeched, choosing to stab his pancakes now, stuffing his mouth with it and pouting.

"How am I bullying you when all I did was trying to fatten you up?" he giggles, running his fingers in Taeyong's hair, a soft look in his eyes.

"By mocking me? Oh-" a piece of pancake fell out from his mouth to his chin, his hands already moving up to catch it but instead there's another lips and moist breath hitting his face and instantly catching the pancake from his chin. Taeyong jerked back and gasped in surprised, eyes wide staring at munching Jaehyun, " _what_ -"

"Oh, sorry reflex," he said nonchalantly, "I guess I should have catch it with my hand, but my mouth acted first." With a laugh he added, "Your lips looks tasty."

Taeyong is absolutely sure he's blushing hard now, rubbing his chin with the back of his hand which was holding a fork, caught in dilemma whether to stab Jaehyun again to hide his blush or just pretend nothing happened. Did Jaehyun watched some cheap romance drama when he wasn't looking? In the end he chose to stuffed his mouth again so he'll have reason why his face is red, why is he so weak for Jaehyun now.

Fortunately Jaehyun didn't comment on his blushing face, cleaning the dishes after him and reminded him to take the medicine. When he came back from the kitchen, he brought along some sort of a bottle of oil and a big towel, placing it beside Taeyong before moving him to lay directly on the towel.

"What do you want now," he grunts from the pain and from the way he got manhandled without permission.

"I'll massage you so you'll stop being grumpy," he grinned, pulling up Taeyong's shirt without asking, again.

"No, wait! Why you do things spontaneously?" Taeyong whines, holding down his shirt to stop Jaehyun's agile fingers, "it'll hurt, I don't want it..."

"Come on, I'll make it better!" he pouts cutely, titling his head all the while pulling at Taeyong's shirt. What kind of an adorable predator he is.

"Where did you get that oil anyway? What's that?" Taeyong finally surrendering with a long sigh, letting his shirt to be pulled off and unexpectedly got kissed on the back, "did you just kissed me?"

"Yeah, why? Gonna say I can't kiss you again? I'll do what I want," he sing song, fingers now hooking around Taeyong's short pants to pull it down -courtesy of last night activity Taeyong is going commando-, "I found the oil amongst the medicines, it's never been opened so why not use it now?"

" _Wait_ \- why are you taking off my pants too??" Taeyong screeched, trying to keep his pants on but the moment he stilled from the sudden pain, Jaehyun used it to pull it off of him completely.

"You wouldn't want your pants to be stained by the oil, right? It's better to do it naked."

Taeyong groans in defeat, burying his face to the bed, "I'll never do this again."

Jaehyun's fingers halted just right above the skin when he heard that, "never do what again?"

"Have sex with you in reality," he deadpanned, "the sex itself was amazing, but the aftermath, _god_... Why you gotta have a dick that huge? That must be illegal."

" _No_!" Jaehyun is half screaming, half whining at that, hastily bending down to be face to face with Taeyong, "it only hurts that bad because it's been a long time for you! But I promise it'll get better!"

Seeing that panicked look and puppy eyes on Jaehyun was definitely worth it, Taeyong laughed so hard that even when it earns him more pain, he still doesn't stop, "you should look at your face! Aren't you adorable, being so panicked just because I said that?"

Jaehyun visibly let out a relieved sigh, bumping his head with Taeyong's, "don't scare me like that, I thought you'll really ban me from doing it."

Maybe there's a slight ache in Taeyong's chest at the words, he whispered, "it's that important to you?"

"Yeah, because that's when I can thoroughly feel you, the dreams can't compare at how real you feel in my arms," Jaehyun nudges his nose to Taeyong's cheek, almost like a cat but his eyes are deep, projecting the emotions stirring within the words, "sometimes I got scared that you'll suddenly vanish into thin air, you seem so fragile, so light that I need it to really feel you, telling me that you're not gonna disappear just like that."

Honestly, Taeyong didn't expect such honesty and such a deep reason, initially he had thought that Jaehyun only wanted the sex, but what he said then was beyond his imagination. Suddenly it feels like puzzle pieces coming together, why Jaehyun were always so soft, so gentle and tentative to him. Jaehyun was always so strong, so firm on where he stand that it seems like nothing can hurt him. But he just admitted he feel scared too, just like Taeyong, there's fear, there's care between them. It was never one sided.

It's hard to understand for Taeyong why would someone like Jaehyun would like him after knowing the darkness within him. It's hard for Taeyong to even believe if anyone ever truly care for him. ' _Why_ ' is always the words which accompanying his life, why he cared? He had thought it was about the feeding thing, Jaehyun said no. He thought maybe it's because they're stuck together and it's inevitable to start caring for each other, then Jaehyun said it that it was more than that.

Do Taeyong dare to hope?

Taeyong reaches out for the soft cheek, caressing it with his fingertips as if he only just realized it that Jaehyun is real, "what is it about me that makes you care? Was it pity?"

"Does pity make your chest feels like it's about to burst?"

 _It doesn't_ , but Taeyong still afraid to acknowledge it fully, this is an uncharted territory and he don't want to fuck it up like it did many times before. He wants Jaehyun to stay, so he smiled instead, "when are you going to start massaging me?"

Jaehyun must have know that he's changing the subject, but he relented, smiling back before pouring oil on his hands and start massaging Taeyong. He did it slowly at first, as if threading thin glass before he presses more and gradually loosening the knots in Taeyong's lower back muscles.

"So, I must have pulled a muscle there too since the pain does get lessening a bit," he sighed.

"The massage circulates the blood, it can reduce the soreness from _there_ too," Jaehyun snickers when he pressed a bit harder and Taeyong mewls reflexively, he got slapped on the arm after but it was worth it, "you sound so sexy, damn."

"Don't go anywhere near my ass now, I want it intact still, thank you," he huffed, might as well hiding his blushing face. He got surprised when his cheek got kissed, butterflies raging in his stomach. There must be something weird in the pancakes.

"I have common sense babe, what do you think I am?" he chuckled, fingers never losing it's pace, "you know, this makes me feel like a husband massaging his pregnant wife."

"I shit you not, I'm not pregnant nor am I a wife, what the fuck?" he hissed, male pride, you see. There's a slither of jealousy though as Taeyong thinking over the words again, "speaking from experience?"

"Huh?"

"You, pregnant wife?" he asked again.

"Ah, Dahlia? Our relationship wasn't like that."

Taeyong got stunned, thinking that he might hear it wrong, "but you said she was your wife?"

"Yes she was, I mean, we don't consummate our marriage."

Taeyong must be getting stupider now because that anwer just make it sound even more ridiculous, "you, _an incubus_ , getting married _without_  consummating your marriage? I must be going insane."

Jaehyun laughed loudly at that, "honey, I've known her since she was a little child by the side road, I just can't see her past that."

"Then... Why you married her?" his head spinning like he's starting to question the whole world now, does Einstein really exist?

"She doesn't remember me, but I've watched over her since she was still a child. I told you, she was the first human I've grown soft for, she's precious for me," Taeyong can't see it from where he's laying stomach down, but he could sensed the smile in Jaehyun's voice, "when she was an adult, well... Her environment wasn't the best so it got kinda dangerous for her at times. And long years ago being asexual is a big deal, she was labelled with many names, that's why I married her to protect her. She doesn't know what I am even until the end though."

Why does it feels sad? Is it Taeyong's or Jaehyun's emotions that he's feeling right now? "Does she loved you?"

There's a beat of silence, "she was, I can felt it, even though I can only be with her for a very short time. Human's age was too short at that time."

Maybe Taeyong shouldn't ask, but he can't help wanting to hear it, "do you love her?" present tense.

"Have love ever really fade though?" Jaehyun answered with a soft chuckle, inflicting pain to Taeyong's strongly guarded heart, "I do love her still, but it was more like a maternal love."

There it is again, Taeyong should consider checking his ears to a doctor, " _maternal love_? An incubus?"

"Hey! What kind of prejudice you're holding towards my kind? Of course we have maternal instinct too, we also need to reproduce!" he protested, slapping Taeyong's back lightly being insulted.

"Did I drank a bad medicine or something?" Taeyong is utterly dumbfounded and actually amazed as he realized throughout the conversation Jaehyun kept his massaging steady, talk about multitasking. He laughed though, feeling a burden being lifted off, it may sounds a bit mean, but Taeyong can't deny he's relieved at the fact.

Although he's sulking, Jaehyun still massaging Taeyong tentatively, "anyway Incubus can only love once, you know. So if I did love her that way, you would have seen it. Wait, no, we wouldn't even meet."

That got Taeyong's attention in a snap, "what?"

"Your kind are fickle beings, so short was your life that your heart is so fleeting. For us, although we're creatures of desire, when we love we only love once for the rest of our lives. Well, that's because we rarely ever fall in love romantically and it will show a mark over our hearts, the one and only."

It feels like the time is slowing down in Taeyong's head, everything that he's learning about Jaehyun are so different than he had initially thought. It's like the image of Jaehyun crumbling down only to take a firmer form, one that is deeper than the surface he had scratched. And he may, fallen a bit deeper again. He glanced to a smiling Jaehyun, seeing no mark over his heart.

_He haven't love anyone, just like you, Taeyong._

Somehow, that makes him smile even when a pinch of disappointment felt in his chest, he hummed to hold back the growing smile which in turn made Jaehyun curious, "why suddenly you seem happy?"

"I'm having the massage of my life, why can't I be happy?" he sighed, relaxing again.

"If this make you that happy, I'll do it again later," his massaging get more enthusiastic then, causing Taeyong to moan lowly before he muffled it with a pillow, "why so shy? Let your voice out, I like it."

"Well, _Jaehyun_ , you ain't getting anywhere near my ass for a week ahead," Taeyong deadpanned.

" _No_!" Jaehyun howls pitifully, "I need my nutrition to stay alive."

"You can live from kisses and you kiss me a lot despite I said no-"

"I don't hear you complaining lately-"

" _Point is_ ," Taeyong cuts in with emphasis, "you said you don't want to hurt me, so-"

"Your ass won't be in pain in your dream though," Jaehyun cuts in again with a wide winning grin.

Taeyong narrowing his eyes and lips pulled into a thin line.

"Fine."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song was Utopia by Within Temptation, it's seriously such a good, deep song.
> 
> And Daaaaaaamn I wanna squish them!! So adorable my heart is aching.
> 
> ((and did you see that Food Diary?? Taeyong being a total softie and eyes sparkling in love and amazement when he saw the chicks?? I'm in love! Aaaaaaah))
> 
> Yeah, so as you can see, I'm fine now! Thank you and sorry if I made you worry! (･´з`･)♥♥


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Then we should create more memories to look back to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say except, this chapter is a whole trains of feels?
> 
> Because my brain always so rebellious with me, smh. I may or may not teared up a bit while writing this chapter.
> 
> Words vomit (always).
> 
> BTW I made a twitter account!! I'm planning to post my prompts and my JaeYong drawings there. Or maybe... Spoilers d=(´▽｀)=b  
> Add me if you want ♥♥♥, @sailingfreely

Time is unmerciful, it keeps rolling infinitely and relentlessly no matter how much you want to lay down and take a deep breath for a moment. This time though, somehow Taeyong found it okay and bearable to go through, he may even be looking forward to the mornings and night time. He admits, he loves to be waken up by kisses and warm cuddles, and how at night Jaehyun would unravel him slowly like he's precious, like he _matters_.

Jaehyun is very considerate, never really touch him more than necessary when Taeyong was not in the mood, or when he was plagued by the darkness and the pain of the past. And when they did it, he never ask for more than once a week since the aftermath would make Taeyong limping for three days. But of course, Taeyong's dreams are lewd -to say the least- _every night_  courtesy of Jaehyun. Taeyong can't even remember how is it to have a normal dream.

If we're talking about the present, right now Taeyong sheepishly smiling to himself as he noticed that he wasn't limping today, still sore but a lot more bearable than the times before, and they just did it a day ago. Does that mean they can do it more than once a week now? But when he's looking to himself in the mirror, there's a question arises.

' _Because you want it or because you thought that's the only thing to keep him interested, Taeyong?'_

Because let's be honest, what does Taeyong have that is interesting? He's moody, workaholic, pessimistic and a whole bundle of pain and darkness with problematic friends. He thinks that Jaehyun may be caring for him because Taeyong is weak so being the kind guy he is, Jaehyun feels compelled to protect him. Isn't that so? That's the only reason Taeyong can come up with. And he wish, he can keep Jaehyun for more reason than that and the fact they're bound by a seal. If it's sex, then so be it, Taeyong will try to give it all.

Jaehyun is very considerate, but that's the thing which makes Taeyong thinks, _he's not good enough_. He never show it to Jaehyun though, he acted like everything is fine and he's totally okay with it when his thoughts says anything but. Jaehyun always asked, ' _is this what you want?_ ' and Taeyong would answer ' _yes_ ', but sometimes, he's not really sure. It's him, isn't it? Jaehyun didn't do anything wrong. He's the broken one.

There's another thing that he noticed, Jaehyun always stay in his physical form at all the time, twenty four seven and he eats, he shower and sleep just like Taeyong. Sometimes he would join Taeyong in the shower, but we're not talking about that. The thing is, now it feels a lot like Taeyong living with a human being rather than an incubus who can float or turn invisible at times. And he doesn't know what to think about it, one thing for sure is that Taeyong gets attached more than he like to admit.

"I seem to remember you said that human foods can't help you," Taeyong pondered out loud when he saw Jaehyun opening a bag of chips to munch on.

"Yeah, not really and it only makes me have to defecate since, well, in and out," he's munching a bit dramatically at that for an effect, "I like the taste, since I can, why not? Just like sleeping."

"Defecate," Taeyong deadpanned with a snort. "It just occurred to me that you're becoming more human, you even take shower when you said you won't ever smell bad, changed your clothes and oh, you brushed your teeth too."

"It's a physical form meaning it's a physical body, Taeyong _dearest,"_ he emphasized with an eye roll. "I have to maintain it, or would you like it if I sleep in your bed after I went out and pollution stick to my skin? Or after I ate and slept, it's inevitable there's gonna be bacterias, would you like that? It may not affect me, but it may affect you," he shook his head with disbelieving look, getting back to play with his phone and munching the chips again.

Taeyong slightly gapes at the information, that make senses, "so you're doing it for me?"

"A part of it. Another part because it's interesting, it's human's routines right? I wanna try living as one," he answered without looking up from his phone.

That confuses Taeyong though, "but you've lived with Dahlia?"

"Living in those days are not the same as living the life now, you know. Besides, I can only remember coming home to her at night after working for money, I was barely living it since I was also weak from the lack of energy, told you I can't feed freely before."

"I'm sorry..." Taeyong muttered while scratching at his wrist, empathic and uncomfortable.

"Sorry for what?" Jaehyun sitting up a bit with wide eyes, confused.

"I don't know, it's just, that sounds like a tough life, so I'm sorry."

Jaehyun chuckled to that, motioning Taeyong with a pat to his thigh to come over. Taeyong, who was standing awkwardly in the living room, complying and walked over to the couch, got his hip grabbed and semi lifted when he's about to sit on the couch.

"No, no, on my lap please," Jaehyun said all the while pulling Taeyong to sit on his lap, their chest bumping together.

"Ah seriously," Taeyong bit his lower lip to deny a smile, trying to control the way his cheeks are heating up from how close they're being, hands delicately placed on Jaehyun's shoulder, "do I really have to sit like this? Can't I at least look the other way?"

"Why would I want you to do that when I can see your face like this?" Jaehyun is smiling wide, with those sweet dimples and crescent eyes, his chin resting on Taeyong's chest as he's looking up and kisses Taeyong's chin. So warm and fuzzy Taeyong is feeling right now that he wants to close his eyes, yet he also want to get lost in Jaehyun's dark, sparkling colorful eyes, like a starry night with beautiful aurora.

Jaehyun is beautiful, so beautiful, inside and out, Taeyong's heart clenching at how beautiful the man is. So close, yet so far, far away. This maybe the first time Taeyong tried to see all his features, closer and more detailed, fingertips ghosting the dimples and the thick eyebrows, eyes trailing every inches, every skin just to commit it all to his memory. To feel and to see Jaehyun, it's bittersweet.

"You're beautiful."

Taeyong got surprised because it was Jaehyun who voiced it out instead. He pulls away his fingers from Jaehyun's face, only to be caught by a bigger hand and soft lips kissing it, gentle and tender it brings tingles to Taeyong's skin.

"You're beautiful, Taeyong, so beautiful. And you're strong, stronger than me."

He inhales sharply, chest suddenly feels so tight and throat constricting in ache.

"I used to ran away when I'm broken, hating everything and everyone right or wrong. But you stay true to yourself, still the kind and selfless person that you are even when the world hurts you. You may grumbles a lot, but you always, always put others before you even to those you hate. I know it's not good, it's not healthy, but the fact that you'll feel bad for not helping means you have a heart of gold. Despite everything."

Jaehyun wiped the tears which Taeyong couldn't hold in with his thumb, eyes gazing into the glinting, teary ones, seeing the trembles on the thin lips, "if you say my life was tough, I think it was, but there's happy memories in it too. What about yours Taeyong? Are there happy memories?"

Taeyong cries, closing his eyes tightly and burying his face to Jaehyun's neck. It hurts, racking his chest with more cries as Jaehyun holds him tighter, big hands caressing his back. But so, _so_ liberating. He can see it, he can feel it that there wasn't just darkness looming, there was happy memories too. About Doyoung, about Johnny, even about _that_ man. There was moments when he felt happy.

"There was times when I looked at Dahlia that I thought, ' _is this what I want?_ ' When I was living those times, it does feel tough, questioning myself and was always tired as if nothing went well. Life is hard, it's beating you to the ground even when you're already broken. But broken bones heals stronger than before, and when you look back, there are always many more things to look at."

Jaehyun touches Taeyong's cheeks with his big palms, reassuring and understanding, "you have come a long way, staying so strong that you stood alone on your ground. Your past doesn't define you but it is what makes you, _you._  And you're beautiful, Taeyong, so much."

Taeyong doesn't care that he's crying like a child in Jaehyun's arms, loudly sobbing and wetting the strong shoulder with his tears. The warmth he was longing for when he was a child, for someone to hold him when he cry, someone to lead him the way when he's lost, someone to accept him despite his shortcomings. _A family_. And in the soft caresses and the deep words, Jaehyun so effortlessly gives him all of that.

_Love, Taeyong. It is love, bittersweet and it's a way to search for meaning in life. He's showing you that, the right way to love. Love yourself, cherish yourself._

As he cries, somehow Taeyong is remembering the song which Jaehyun was humming. Utopia, a place which never existed, there's no such thing as perfection, everything have flaws, _everything_. And in the way that Jaehyun said it, it's those imperfections which makes it more beautiful and stronger. He also said that humans are full of darkness, but that's also what makes the light become easier to see, deep within us it _exists_.

So he would trust the lights that Jaehyun said he have within and in Jaehyun did he found utopia. ' _Why does it rain in utopia?_ ' that's okay, that means that they're growing, they are living. It's okay if it's raining, rain is beautiful and it washes all the dirt away. Taeyong loves rain.

' _You're holding my hand but you don't understand, so where I'm going you won't be in the end._ '

Suddenly, he remembers Doyoung. He was the one who's holding Taeyong's hand through it all. They were both immature, naive and striving for attention and acceptance in this cruel world that along the way they're both lost into madness. But Doyoung was always there for him and Taeyong can only get this far thanks to him. And now, there's someone else who's guiding Taeyong into another path, a better way. Is it fair to leave Doyoung alone when they've only had each other before? After going through it all, is it fair if Taeyong is the only one who's saved?

There's a soft kiss to Taeyong's neck, big hands stroking his back gently, so Taeyong pulling his face away from the shoulder to gaze back into Jaehyun's dark eyes. So tender, so calming, Taeyong can't express with words how overwhelmed he is in that moment, so he kisses the incubus's lips, emotional and chaste, from his damp cheeks it gives a slight salty taste.

"Before... Maybe it was about a month ago, you sang a song, about utopia," Taeyong whispers to the lips, eyes connected in the deep, "does it have a meaning...?"

At first Jaehyun doesn't seem to understand, but slowly recognition dawning in his face and the light in his eyes dimming like a candle swallowed by the darkness. This time it was him who hides his face away in Taeyong's chest, arms pulling him closer to the point it almost hurt. Taeyong couldn't see his face, but he could feel the way it's scrunching on his chest, as if pained or sad.

"I just realized that I got too attached to you," Jaehyun finally answered, voice soft almost like a ticklish whisper to Taeyong's chest, to Taeyong's heart.

There's an ache in Taeyong's neck as his chest thrumming at the words, he doesn't know what is it that he's feeling, but it's so full, spilling like overflowing honey in the warmth of early summer. Yet there's a looming feeling that he doesn't want to hear the rest of those words.

"It's sorrowful to know that you'll be long gone and I'll still be here, living this world. It hurts to think that I'll see your end and will never be able to see you again," Jaehyun continue with even softer voice that Taeyong could feel the pain too, the sudden sorrow of realization. "Human's life are so fleeting."

Taeyong have no words to say, tears spilling anew as he's caressing Jaehyun's cheeks, making him to look up and their eyes meeting again. He feels sad looking at the sadness in Jaehyun's dark eyes, but he holds no power to cast it away because no amount of sweet words can fool them from reality. There's a sorry word at the tip of Taeyong's tongue, but he kept it in and instead kissing down to Jaehyun's eyelids one by one, hoping to be able to bring back the cheerfulness it always has.

He smiled with teary eyes, "then we should create more memories to look back to."

It was a sad smile but Jaehyun did look more at ease, rubbing his face to Taeyong's chest like a cat. They stay for a moment like that, Jaehyun softly inhaling Taeyong's scent while Taeyong carding his lean fingers in Jaehyun's dark hair, savoring the warmth they're sharing and soothing the dull ache in their chest from the spoken worry and fear.

Then Jaehyun look up, eyes sad no more and he's smiling those sweet smile of his, with dimples and everything. Big hands stroking Taeyong's back again as Jaehyun kissing him softly, chaste at first before he's licking in his mouth and awakening the burn in his stomach. So intimate it was that a simple kiss could make it feel like Taeyong being stripped naked and caressed to the core. And then a hand sneaking in under Taeyong's shirt, stroking up his back as the other hand inching down into his pants.

Taeyong gasps into Jaehyun's mouth as his thighs tightening around Jaehyun's thicker ones, a bit surprised by the growing heat those fingers are bringing on his skin. But he smiled to the lips, "excuse me mister, what are you trying to do?"

"Creating more memories like you said," he winked, sliding both his hands under Taeyong's butt then groping it with more enthusiasm, eliciting a swallowed moan.

"Ah, seriously you," Taeyong giggles, pulling back Jaehyun's head by the hair and kissing the open lips. No more denial, he will show all his desire, Jaehyun deserves it, more and beyond. He moans while kissing down Jaehyun's neck as the big hands grabbing his hip and pressing down for their crotches to graze together, skin burning hotter at the wish to feel more.

"Do it, Jaehyun," he moaned loudly when the frictions get rougher and their hard erections felt more clearly through their pants. Lifting up his arms instantly when his shirt being pulled off and obediently getting off Jaehyun's lap for a moment to take off his shorts. He was about to take off Jaehyun's pants when his hands being caught by the bigger hands.

"No, today is all about you," Jaehyun said with a smile, pulling at him gently to sit back on his lap.

Taeyong is complying although he's utterly confused, feeling a bit shy that he's completely naked on Jaehyun's fully clothed body, "why?"

"Because I want to spoil you," he kissed Taeyong's lips as he's stroking his hot palms up from his stomach to Taeyong's chest, causing trembles and goosebumps to the lithe body, "I want you to feel, every inch and every fiber of your being of how beautiful you are. So you can believe it, feel it that you're truly beautiful, inside and out. And I hope then, you'll love and cherish yourself more."

Strong waves of affection and happiness washes upon Taeyong's whole body, felt the strongest within his aching chest that he kisses Jaehyun's lips like no tomorrow. Everything about Jaehyun is bittersweet, overwhelming and full of so much emotions that Taeyong found it hard to breathe. But he will take it all, everything that is him, he'll give it to Jaehyun. If he wants, Jaehyun can take even his life, his soul. _Take it all_ , Taeyong doesn't care anymore.

Jaehyun stay true to his words, unraveling him slowly and steadily like morning blooming the flowers. His fingers and lips left no skin untouched, kissing and caressing everything that is Taeyong, his skin, his toes, his overflowing heart, everything. He carried Taeyong to the bedroom, touching him more thoroughly and opening him more both soul and body.

Taeyong feels like he's on the ninth clouds, everything are too overwhelming that he can't remember how many times he had reached heavens. Jaehyun spilling not only his name but also words sweeter than nectar to his ears, his heart. Jaehyun's name repeatedly screamed like a plea, chanted over and over again like a prayer out of Taeyong's swollen red lips.

Precious, so precious, Taeyong doesn't want this moment to end.

_Utopia it was._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Utopia :'))))
> 
> My heart is torn and placed back again, sobs.
> 
> This whole fic actually fits with the way Shawn Mendes's Youth song made me feel. As I listened to the song, it feels like I'm diving deeper into Taeyong's strength in this fic. 
> 
> "Pain, but I won't let it turn into hate. Pain, but I won't let it change me.
> 
> You can't take my youth away, as long as I wake up today."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How do you want it babe?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So honestly my problem is still not solved, but I think it's no use to mope and make myself more stressed. And here I am :') thank you so much for those who reached out to me, you really cheered me up a lot and it feels more bearable, thank you, I'm really grateful.
> 
> And I just want to tell again I have a twitter now with @sailingfreely, found out there are good aus there Hmmmmmm. I also may post any prompts which came to my mind, it's a dumpster really.
> 
> (there's actually a spoiler and teaser of a drawing of Tae in harness, oops)

As he showers, Taeyong keep pondering whether if he needs to put on weight or not, Jaehyun is right, he's too thin. His arms are so lean compared to Jaehyun's, not that he would admit he got puny arms, but indeed it's thinner just like the way his cheeks caving in a little bit. All the stress, lack of appetite and sleepless nights did that to him, at least until Jaehyun came into his life. And now, somehow he come to care about how he looks.

Jaehyun kept manhandling him like a weightless doll, grabbing his waist then pulling him anywhere, to his lap, to the couch, to the dining chair. He may even getting used to suddenly be grabbed and pulled whenever he was doing something, until gradually Taeyong began to realize that Jaehyun only did that whenever he's beginning to over think about everything, as if he's trying to distract him from the toxic thoughts rather than from the chores he was doing.

Not that he doesn't like the distraction, he likes it to be honest, but his pride makes him second guessing the fact that he's being too easy to be led around. As if just to prove that point, Taeyong noticed the big palms which sneaking over his drenched waist and pulls him backward from the pour of hot water. The next comes a warm breathing to his neck with a kiss, big hands traveling up to his chest and thick, long fingers grazing over his nipples as the kisses turned into licking behind his ear. Taeyong hummed to the ministration, a bit sensual yet it lacks the heated touches which always present whenever they're engaging in sex, this was just touches to soothe.

"Keep your hands from getting lower, mister," Taeyong chuckles carefully so the pouring water doesn't get inside his mouth.

"Nah, we need to get to work," Jaehyun said with a soft bite to his nape, fingers still twirling at his nipples, it's starting to tingle though.

"We?" he chuckled again, "I thought you were only following me to work all this time. Which reminds me, you kept waiting for me at the cafetaria or some cafe everyday, aren't you bored?"

"Well, I can't get too far from you due to the seal, remember? The maximum distance is less than one kilometer, I can only wait till you finished," Jaehyun explained which kind of makes Taeyong feels bad although it's not his fault. "It's not like I'm doing nothing while I'm waiting."

Taeyong took one of Jaehyun's hand as he begin soaping his body, elbowing Jaehyun's other hand when he's trying to touch his lower body, "I told you don't touch any lower. And what were you doing while waiting for me?"

"Give me the soap, I'll do it," this time it's Jaehyun who's keeping both Taeyong's hand still with the grip of his big hand, only empathizing even more of how thin Taeyong's wrists are. "I'm trying to get a legal ID so I can get myself a job. But obviously it's hard to get one without connection huh? I don't exist in human world after all, the old days was much easier than now."

Taeyong let Jaehyun keep his hands pinned to the cold tiles and his body lathered by soap in silent appreciation, "you can do that? That's faking the legal papers, isn't it?"

"We can, how do you think creatures like vampires or werewolves keep living in your world? Of course they have to make fake papers and IDs. Come to think of it, maybe I need to get their help."

He makes it sound easy, but Taeyong bet it's not, "why do you need to go through all the trouble to get a job? I can pay for our living expenses, it's not like you eat a lot too. Besides, where are you gonna find a vampire or werewolf? "

"It's against my conscience, I need to pay for myself, maybe help you a little so you can finally stop over working and I have other things I want to buy too. Where can I find them? There's a few in your office if you want to know," he chuckled while taking the shower head and washing Taeyong's body, finally letting go of his hands in the process.

"In my office? Are you serious?" Taeyong can't believe it, mind instantly trying to guess who could it be, "and things you want to buy? Do I want to know what it is?"

"Oh, I bet you are, I want to buy that leather harness you like," he giggles teasingly, "remember that guy your friend Wonho is crushing on? That tall, skinny guy? He's a vampire."

" _Oh my god_ ," Taeyong half whispered and groaned knowing Jaehyun want to buy that thing, wise when he purposely not commenting on it. Those things are expensive though. "You mean Hyungwon? That guy is a vampire??"

"I know you're trying to divert me from talking about your harness, but okay. And yes, that guy is one."

Taeyong keep quiet to hide his blush from the harness talk and from the way Jaehyun is toweling him dry, squeaking a ' _no_ ' when the other guy trying to put on the brief on him, "I'm not a kid, I can do it myself." Yet he relented when Jaehyun lifted an eyebrow, so he's trying to start another conversation to feel less embarrassed, "so are you gonna ask for his help?"

"Just put your legs in this and it'll be less embarrassing," Jaehyun said, continue dressing him, "and no, I don't think he can help me, must have been someone higher in his clan who did all the altering, I need that person instead of him."

Aside of being embarrassed, Taeyong also feels too stuffed by the sudden pampering since being used to do everything by himself, now not only Jaehyun following him everywhere, he's also being all over him. Being spoiled is nice at first, but too much of it makes Taeyong feel uncomfortable in his skin, yet too reluctant to say it out loud since he's afraid to break whatever bubbles exists between them.

"Do you need me to talk to him so you can ask him?" Taeyong asked instead, fingering the dress shirt he's wearing after Jaehyun put it on him. Uncomfortable.

"No, I can do it myself," Jaehyun then lead him to the kitchen with a hand on Taeyong's waist, revealing a set of home cooked breakfast on the dining table. How could he learnt to cook that fast?

"Please don't tell me you gonna feed me too," Taeyong whines weakly, sitting down with the uncomfortable feeling mounting even stronger.

"Yes I am," Jaehyun's hand was about to take the spoon, before Taeyong snatched it first with a hardened stare.

"No, I can do it myself. It's nice of you to be so kind, but I can and I want to do things by my own," initially Taeyong had expected a scolding glare or something of the sort from Jaehyun as he said that, yet instead he received a grin as if he's satisfied.

"That's good, make sure you know what you want and say it when you want," he said and patting Taeyong's head before he walks to the sink and start washing the utensils, leaving Taeyong to eat by himself.

 _So that's why,_ Jaehyun was testing him to say ' _no_ ', to be independent of his own choice and wish without being influenced by assumption or fear. To respect his own self. Taeyong begin eating slowly, mind rolling at the new found fact, this is what was distinctively different with Doyoung. Jaehyun got him feeling attached, but he makes sure Taeyong will still know when to say no, he didn't twist his words to make him submit to what he wants, instead pressuring him to voice out what he have to say and make him understand what is it that he needs to fix.

His heart fluttering at the thoughts, he don't need to be scared that he will do the same thing to Jaehyun like it did with Doyoung, the guy had proven it enough that he knows what he's doing. That's really relieving, Taeyong feels it soaking to his bone deeper than before. After washing the dishes and making sure the kitchen spotlessly clean, they went out together to Taeyong's office. Jaehyun joked, talked and Taeyong laughed and feels more free every each time, the uncomfortable feeling goes away when he realized he don't need to hold back about what he wants, Jaehyun will still stay and understand.

"It's not like there's no way for me to be separated from you," Jaehyun suddenly said when they reached the office area. "I can go anywhere I want for a period of time if you agree with it."

Now that caused Taeyong to look up with a slight fear from the words. Jaehyun have been tailing him twenty-four seven and now he wants to go to god knows where, effectively makes Taeyong uneasy since he's used to the fact that Jaehyun is always near him, all the time. Even when he's been feeling uncomfortable, deep down Jaehyun is becoming a lifeline to Taeyong as an assurance that everything is fine with him there. Now that he wants to go somewhere he didn't know, Taeyong is not sure what to think of it.

"I didn't say anything because I want to be sure you're gonna be okay first if I were to be away from you." He knows, he always know.

There's trust in Jaehyun's eyes as Taeyong stares at it, how could he dare to disappoint those trust? "Okay, how should we do it?"

"Only if you're okay and sure about it," Jaehyun smiled, soft and patient.

Bravery, self respect and confidence are what Jaehyun trying to built inside Taeyong's heart. It's apparent and palpable in the way Jaehyun put all control in Taeyong's hands, he's cultivating the once broken self esteem deep inside that Taeyong exhales slowly, finding himself getting rid of the uneasiness and instead a semblance of confidence taking place.

"I'm sure," he said firmly with a mirror of smile, got mildly surprised when Jaehyun took his hand and kissed the mark of a rose on his finger.

"Will you let me go for a while?" Jaehyun grinned, making it more playful and Taeyong's nerves got soothed.

"Okay," the moment the word spoken by his mouth, there's hot tingles in his fingers et the same time the sea glowing blue for a moment before it turns into black ink again.

"There," Jaehyun sighed with a smile, "I'll go for a bit to get in contact with my previous acquaintances, maybe they could help me."

"Does this- does this mean you can erase the seal by doing this if it's with my permission?" Taeyong asked, slowly swallowing the sudden tightness in his throat. Starting to second guessing now.

Jaehyun stares at for a while, face unreadable, "no, I thought I told you this seal is permanent? We can only erase the limited distance the seal is imposing on us, but that's all. "

"Are you sure?" he whispered, fist clutching the front of his shirt.

"Taeyong, seal or no seal, I chose to be with you. I'm sad at the thought of death which will take you away from me, so why would I take myself away from you when I can stay?"

Sweet, sweet Jaehyun, always knew how to soothe Taeyong. Taeyong never ask what those words could mean, Jaehyun never elaborate, but that's enough, what they have is enough. So he smiled again in relief, "okay... Be careful."

Jaehyun grinned even wider than before, if that's possible, placing a fleeting kiss on Taeyong's cheek before he bounces off with a cute wave of his hand, "I'll come back to you."

"Please, come back," Taeyong whispered to himself as his eyes trained on Jaehyun's figure, going far away from him.

He knows he was getting too attached, but he didn't realize it was this bad to the point he wants to cry. Despite his previous bravery and confidence, it's a different matter altogether to see Jaehyun really going away that far than he ever has. How did Taeyong lived his life alone before Jaehyun came along? He can't remember it even though it wasn't that long ago.

It was a bad remembrance, but this moment can't help but make Taeyong remember how bad he was crying to keep Doyoung to stay. Doyoung was protective of him, but he wasn't the man he is right now at that time. Doyoung was a sweetheart, people loved him due to his caring attitude despite his mean words and nonchalant personality. He was never alone, people were flocking to him and Taeyong was terrified Doyoung would leave him for them.

After all he thought, he don't have anything to keep Doyoung, and so he subconsciously gripping tightly on Doyoung's caring self to have him for himself. Sweet and protective Doyoung just can't get away, he's weak to Taeyong's tears, and somewhere along the way, Taeyong's too tight of a hold over him twisted him, making him the man he is right now. Taeyong keep him with his tears and pain, while Doyoung keep him with his twisted words. How could he failed to see how toxic they were to each other?

Looking at Jaehyun's retreating back now, Taeyong thinks he managed not to do the same thing as back then. He's still afraid, but at least he didn't try to keep Jaehyun from going away with tears like he did to Doyoung, never again. He heaves a deep breath, a bit relieved to know that he's capable of keeping himself in check better now, he's not alone anymore, still haunted but now he's far away from the clutches of his parents, he have friends who can understand him, he's not alone.

Jaehyun is right, he needs to talk about his feelings more and be braver to be what he wants. _Love yourself, Taeyong, and your fear will be more bearable_.

That day he's working as usual with a lighter heart despite the anxiety blooming inside since Jaehyun isn't present. One step at a time. Jaehyun is patient so he should be patient too, Jaehyun is understanding so he should be too, Jaehyun is trusting and he should trust him too. Now, everything about his life is revolving around Jaehyun, a bit alarming, but Taeyong indulge in the fact that he's conscious of what he's doing. It'll be okay.

But does this mean from now on his life is all about Jaehyun? Live with Jaehyun and for Jaehyun for the rest of his life? It seems to be the easiest way, but is it allowed? To keep feeling like this towards Jaehyun when he don't know what is it that Jaehyun is feeling towards him? What if at some point of his life he have to love another person? Jaehyun is not human like himself, is it even possible to live a life with an ambiguous relationship with the said incubus?

Jaehyun makes it so hard for him not too fall even deeper, with him behaving like a human recently makes it feel like Taeyong is in love with a fellow human. But if Jaehyun wants to stay, care for him and Taeyong loves him, what is holding him back? Only the fact that they don't belong in the same species, isn't it? Is it so wrong of him for wishing this ' _thing_ ' to last?

_There you go again Taeyong, Jaehyun only being away for a moment and you start over thinking everything again. Bad habit, just live in the present, don't try to gain it all in one sitting. Be patient, heal yourself first then you can start thinking or talking to Jaehyun about anything else. One step at a time._

Lunch is coming and Taeyong feels a bit proud. He didn't know saying ' _no_ ' could change a lot of things in his life, makes him less stressed and more open and easier to socialize. He realized there are others than Wonho or Changkyun who tries to get close to him as a friend, it's relieving, it makes him happy. They said something about him always looking angry or too indifferent before. Lady boss stopped harassing him, maybe because he have more people around him now so she avoids causing trouble, because after all Taeyong is a good worker. If not more since he's working too hard. He'll try to lessen it now that he have other things he wants to do, like for example coming home sooner to be with Jaehyun. God he's so domestic.

Taeyong was about to say yes when some of his coworkers asked him to join them for lunch, but suddenly he felt a sensation of a hand on his inner thigh, stroking up to his stomach. He knows that feeling. So he turned down their invitation, gritting his teeth to hide the fact that he's being practically molested by invisible hands and the growing smile on his lips. It must be Jaehyun, who else?

Jaehyun must be laughing at him, but he doesn't care, he literally almost running to the most secluded toilet in his office building, knowing the possibilities of what could happen if it's involving teasing Jaehyun. He was out of his breath when he locked the door then goes to lock the cubicle he went in, almost instantly a taller body is pining him to the wall, big hands caught his lean waist and a face he came to love rubbing up his cheek. Damn, he missed this even though Jaehyun only being away for less than half a day.

"Jaehyun," he lets out before a pair of lips kissing him, almost too hungry, too heated. Gasping when hands pulling his tucked shirt out of his pants, sneaking in to stroke his stomach, Taeyong instinctively clutching to Jaehyun's hair to keep kissing those sinful lips and also to feel more, closer, _hotter_.

"I missed your scent, especially when you're needy like this," he inhales harshly on Taeyong's neck, causing harsh shivers all over the smaller man's body.

"Yeah, me too, me too," _I missed you this bad it's unexpected_ , he said with a breathy whisper.

Jaehyun smiles albeit with a questioning stare, "honest, aren't we?"

Taeyong is hesitant at first, but he wants to be true to himself, he wants to let go, his longing being too strong. So he whispered, "take me, break me, ruin me all you want Jaehyun."

There's an unbelieving look in Jaehyun's eyes for a second before it's darkening with a low growl coming out from the back of his throat, "careful Taeyong, I want to treat you gently but if you keep that up, I might _bite_ you."

They stares for a while, emphasizing the tension rising between them and Taeyong challenged, craving, "do it."

Instantly there's hungry mouth kissing him again, so hard it caused his head to collide with the wall, then a big hand cradling it as if not wanting to hurt his head and another big hand squeezing his ass and pulling him forward for their crotches to meet together. His moans got swallowed by Jaehyun's hot mouth, biting his lower lip when that mouth licking down his jaw, his neck as hands touching him so roughly he's sure his shirt will be wrinkled. His body feels so hot, heart leaping for miles.

"Jaehyun, my shirt..." he whispered as he realized that this is reality, his shirt will be a mess for real, suddenly the idea of doing it in the office toilet become daunting. He don't need rumours.

"You love to pour cold water upon my desire, don't you?" Jaehyun may chuckled, but Taeyong doesn't miss the low hiss of impatience.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to-"

Jaehyun shushed him gently, with his pretty fingers caressing Taeyong's moist open lips, vibrantly red in contrast to Jaehyun's pale skin, so beautiful that he kissed it again, slower and shallower. Yet somehow it makes Taeyong's heart went thundering stronger than the heated kiss, this is so soft, feeling it deep to his soul like tender touches to his heart and his skin. Taeyong feel the kisses with his whole body, thrumming with a burst of affection and trust.

"Do you trust me?" he still asked it verbally even after he have shown it with his kiss, eyes gentle yet firm, asking but not commanding.

Taeyong feels so weak, surrendering without question, trusting it all to Jaehyun, "yes."

"Say it baby," Jaehyun leans in as if he's about to kiss him yet he halted just right before their lips touch, makes Taeyong feelin hungrier and impatient even when the hot breath fanning his lips like a kiss and the nickname effectively made him twitch in his pants.

"I trust you," Taeyong finally said with a low voice but still it holds the strength of how he meant the words, eyes open and unwavering, just the way he knows Jaehyun prefer it to be.

Jaehyun smiled, satisfaction apparent and he's lightly scratching his fingers down from Taeyong's chin to the first button of his shirt, unbuttoning while his dark eyes gazing deep into Taeyong's eyes, as if he's trying to project the things he wants to do solely from his piercing eyes. Taeyong choked at the held in moan, tension too thick that it's almost hard for him to breathe, his body has been trembling from the sheer power Jaehyun is bestowing him. Pleasure it was, dangerously intoxicating and his head feels floating like drugs swimming in his veins.

"We have to hurry, don't we? We don't want you to skip lunch," Jaehyun whispered to Taeyong's ear, the sensations being so intensely wrecking that his knees weakens as his body visibly trembling in the mercy of Jaehyun's hands. But Taeyong is good and he's impatient, so he start helping by unbuttoning his shirt from the bottom and was rewarded by a wet kiss under his ear, his favorite which always able to rack his body with shivering pleasure.

"Jaehyun..."

He shushes him again, leaving a chaste kiss to soothe, "we don't want anyone to hear us, do we? I love to hear you, but not when someone could hear you."

Taeyong is damned if he lie about those words not driving him crazy, his dick throbbing painfully in his pants that he couldn't stop the whine to jump out his bitten lip, his lean fingers pulling Jaehyun's hip by the loop of the jeans, hissing loudly when the friction to his crotch was both not enough and too much.

"God, Taeyong you really know how to drive me crazy," Jaehyun half moaned and groaning as he's also rutting impatiently to Taeyong's obvious hard on, fingers still agile at unbuttoning the shirt and his teeth biting lightly on Taeyong's chin, wetting it with his hot tongue and lewd trembles of his moans.

When Taeyong seems about to fall down from the way his knees weakening, Jaehyun slipped in one of his leg in between Taeyong's, holding him up just by the strength of his thigh imas he managed to take off the imposing shirt, hanging it by the door. Beautiful golden skin revealed and Jaehyun wasted no time to taste it, never had enough, not when Taeyong so beautiful, so pretty and pliant for him.

"How do you want it babe? Do you want me to suck you or should I finger you along with a hand job?"

Taeyong was unable to answer in the first beat, being too overwhelmed and chokes on the sudden onslaught of dirty images in his mind, so thirsty, so fucking horny. He fisted Jaehyun's hair and yanks it a bit for a filthy kiss, messy and wet with too loud lewd noises and breathy moans. Then when he pulls away, he bit Jaehyun's lower lip softly before he lets go with a sultry whisper,

"fuck me."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER JSAKKAAL 
> 
> I'll try to update as soon as I could :')
> 
> Let me know what you think, please ♥♥♥♥


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Then, let us try to fill your stomach."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi... I wrote half of this while being sleepy af, so I'm sorry if there's any major mistake, although I don't think there's...
> 
> I'll check later and edit it ^^
> 
> *edited*

Taeyong remember the intense sensation of satisfaction when he inhaled air after drowning himself in the pool, so liberating as the burn blooming in his thrumming chest, warm blood creeping up his face. It's quite similar, but thousand folds stronger which racking his body as the strong arms pinning him up the wall of the narrow toilet cubicle, a loud gaspy moan drawled out of his gaping mouth from the way his legs got spread wide and hooked on Jaehyun's waist, his fingers instinctively clawing at the fair skin of Jaehyun's wide shoulder to keep him from falling.

They are both hissing and groaning together when Jaehyun keep grinding up to Taeyong, eliciting a swallowed cry as he bites the golden skinned neck and relishing in the way Taeyong gripping at his head to pull him closer, deeper into the crook of his neck, harsh breathing hitting Jaehyun's shoulder and awakens a tremble down his spine. He was mildly surprised when Taeyong suddenly biting down his neck too, chewing and licking up to his ear with wet low moans, fingers deep in his hair and scratching at Jaehyun's scalp.

Jaehyun loves it when Taeyong is letting it go, he always sounds so hot, so sexy that he so effortlessly driving Jaehyun crazy, but he's being too loud right now, not to mention too excited that he may not realize it that he's been bumping his head to the wall over and over again. So Jaehyun cradling his head to keep it safe, kissing his mouth to muffle the spill of those lewd noises.

"Baby," he shushes Taeyong who's looking at him with hazy eyes, thin layer of sweat shining on his face and makes him look even more beautiful. The image of Taeyong being so wrecked just by his touches makes Jaehyun almost, _almost_ lose any little sanity he had left. "You're being too loud."

"I've locked the door... And people seldom come here since... The light in the hallway often went out... Too dark," Taeyong whispered, a little breathless, hands pulling at Jaehyun's nape and one groping the round ass, wanting the frictions again, wanting more, "please..."

"You seriously will be the death of me," he groaned, kissing the luscious thin lips open mouthed. Jaehyun then let him down, opening Taeyong's trousers and hangs it together with the shirt, palming Taeyong's small ass through the tight briefs before turning him around and pinning him to the wall again, pressing his erection to the ass, rubbing it teasingly to earn more hisses, "are you sure about this?"

Taeyong almost scream impatiently, but he moans out instead while rubbing back to the hardness and hands pulling at Jaehyun's pants for stronger friction, "yes, yes... Please."

Instantly Jaehyun pulled down Taeyong's briefs to rest on his thighs, stretched beautifully between the spread legs showing the dampness from how wet Taeyong is. He's hard, hot and heavy in Jaehyun's hand, so wet that every strokes eliciting slick sounds in harmony with Taeyong's gaspy moans. Jaehyun hissed a bit when Taeyong yanking his hair too hard, sliding his big palm over the curve of Taeyong's back, to keep him still and also taking in all the trembles of the lithe body.

"We have wasted about twenty minutes, still want to do this?" he whispered suggestively to Taeyong's ear, purposely biting and licking at it to draw out more delicious trembles from the body within his hands. Jaehyun grazes his fingers over the erected nipples, teasing by not really touching it and caught the lean neck instead so Taeyong's face would turned to hin, tasting the breath which coming out from soundless moans.

"Jaehyun..." Taeyong whimpered before letting out his tongue to lick at Jaehyun's too far lips, capable of grazing the moist, soft skin only by the tip of his tongue. So lewd, so hungry.

Then suddenly there are thick fingers coming in his open mouth, twirling inside and touching just right where it tingles the most, filling his body with pleasure even stronger as Jaehyun's stroking his erection even harder, tighter. He was caught in surprise when teeth biting down his shoulder, hot breath hitting his skin and Taeyong bites down on the thick fingers as his orgasm hits him hard and too abruptly, whimpering quietly to the fingers inside his pooling mouth, drenching it filthy with his saliva, uncaring of the stray droplets down his chin.

Jaehyun waits for a moment for Taeyong to catch his breath and come down from his high, hands still inside the wet hot mouth and the other still holding the head of Taeyong's dick along with his warm, sticky release. "We did it just last night, won't it be too sore for you now?"

Taeyong exhales deeply with closed eyes before he's turning his head to face Jaehyun again, "and I'm still soft enough for you to cut short stretching me... I want it, Jaehyun."

Since when Taeyong is so bold? So shamelessly begging for his desire to be fulfilled. Because this is Jaehyun, that caring and honest guy, patient and understanding just like the way he didn't protest even though Taeyong have been chewing on his fingers, leaving dented marks of his teeth on the pale, thick fingers. Taeyong is letting go of his true self when it's about Jaehyun, to Jaehyun, so if he's being too lewd, too dirty, he doesn't care, as long as Jaehyun doesn't mind it.

"I'm sorry..." Taeyong said with low voice when Jaehyun took out his fingers and he saw how bad it looked, humming appreciatively as kisses placed on his shoulder to soothe the bite mark and also to tell him it's okay. 

"Don't say sorry babe," Jaehyun whispered to Taeyong's dark hair, kissing it as he's gliding down his wet fingers on Taeyong's thrumming golden skin, sneaking in between the lean thighs before pressing up to the hot dampness that is Taeyong's twitching rim, "I should say sorry since we have to do this quick."

Taeyong almost scream as Jaehyun's two fingers probing in quite too soon, saliva and his own release being the only lubricant, but Jaehyun caught his lips along with his scream first before anyone could hear it. He keep kissing Taeyong deeply as the man is unable to stop himself from whimpering and moaning to Jaehyun's tongue, the sensations of the two thick fingers being too much and caused a burning pain. But then it ceasing to nothing but pleasure as Jaehyun kissing him wetly, tongue deep in his welcoming mouth and he relaxes around the fingers, ready for more.

"Another," Taeyong moaned while he tries to push back Jaehyun's tongue, actively kissing the mouth above him with his hands clutching to Jaehyun's pants, still pulling and keep pulling to show how impatient he is.

Taeyong got hard again in record time and Jaehyun only got to stretch him with three fingers before he finally pushing in his huge dick inside Taeyong, eliciting more choked moans and cries from the pretty wet lips. It's absurd that Taeyong only realized it in this public setting that Jaehyun always fucks him raw, no barriers and hot skin felt directly to his wet insides. So intense, so overwhelming that Taeyong is never able to keep in the jumping noises out his throat.

"Your voice baby," Jaehyun reminded with his erotic hot breathing to Taeyong's reddening ear, causing a pleasant jolt to his body and back arching to push back to the hard dick inching in inside him.

"Just do it, harder," Taeyong wheezes out before a palm covering his mouth.

"Put both your hands on the wall," Jaehyun commanded and Taeyong complying, finally letting go of Jaehyun's pants, "enjoy the ride."

Right from the first thrust was hard and deep, Taeyong's screams muffled by the tight hold of Jaehyun's palm over his mouth. The next thrusts was unmerciful, intense, fast and hard, Taeyong can only keep moaning from the pleasure, hands obediently stays on the wall to keep him steady although his fingers itching to hold or scratch on something, anything. So he keep licking and biting the palm to savor the way Jaehyun is fucking him hard, almost animalistic, trembles upon trembles racking Taeyong's body from the way Jaehyun so erotically grunting to his ear.

Taeyong can't hold on for too long, Jaehyun fucking him real good and so, he came, so hard was the orgasm he may had white out as he screamed soundlessly with gaping mouth and body arching backward, pressing snug to Jaehyun's hot body. He may even had another wave of orgasm as he felt Jaehyun coming inside him, mind too far gone to realize the consequences of their doings.

"Good?" Jaehyun whispered to his ear, placing a kiss and hard breathing to it.

 _Good_? "awesome," Taeyong breathes out, didn't notice the drool down his chin, still too out of it. Whining lowly when Jaehyun pulls out and only then he noticed the mess he's in and how boneless he felt in the aftermath. But he's relaxing as Jaehyun maneuver him to sit on the lid of the toilet, knowing full well the man will take care of him good.

Being too tired to do anything, Taeyong only leaning back with limp body and closed eyes, not really registering how Jaehyun cleaning off his release from the wall and the floor, then he felt hands cleaning him up. He moaned softly when Jaehyun going as far as cleaning his inside with his finger, the ministration is a bit unwelcomed as he's feeling oversensitive. He didn't know how Jaehyun did it, but the next he came to, Taeyong is already neatly clothed with shirt tucked in and all. Amazing, that what Jaehyun is.

Taeyong only opening his eyes when he felt kisses on his face, soft and sweet, looking up to a smiling Jaehyun but too tired to reciprocate the smile.

"It's already ten past 1 PM, would it still be possible for you to have lunch?" he asked softly with gentle stroking Taeyong's hair.

Taeyong blinking tiredly, body unmoving and a bit confused, he didn't think they had sex that long, was it the foreplay? "I don't think I can stomach anything... But I can go back to my desk at two... I guess."

"Then let us try to fill your stomach, okay? At least a simple sandwich or something," Jaehyun said and try to pull Taeyong to stand up on his feet, "are you in any pain?"

Taeyong try to move his legs even though his knees feels so weak, hands holding on to Jaehyun's arms to keep him standing straight, "just sore I guess... But my legs feels... Weird."

"That's to be expected from the way I did you," Jaehyun smirked with a lift of an eyebrow, "regretting it already?"

Taeyong blushed, embarrassed at how lewd he was, but he didn't regret it, "no."

"Well, I should have control myself more-"

"I asked for it," he cuts in firmly despite the embarrassment, hands flying up to clutch on Jaehyun's dark shirt only for his left hand to catch empty air. Taeyong stares at it in disbelief before he understood what is happening. "Was all that a dream? You're in your real form?"

Jaehyun smiled widely, "and I thought you are smarter than that, no that was real, not a dream. Otherwise why would you feel sore? But we're in your office, baby, of course I can only get in and out in this form unless I want to get caught."

Now that reminds Taeyong, "why did you came back so fast? I thought you went to search for help?"

Something in Jaehyun's eyes darkening at the question before Taeyong could see the slight shivers of his body, "damn... And you just had to remind me."

"What is it?" Taeyong searches the dark eyes, feeling scared for Jaehyun now, because the man is always so strong, like a strong big tree, unmoving and unyielding to the storm. But now, he looks visibly affected or upset, what could have scared him?

"I... Uh, well I was following this vampire energy which I caught on, somehow it felt really familiar but stronger. Yet... It didn't led me to a vampire," Jaehyun whispered the last part, shivering again. "I met a nephilim instead."

Taeyong stares with wide eyes, not really understanding, so he just stroking Jaehyun's firm chest to soothe whatever it is that making him upset. He didn't want to disappoint, so he chose to keep quiet, not saying anything.

"It's familiar... Because I've always felt it here, in your office," Jaehyun suddenly mumbles, eyes looking around as if he came to understand something.

Taeyong have many questions, but he didn't say it. This is the first time he ever seen Jaehyun so distraught, what if his question make him more upset? He didn't want that, he didn't want to let Jaehyun down, not when he doesn't know what he should do when Jaehyun is being like this. But it seems Jaehyun noticed his change of mood since the man is looking tentatively to him.

"What is it? If you have something to say, you should say it," Jaehyun asked softly despite he's should be the one to be soothed.

Taeyong opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, hesitant. But Jaehyun's eyes, didn't he already chose to believe in the truth those eyes held? "I don't... Really understand what was it that you're saying, I'm sorry... When it seem like you're expecting me to understand-"

"Whoa, stop there," Jaehyun cuts in with a smile yet there's seriousness in the way he's staring deep into Taeyong's eyes, "to be honest I was rambling rather than telling you what happened, so it's understandable that you don't understand. And even if I was and you still don't understand, just ask, it'll be more wrong to assume rather than asking directly, isn't it?"

' _Say what you want, when you want it.'_

Taeyong catches on the underlining words and also the words Jaehyun had reminded him over and over again. It seems, when he's too deep in love and wants to please, he forgot to put himself right and instead lifting Jaehyun higher up that unconsciously he's fooling and hurting himself. After all that he had learnt, that Jaehyun had taught him, and yet the moment when he's feeling unsure he forgot it and stepping on his self again, as if all of it are in vain. There's shame clenching in his chest, but as he look up to Jaehyun's eyes, it's enough to remind himself of what he had achieved.

"I'm curious... Why you are so... Afraid? Of that nephilim?" he finally asked quietly, still hesitant.

Jaehyun's eyes flickers with the previous fear and also amusement to Taeyong's reaction, "that nephilim is an offspring of a demon and an angel. A nephilim from the mix of a demon and a human already bad enough, but he was more much dangerous and powerful, he also seems to... Despise us, the demon clans. Not too mention-" he shivers again, "his demon parent is one of the seven princes."

Now Taeyong kind of understand, Jaehyun was reacting due to the hierarchy and power in his world, as they said those who hold higher statuses are stronger and compelling the weaker to submit. But then again, Jaehyun said he was following an energy which felt like a vampire, how could it led him to a different entity? He also said that he felt that familiar energy in this office. What could that possibly mean-

"Aren't you a rare thing, incubus?"

Both Jaehyun and Taeyong snapped to the deep voice coming from the opened door, obviously unlocked although they didn't hear anything, but what was truly surprising is the fact that Jaehyun didn't even notice someone was coming. That's unheard of. The one who's standing by the door obviously shocking Jaehyun as they sniffed out each other's true self, but the man also caught Taeyong in shock. He is Taeyong's employer, the CEO, he knows the man well from the framed photo in every departments, more handsome and sharper in real life, also shorter than Taeyong thought he would be. But he holds a presence which very thick and burdening heavily on their body despite his short built. 

Jaehyun is visibly bristling, like a challenged feline when their territory got trespassed, "you... I can smell his scent on you, you're mates... With a nephilim?"

The CEO, Lee Donghae, chuckling with a slight mocking tone, "not as rare as you, am I? An Incubus born from love, how many long centuries since it last happened? A rare pure breed, indeed." His eyes flicking to Taeyong, his deep dark eyes causing the human to cower a little bit behind Jaehyun, "capable of emotions, huh?"

"What do you want? If you don't like me in your territory, I will leave, but don't touch him," Jaehyun hissed, feeling threatened since he could feel it palpable in the air of how much stronger the vampire is than him, arms instinctively rounding Taeyong and standing in front of him to protect him.

Lee Donghae scratching his nose with a wide grin, seemingly childlike innocence yet they knew he's dangerous with him being so powerful, "this is really surprising, never thought I'll witness an incubus protecting a human, what a gold. Last time I met one of your kind, she actually thanked me for killing her human because he was boring, and she was too lazy to kill him herself. And she's just one amongst many others I've met, with similar stories."

He took a step forward with intimidating presence, compelling Taeyong to take a step backward if not for Jaehyun's tight hold on him. Lee Donghae runs his eyes up and down over Jaehyun, "even your energy wavelength feels different than your own kind, but aren't you stronger than them? Why let them step on you like you're a dirty insect?"

Taeyong's heart leaping at the spoken words, since it hits too close to home, as if the CEO was talking about him instead of Jaehyun. He knows, Jaehyun had implied it a lot of times before, about him being different and not welcomed, about him trying to fit in. But hearing it from another person, makes it feel all the more real, too close to touch like a raw wound still bleeding unstopping. Sweet Jaehyun, he understand because he was there, in a similar hell Taeyong was in.

Jaehyun huffed with a jutted chin at the question though, as if he's proud or too good to even consider his past as scars, "because obviously I'm a lot better than them, if I want to make it even with them, I may accidentally annihilated them... Not that I didn't do anything, but I will only do that when they're crossing the line."

The CEO guffawed at Jaehyun's answer, seemingly satisfied, "I like you. I have my doubts when he told me about you, but as always, he's always right. It seems you can keep him entertained for a while, Hyukjae loves a good drama," he then eyeing Taeyong quite strangely, "and you have a very good looking human."

"I won't let you touch him," Jaehyun goes back to his protecting stance, growling lowly.

"I want neither of you," he chuckled, looking not in the least bit affected no matter how intimidating Jaehyun is being, "I heard you want help of getting an official ID? And a job? I can help you with that, or anything else that is you both need. Oh, but I can't give you a pay raise, Lee Taeyong, unless you really gain it yourself, life is fair."

Both Jaehyun and Taeyong is in disbelief at the turn of event, so Jaehyun asked carefully, "why do you want to help us?"

"What do you do when your life is too boring? And lived long enough to have seen anything, almost. You have a peculiar circumstances that it fascinates not only me, but also my mate who had lived far longer than I am, that's saying a lot," he smiled, too sweetly that Taeyong thinks he had ulterior motives.

"So you're willing to do all that for us, just to keep yourself and your mate entertained? Seriously?" Jaehyun rolled his eyes exasperatedly, reminding Taeyong that once he had told him how he hates vampires, ' _too full of themselves'._

The CEO stares at him with calculating eyes, "incubus indeed can kill their humans by sucking out their life energy, but I don't think you would do that, not saying that I wouldn't though."

That hit a nerve, Taeyong knows from the way Jaehyun is baring his teeth, "are you threatening me?"

"I'm not, but it doesn't say the same to the rest of my kind. Although as this is my territory, I can offer you, _him_ , safety."

Jaehyun keep quiet for a moment, "and what do you want me to do for that?"

"Like I said, just do you, I have eyes everywhere. Think of it like a helping hand, I'll send your ID to his address later," he said with a wave of his hand, "oh and, I just want to tell you there's been another creature roaming in my territory, since your human can't sense us, you should be careful," then he went out after giving Taeyong a look.

Almost instantly Jaehyun lets out a deep breath, "damn him and his imposing presence."

"You think it's gonna be okay...?" Taeyong asked with a small voice, feeling uneasy.

"Yeah, well, it's not a bad idea to be careful still, but I think he just want some amusement in his boring life," Jaehyun rolled his eyes mockingly.

There's a question Taeyong is curious about though, "what does he mean, about you being rare?"

"Ah... Most of my kind existed from the congestion of human's desire, so like, they have no parents and since they're such congestion, many are... Well, bad. But I was born from two incubus who fell in love, and as I and he told you just now, it's a rare occurrence. I'm rare and different than the rest of my kind."

It's weird for Taeyong, he had a gist of it from the little things Jaehyun told him, but now he told him directly, in more detailed manner. Time and again he's reminded of Jaehyun being inhuman, it's weird. Is he in denial? But aside of that, it makes Taeyong see it clearly of how grateful he should be since it's the kind and sweet Jaehyun who found him rather than any other incubus or creatures. He should appreciate Jaehyun more.

So he reached out his hand to holds Jaehyun's bigger hand, feeling happy and reassured when the man reciprocate with a soft squeeze and smiling down to him, as if saying that there's nothing to fear when he's with him. _Nothing_.

 

"Shall we get you some lunch?"

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmm tell me what you think! ♥♥
> 
> (Don't you think the CEO, Lee Donghae purposely coming in when he knows they're done doing the nasty? Lmaoooo)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Time kills me slowly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of got distracted a lot while editing this chapter jsskakladh, I'm sorry if there's a weird part.
> 
> Also, sorry this chapter kind of short, just a little bit of background story about the dark world Jaehyun is living in (not his own history tho).
> 
> I'll be off to sleep after this, yay~

"Are all vampires gorgeous? The two that you told me are all handsome..." Taeyong mused as he's walking down the aisle of the grocery store slowly, trying not to limp so obviously. He should have done some shopping in the weekend, but now those days are for him to go out with Jaehyun or spend some ' _quality time_ ' with the incubus. In other words, giving all his time in _Jaehyun days_.

Jaehyun chuckled while wheeling the trolley playfully, always so excited about something so small such as this, "you could have passed as a vampire too, you're beautiful."

Taeyong is happy and flattered, he may also blusing a bit, but he's not gonna admit that, "no, but seriously, are they all like that?"

"Well, the devil likes them beautiful, so yeah. After all they're cursed human, those who are chosen by the devil himself. Except for the vampire servants."

Now that's new to Taeyong, "so they were all human previously? And what do you mean by vampire servants?"

"Yeah, they were humans at first, those who were lost and wished for something and the devil grants it, with the price of immortality and never ending pain. Pure blood vampires can't be killed, you know, even when you chop them into pieces. And vampire servants are those who got turned into one by another vampire, now, those are the ones you can kill by beheading or staking their heart," Jaehyun explained quite absentmindedly, eyes darting around the items in the shelves.

Taeyong cringed a bit at how easy Jaehyun said such cruelty, but perhaps something like murders are not that disturbing in his dark world, "that sounds... Sad though. Not being able to die, how does it feel? Living for so long, I can't imagine it, it seems so hollow, too depressing."

Jaehyun stop to look back to Taeyong with a soft smile, reaching out to stroke Taeyong's cheek with his fingers, "I guess for a human like you it seems scarier. It is sad, living too long is not always good, it's lonely even when you're not alone. But it's not like there's no way for pure blood vampires to die though, they could be killed only by the one they loved."

Taeyong look away from the sorrow in Jaehyun's eyes, reminded of how different their life span is, it's clear who's going to be left behind in the future, "why die like that? It's too cruel..."

"The devil is never kind," Jaehyun snorted, continue pushing the trolley while holding Taeyong's smaller hand, and instead Taeyong help steadying the trolley with his other hand, "it's the curse they have to carry beside their immortality. When pure blood vampires fall in love, it's their doom, they will be suffering with unquenchable thirst and losing their sanity, aggressive to anyone even to those they loved against their own will. There once was a pure blood vampire who fell for a werewolf, strange as it may since usually they hate each other, and they died killing each other in the end, it is sad. All they did was falling in love."

"Do you?" Taeyong suddenly asked with a low voice, fear apparent in his tone and his wavering eyes, hand squeezing tight on Jaehyun's hand, "do you carry such curse too?"

"Me? No, my kind aren't cursed, I told you how we came to existence, it's not by the devil, so no we're not cursed," he quickly explained, smiling gently since he knows that Taeyong is scared. "I can die just like you, time kills me slowly, only that I'm a lot stronger than human, but that's it."

"You're not just strong though, humans can't fly or turn invisible or any other weird things you did," somehow Taeyong found himself chuckling, Jaehyun is always so good at soothing him.

"Or make them horny and dulling their pain with a kiss," Jaehyun winked suggestively before laughing.

"Is that what you did to me?" Taeyong asked with a shy smile, so weird of him to be shy when he can be so bold engaging the act.

"Well yes, what else could it be?" he snickers, pulling at Taeyong's hand to place a kiss on the pink cheek, "so cute. I could make you not limping now, but you'll be walking everywhere with a boner, hahahaha."

"You tease," Taeyong shoved Jaehyun's face away with slight embarrassment, but not letting go of his hand. "But Mr. Lee Donghae have a mate though? Doesn't that mean he's in love? But he seems fine?"

"Aren't you a tease too, baby?" Jaehyun pulling his hand again and bumping their shoulder softly, grin wide on his pink lips, "you're right... He might be a vampire servant then, something about the way his energy feels is familiar to me, I know that feeling... But who could it be? I think it belongs to a vampire elder."

"Vampire elder? What's that? And what do you mean by it belonging to who?" Taeyong scrunching his face not understanding the things they're talking about but also because he saw the box of cornstarch which he wants was placed too high in the shelf.

Jaehyun was attentive and needed not to be told because he took the box quietly with ease and placed it in the trolley, "when a vampire turn a human into one of their kind, he also gave them their power so the servant would hold a similar energy wavelength. And Donghae's power is familiar to me because I may have known who's his master. Vampire elder is those who are very strong and have existed a very long time ago, the first or second generation of pure blood vampires. Which, I think, one of them is Donghae's master... Wait."

"What is it?" Taeyong halted when Jaehyun stop in his track, eyes looking up in what appears to be thinking of something.

"I think... I know whose energy it was, but that can't be right," Jaehyun is frowning, confusion twirling in his dark eyes, "it was Lord Kim Heechul's power..."

Taeyong waits, but growing very curious since Jaehyun didn't continue and seems to be really confused, "why are you not sure about it?"

"Because he's dead, his human lover killed him in the great war, his power should no longer existed..." then Jaehyun's eyes grew wide in realization, "oh I see, the moment his lover killed him, the curse was shifted to his lover... Making her the one who would carry the power and the curse instead, then... Lee Donghae's master should be Lady Heeyeon now."

Taeyong thinks about the story, imagining how would it feel to grow insane just because he fell in love then be killed by the one he loved, only for his curse to be burdened to his love, "that's... Horrible, and sad. So there's no way out for them?"

"No," Jaehyun sighed, "from the start power was bestowed to them by the devil, there's no redemption for them, their souls are the devil's to take to hell. And now, his lover too, condemned with it." He then staring into Taeyong's eyes, unreadable emotions swimming in the ever colorful eyes, "now I'm really glad you're a human, Taeyong, your soul is beautiful and it should never be tainted."

Sadness, there's so much sadness in the spoken words that it caused an ache in Taeyong's heart. A long life almost like immortality is Jaehyun's burden to carry, there must be a lot of sorrow, pain and regret with his life being so long. Jaehyun always seem so happy, so free but that couldn't be so and Taeyong doesn't want it for Jaehyun, his kind soul doesn't deserve it. If he could, he want to at least be there for him, so he won't be lonely, so there's something for him to come back to. But his own life is far too short, what power do he holds to be able to help Jaehyun? Nothing.

And Jaehyun had just made it clear that he wants Taeyong to be away from his dark world. From the start, there's a good bye in the tip of their tongues no matter what choice did they choose. Taeyong then remembering about Dahlia, the woman Jaehyun loved and now long gone, can only be visited by memory alone. How sad would that feel? How much sorrow Jaehyun is holding in his chest? There must be other people who Jaehyun came to care for, only for them to leave him time and again, sadness and pain is an old friend to Jaehyun, but it never gets better, such pain never lose it's sharpness. And now, Taeyong would do the same to Jaehyun again, wouldn't he?

"Oh Jaehyun," he whispered painfully, a surge of sorrow and affection filling his whole being before he catch Jaehyun's taller body in an embrace, a consolation no word can describe.

Sweet, sweet Jaehyun always understand what is it that Taeyong is thinking, reciprocating the embrace with tighter hug, burying his face into the crook of Taeyong's neck, "you would think a time with less memories is less painful and better lived. But it's not, regret will be your companion rather than peace. I would rather have a lot of memories to look back to, to hold on so I can go back to it with a smile, knowing that I had not wasted it with uncertainty."

Somehow Taeyong understand, and he promised to do just that for Jaehyun, he deserves it, "we will make a lot of memories, I'll stay with you for as long as I can." Then he chuckled to lighten up the mood, "as long as you don't mind of how ugly and saggy I would be when I get so old."

"Are you serious," Jaehyun laughed softly, surprised that Taeyong could joked with such m light heart when he was always so melancholic, "I believe you'll still be beautiful with wrinkles and all, because it's still you."

Taeyong's heart went fluttering at the words, but he didn't comment on it and instead laughing together with Jaehyun, sharing a tender kiss while embracing each other tightly, public place be damned. Squealing a bit when Jaehyun hold him up and twirling him, eliciting whimpers of ' _put me down_!', and only then he become embarrassed by the eyes of others on them. But Jaehyun always stay, smiling to him with a squeeze of his hand on his own. Taeyong thinks, he could fight the whole world with Jaehyun by his side, he truly think so.

"Let us wrap up our shopping so we could go home fast, it's already eight PM and we need to fill your stomach with good dinner," Jaehyun said and kissed his cheek for the last time before pulling him to gather their other necessities.

Taeyong could only grin happily to it, "okay."

_Take me away wherever you want me to._

 

\--

 

But what welcomes them at home is an incessant ringing of the phone, filling the room eerily because they both know who's on the other line.

"You blocked him on your cell phone?" Jaehyun asked, bringing in all the groceries into the kitchen.

"No, that would only make him come to break down the door if I do that," Taeyong sighed, waiting for the ringing to stop and put it on mute, staring at the familiar nurmbers. Doyoung.

"How did you keep him from coming here for so long? Previously he came every other day," he asked again while bring out the groceries to be arranged accordingly.

Taeyong is quiet for a moment, focusing more to placing the items before he exhales tiredly, "I kind of threatened him? I told him to leave me alone for a while and if he's still coming, I would go to god knows where, with you. I know he hates it the most when he doesn't know where I was, so I still reply to his texts to make sure he would listen. Also, I kind of told him you're my boyfriend."

"Oh, so now I'm your boyfriend, huh?" Jaehyun smirked, putting down the food cans he was holding to grab on Taeyong's lean waist, pulling him around and placed him to sit on the counter. Jaehyun seems to fit perfectly in between Taeyong's thighs, arms around his smaller body and a teasing glint is within his dark eyes as he stares at Taeyong.

"Well, what else should I call you? You live with me, share a bed with me, cook for me..." he trails out as Jaehyun kissing him softly, their smiles brushing together, "should I call you my husband instead?"

"I love it when you say it like that," Jaehyun kisses him deeper then, humming contently when Taeyong put his arms around his neck and his legs hooking around his own. "Is same sex marriage allowed here, though? If not, that reason is not plausible."

"Only just recently, so sadly a lot of people still condemning that fact," he shrugged, shivering a bit at the reminder of how much his parents hates him for being gay. At least his parents was good enough to pay for his good apartment, even if that was done only to save their name, because apparently a homeless son is to much of a blow to their pride. Shame on them.

"As long as you're happy," Jaehyun whispered to his lips, either he said that to what Taeyong was saying or what he knew was affecting Taeyong. He appreciate it either way.

"Okay," Taeyong mumbled, seemingly too into the soft kisses, "but I won't tell him you're my husband or else he'll go livid." It feels good to be able to say whatever he wants, even when he wished for the words to be true and he could only posed it as a joke, Jaehyun would still stay no matter what. It'll be a burden if Jaehyun know he meant it though, so it's okay, he's content to live in his own dream.

"Fair enough," Jaehyun chuckled, kissing him one more time before he's smiling soothingly with firm stare, "you need to talk to him."

"I know," Taeyong said softly, running his fingers on Jaehyun's broad back and dark hair, relishing in how good it feels within his arms. Then he echoes, "I know, I will."

Jaehyun smiled and kissing him again, humming to Taeyong's thin lips in appreciation, "we should clean up the grocery first, then maybe we can start cooking dinner for you."

"I'm not hungry," Taeyong sighed to the kiss, pulling Jaehyun closer because he wants this more than any good dinner.

"And I won't let you go to sleep without having dinner first," Jaehyun retorted with a teasing grin.

"But I have work tomorrow..."

"Which is way you should eat," he grinned even wider, knowing he had won.

Taeyong pouted, "I'm too lazy to cook."

"Then," Jaehyun suddenly picked Taeyong up, causing Taeyong to yelp in unmanly way, hooking his arms and legs around Jaehyun frantically. Then he's being placed on the dining chair, "just sit there prettily and I'll cook for you."

Taeyong scowling in displeasure, "I hate it when you do that."

"Oh really? That's not what you said in the office toilet earlier, or in any other occurrences," Jaehyun smirked, challenging.

"I- I mean when you did that too abruptly!" Taeyong splutters, face heating up in embarrassment, "it startled me!"

"And you just confirmed it that you love being manhandled so long as I don't do it too suddenly, did you realize?"

Taeyong splutters more gibberish, face so red like a boiled crab and burying his face in his arms on the table when Jaehyun laughing loudly in victory. He's sulking and stay unmoving even when Jaehyun start cooking and putting away the groceries at the same time, with soft laughter from the incubus like music to accompany the bustling noise in the kitchen.

Taeyong realized, his life is so colorful and filled with so much happiness now. His heart feels so light and he smiled to himself, hidden within his own arms. He loves this, he loves Jaehyun. He can admit that so clearly now, unspoken yet so loud in his whole body.

 

He's happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if you guys okay with mpreg or not?
> 
> Just wanna know how many of you actually read my foot notes lmao xD
> 
> (Taeyong finally feels happy and realized it ♥♥♥)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But who is he kidding? Jaehyun always gives him more than he had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, another update with words vomit :')))
> 
> It's funny how more people left me comments when I asked about mpreg lmao, you guys are hilarious. (Yes, I'm looking at you who said you love mpreg Skskjddhsj. Don't worry I love it too, as you all know I'm a kinky motherfucker, things doesn't have to make sense for my fantasy AHAHAHAHA).
> 
> But let's cut short about my fantasy, enjoy the chapter ^^

Days goes on into weeks, things went like usually, daily things, talking about mundane things, have meals, working on the week days and Jaehyun keep reprimanding Taeyong to stick to three days meals when he's too occupied with his work and almost sleepless nights.

Sometimes they fought because they have different opinions, mostly about Taeyong's work because Jaehyun doesn't like it when he's wearing himself thin for the heavy loads. But it seems, strangely, the mood between them becoming kind of intense in a bad way. Taeyong take pride in what he could do good, which is his job and certain things in his life, meanwhile Jaehyun hate to lose so when Taeyong tell him things he didn't agree with, they debates too heatedly.

Before, either Taeyong or Jaehyun would put their foot down and say, ' _we're going nowhere with this, let's just stop before we fight_.' But now, somehow it's harder for them to take a step back and instead trying to win the argumentation. Which then lead them to get mad at each other and let time softening their hardheaded before they reconcile again. There is something which causes their nerves to be on edges, moody and irritable.

For Taeyong, it was the persistent calls from Doyoung, stretching his patience thin and even more stressed aside from his never ending works. For Jaehyun? Taeyong doesn't know, but he at least noticed that there's something occupying his mind which makes Jaehyun not as patient as he usually was. There are times when Jaehyun is his usual self, but when he was quiet and seemingly thinking of something with a frown on his face, that's a telltale for Taeyong that they'll probably end up fighting if they do their usual, useless, bantering.

It was never like this, previously there was times when they would disagree and sulking because of it, but they never really get angry. Taeyong is sure that whatever it is that occupying Jaehyun's thoughts are what makes the man so moody, apparently this issue began after they met with Lee Donghae. They don't appear to have known each other from the way they've interacted last time in the office, but Taeyong starting to think that there's a history between them to have made Jaehyun that affected. He doesn't know if he wants to know.

" _Why you don't want me to see you?_ "

"I told you," Taeyong sighed tiredly to the phone, talking softly outside his front door so he won't be heard by Jaehyun who's watching TV in the living room. "You're busy, I am busy, we both need rest whenever we have a day off. I know you're staying at the hospital like you always do, I don't want you to get sick since you have a busy job and you would still have to care for me. I can take care of myself, beside your lover must have missed you, think about her more."

" _That's never be a problem to both of us, you were even happy when I came to see you. It must be that guy you're seeing, right? What did he say about me? He doesn't like you seeing me? Is that it? Or did he threatened you or something?_ "

"No! I..." Taeyong exhales harshly, "because you're being like this, you're judging him even before you meet him, and I know what you always do whenever I introduced you to my friends, you just... You keep trying to find fault in them, I don't like it. This man... It's important to me, I don't want you to do that to him."

It's hard to be honest with Doyoung like this, knowing every words would hurt him. But Taeyong learnt not to stay quiet when there's problem, Jaehyun taught him that and Taeyong deserve it, at least. He deserves justice.

Doyoung is quiet for a moment, before he start with his usual prepared words, " _important? Am I not important to you anymore? You have changed Taeyong and I know it's his doing, he's taking you away from me, don't you see? And you know what they always did, making you believe they will stay, making you vulnerable when they made sure I'm not there only to leave you alone again, broken again._ "

"No, he's not like that, he'll stay," Taeyong shut his eyes tightly, affected by the words. Doyoung always have that affect on him, even when he knows the words isn't true, somehow a part of him come to think that the man is right and Taeyong feel the dread blooming in his chest.

" _What makes you so sure? You know you're weak to sweet words, that's what he gave you, didn't he? But that's all it's gonna be, sweet words and broken promises. The only one who always stayed, is me. He doesn't know the real you_."

He feels his heart palpitating in fear, _calm down Taeyong, you know what's the truth_ , "he knows me, I've told him everything and he stayed, I know he would still be."

" _Do you really believe that? We have to meet, Taeyong. We need to talk._ "

"No," Taeyong frantically shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes, "no, I don't want to, I need more time."

" _Time for what? To see when he's breaking you apart-_ "

"You're messing with my mind," Taeyong accused with pained voice.

" _But you know what happened with your ex, I was right, wasn't I? He left you because he can't accept the real you, too clingy wasn't it what he said? And he doesn't want to commit to you._ "

"That's not how it happened, you're twisting it," yet deep down Taeyong is unsure of what he remembered, thinking that maybe what Doyoung said was right, "he doesn't want a relationship with commitment not because of me, he simply wasn't ready for it independent whether if it's with me or not."

" _Words_ ," Doyoung hissed, " _if he at least care about your feelings, he would have tried to stay or break things up in a better way. But he didn't, did he? He just want the easy way out from your life, hurting you. Don't you see? We only have each other, no one can or will accept us like we did for each other._ "

"No, you're wrong, you know you're wrong," Taeyong said softly trying to hold in the cry in his throat, "you have her and I have him-"

" _Until he leave you._ "

"He will stay, I know he will. He cares for me."

" _I care for you the most, Yongie_ ," Doyoung said sweetly, voice smooth like silk and may wavering Taeyong a bit, " _I only want the best for you._ "

"Then trust me," Taeyong says, a lone tears rolling down his cheek, "this is my choice, you should respect that."

The line went silent, if it's not for the soft breathing Taeyong would have thought the line was cut off. But then Doyoung whispered tenderly, so soft and emotional that Taeyong's heart is aching from it, " _I missed you_."

He took a deep breath, calming down the surge of regret and guilt in his chest, telling himself he haven't done anything wrong, "I missed you too, Doyoung. You're important to me too, but I... I can't meet you for a while, please wait until I'm ready to see you."

" _So now he's more important than me_."

"Don't twist my words," Taeyong cuts in firmly.

_"I could come see you anytime I want, I have my own spare key to your place."_

"Do that and I swear I will go with him and you won't be able to see me again."

" _You're threatening me?_ " Doyoung said in disbelief, a soft laugh of mock heard, " _don't you see how he had twisted you? He's changing you to hate me_."

"I don't hate you, Doyoung, I never could. I simply need time alone from you, don't you see what _you're_  doing to me?"

" _Taeyong_ -"

"Goodbye Doyoung," Taeyong hangs up the phone then leaning back to the wall, sliding down slowly to the floor and crying in frustration. Still so affected, hands trembling at the realization of how much power Doyoung still have over him. But he did good, right? He managed to say ' _no_ ' to him, he did good.

He wipes his wet cheeks and calming down his breathing before he went back into his apartment, seeing Jaehyun still watching TV, unmoving. So unlike him, Jaehyun was always able to sensed his mood, even before Taeyong realized it himself, but look at him now. Despite the hurt and tiredness within all Taeyong's limbs, he feels his heart aching with worry for Jaehyun, what could possibly bothering him so much that he almost change into a different person in a very short time?

There's shivers running through Taeyong's skin as Doyoung's voice echoing in his head, ' _making you vulnerable only to leave you and break you, again_.' He shook his head to rid the evil thoughts, trying to remember the trust in Jaehyun's dark eyes, there was no lie in it, he's special, he will stay. But the weird thing about human's mind is, when you're in doubt, even the most obvious things feels like a lie.

_Taeyong, remember when he said how strong you are, believe in it, he saw the strength within you which no one ever seen. Believe it. Now, perhaps it's the time for you to be strong for Jaehyun._

So he walked to the couch slowly as Jaehyun didn't realize his presence until he run his fingers in his dark hair, causing the man to look up in surprise. Jaehyun seems to be shocked when he see the redness in his eyes, but his words was swallowed as Taeyong sit down on his lap, embracing the man's head with his lean arms to console both their hearts. No words spoken for a moment.

"Were you crying?" Jaehyun finally asked, stroking Taeyong's back gently like he always did.

"It's nothing," he whispered, kissing the dark hair for himself and also for Jaehyun.

"Why were you crying?" Jaehyun always sounds so gentle, so soft, how could he forget? There was always care in his voice, his gestures, how could Taeyong forget that in moments of doubt?

"Doyoung called," Taeyong admitted, his weakness.

Silence filling the room again, but Taeyong relaxing as Jaehyun's arms getting tighter around him, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It's okay, it's nothing," Taeyong leaning back a little for his face to be seen, smiling softly so Jaehyun could see the truth of his words, "I can say no to him, and I did, I said no."

"That's good, you did well," Jaehyun praised, stroking Taeyong's hair before he's caressing his cheek with his thumb, full of care and attentive, making Taeyong's heart fluttering and contentment spreading warmly in his chest. _Look at him Taeyong, he's still the same man you fell in love with._

"What's in your mind?" Taeyong asked carefully, holding Jaehyun's face in his hands, sharing the warmth and proximity to calm them.

There's something flickering in Jaehyun's eyes, maybe hatred, maybe sorrow, Taeyong couldn't quite catch it, "I am a hateful man."

"What?" Taeyong doesn't understand.

"It's nothing," Jaehyun said with a smile, a gentle statement that he shouldn't ask more. Taeyong relented and instead let Jaehyun bury his face on his chest. Staying in the silence accompanied by the soft noises from the TV and the questions in their own minds. Questions which not ready to be answered.

 

\--

 

This is probably the most embarrassing moment in Taeyong's life as he's looking around the -a bit hidden- shop and seeing all these _things_ which some of them makes him cringe. He never thought he'll set foot in that kind of shop, but here he is, walking around like a weirdo with face mask on and a hat to hide his eyes in an adult store. He's almost regretting his life decisions, almost.

Well, if he was to be honest, he was curious too when Jaehyun told him about it before. But what makes him goes there wasn't his curiosity, it was his wish to somehow cheer Jaehyun up and his genius brain could only came up with this idea. He's blushing to himself when he saw the items in the store and mind imagining of what he could gift Jaehyun only for it to be used on him. Good god he's far from ready, all these things seems so... Just too much for his sanity.

Not gonna lie, he's both fascinated and terrified seeing a row of black dildos, from the plain ones to those with dots -or is that _thorns_...?-. Maybe this trip is a bit educational after all -not that he could use the information anywhere else-, since now he knows that the colors on dildos are according to the sizes, pink being the smallest and black as the thickest and the biggest, he thinks. Does those black dildos can fit anywhere? _God_ , Taeyong is losing his mind.

Then he come to another row of vibrators, _amazing this thing have so many variations_ , Taeyong wonders how does it feel or how strong does the strongest vibrator would work, isn't that kind of dangerous? When he saw candles, he was a bit confused, why this kind of shop sell candles? Then he saw the picture on some boxes and blushed furiously, becoming extremely glad he didn't come to this store together with Jaehyun before.

There are paddles, handcuffs from the soft one with feathers like textures to those with solid metals ones, pinchers - _oh god, what are those for?_ -, even questionable costumes. Taeyong's head is spinning, overwhelmed with all these things, suddenly scared for his own well being and distrust for humankind. It's amazing how that seemingly small store could contain a lot of items and successfully terrifying Taeyong, he thought it would only have basic things which most people know about, but these...

Until he saw the item which is displayed on the wall, even he knows that item is the perfect one, considering how often Jaehyun talked about it. Yet as he's thinking to take it, he almost sure he'll have nightmares with it before he have the guts to give it to Jaehyun. But there he goes, taking the item in his hands, blushing and getting scared in a mild panic, _ready or die_.

The will to run away is so strong as he's standing by the cashier to check it out, cowering under the stare of the cashier guy. Fortunately the shopping bag is normal, very normal for that kind of shop, almost elegant even. But there's big letters of the shop's name on it, even though not everyone knows the name of that shop, Taeyong thinks it'll be too embarrassing if someone who knows saw him holding it. So he went home by speed walking and hiding the shopping bag in his jacket.

That night he hid the shopping bag away from Jaehyun's reach, grinning uneasily whenever the man asked if he's okay since he's being way too nervous. Maybe he just made a big mistake, but there's no going back and anyways, he knows Jaehyun enough to know that the guy would love the item he had bought. All that's left is for him to gather his bravery and prays for him to like it too when the deed is happening.

But who is he kidding? Jaehyun always gives him more than he had expected.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #PrayForTaeyong
> 
>  
> 
> And I'm SURE some of you guys KNOW what is the thing Taeyong bought, don't you? Hmmmmmm (＊￣︶￣＊)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is their hearts speaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shsjsjsksis trains of words and emotional vomits lmaoooo.
> 
> Sorry if this one is bad :')))
> 
>  
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE LEE TAEYONG ♥♥♥♥ you deserve all the love in this world, my lovely awkward cutie bean

It took Taeyong three days to finally broke down with extreme nervousness under Jaehyun's constant questions. At first he could totally evade Jaehyun's curiosity since the man was also distracted by god knows what, but then Taeyong was being too obvious, too nervous that whatever was occupying Jaehyun's mind got replaced by the curiosity of what Taeyong could possibly be hiding. Taeyong have half a mind to be relieved that Jaehyun couldn't find the shopping bag he hid behind the books in the book shelf.

And maybe, he's kind of flattered that he's important enough to be able to distract Jaehyun from whatever which was affecting him so badly. It must have been a big problem since it could took almost all Jaehyun's attention, but the fact he could take him out of it by mere curiosity or worry, that makes Taeyong happy. Maybe it's selfish of him to feel happy for gaining back Jaehyun's attention again, but at least Jaehyun look more relaxed when he's being curious about Taeyong.

It was in the evening after washing the their dinner dishes that Jaehyun is pinning him with a stern look and arms crossed on his chest, demanding an answer, "something is bothering you and you're not telling me."

Taeyong wants to say, ' _you too, you're not telling me things too_ ,' but he swallowed it down and instead looking down to his fidgeting fingers on his lap.

Jaehyun sighed deeply, kneeling in front of Taeyong and took his hands in his, gently caressing it with his thicker fingers, "I wish you could tell me if it's bad enough that you have trouble sleeping and less appetite. As I told you, you don't need to tell me the details, but if you're hurting, please tell me so I can help you, was it about Doyoung?"

Taeyong squeezes Jaehyun's hands tightly and inhaling sharply to gather all the bravery he had, to say the words he needed to say, "it's not him, it's you."

That seems to shock Jaehyun, his eyes went wide as his lips opened into a soundless question, finally Taeyong said what he's been wanting to say, "something is bothering you, but you won't talk to me."

Then in a split second Jaehyun's face hardens, darkness spreading in his eyes as his jaw tightly shut, it was still his face but it feels like Taeyong is looking at someone else, someone he didn't know, it's terrifying. Jaehyun's hands on his tightens for a moment, caught in surprise until it's slacking and slipping out of Taeyong's hold and his dimming eyes tells a lot that it wasn't just his hands slipping out of Taeyong's hold, it was also Jaehyun's person. He's shutting Taeyong out.

"Jaehyun-"

"You don't need to know," Jaehyun whispered, there's a tint of anger in his tone, but the slight trembles tells Taeyong it is pain that he's heaving, so much pain like denied tears and lies to fool oneself. "I don't even want to understand... I don't want to think," with every each words said Taeyong could almost see the crumbling of Jaehyun's cracks, eyes wet yet a cry never allowed and the anger dissipating into a palpable sorrow in the air.

Jaehyun curling his body to hide his face in Taeyong's lap, arms tight around the waist, the cry is never heard but Taeyong could feel it. So Taeyong bend down, stroking Jaehyun's head and softly kissing it, pouring all his affection to comfort, to tell him that he's there for him. He felt like crying himself, because this is Jaehyun, beside that it's hurting him to see the one he loves is in pain, it's also so heartbreaking to see the ever strong Jaehyun could be so vulnerable, so fragile within his arms. He realized, he never know Jaehyun all that much, didn't he?

What could have hurt him so bad? Taeyong wishes he could take away all his pain, he wishes he could make him happy like Jaehyun did to him. "I'll do anything for you," Taeyong whispered to the dark hair, kissing it again and again because it's never enough to show what he's feeling, "tell me Jaehyun, what do you want?"

Jaehyun didn't look up, only pressing closer to Taeyong as if he's pleading for his pain to stop, voice tight with a hint of cry, "just you, stay..."

"Of course Jaehyun, I'll stay, I'll not go anywhere, I'll be with you always," he whispered with so much emotions, kissing the pale nape as Jaehyun's body slightly trembling on his lap, stroking the broad back to soothe him, embracing all that he is.

"Taeyong," Jaehyun called softly, a bit muffled since his lips pressed to Taeyong's thighs.

"Yes?" he answered with another kiss to Jaehyun's hair.

"Taeyong..."

Taeyong's heart is aching and fluttering at how Jaehyun keep calling his name with that pained tone, but also happy, happy that Jaehyun holding on to him to feel better. If he could do that, even only just a little, Taeyong is glad, anything for his love. "I'm here, Jaehyun, always here for you."

When Jaehyun look up his eyes are visibly red, but there's no tears seen and there's no soft smile which he always shown Taeyong whenever he said that everything is alright. Because he's not fine, is he? He was being true to Taeyong, showing his vulnerability and pain, a crack of his heart bare from any masks just for Taeyong. Jaehyun leaning forward to press his face to Taeyong's chest, inhaling his scent to calm himself.

Taeyong catches Jaehyun's head in his arms, running his fingers into the dark hair and stroking it gently, heart went thundering when Jaehyun rubbing up his face to the under of Taeyong's chin, like a cat, cute yet melting Taeyong into a useless puddle of goo. And Jaehyun's warm breathing to his neck is too much, tingling painfully as Taeyong holding in the bubbling whimper in his throat.

"Don't go," Jaehyun whispered, kissing up Taeyong's neck to his chin, pressing longer at the corner of his lips.

Taeyong softly sighed with trembles, lightly clutching on Jaehyun's hair to calm the shivers running down his skin, "I won't go anywhere, Jaehyun, I promise I won't."

Slowly Jaehyun pull Taeyong tightly to his chest, holding him up and carry the both of them into the bedroom, no words said and only the sound of Taeyong's soft gasp and his kisses on Jaehyun's face could be heard. He put Taeyong down carefully, hovering above for a moment to paint the image of Taeyong in his mind before he too laying down beside the smaller body, curling up his taller body around it.

Taeyong's fingers keep carding the dark strands, gently as if calming down a little child because he don't know what he should do when someone is crying. He let Jaehyun to pull his leg and put it on his waist, thick arms caging the lean torso as Jaehyun once again burying his face to Taeyong's chest.

"You will," he finally said after a moment of silence, voice so thin like a cracking ice in early winter, lonely and bones biting cold. "You will go to where I can't follow. There will come a time when I couldn't hear the sound of your heartbeat again."

"Oh Jaehyun," Taeyong cries, holding on tightly to the crumbling Jaehyun, chest feels so full of pain, clenching sorrowfully at the harsh reminder. Is that what have been occupying Jaehyun's mind? But what triggered it? "Not now, not so soon, there's still many long years to come, Jaehyun."

"We never know," he said and tightening his arms around Taeyong, he took a shaky breath as he whispered in echo, "we never know."

Taeyong shushes him gently, cupping his face and kissing his nose, his eyelids, his lips, either to distract him or to soothe the both of them, he doesn't care. He's caressing Jaehyun's face softly until the man opening his eyes, glinting with brimming tears and the ever swimming colorful lights, so beautiful like thousands diamonds drowning in a deep ocean.

"Don't think about it," Taeyong whispered to the lips, kissing it softly with the pour of his heart, "let's live in the present just like you said, keep it to the fullest so we know we haven't lived it tainted with uncertainty. Live for today, Jaehyun, don't think about tomorrow when you're hurting like this."

Jaehyun reciprocating the kisses instead of answering, gliding up his palms to catch Taeyong's shoulder, so small within his hold. Taeyong let him taking off his shirt and threw it to the floor, warm lips kissing and mapping the expanse of his golden skinned chest and stomach, so slowly and soft as if waiting for a flower to bloom. Taeyong's toes curling and he bit down his arm as Jaehyun licking into his navel, causing his stomach to flutters and butterflies swarming inside of him.

Jaehyun is touching him too slow, the slowest he ever did, fingers caressing his skin as if trying to remember, to carve it in his mind, leaving a burning trails that drowns Taeyong in a sweet torture. Jaehyun is kissing up Taeyong's neck when he's hooking his fingers around Taeyong's briefs, pulling it down slowly like he's dancing with time, savoring every bit of Taeyong's skin. Taeyong gasped softly when finally he's exposed wholly, naked with nothing to cover the impatient twitch of his arousal, feeling it more with his heart rather than his body.

He could feel the unspoken words in Jaehyun's touches on his skin, in his soft kisses, that tells him he's special, important to Jaehyun. It makes his body trembling in pleasure and happiness, what he was feeling is so overwhelming that he's sure he could reach orgasm only from Jaehyun's kisses. This is their hearts speaking and Taeyong softly crying because his chest is too narrow to contain all the love he have for the man within his arms.

"Don't cry," Jaehyun said in a soft tone and with his usual warm smile, eyes still a bit red and softer than it's usually are, the image spreading ache and warmth within Taeyong's chest, "let's not think about anything, let's do what you said, let's create more memories."

Although the pain is still palpable within their heart, open like a deep bleeding gash, Taeyong smiled back to Jaehyun, holding onto the strong arms around him and kissing the lips with the sweetest smile he could muster. They are pulling at each other closer, pale skin colliding with golden skin, hands embracing their hearts and legs hooking to press their bodies closer with nothing can separate them.

They share more than kisses, more than the radiating heat from their bodies, they are sharing their pain, their scars, their fears. Every touches made with the will to soothe, to heal and to understand. Every kisses placed as a vow that they'll stay, to be there for each other and the burst of their affection racking not only their bodies, but also their souls, both broken but they're holding on to each other.

They're both learning to live with their scars, now Taeyong too, will try his best to be the pillar that Jaehyun needed.

When their hearts are at ease, they're gazing to each other's eyes with a soft smile, wonders and emotions rippling within it calmly like a deep lake. Taeyong grazing the tips of his fingers on Jaehyun's face, slowly going down to his neck, to his collarbone then his dark shirt, fingering at the first button.

Jaehyun's smile gets wider with a hint of mischief amidst the calmness in his eyes, "naughty."

He kissed Jaehyun's lips chastely as he popped off the button and sliding down his fingers on the firm chest to the next buttons, opening it one by one, slowly and taking his time. He's smiling and kissing the lips deeper when he noticed the shift in Jaehyun's breathing, opening the last button and sliding his palm back up over Jaehyun's taut stomach, his chest then his shoulder, pushing off the dark shirt to fall on Jaehyun's back, fingers scratching lightly at the naked skin.

"Taeyong," Jaehyun called with a soft whisper, kissing Taeyong's naked shoulder at the same time Taeyong kissing his ear, whispering to it.

"Jaehyun," feeling happy and goosebumps awakens on his skin as he caused the same reaction to Jaehyun, gasping to the ear when Jaehyun grabbing his butt a bit too heatedly. Suddenly Jaehyun pushing him to lay on his back and the man hovering above him, taking off his shirt and throwing it to the floor while Taeyong taking in all the twitching firm muscles of Jaehyun's body with his eyes, running his palms over the pale skin and scratching lightly at the light brown pinkish nipples before Jaehyun's bigger hands caught his lean wrist and pinning it to the bed.

"Your hands are dangerous," Jaehyun lowly moaned to Taeyong's cheek before he's kissing him hungrily, like a starving man and he's about to devour Taeyong whole.

Taeyong reciprocate the kiss with much fervor, if not more enthusiastic, tugging at his hands because he wants to touch Jaehyun so badly, but he relented and instead arching his back so their torso colliding and gliding together with the thin forming sweat on their skin to smooth it.

"Fuck, Taeyong, you're killing me everytime you're so excited," he hissed, biting the shoulder and eliciting a choked low scream to keep Taeyong still, "I swear I need to tie you up or I'll be dead for real."

Suddenly Taeyong blushed and stop moving under Jaehyun imposing figure, legs tightening around Jaehyun's thicker waist as if he's suddenly shy and want to close his legs. "Why are you suddenly shy?" Jaehyun inquired, confused but also amused.

"You can," Taeyong said with a shuddering breath, hands fluttering in Jaehyun's hold, "you can tie me up, Jaehyun."

The reaction is immediate, a growl jumped out of Jaehyun's mouth and he pushes down to create a delicious friction to their crotches, drawling out moans from the both of them. Jaehyun gripping Taeyong's hand harder, the skin around it turning white from the sheer power and he's kissing down to Taeyong's thin lips, a hint of sweetness on his tongue.

Jaehyun then straightening up, knees digging into the bed at each side of Taeyong's waist, reaching down to open his jeans only for Taeyong to catch his hands, "let me."

"What?"

Taeyong is sitting up instead of answering, his lean agile fingers grazing the cold metal button of the jeans and opens it slowly, eyes looking up into Jaehyun's surprised ones, darkening with lust. His breathing is shaky when Taeyong placing kisses on his pale stomach, abs twitching from the rush of blood under his skin, hands instinctively flying to catch Taeyong's head.

"Taeyong," he hissed in warning.

"I want to," Taeyong whispered and heart went thundering as Jaehyun bend down to kiss his lips, hair slightly pulled as Jaehyun is holding him tight, as if to ground himself so not to lose his remaining sanity.

Taeyong gave Jaehyun's lips the last peck before he's trailing kisses down the pale stomach, kissing the navel a bit longer before he's grazing his lips at the start of the dark thick hair, hands sliding down the jeans along with the boxer and Jaehyun's heavy erection sprung out lightly tapping his chin. Taeyong let's out a choked moan, the sight sending all his blood down to his groin, too affected by the fact that Jaehyun is reacting so well to him.

He's caressing the thick thighs gently as he kissed the pulsating red skin, relishing at the twitch on his lips and the way Jaehyun's muscles tensing under his palms. He gave it a long lick at the underside, body shivering when Jaehyun lets out a low groan at his ministration, heart beating so fast it almost feels like it's going to burst out his chest. _Damn_ , he's the one who's giving a blow job yet his whole body could feel the hot tingles spreading even to the fingertips.

Taeyong tried to give Jaehyun the best he could do, but he's unfamiliar with blowing someone, he supposed he's pretty clumsy but the reactions Jaehyun lets out is boosting his confidence and so he do it harder and deeper. But before Jaehyun's dick even hit the back of his throat, Taeyong is already gagging, coughing still with Jaehyun inside almost down his throat. The hands which cradling his head is too gentle, after his coughing fit ceases Jaehyun is already sitting down with their eyes leveled, a sweet smile on his lips and his thumb stroking Taeyong's wet and slightly swollen red lips.

"Baby, you don't have to do that when you're not ready," he softly shushing him when Taeyong is coughing again.

"But I want to," Taeyong is awkwardly smiling, making Jaehyun chuckling and there's something twirling in his eyes as his thumb caressing Taeyong's cheekbone, soft like calm waves by the shore, warm from the sun when it's lapping to the skin.

Taeyong instinctively opening his lips when Jaehyun leaning forward to kiss him, head titling just right as if they're puzzle pieces fit for each other. Everything is slow, mellow like sunlight under the curtain, their lips moulding perfectly taking all the time they have in the world. Jaehyun lightly pushing at Taeyong's chest to lay him back to the bed, but then Taeyong remember something.

"Wait," he's sitting up again, their faces being too close that he could see the flaws on Jaehyun's face, but still he's far too beautiful that Taeyong is caught in a trance for a moment, heart beating from the sheer beauty that is Jaehyun.

He was woken up by a kiss and a soft chuckle fanning his lips, suddenly his heart feels so full because there's no more sorrow within Jaehyun's eyes, instead there's mirth and softness in it, just like how Jaehyun usually is. He feels happy to be able to pull Jaehyun out of his darkness, even if it's only for a moment, it's good enough. Now he feels even more sure to do what he intended to do, despite his own uncertainty.

"What are you thinking?" Jaehyun mere whispers could cause waves of affection within Taeyong's chest, their mingling radiating heat feels almost like gentle caresses on their skin.

"You," Taeyong admitted with the burst of his love, "always about you. I... I have something for you." he tries to get up but Jaehyun hugged him and pulling him back down to the bed.

"Where are you going?" he whines, arms tight around Taeyong's torso.

"Just to the living room, I'll be back fast," Taeyong smiled despite the nervousness clenching his stomach and the rising sense of nausea near his throat. _Calm down Taeyong, he wouldn't judge, if anything you might even cheer up him with the ridiculousness of it_. Taeyong kissed Jaehyun shortly when the arms around him letting him go, brushing back Jaehyun's hair more to soothe his own nerves rather than coddling the man.

"Wait here, I'll be back," he said lastly, finally brave enough to do it.

 

Fuck it, let's just get this over with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay~~ it's finally happening ♥♥♥ next chapter lololol. Sorry for those who's waiting for the filth xD


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "don't tell me to wait because you know I'm impatient."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here you go the update, hopefully fine and satisfying?? Since you guys asked for more SMUT jeez
> 
> (AND IT'S LONGER THAN THE OTHER CHAPTERS SHSJSJSKSIS)

The shopping bag feels kind of heavy in his arms, pressed tightly to his chest and he's kind of also forgotten that he's standing outside his bedroom door in full nudity. His heart palpitating hardly in his chest, nervous and scared, but then why is he scared? This is Jaehyun. What Jaehyun did with his tentacles was still worst than the thing in his arms.

"I know you're standing there, just come in," Jaehyun deep voice heard a bit muffled by the door, too thin for Taeyong nervous self yet too thick for Jaehyun impatient self.

He exhales shakily before he turned the doorknob and push it open, revealing a sitting Jaehyun on his bed as naked as himself. Now that enough to make Taeyong start questioning his life choices but also thrilled to try it all. Jaehyun's dark eyes scanning Taeyong's body for a moment before it fell on the bag in his arms, a smirk made on his lips and crooked his fingers motioning Taeyong to come closer.

"And what do you have there?" he asked in suggestive tone, "come baby, don't tell me to wait because you know I'm impatient."

Taeyong slightly shivering at the tone, feet bringing him closer to Jaehyun against his own consciousness. Jaehyun's big hands caught Taeyong naked waist before pulling him down to sit on his naked thighs, burning Taeyong's skin even more, a gasp jumped out his lips at the way Jaehyun's naked thighs feels under his own bare ones, already so arousing it was.

He moaned when Jaehyun's soft lips mouthing at his neck while one of his hand taking the shopping bag out of Taeyong's hold. Taeyong is too lost in the sensations of those sinful lips on his skin and that big palm caressing his naked back that he didn't realized Jaehyun did all that at the same time he's peeking into the shopping bag, goosebumps made on his skin when Jaehyun chuckled softly to his ear.

"Look what we have here," he whispered with a soft bite to Taeyong's ear, then pulling away a little bit to take the item out of the bag, a leather choker connected by a torso length leather to a handcuff, "a black harness, just like what I wanted to buy for you. Only you bought it first, too keen for it?"

"I- ah..." he gasped as Jaehyun grazing his nipple with the coldness of the black leather, twirls of flame and shame burning hotter in his gut, blood rushing to his groin. "I thought... You will like it."

"Oh yes," Jaehyun half gasping and moaning to Taeyong's ear, sliding the leather across his nipples then the sensitive spots in his neck, "of course I like it, but do you? I'm not doing anything with it if you don't like it."

Taeyong almost curse as Jaehyun is chuckling and biting his ear, _what a fucking tease_ , "...me too."

"You too what, baby? Speak your words, properly," he licks Taeyong's ear, drawing out trembles and a whimper from the naked man on his lap, grazing the leather again against the neck because that's where he'll put it on.

"I... I like it too," he hissed, jolting a bit when Jaehyun yanking back the hair on his nape to show the expanse of his neck. He's rutting down to the erection which been poking his ass as Jaehyun biting at his throat, legs spread and mouth opened in a loud moan, hands buried in Jaehyun's dark hair to pull him closer, to feel more.

"You're so good to me," he groaned, pushing back upwards for more friction, elated at the way Taeyong's wet dick rubbing up his stomach, so hard and hot for him. Then he unclasp the leather harness to circle it on Taeyong's lean neck, hiding the bruise he just made on the golden skin, "should I make you wear this harness to hide my mark tomorrow since you have work? Imagine what would people think to see you so pretty for me."

"No..." he whines, a bit uncomfortable at how stiff the leather is against his skin, but also too aroused to complain, hands tightly on Jaehyun's naked broad shoulder.

"No? No what baby? You don't want to wear this?" Jaehyun teasingly brushing the leather on his skin, not yet clasping it on, the long end of the leather with a handcuff dangling in provocation on Taeyong's fluttering stomach.

"No one else... Can see, just you," he whispered, dick twiching on Jaehyun's stomach when the man's shuddering moan hit his chin, hot swirls of arousal dancing under his skin unstopping.

"Taeyong, goddammit," Jaehyun cursed and kissed him hard, licking deep into his mouth and teeth biting his lips, "suddenly I have an urge to tie you up and locked you in a room where no one can see you."

Taeyong jerked shakingly at the image of it, pleasure racking his body only by mere words, "not that please..."

He hummed, leaving a chaste kiss to Taeyong's neck before finally clasping the black leather on it, pulling lightly at the long, connected handcuff to press Taeyong's chest flush against his own, their hearts thrumming together and heat seeping into their skin. "Is it too tight?"

"No... It's okay," Taeyong kissing the pink lips, making it red again and more, chest warm with the way it's a bit swollen from his kisses. Then he's leaning back to give Jaehyun both his hands, silently surrendering to the man to put the handcuff on him.

"Oh no baby," Jaehyun chuckled, one hand pulling Taeyong again by the leather and the other caught Taeyong's hands to move it to his back, "when I handcuffed you, I'll do it at the back, not the front."

Taeyong shuddering at the promise, a bit scared yet more thrilled, he lets out a soft, "okay."

"Good. Now," Jaehyun tugged at the leather to wordlessly ask Taeyong to stand up and so the man did. Jaehyun rounding the harness so the long end will fall on Taeyong's back, pulling to make the lithe man take a step backward and their bodies colliding lightly, his firm chest to Taeyong's trembling back. "put your knees at the edge of the bed, Taeyong."

He took a shaky breath before crawling back to the bed, knees feels like a jelly but the holds of Jaehyun's hand on the harness keep him from falling. It's getting harder for him to breathe and it's not from the leather around his neck, it's loose enough for him to breathe without restraint, but it's the tension and Jaehyun's dominance which affecting him so bad. He's bending on his four limbs on the bed since his body feels so weak, but Jaehyun pulls again at the harness and make him straighten up his back, knees digging hard on the edge of the bed and Jaehyun breathing down his nape.

"We haven't even started yet," he chuckled with a kiss to Taeyong's burning neck, either from the arousal or the friction from the leather on his skin, Taeyong didn't know, all he knows is he's surrendering completely to Jaehyun's ministrations. Still with the harness being pulled backward and their body flushed together, Jaehyun running his hot big palm over Taeyong's chest, inching down slowly over his twitching stomach then scratching his fingers at the dark hair near his arousal.

"What do you want me to do, Taeyong? Tell me," he whispered heatedly to his ear, teeth grazing the shell not really biting yet affecting enough to make Taeyong shuddering.

"Whatever you want, you can do whatever you want with me," he breathed, gasping for more air to fill his lungs, burning from the lack of it since his heart thundering in his chest.

"Always know how to drive me crazy, fuck," Jaehyun hissed, yanking at the harness to turn Taeyong's head to face him, kissing him deeply as he's circling his thick fingers around Taeyong's leaking erection, "you're so wet already, can you hear the noises when I touch you?"

He whines to the lips, moans swallowed by Jaehyun's hungry lips as the hand start stroking his arousal harder, but slow in a teasing manner. His hip moving by itself to the tightness of Jaehyun's hold wanting for more, but Jaehyun stop him with the pull at the harness, shushing him softly when a whimper escaped his lips.

"Patience baby, I'll give you more, in time."

Taeyong almost cry, feeling too much and not enough at the same time, this is pure torture. But he doesn't want this to stop, he knows Jaehyun will take care of him good. So he's complying, grazing his feet on Jaehyun's naked calves and hands pulling at the round ass for more friction of the erection on his own ass, moaning unashamedly as Jaehyun stroking him faster, harder, only to stop when he's about to reach his high, so painful he cried out devastatedly.

Jaehyun groaned since Taeyong been groping on his ass too intense, "you seriously have naughty hands, lets tie it up now."

He couldn't hold in the whimper when Jaehyun let him go, harness slacking and the handcuff dangling near his ass. But he didn't have time to feel disappointed when Jaehyun gives him the next command, "on your four, baby."

Taeyong instantly complying, bending down and placing both his hands on the bed, ass jutting up on the air giving Jaehyun a good view to his opening. He feels embarrassed when he heard a hiss and the big hand caressing and squeezing his ass, parting the cheeks apart so the cold air hitting his rim, making it twitch in anticipation.

"Your hands first," Jaehyun said, almost like he's telling that to himself rather than to Taeyong. He placed a pillow near Taeyong's head and another two under his stomach, "put your head here then place your hands on your back."

Taeyong slowly put his head on the pillow, the pillows under his stomach makes it easier and comfortable for him to keep the stance even with his hands on his back, but suddenly fear growing in his chest as Jaehyun about to put the handcuff on him, " _wait_ \- wait Jaehyun-"

"What is it?" he stopped, a hand caressing his back as if to reassure him.

In that position Taeyong can't move, he'll be completely at Jaehyun's mercy, is he ready for that? He knows Jaehyun wouldn't hurt him, but still the fear is there, it's unexplainable. "I'm... I'm scared."

"Do you want to stop?" Jaehyun asked with a soft voice, understanding and not at all pressuring, hands still caressing Taeyong in a soothing way.

Does he? He don't want to stop, but his heart feels scared, he can't help it. Jaehyun is not 'him', but this subdued position taints his mind with the scar of the past, he's scared. He thinks he's being stupid, but he can't help feeling that way even though it's Jaehyun who's been handling him with utmost care.

Then slowly Taeyong feels soft kisses on his skin, pulling him out of the fear which drowning him for a moment, Jaehyun touching him tenderly without any hint of lust, just to calm him down, "we can stop or do it in the way you want. Or do you need a safe word to make you feel comfortable?"

"Safe word?" he asked lowly, unsure.

"I will never hurt you, but if you need it, we should have one so I know when to stop and you'll feel safe. How about it?"

Jaehyun, always so sweet and understanding, Taeyong found himself calming down already, "okay."

"What should the word be, hm?" Jaehyun bend down to kiss Taeyong's cheek, soft and gentle, fingers carding his hair soothingly.

"I don't know..." he whispered, heart fluttering from the gentle touches, "peach?"

Jaehyun softly laughed, "why peach?"

"I... It kind of reminds me of your chubby cheeks... When you're blushing, it's cute," he's amazed that he's calm enough to giggle along.

"My cheeks, huh? Or my butt cheeks?" he smirked suggestively, making Taeyong blushed.

"Shut up," he whines, burying his face to the pillow.

"Okay," he chuckled, stroking Taeyong's back again and kissed his cheek once more, "ready to continue?"

Taeyong still feel a bit scared, but he thinks, if he doesn't trust Jaehyun, who will he trust? "okay..."

"We will go slow and I'll make you forget how to feel scared," he winked, kissing down Taeyong's spine before holding the lean wrists on the naked back, kissing each hands then clasping the handcuff on it, "feeling alright?"

Taeyong hummed, ambiguous with his answer so Jaehyun lightly tugging at the long leather which falling on his back, "words, baby."

"Yes... Yes, I'm good," he answered breathlessly.

"Good, I'm proud of you," Jaehyun kissed his shoulder and tapping the inside of Taeyong's thigh with his fingers, "spread them open when you're ready."

He heaves a deep breath before spreading his legs, back arching to push up his ass more, embarrassed but also aroused. Jaehyun sliding both his palms on Taeyong's golden skin, caressing the slim waist then to the small ass, stroking down the smooth thighs eliciting soft gasps out Taeyong's lips. His soft touches are with purpose, to soothe and to arouse Taeyong more so he'll be more comfortable with no hints of fear.

"Jaehyun..." he sighed blissfully, a sign that he's okay and ready for more, body becoming more sensitive from the gentle ministration.

Jaehyun hums in acknowledgement, placing kisses on the tail bone then trailing down to the butt cheeks, causing Taeyong to jolt in understanding of what the man is about to do, "Jaehyun-!"

His scream went too pitched it's lost in the air, body jerking in surprise and intense pleasure when Jaehyun licking his rim with the flat of his tongue, sinfully rough to his delicate skin. A drool spurted out of his lips as he chokes at the racking pleasure, hands instinctively tugging hard but tied strongly it couldn't move, he's wriggling his lower body due to it and Jaehyun shushing him with a pull at the leather.

"Baby, stay still, just enjoy it."

"Jaehyun- ah!" he keens, back arching even more and hands reflexively yanking at anything it could reach, Jaehyun's dark hair it was and he didn't know if he's pulling or pushing at it. Shuddering hard when Jaehyun licking inside, deep and sucking at it, "d- it's dirty! Jaehyun..."

"It's not, baby, you taste good," he breathed a moan while vibrating his tongue inside, causing Taeyong jerking even more.

"Ah! Hngg-" he mewls, biting and soaking the pillow in his mouth, fisting harder at Jaehyun's hair. He heard a hiss, probably hurting Jaehyun with it, but the man didn't stop nor stopping him, rimming Taeyong with more fervor with occasional hot moans and bites around his ass. Too sensitive, too overwhelming, too shameful.

When Taeyong beginning to calm down his writhing and instead savoring in the intense pleasure, Jaehyun pushing in one of his thick finger, making him whimpers as it a snug fit inside him since only being lubricated by saliva alone. He's moaning unrestrained, embarrassment be damned, head starting to be clouded and he pulls at Jaehyun's hair again wanting for more, thighs burning and trembling in desire.

Jaehyun is opening him to three fingers, spitting and licking inside so generously Taeyong is so wet and dripping down to his inner thigh. They didn't use any lube, so when Jaehyun rubbing the head of his dick to Taeyong's opening, he's shivering in anticipation, far too stimulating.

"Are you ready to take me, Taeyong?" Jaehyun asked with affected breathing and a slight pull at the harness.

"Yes, yes I'm ready... Please," he writhes, screaming soundlessly when Jaehyun breaching in only using the wetness of his saliva, inching in too slowly that despite the stretch causing a burning sensation, Taeyong wishes he would do it harder, faster.

He's whimpering and screaming through gritted teeth as Jaehyun thrusting in the last inch with a hard impact, shoving Taeyong's head off the pillow and deeper into the bed. "Jaehyun- Jae..." he gasped, hands tugging backward to find purchase, but could only grazes his fingertips on Jaehyun's taut muscles of his stomach.

Jaehyun only waited a few seconds before he start thrusting slowly and shallow, yet never fails to brush across the bundle of nerves inside Taeyong, eliciting desperate moans and whines. "Please... Please Jaehyun..."

He only chuckles, pressing at Taeyong's nape and occasionally pulling at the harness as he continue fucking him open slowly, tortuously slow. Taeyong is losing his mind, head spinning with clouding pleasure and body thrumming with burning lust, tears spilling out of his eyes without him being able to control it.

"Jaehyun please..." he cries out, trying to push back his body to Jaehyun's thrusts but the heavy hand on his nape didn't allow him to.

"Please what, baby?" his deep and husky voice makes Taeyong shivering even more.

"Fuck me harder!" he screamed frustatedly.

Suddenly the hand on his nape moved and coiling around the front of his neck, another strong arm hooking at his thigh and the next thing Taeyong know he's already being pinned to the headboard, face pressed to the cold wall. He moaned as Jaehyun sliding inside deeper, body trapped between the wall and Jaehyun, the room feels burning even hotter from the radiating heat coming off of Jaehyun's firm body pressing flush to his back.

Jaehyun growled as he's thrusting up into Taeyong harder, causing Taeyong's head to bump the wall before he cradles it with his big hand. Taeyong couldn't register the kiss Jaehyun placed on his temple, only relishing the pleasure and the way Jaehyun is racking his body, moan after moans spilling out his mouth and he presses back at each thrusts to feel more of the man.

"You like that baby?" he whispered sultrily to Taeyong's ear, gaining a tremble and a gaspy moan out of the smaller man in his arms. Jaehyun grunts as Taeyong is tightening around him, nails scratching his stomach and thighs since his hands is tied and pressed between their bodies.

"Yes..." he moaned and screamed when Jaehyun thrusting up hard, "yes!"

Jaehyun pulled Taeyong's head to rest on his shoulder since his head keep bumping to the wall even when he's holding it, pressing his palm on the heaving chest to keep him there securely, kissing the shoulder up to the ear. He do it slower, shivering pleasantly at the way Taeyong shuddering against him, when he turns his face to kiss Jaehyun's chin, his lips, softly like the slow pace they're taking.

"Taeyong," he kisses the soft thin lips, burst of affection filling his chest and he holds him tighter, closer.

"Jaehyun," Taeyong leaning his head to kiss the cheek, whispering into the ear, "anything for you, don't stop."

Jaehyun grunts as he pushed Taeyong to the wall again, still keeping the head secure in his hold, thrusting harder and faster while his other hand reaching down for Taeyong's leaking erection and stroking him, eliciting series of moans over and over again, beautiful to his ears, burning in his chest in affection and proudness, and swirling hotly in his groin.

Taeyong jerked and stills in Jaehyun's arms as he came with a scream, mouth gaping with soundless strings of moans and short breaths, clenching tightly around Jaehyun yet what made him reached his completion was the way Taeyong was so wrecked, unravelled and beautiful by his own doing, only his. He came hard, squeezing Taeyong harder against his own bigger body, fits perfectly within his arms.

He then holds Taeyong carefully and laying him down on the bed, shushing with soft kisses as the man whimpering when he pulls away and undoing the harness off the limp body, caressing the slight burn marks on the golden skin soothingly. He put the harness carelessly on the nightstand, uncaring how it's dangling then falling down to the floor.

"Baby, are you okay?"

Taeyong still have his eyes closed and breathing hard, seemingly too out of it he didn't even hear the question. So Jaehyun went to the bathroom to get two small towels, one wet, one dry and cleans Taeyong up gently, trying his best not to move the man too much.

When he was almost finished, Taeyong finally blinking his eyes softly, breathing calming down then he's looking to Jaehyun with a dazed look, "Jae..."

He chuckled at how Taeyong is too exhausted to call his name properly, "hi, how are you feeling?"

Taeyong is blinking again, fingers reaching out and Jaehyun took it then kissed it, it seems Taeyong is still not conscious enough. So he waits, snuggling the lithe body and rubbing his cheek to Taeyong's hair just like he loves to do until Taeyong hugs him back with a content sigh.

"Feeling okay?" he repeated the question.

Taeyong nodded, snuggling his nose under Jaehyun's chin and inhales deeply, "a bit sore... But I'm okay."

"Tell me if you're feeling any pain, okay?" Jaehyun kissed his forehead, an arm circling his shoulder so Taeyong rest his head on the toned chest, savoring the tranquility of the moment and gentle thudding under his palm.

They stay silent, eyes closed and soothed by each other's comforting body heat. After a while Taeyong opened his eyes to stare at Jaehyun, seeing the man looking up to the ceiling with a hollow look. _He's thinking again._

"What is that you're thinking of?" he asked in a whisper, earning a smile and attention from Jaehyun.

"I was thinking about Dahlia."

There's a clenching pain in his chest, but Taeyong smiled instead and Jaehyun continue, "she always said, ' _if you hate you'll only create a loop of evil, but if you forgive it, you'll heal. Isn't that better_?'"

He grows quiet, fingers absentmindedly dancing on Taeyong's naked shoulder, eyes into the distant, "Easier to say."

 _Why you suddenly remember that?_ Taeyong wanted to ask, but he didn't, because he's jealous, he didn't want Jaehyun to talk about anyone else in this moment, especially her. Because he knows Dahlia is important for Jaehyun, even only his memories.

"She could have lived longer," Jaehyun whispered, so low yet the anger within it was so loud, "she could."

Taeyong got mildly surprised when Jaehyun embracing him tightly, too strongly that it almost hurts, he's burying his face into Taeyong's hair then kissing down to his cheek, his chin, "you can't go, don't."

It sounds so painful, the tone in his voice ripping apart his heart, worried and sad for Jaehyun. Is this why he was reminded of Dahlia? Because when he's looking at Taeyong, Jaehyun would be reminded of the pain of losing? He didn't want to be something that is hurting Jaehyun, but what can he do if it's out of his control?

He could only give the man empty promises.

"I won't go, I will not go anywhere."

And they both know it and they both chose to turn a blind eye to it.

But then suddenly Jaehyun jerked up his head, eyes looking to the side as if he realized something, "did you hear that?"

"Hear what-" there's sounds of footsteps inside the apartment, outside the bedroom, Taeyong becomes alerted. The bedroom door is not locked so whoever it was could come in, _who the fuck_ -

The door swung open revealing a tall man with unreadable face. He stared at Taeyong for a short moment before glaring to Jaehyun, who was quick at pulling the blanket and covering Taeyong with it.

"I figured I should corner you rather than waiting for a call which never coming."

 

Doyoung.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that quality content enough?
> 
> (I toLD you smut is my weaKNESS ksxbhdsjaka)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Why are you crying?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One hell of a ride this one! Hopefully now you guys can see better of how I'm seeing Doyoung :')  
> And thank you Y. S. for editing my lame grammar!! ♥♥♥♥
> 
> (And holy shit I just noticed the kudos and OMGGGGGG??? THAT MUCH??? I don't deserve it..... (╥╯﹏╰╥)ง thank you so much, I'm so happy that the word thanks feels so useless and hollow, it can't describe how grateful I am!! So SJNDDMKSLSKAJSSISJK)

The tension filling the room was so heavy that Taeyong felt like he was being placed into a vacuum chamber, and he's afraid to even move at all. Doyoung gave the two men in bed a stink eye, the corner of his lips pulled into a thin line before he said to Taeyong, "I'll wait outside."

At the sound of the door closing, waves of fear washed all over Taeyong's whole body and he started to breathe too fast, fingers flying to his head and fisting in his hair. He forced himself to get out of the bed, blanket shoved aside and limbs weak, not only from previous activity, but more from the trepidation which was downing on him.

"Taeyong, baby," Jaehyun called softly, sliding on the bed to be closer to Taeyong, arms reaching out for the shaken man standing by the bed.

"I have to..." he looks around, panicking, eyes seeing the clothes scattered around the floor, yet not comprehending what it is that he needs to do. Bending down to take them, but unable to differentiate between his own clothes and Jaehyun's, his breathing becomes more erratic, "I need to-"

"Hey, hey," Jaehyun also gets up and hugs him from behind, pulling Taeyong's stiff body to sit back down on his lap, cradling his head to his neck, "Calm down, baby, calm down, breathe."

Taeyong took a shaky breath, body trembling and trying to break free from Jaehyun's hold, everything becoming too much, his head overloaded with sudden, overwhelming sensory. But Jaehyun doesn't let him go and only embraces him tighter, making Taeyong more panicked and waving his hands around to slap the man and to be let go, words unable to come out.

Jaehyun shushes him quietly, an arm keeping him still while the other strokes Taeyong's head gently, keeping him there and trying to let the man in his arms know that everything is alright, that nothing bad is happening, "Baby, breathe... Breathe slowly. It's okay, everything is okay, I'm here with you."

He whimpered, still trying to break free, eyes wet with tears yet not really crying, his mind so chaotic it drew a blank. But slowly Jaehyun's touches calm him and ground his person to the present moment, he's breathing shakily, but much slower than before. Gradually after some moments passed, Taeyong is finally able to think more clearly, really seeing what it is that's happening right in that moment.

"I'm sorry, I..." he breathed, eyeing the clothes in his hands and only then recognizing them as Jaehyun's.

"It's okay, you're okay, nothing to be afraid of," Jaehyun kissed his damp temple, hands still embracing and soothing him, "I'll be here, always, don't be afraid."

"Okay... okay, yeah..." he chants over and over again in a whisper, eyes closed to calm down.

"It's hard for you, but... I think you need to talk to him. But it's okay, I'll be there if you want me to, okay?"

Taeyong nodded, still with closed eyes, focusing on his breathing, "I need to... I..."

"You need to put on some clothes," Jaehyun supplied softly since Taeyong is still unable to think right, brushing away some hair on his sweaty forehead, earning a slow nod. "Okay, come here."

He pulled Taeyong to sit on the bed while he took some fresh clothes from the wardrobe, dressing the man gently, without many words said, and for once Taeyong was complying to be dressed without any resistance, pliant to Jaehyun's ministrations. Jaehyun's heart is aching at how small and vulnerable Taeyong looked right now, like a lost child, and he made it his priority to make him comfortable before letting him go out of that door.

He sat back down beside Taeyong after dressing him, rubbing his shaking back tenderly and watching patiently as Taeyong took every shuddering breath with closed eyes. Then finally, Taeyong opens his eyes and stares back at Jaehyun, the look in his eyes is so pained, not ready to face whatever it is that's waiting for him outside the safety of his own bedroom. Jaehyun's presence can only soothe his fear so much, he's still scared.

"I'll be with you," Jaehyun said with a kiss to his cheek, soft and lingering.

At that Taeyong closed his eyes again, soaking in the care that Jaehyun is giving to him. Why is he so weak? What is it that he's so scared of? Why is he always wanting to run away? This is the moment he needed to face his doings, his fault, his guilt, how could he keep holding onto Jaehyun like this? _When will you change, Taeyong, if it's not now?_

Slowly determination comes alive in his heart, resilience, deep and true. Through the darkness behind his eyelids, he's grasping on to the words that Jaehyun had once said to him. _You're strong, you hold a strength within your own person, you're better than this weak, dependent self. Taeyong, you can do this._

"I will... Talk to him, alone..." he found himself saying those words, surprised and unsure, but still the determination is there. He's strong.

Jaehyun doesn't judge, he never did. He didn't even ask if Taeyong is sure, he has faith and he only holds his strong gaze to Taeyong's dark eyes and smiling softly, he says, "Okay, I will wait outside then."

He cupped Jaehyun's face for strength, for a reminder, he _is_ strong. He kissed the soft lips, slowly, carving the emotions to himself, the rope he will hold onto to get back from the looming fear and darkness, the reality which is keeping him standing by his own. Jaehyun brought him this far, there will always be a part of him within Taeyong even when he's not physically there, he knows it now. So he kissed Jaehyun again, lingering longer and letting go with reassurance rippling in his soul.

"I'll be okay," he said as he stared back to Jaehyun's eyes, sharing more than the words said.

Jaehyun holds Taeyong's hand which was still on his cheek, kissing the palm then the knuckles softly with closed eyes, lips caressing the black ink of the rose on the lean finger, whispering to it, "I'll be there if you call me, anytime, wherever."

He smiled more at ease, "I know."

Jaehyun gets up first and pulls at Taeyong's hands to help him stand up, squeezing the trembling hands with an understanding gaze, waiting patiently and wordlessly. Taeyong is tiptoeing for the last chaste kiss before he's exhaling deeply with closed eyes, turning the doorknob with thrumming heart and holding on real tight to the strength within him, the strength which brought awake by Jaehyun's gentle presence.

The living room was empty and he found Doyoung sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee he made himself. It's a familiar scene Taeyong has often seen when Doyoung stayed over and lingered in the morning, a scene which was always calming him down, a scene he once held dear since it reminds him of how he's not alone, that Doyoung is always there to catch his fall, accompanying and patching himself back to live another day. But now it's a scene which is stressing Taeyong, because he has to face his fear, his doings and faults.

"I was starting to think that you forgot I'm still here waiting for you," Doyoung said while continuously tapping his fingers on the dining table, his calculating and exploring gaze on the two men who had just came out of the bedroom. "So, finally I can see the infamous ' _boyfriend_ '," he adds with an unreadable face but Taeyong could almost hear the low hiss in his tone.

"And it's nice to finally meet you, Doyoung, Taeyong talked about you a lot," Jaehyun said, with what a polite smile should look like, the tension is palpable in the air and Taeyong's breathing may have hitched at the growing stress. But Jaehyun's hand on his is squeezing softly, so he's calming down again, "my name is Jaehyun."

"Jaehyun," Doyoung repeated the name as if he's trying to decide what he's going to do, "care to waste a little time to talk with me?"

Jaehyun was about to answer, but Taeyong beat him into it with a firm voice, "no, it'll be you and me, alone."

The fingers’ tapping stopped, the room grew so quiet that only the sounds of their breathing and the ever humming refrigerator can be heard, and Doyoung stares at Taeyong intently, "Okay."

Then Taeyong walks Jaehyun out before he closes the front door for good and walks back to the kitchen after calming down his breathing, finally face to face with Doyoung, with the intention to fix their relationship. He sits down across the table right in front of his best friend, his only friend, eyes looking anywhere else but Doyoung, just like a child being caught doing something he shouldn't do.

"I must say, he's good looking, just like your previous fleeting lovers," Doyoung said after a moment of silence and Taeyong didn't fail to catch the underlying words of ' _just like those who hurt you_ ' in Doyoung's accusing tone.

"He is different."

" _Different_ ," he scoffed, "indeed, because you never shut me out until him. You told him a lot about me? And what did he say to you to make you turn against me? That we are too close? That you should only give your attention to him? So that when I wasn't there and you're being vulnerable, he can hurt you easier?"

"Doyoung," Taeyong warned, gritting his teeth to keep his strength present, to push back the brimming tears in his eyes.

The man is leaning back on his chair, eyes staring to the ceiling and looking so upset, so desperate, "What is it then? What is wrong, for you to shut me out? Wasn't everything fine? If it's not him, then what, Taeyong?"

"It's us," Taeyong finally said, the words he kept hidden for years, the fear he denied and now, finally he reveals it all, the truth that they're both blind and refused to see. "We are what is wrong."

"Us?" Doyoung snapped his face to stare death in Taeyong's eyes, " _Us_? What's wrong with us? Is that what he made you believe?"

Taeyong took a shuddering breath, shoulders trembling in the sheer sorrow downing on him, "It's not him. I've come to realize it years ago, since everything happened with _that guy_ , I knew then."

They went quiet again, Doyoung staring at him with wide eyes while Taeyong still refused to look back at him, "Since then? What was it that you have come to realize, and why did you never say anything?"

"Because I don't want to lose you!" Taeyong finally cried, a lone tears escaping his eyes before he wipes it hurriedly, "I know... If I say anything about it to you... I know it'll drift us apart and I don't want that. But I'm also... I'm so scared to face my own fault, the pain I caused you, what I did to you. I'm terrified, Doyoung... You were the only one I had, you're important to me."

Doyoung fisted his hands on the table, anger apparent on his face, "Don't. You're doing it again, you're running away again."

"I'm sorry..." he hiccups, pressing his eyes with his fingers because he doesn't want to cry, not yet, not now. "I will stop running away, no more... I don't want to do that anymore because it pains me, it hurts you, it hurts everyone and that's why I want to stop. I... We have to stop."

Doyoung only watched as Taeyong was sniffling and trying not to cry, he's watching as their hearts break and fall with no ground to catch it. "And this is the moment where you are going ask me to let you go, for a hundred times. Again."

"I'm sorry..."

There's shadow filling Doyoung's eyes as he keeps watching the trembles of Taeyong's lean body, smaller than his, always so vulnerable in his eyes, "Do you remember Jinyoung? Do you remember Jisoo?"

Taeyong cries again unable to stop it, burying his face into his wet palms, "I'm so sorry, Doyoung, I'm sorry."

"They were my best friends," he said with a thin voice, calm, yet it holds a lot of emotions, of sadness and anger, "Do you remember what you said to me as you cried like what you're doing right now? You said that they were taking me away from you, that you felt like you were being replaced by them? And not just them, but also my other friends. Do you remember how I can't stay with others for too long because you only want me to stay with you?"

Taeyong keep quiet, he couldn't say anything, this is the moment he needs to admit his greed, his selfishness, his sins.

"And Yeseul? That I’m only with her because you said you want me to be with her? How you thought we are perfect? We aren't, we never were, we fight almost everyday, we came to despise each other but I'm holding onto her because you want me to stay with her. Do you even know that I had feelings for Youngjin when we were in middle school? I bet you do because you kept me away from him.

"And my job as a nurse? Remember how you told me that you wanted to study medicine but couldn't because your parents disowned you? And how proud, how happy you were when I was the one who pursued to study as a nurse? That I thrown away my dream to be a singer because that's what will make you happy?"

Taeyong cries harder, so painful, so regretful to be told of what he had done, everything was his doing, but now that he has to face it, it's so torturous, he's ashamed. Every bone, every skin of his burning with guilt and shame, he wants it to stop, but he deserves it. So he didn't say a word, it's the least he could do to atone.

"Do you think I don't know what you were doing to me? That you're trying to make me into a person you wished to be? The person who will be perfect in your parents eyes? The person who's straight, successful in his life and just... Perfect? You really think I don't know?" Doyoung said with a trembling voice, laced with anger and sadness, tears wetting his cheeks because this is also the first time he'll ever let everything that they hid in their hearts to be laid bare and open for everyone to see.

"I'm sorry..." he can only cry, such a coward he was, he has no excuse.

"I love you, Taeyong," Doyoung says in a softer tone, it hurts like the sharp pain of a knife sinking into their flesh, "I hate to see you cry and I love you enough to do whatever it is that you want me to do. As long as I can have you with me, you are important to me. This may seem weird to you, but you are the one who strengthens my footing, I... I'm not the confident guy you thought I was, I'm also full of fear, insecurities... But because you were there I know I can fight against the world.

"Yet... Now you replaced me with him? Am I not important to you anymore? Have I ever be someone important to you that you can so easily cut me out of your life?" Doyoung cried, but he didn't hide his tears, his red wet eyes showing all the pain, sorrow and anger he had always contained. To be seen, to be understood, to be accepted. A plea. They were too similar.

"No! Doyoung, you are important to me, always were, always will be," Taeyong went to embrace the man, wetting his chest with Doyoung's tears as they cried together. "No one can replace you, no one can. But you know this, you see where we are now. We're not right for each other, we're only hurting each other if we keep doing this."

"So you want to throw me away?" Doyoung whimpered as he hugged Taeyong's waist tighter, "you'll leave me alone now that you have someone else?"

"No, no Doyoung, no..." he bury his face into Doyoung's black hair, already missing the warmth, the scent and everything that is his only friend, his family. "We are stuck in the past. We keep holding on to each other that we can't move on, we can't grow like we're supposed to. I controlled your life as you did to mine, it's not right, it's unhealthy, we are toxic for each other. That's why... That's why we need to let go."

"I don't want that..." he hiccups, pressing his face more into Taeyong's chest, crying like the lost children they both are, "growing up at the cost of losing you, I don't want that."

"Doyoung," Taeyong cries, turning Doyoung's face in his hands to stare at each other's eyes, equally red and full of tears, "You will never lose me, ever. And I will never lose you, we just need the space to let go of our pains, of our past, but we will never lose each other. I'll still be here if you need me and I know, I know you'll also be there for me. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you, an apology will never be enough."

This time It was Doyoung's turn to cry silently, holding on to Taeyong and to let him be the one to light their paths. For a better life, a better future and the better people they should be.

"I freed you, Doyoung," Taeyong whispered to his cheek, kissing it with his lips wet from the tears.

"I don't want to let you go," Doyoung cried, hugging him tighter.

"We will always be together."

"Will you still reply to my texts? Will you pick up my calls?" he asked in a pained voice like he's begging, pleading for the pain to stop, and Taeyong is so weak, always so weak for him. But he knows what it is that he need to do, to free them both, to heal together.

"I will, only when you really need me, but I can't meet you for a while... I won't, not until we have finally placed our roots and be the people we truly want. But I promise you, if you really, really need me, I'm always be there for you, always," Taeyong said, softly and gently as he's caressing the wet cheeks with his thumbs, kissing the forehead with so much care and love, already missing him even when he's still there within his arms.

"I'm scared..." Doyoung whispered, holding on so tightly that Taeyong had no choice but to sit on his lap, "I'm scared to be without you."

"We will search for a way to find our way back to each other, but this time... This time we will make it right, we will do it better without hurting anyone," Taeyong whispered too, embracing the man tighter, fingers stroking the dark hair since his heart clenching painfully at the looming goodbye. "This is not forever, Doyoung, this is just temporary goodbye until we meet again."

They stay silent in each other's arms, finally no more secrets, no more blinded eyes over the bleeding gashes they always carried for all these years, although it's almost unbearably painful, their hearts feel free for the first time. They had cared, loved, yet somehow along the way they started twisting wounds into each other and building guilt and illusions over and over again, until they were harder to be acknowledged, even to themselves. Now that everything is out in the open, they can let their wounds heal, threading the road where they will walk on alone until they are no longer bleeding from the scars.

It will take time, but it will be worth it. ' _Forgiveness is always healing, but hatred corrupts you'._

"You have changed," Doyoung said after a long silence, loosening his embrace to look at Taeyong in the eyes, "is it him?"

Taeyong smiled, brushing the dark hair like what he would do to coddle a child, a rare moment for him to act like the big brother between them although he's the older one, it was always Doyoung who is the more mature one, "yes, he was the one who taught me."

Doyoung leaning forward to rest his head on Taeyong's chest, whispering softly almost inaudible, "you were always the stronger one between us."

"What?"

"I'm sad... And I'm scared," he said instead, "I miss you already. Every day I woke up to text you, call you when I need to and now... It feels like a huge part of my routine taken away from me, it's scary."

"Me too, Doyoung... I miss you already," Taeyong kissed his dark hair.

"But if this is what you want, then I'll do it... I will try to live it."

 _Don't_ , Taeyong wanted to say but he held it in, "Do the things that you love and make yourself happy, Doyoung. Not for me, but for yourself, this time do it for yourself."

Doyoung closes his eyes, listening quietly to the gentle beating of Taeyong's heart, so at peace although his heart is aching, "Someday."

He didn't say anymore, letting go of Taeyong then went to the front door without looking back, his back slightly slumping and he just look so sad, so tired, so devastated that Taeyong has the urge to stop him, to hug him and keep him there with him. Taeyong swallows the tightness in his throat, a cry pleading to be let out but he denied it, it's so hard already for them, he doesn't need to make it harder.

But Doyoung stopped by the door, hand on the doorknob, not yet turning, his deep voice was bouncing on the wooden door, "Do what you just told me, Taeyong, and please, be well."

"What?" Taeyong didn't get any answer as Doyoung already went out and closed the door behind him, his question swallowed by the sound. But even through the door, Taeyong could still hear his voice, soft and muffled, like he's talking to someone outside, who he assumes is Jaehyun. It was so soft, so low but Taeyong swore he heard clearly what Doyoung said on the other side of the door.

' _Take care of him_.'

There, just that one sentence and Taeyong's heart is bursting in longing, in sorrow, and fear. That it is his Doyoung out there who is really leaving him, he really is going away and he'll be left. It's strange how the human's heart works, this is what he wanted, for them to be freed of each other, but when it's really happening, Taeyong doesn't want it, he's afraid of it. And he gets it then what were Doyoung's last words to him.

' _Do the things that you love and make you happy. Not for me, but for yourself._ '

He cried then, almost screaming in his cries as he ran for the door, opening it only to see Jaehyun waiting alone in the hallway, there was no Doyoung and Taeyong cries harder. Jaehyun caught him in an embrace, gently comforting and shushing him with his ever tender fingers and soft voice. But Taeyong is pushing him away, the sorrow in his heart pleading to see Doyoung one last time, just one more time and it's raging so strongly within his chest that he could only think of running for the man.

"Taeyong, don't," Jaehyun's alarmed voice was heard by his ears, but he didn't listen, he snatched his wrist away from Jaehyun's grip and run down the hallway, ignoring the shout of his name.

He sees Doyoung is still waiting by the elevator, his broad shoulders were all he could see, but Taeyong knows him so well that he knew Doyoung was crying right now, "Doyoung!"

He turned around with wide swollen eyes, face wet full of tears and a red, running nose. Shock painted all over his face as Taeyong came crashing into him, hugging him so tight that it was almost hard for him to breathe. From the corner of his eyes, Doyoung see Jaehyun standing not too far from them, waiting with unreadable face.

"I'm sorry Doyoung, I'm so sorry," Taeyong cries harder than he did previously, "I love you, I'm sorry."

Doyoung instinctively hugging him back, but not as tight so he would be able to let go, "You're making it harder for us." He lets them relish into the touch for a while until the sound of the elevator coming is heard, then pulling away despite the twisting ache in his chest as Taeyong only cries and clutches onto him harder.

"Doyoung-"

"This time, at least this time I want to be the stronger one between the two of us," Doyoung said firmly with brimming tears, hands strong on Taeyong's shoulder to keep him there, "I never blame you, Taeyong, ever. In the end, all of it was my choice, I never blamed you. So don't feel sorry, don't blame yourself, it was no one’s fault."

Taeyong hiccups, fingers fisting on Doyoung's shirt tightly, "Me too... I never blamed you."

At least for the last time Doyoung braved himself to smile, "I'm only regretting the fact that it isn't me who is helping you to be better, but now that he's here, I will try to trust him."

Gently, he holds Taeyong's hands and releases his crumpled shirt from the lean fingers, tears wetting his cheeks but he's being strong, they are being strong. He looks into Taeyong's eyes as he's pressing their hands on Taeyong's chest, "Be happy okay? I love you too."

Taeyong cried when Doyoung kissed his cheek, but he tried his hardest to stop it, he can't be selfish again. And that was it, Doyoung went into the elevator and was gone with a teary smile on his face as the door closed between them. Taeyong fell down to the floor as he cried and cried from the sorrow ripping apart his soul, so precious, so dear, and he's gone.

When strong arms embrace him from behind, Taeyong didn't resist this time, but his heart feels so hollow, he can't feel the warmth which Jaehyun is always giving to him. He just couldn't. Because at that moment, the only warmth he could remember was how fleeting Doyoung's embrace was. He didn't even remember how he went back to his room, in his bed under a thick blanket and comforting kisses from Jaehyun.

But he thinks, as he got exhausted from crying and is about to fall asleep, he saw tears rolling down Jaehyun's cheek.

 

Why are you crying, Jaehyun?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you crying? Because I did...


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Taeyong, get your mind out of the gutter.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a little gift for you guys since wOOow?? I go so many kudos??? Shsjsjsksis I never even dared to dream about having this many kudos omgggggg, thank you so much I LOVE YOU(･´з`･)♥♥♥

After that Taeyong spent his days like a zombie, a lot similar to when he was hit with depression, yet a lot more hollow. If there was no Jaehyun, he thinks he won't be able to function at all. Sometimes a reminder to eat is enough to make Taeyong stick to three meals a day, but when it hits harder, even getting out of the bed was such a chore. Nowadays the lady boss who had ceased flirting with him is on him for different reasons, nagging and scolding for his errors and lack of development in his projects, which then the coworkers who were slowly gaining a friend in him helped out at times.

It was strange that what Jaehyun said about his state was going into his left ear and out through his right ear without him minding it, yet when Changkyun commented at how he easily forgot things was when he finally realized how bad his situation was. He noticed how he kept looking at his phone, waiting for the daily ' _good morning_ ', ' _how's_ _your_ _day_ ', ' _how are you feeling_ ' and ' _good night_ ' texts which will never come again. It's strange how he ignored those texts for a couple of weeks without feeling anything yet now when those didn't came, he feels worse. And he may only truly feel it now, of how big Doyoung's presence was in his life until he's finally gone.

A dear friend, a very dear brother and now he's gone. He misses Doyoung's gummy smile, the way the man is so loud when he's excited and how mouthy he was when he's talking, the way he cared for Taeyong in his own way, he misses all of him. There's sadness and guilt of how he did Doyoung so unfairly and how he took him for granted. But maybe this pain is his overdue punishment for everything he had done wrong.

Sometimes Doyoung texted him, a single, impersonal word of ' _hi_ ' and Taeyong knew they're both feeling the same, wrecked. And when that happens, Taeyong is urged to text him back, to welcome him back to his life, to cling onto him again like he had done before, even though he knew that's a bad idea, even when they both knew. Those are the times when Jaehyun would take his phone away, reminding him of the reason why he separated with Doyoung and distracts him with other things. Sometimes he cried, sometimes he fought back to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun make it a mission of his to stay 24/7 on Taeyong, going back to his real invisible form so he could monitor the man still at the office. It was a long, gruesome process of sorrow to regret and guilt, the urge to nullify his decision, then to finally broke down again in Jaehyun's arms of how things came to be. In the moments of sadness Taeyong could only see himself and was blind to Jaehyun's feelings, he could only see himself as the most unfortunate person in the world. It's selfish, but he had no space to think clearly.

It's tiresome, taking a lot of energy and he just wants it to stop, he didn't really remember when it was that he started to see the tiredness in Jaehyun's eyes. And only then did Taeyong finally have a semblance of awareness about real life, that this wasn't about him alone, he was affecting Jaehyun too, that he's affecting his carefully and hard worked job and his friends at the office. That was the start of him slowly opening up himself again, trying to live like he should and promised, and seeing things with open eyes once again. It's not easy, there's still times when his heart refuses to do what he's supposed to do, but Taeyong forces himself to move on, to close his pain with other things in his life.

And maybe, that was the moment he truly sees of the things he had accomplished. And maybe, that was the moment he finally took root of his self-confident, that he had changed, he had come a long way. This time he promised not to Jaehyun, not to Doyoung, but he promised to himself he'll be a better person, a stronger person who can help others to heal their scars instead of hanging all of him onto another person.

Then he started to eat better, do his job like usual until the lady boss stopped pestering him, cleaned his home like he always did, and gradually he could feel the relaxing effect it always had on him. He started from the smallest, simplest things to go back on his track, slowly, step by step, yet steady and sure. Until Jaehyun trusted him enough to go to work by himself and that was his cue he was in the right track. And maybe, Taeyong could feel a sense of pride of how he managed to stand on his own, he couldn't have done it without Jaehyun's help, yes. But this might be the first time he actually tried to consciously fight back his depression instead of waiting for it to wash away by the sole help of someone else.

It's liberating and gives a sense of strength he never came to realize, and from it, bravery growing in his soul and he's compelled to do more for himself and those around him who’ve shown him care and love. Changkyun and Wonho was the first friends in years he finally decided to open up to, to be real friends where he would share his feelings. And surprisingly and pleasantly, his decision isn't wrong as they give him support, something he was always blind to. Likewise, he started to trust them more and involved them more in his carefully worked on projects, and it was worth it.

Next was how would he open up to Jaehyun, it's not like he never did that, but it was always about him being helped by Jaehyun than the other way around. So this time he would try to open up in a way that Jaehyun could rely on him more, it's hard as it seems like the man is too distant when it comes to sharing his own emotions to Taeyong. Only once did Jaehyun shown him his vulnerable side, and even then he still hid his tears, which then reminded Taeyong of that one time he actually seen tears wetting the man's cheeks. But was it his exhausted mind’s illusions or did he really see that?

It was a quiet Saturday morning when Taeyong was feeling more at ease and used to the fact that Doyoung is far away from his life, that he's watching Jaehyun with careful eyes. The noises from the TV serve more as a background than them actually watching what was playing there, since Jaehyun's mind seems to be not present and Taeyong was thinking of what he could do. They're both struggling, that is obvious now, Taeyong noticed the way Jaehyun always woke up first to check the mail box and try to hide something god knows where. Taeyong came to wonder if he was that weak that Jaehyun couldn't share with him what was it he's struggling with?

At least this time instead of just wondering, Taeyong would try to do something about it. So he reached out to brush back some of Jaehyun's dark hair and tucked it behind his ears, resulting to the man taking notice and looking back at him with focus instead of those distant looks Taeyong had come to be familiarized with. There's question in Jaehyun's eyes and slight tremble to Taeyong's fingers as his heart grows unsure. But he braved himself to talk to him.

"How are you feeling?"

Now Jaehyun look more confused because somehow their roles switched, "I'm fine? Why?"

Taeyong run his fingers in the dark hair still, not yet answering and instead sliding closer to sit beside Jaehyun, his chest colliding softly with the broad shoulder and their eyes so close that no lies could find their way in, "You seems to be troubled with something."

"Ah," Jaehyun smiled, dismissive, "nothing, I was just thinking of something not important."

"What is it you're thinking of?"

"Nothing, not important," he said, leaning in to kiss Taeyong's lips, something Taeyong came to understand that he did so as to not answer, to change the topic at hand. Taeyong let him kiss him, softly, and it's palpable how their minds are not really into it.

"If it's not important, could you tell me still?"

And there Taeyong could see the walls Jaehyun is building between them in the way his eyes grow overcasted, the curl of his lips flattened by a bit, "nah, it's not worth mentioning."

 _Then could you tell me what is it that you’re hiding from the mail box?_  Taeyong questioned in his mind but decided he needed to play this more carefully. "Jaehyun, you told me I don't have to tell you what is it that’s bothering me as long as I tell you what is it that I'm feeling, could you do that for me too?"

"It's not-"

"Or do you not trust me enough?" Taeyong cuts in with soft tone, firm yet relenting to show that he's willing to wait. "I will try to share with you more about myself and I wish, you will do the same to me. Can you do that?"

Jaehyun stares into his eyes with uncertainty, but what was more apparent was surprise, because for the first time this is Taeyong who's trying to open up his heart, and probably this is also the first time Taeyong is actively trying to look into him, supporting and understanding. Jaehyun might have come to realize that maybe he behaved so badly for Taeyong to worry about him, that the person who was so vulnerable and needed his support all this time was the one who is now worried about him.

"I'm sorry, did I make you worry? It really was nothing, I was just... Well, caught up in the past, but it's fine."

"Jaehyun," Taeyong said firmly, "I... Yes I was weak, and maybe it makes you think you have to treat me like fragile glass, someone that you always need to help and comfort. But I've come to know what that leads to, I lose sight of the people around me, I was blind to what the others felt while I'm stuck in the thoughts of my own pain. Yes I'm still weak, still hurting, but aren't we all? I don't want to be the person I was who could only see my own pain, I want to help too. I don't want to be healed, if I could, if you let me, can't we heal together?"

Something stirs in Jaehyun's dark eyes, the colorful lights seems to dim and the hidden emotions spilling out like a breaking dam although the words still denied, but at least Jaehyun shows him more than the superficial mask he always put on in the presence of Taeyong. "Was it that obvious?"

Taeyong try to inhale slowly to hide the way his heart beating harder before he speak the words, "I _care_ for you, so yes, I can see it that something is bothering you... Hurting you."

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Taeyong's shoulder, the sound of his sighing is so tired Taeyong may feel the ache in his heart too, "I'm confused myself."

Taeyong shifts to settle himself more comfortably beside Jaehyun, hands cradling the heavy head on his shoulder, a burden which will be shared with him, "what is it that you're confused about?"

"Because I'm angry? I thought I've moved on but... It seems I'm still stuck in the past. I'm angry because I'm hopeless, but more than that I'm angry because... Maybe I'm selfish. I know it's not right, but I can't help feeling like this."

Taeyong could understand nothing of what was being said, but he didn't press more since he knew how unsettling it is for someone to trespass the boundaries. So he settled with stroking his hair and the broad back, the way Jaehyun’s curling up on him makes the man seems smaller within Taeyong's arms. It's painful to see, but he's willing to share the pain if Jaehyun lets him, he wishes Jaehyun would let him.

"I can't tell you what is it... But yes, I'm hurting, just like what you said," Jaehyun added with a whisper, so low it was almost lost in the air.

Taeyong cupped his cheeks when Jaehyun was pulling away and their eyes met, gazing deep into each other and Taeyong's heart may soar as he feels glad that Jaehyun is willing to share even just a little bit, the trust wasn't one sided. He traces his fingertips on the soft cheek, eyes trailing it as the image of tears wetting it came to his mind, "You were crying... Why?"

There's confusion before it gives way to realization in Jaehyun's eyes, he catches Taeyong's fingers as he's closing his eyes with shaky breath, "You were hurting, it was... It broke my heart to see you like that. I wish I could ease you, but... It seems you don't even see me. It just, it's strange... Somehow it feels like I'm hurting just as bad as you, but it just doesn't make sense, no one could feel another's pain. Yet... Somehow when I saw you like that, my heart also broke in the same way... I don't understand."

Taeyong's heart was leaping in his chest at the words, a hidden, denied wish blooming within him at what those words could have implied, "it's empathy, isn't it? You also felt so when I was sad before that too..."

"No... No it was different," Jaehyun breathed, looking up to stare back at Taeyong, "This time it was different... It caused an ache in my heart before, it did. But this... I don't know, it was too much that I couldn't even stop myself from crying, I wished so badly I could take your pain away, that it was me hurting instead of you. My chest feels so full with pain, I... I don't know, I was feeling so much that I didn't understand what it is that I'm feeling. All I could think of was I want you to be happy, to stop being in pain, to see me, that I'm here for you so you don't need to feel that pain. I... I don't know, this is the first time I’ve ever felt like that, like _this_."

Taeyong almost, _almost_ could hear the hidden word, the meaning behind all those words, it seems obvious to him yet at the same time Taeyong is afraid to misunderstand it. What if his conclusion tainted with his own wish? What if Jaehyun meant it in a different way? Friends could feel as deep too, couldn't they? Maybe Taeyong only being wishful and over thinking it. So he relented in the middle, in the neutral side where everything can be and can't be.

"You felt that because you care, didn't you? Me too, I feel the same too. That's why it hurts me to see something bothering you yet you're not talking to me. Even if I couldn't help you and maybe I'm being a bad friend, I still wish you will share with me more," he said carefully, with chosen words, heart clenching when he said the word ' _friend_ '. Maybe that's all they gonna be despite everything that happened between them. He's a coward, he admitted that, but at least this way he won't risk losing Jaehyun to his petty emotions and wish for his feelings to be reciprocated.

"Friend?" Jaehyun asked with wide eyes, leaning backward to stare with questioning and borderline judging look.

Which then make Taeyong blushed and the serious tension dissipating, "I mean... Well, it's hard to give a name to our relationship, right? It was weird from the start!"

Jaehyun chuckled, "Well, if you put it that way I guess it indeed is weird. It just kind of surprising considering of how much you hated me before."

"That was ancient times, okay?" Taeyong was flushing harder from the way Jaehyun was snickering at him, "and you were being a jerk before!"

"Ancient times, as if it was a long time ago, yet it wasn't even a year ago," Jaehyun teased further, gaining a slap to his neck, "See! Look, look how abusive you are and I've never physically retaliated you! So who is the jerk?"

"Are you serious?" he whined frustratedly, "you bullied me enough! With your words and when you... When you..."

"When I, _what_ , Taeyong?" he said, drawling his voice suggestively, knowing what is it that Taeyong is implying.

He slapped him again, albeit softer, "Shut up, you forced me into sex a lot of times before and that's bullying."

Somehow Jaehyun's smile flattering at the words, "Oh... I guess you are right, I was... Forcing you, I'm sorry."

"What?" Taeyong is surprised at the sudden change of mood, "No, no hey, I didn't mean it like that. I-"

"It's a fact, Taeyong, you shouldn't sugar coat it, it's true I did force you without caring about what you were feeling. I feel bad about that, I'm sorry... I couldn't take it back and an apology won't be adequate, but-"

"Shut up, Jaehyun," Taeyong cuts in, stern, "you never hurt me, I would be lying if I say it didn't bother me while it was happening, but you never treated me badly and when I really didn't want to, you stopped. So please, don't say sorry because I never felt or thought you needed to do that. In fact... I think I owe you a thanks."

"Oh?" Jaehyun jerked one of his eyebrow in surprise and amusement.

"....you may have helped me to face my fear," Taeyong whispered with a blush despite the heavy weight in his words, "sometimes sex makes me feel disgusted although I also crave for it, it makes me feel dirty... It's hard to understand, I can't understand either. Maybe it was my trauma. But now, now I never feel like that... With you, I never feel like I’m dirty, it just... Special, what we had."

Jaehyun stares at him with wide eyes, silent in his surprise and awe, they're really sharing their hearts with no space for them to misunderstand. Taeyong may be regretting it a little bit by saying that they're special, afraid of the response, but Jaehyun proves him wrong since the man is smiling brightly at him with twinkles in his eyes. And his heart may have stopped for a second there.

"I like that, us, special," Jaehyun grinned widely, arms looping around Taeyong's waist and pulling him to sit on his lap, his favorite thing to do with Taeyong.

"Uh... Why?" he asked carefully since he didn't want to seem too happy, too excited by the positive response he got, blushing a bit more when his crotch was grinding on Jaehyun's own in his position. _This is definitely not the time, Taeyong, get your mind out of the gutter._

"You feel it too right?"

"Huh?" Taeyong asked dumbly, trying so hard to hide the way his body was going a bit stiff on Jaehyun's lap, avoiding more friction lest his mind will wander.

"I mean when you said we're friends, it just doesn't feel right... What I have with my friends is never quite like what I have with you, so I think... It's more fitting to say that we're special," Jaehyun said with a grin, childlike, and Taeyong feels even more embarrassed since he realized Jaehyun wasn't talking about the way their crotches were grinding together.

"Yeah, yeah of course," he answered quickly to hide his shame.

"And I was talking about the way you're grinding down on me too," Jaehyun adds with a naughty smile.

" _Jaehyun!_ "

And Taeyong might be feeling thankful that he could hide his blush and shame as Jaehyun catches his lips and kisses him softly, laughter filling the once quiet room and swallowing the low noises of the TV, truly forgotten.

 

_Who's the pervert now?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

==============================================

I'm the pervert! (but, what's new right)

Here is the gift~ I was supposed to attached the first image in the chapter when the freaking black harness had it's first appearance! But I forgot sorry...

This one is just a nasty sketch when *ehem* yeah they're getting it on, ON the wall........ (I know it's bad, I'm still practicing my hatching and anatomy Jdjskskakkaka)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's missing jaeyong playful bantering? (ME!)


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're Special. Yes, they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy smut and low key kinky is here~
> 
> And thank you Y. S. for the editing ♥♥♥

If Jaehyun had to choose between the morning sunlight or the sunset, he thinks it's more beautiful in the morning. There's just something mesmerizing about how the touch of the sun lights up the shadows and hides the lonely moon with it's stars, pure yellowish white light filling in the once blinding darkness and the world would look so different, beauty and flaws easy to see. The night seems so lonely while the sun is more nurturing, although merciless at times, but still he prefers the sun.

But perhaps it's also because of the way Taeyong looks so peaceful and serene under the rising sun, his dark eyelashes lightened with white gold and his skin glowing softly, beautiful like he's blanketed in a gold cocoon. Sometimes, as Jaehyun can't help but lost in time staring at him, he imagines that Taeyong is actually a child of god, because he just looks so ethereal. Beautiful like a child of Aphrodite, yet warm, kind and loving like Hestia. He would then feel compelled to appreciate him, to kiss him, to touch him soothingly and just worship him like the way his heart bursts in aching warmth.

He wonders since when he felt so strongly towards Taeyong. He knows Taeyong is special to him, the second human that he holds close to his heart after Dahlia. But he didn't know when was it that the thoughts of Dahlia which were filling his mind shifted to more about those of Taeyong. Precious he is, yet holds such difference in his heart than Dahlia. Jaehyun dares to think that he found Eros and Agape in Taeyong, but what really is love? Jaehyun didn't really understand, if the strong feelings he feels for Taeyong weren't enough to give birth to the seal in his heart, what is this, truly? Mere attachment?

And he often lies awake thinking about these questions as he stares at Taeyong, awed and confused.

As for Taeyong, he loves the night, the lonely silver moon and the stars which are sometimes hiding themselves in the darkness no human's eyes can see. It gives him a mellow mood but he gazes at it longingly, the moon feels so much like himself, strong on it's own yet longs for company. He found his own sun, Jaehyun, who lights up his path, accompanying gently yet holding a strength and merciless when he's straying away. But the sun and the moon could never be together, could they?

But maybe it's the way the moonlight is shining down Jaehyun's dark hair which is making it look like liquid platinum, softening the strong features he has. Jaehyun looks so soft under the moon, shining gently in silver light amidst the darkness, a soul not without cracks and Taeyong feels he could touch and understand, closer to what he is. Under the sun Jaehyun is all but weakness, he's strong, confident and knows what he wants and will get it. But when the night comes and the moon is climbing up the dark sky, somehow he feels so much like Taeyong himself and he loves it, because he couldn't touch a perfect person, but these beautiful images tell him that nobody could possibly be perfect without scars.

But does it make him less insignificant and more deserving of Jaehyun? He doesn't think so, but since Jaehyun is looking at him like he was the one who put the sun in the sky and the way he keeps telling him how special he is, he thinks, _maybe I am_. And now that it is clear what they have is more than friendship, kinship or whatever it is, that they're ' _special_ ', Taeyong finds it easier to believe that Jaehyun really is thinking of him as someone precious. It's scary, it is, because Taeyong is afraid of getting hurt when he hopes for more and then left disappointed.

But look, Taeyong, he's looking at you with those eyes again. If it's not him you trust, who else? Special, not quite love, it's a strong word after all, but in the end you're still special to him. So Taeyong will soak in whatever it is that Jaehyun is willing to give him. Who cares that he's not human? Taeyong doesn't give a fuck anymore, he wants Jaehyun and he will keep him as long as Jaehyun let him, take whatever he can. Live in the present to the fullest so there will be no regret.

So when he sees Jaehyun in the kitchen, cooking breakfast with his broad back facing Taeyong, he doesn't hesitate to hug him from the back, snuggling his face to the pale nape. Jaehyun seems to be surprised for a moment, stilling in Taeyong's embrace before he chuckles and holds Taeyong's hands on his stomach, stroking the golden skin with his thick thumb. Taeyong feels like he's melting further into Jaehyun's firm yet warm back, heart squealing at how soft they are being right now.

"That's a very nice good morning, I wonder what I should greet you back with," the man said and Taeyong couldn't see it but he bets Jaehyun is grinning right now.

"You could kiss me," he replied, a bit embarrassed but true, snuggling his face more into the nape, perhaps even subtly kissing the skin.

"Oh my," Jaehyun whispered and Taeyong could feel the way the heart under his hands beats faster, making his own start fluttering too, "who are you and why are you being so cute now?"

Taeyong only smiles with a hum, blushing a bit, but then Jaehyun turns his head to look at him, grinning with soft eyes and maybe, Taeyong's heart is somersaulting in his chest at the way those sweet dimples dig in his soft cheeks.

"You said you want a kiss, why are you hiding your face?" he teased.

Taeyong quickly tiptoed to kiss Jaehyun, hoping to hide his reddening cheeks, but he was caught by Jaehyun's strong arm as it was looping around his waist, almost lifting his body off the floor and the kiss becomes not so innocent for a morning kiss. He softly gasped when Jaehyun let go, leaving a peck on his chin before grinning again with teasing glint in his eyes.

"I need to concentrate on cooking, Taeyong, can't have you mocking me again for burning the food."

It feels like a challenge, but Jaehyun turns back to his sizzling pan and continues frying the sausages like he didn't just kiss Taeyong like that. So, Taeyong, who's feeling especially clingy, and actually daring to do that since they have established their _special_  relationship, keeps clinging to Jaehyun's back, sliding up his arms around his neck so that it feels like he's really hanging on the taller man.

"Taeyong..." Jaehyun warns with a hint of a smile in his voice, Taeyong doesn't let go and is only pulling harder to elicit soft giggles. And Jaehyun, with his superhuman strength, is tightly holding on Taeyong's hands on his chest to secure him, then bending his taller body forward and lifting Taeyong on his back. Taeyong squeals but still doesn't let go, since his hands are also held and he actually likes it when Jaehyun is bouncing his body and he's swinging on his back. Like a kid, flying on their dad's back, only that Taeyong never experienced it with his own, it makes his chest ache and warm at the same time.

He's laughing when Jaehyun straightens up and his feet touch the floor again, still clinging even when Jaehyun turns off the stove and is turning around to hug Taeyong properly, "what are you being so adorable for?"

He didn't have the time to reply since Jaehyun is already kissing him again, soft yet passionate. Taeyong runs his fingers in the dark hair, reciprocating the kisses and he feels his chest burning when Jaehyun lifts his legs to rest on his hip, always as if he weighs nothing. He didn't even notice Jaehyun was walking away from the kitchen and bringing him somewhere while still kissing him, then suddenly they're already sitting on the couch with Taeyong in his lap.

"Do you want to eat your breakfast or me, hm?" Jaehyun hummed to his lips, wetting them with his tongue.

Taeyong giggles, pulling lightly at his hair, "You?"

"Goddamn Taeyong, you make me want to spoil you rotten," he hissed, kissing up the lips again as his hands caress the soft lean thighs, pulling up the too big white shirt until his palms meet with the soft fabric of Taeyong's dark blue boxer.

Taeyong shuddering at the way the hot hands were touching him, digging his knees to the couch to grind down subtly, teasing and clear enough to voice his intentions. He softly gasps to Jaehyun's ear as the lips trail down his neck, gentle, so gentle.

"Take off your shirt, baby," Jaehyun whispered huskily to his neck, licking the spot under his ear, relishing in the way Taeyong was whining lowly in appreciation. Taeyong was halfway pulling up the shirt to his chest when Jaehyun was already kissing his exposed golden skin, biting lightly at the perky nipple.

Taeyong keens, legs tightening around Jaehyun's waist to hold in the way his body is shivering from the wet kisses, teeth dragging on the sensitive skin, strong enough for a bruise to bloom. He moaned soundlessly when Jaehyun pulls off his shirt just to litter his neck and collar bones with kisses, palms stroking his back and stomach, fingers pressing on his spine then back again to his thighs and groping his ass.

"What do you say, you're riding me like this?" Jaehyun asked, pupils blown and so dark, heated yet still holding the softness within them, safe and understanding.

Taeyong bites his lip as he's blushing lightly, caressing down the muscled chest and nuzzling his nose to the plump cheek, "Okay."

Jaehyun hisses before gripping his waist and pressing it down to grind their crotches together, "You make me so hungry yet at the same time you look so soft I feel bad to do nasty things to you."

"Since when did it ever stop you?" Taeyong chuckles, leaning down for a kiss and Jaehyun is tongue-tied, both literally and figuratively.

Since when? Before all this he just wanted to get his fill without caring, but now, all Jaehyun wants is to treat Taeyong right, to caress him gently as to not hurt him, but also a raging desire to wreck him within his arms, caging the lithe body under his own. Only for him and by him alone. Then the words spilled to the tip of his tongue, the best he could come up with was to settle the flame and the contradicting gentle waves in his heart.

"Can you sit on me?"

"Huh?" Taeyong's eyes grow wide, confused, "uh... I'm literally sitting on you right now."

"No, I mean, on my face," he corrected, smiling when Taeyong's face reddens along with his realization. Taeyong was retracing his hands and leaning backwards with shock on his face, so Jaehyun caught his hands while shushing him gently, "Hey, don't run away now."

"I..."

"We won't do anything you don't want to, so please, don't run away from me," Jaehyun said as soft as he could.

"No, I... I never do that," he whispered, so low, lowering his eyes to the couch under them.

"You never do that? I just want to spoil you and you deserve to be appreciated more than that," Jaehyun jokes with truth, laughing softly to soothe Taeyong's nerves.

"Oh," Taeyong breathed, eyes flickering to Jaehyun then to the couch again, seemingly unsure and his hands subconsciously still trying to get away.

Jaehyun is leaning forward to kiss him softly, pulling at the lean hands to rest on his shoulder, "Don't worry, we won't do that if that makes you uncomfortable. Can you take off my shirt?"

Jaehyun is trying to change the subject, but it's apparent Taeyong is still thinking about his request as he's pulling off the shirt, slowly and almost seeming scared, "Hey, don't think about-"

"Okay," Taeyong suddenly said after placing Jaehyun's shirt neatly on the couch beside them, catching Jaehyun surprised.

"Are you sure? It's perfectly fine if you don't want to."

"I... I want to try," he flushed, hiding his face in Jaehyun's neck, then, "You want to do it, so I want to try."

Jaehyun thinks over the words for a moment, "We're not gonna do that just because I want to do that, only if you're willing and really sure you want it."

Taeyong cradles Jaehyun's head with closed eyes, only opening them when he's sure of himself and Jaehyun could see it in his eyes, "Yes, I want it."

His heart picks up a pace when he feels Jaehyun's heart thundering under him, making him excited and flattered to affect Jaehyun so much but also nervous as hell when the man is lifting up his waist with his strong hands and shifting into a new position. Jaehyun lays down on the couch with Taeyong still straddling him, eyes calm to soothe Taeyong.

"Only when you're ready, then take off your pants."

Taeyong inhales sharply, placing both hands on his firm stomach, mind rolling as nervousness hits him hard. It's not like Jaehyun never rims him, far from that, but there's just something different about sitting on Jaehyun's face. Of course it is. It feels shameful, for him but also for Jaehyun, as if he'll degrading the man for doing that. But it was Jaehyun's request so of course that means he's okay with it, right?

He pulls down his boxers slowly, trying to calm down his heart and be stable on his knees, Jaehyun's agile fingers are helping him but not at all hurried, fully letting Taeyong take the pace. He took a sharp breath when he's naked on Jaehyun's clothed thighs, looking down to a smiling Jaehyun and trusting the way the thick fingers are caressing his skin to calm him.

"You're so beautiful," Jaehyun whispered, eyes soft and voice carrying an awe.

Taeyong couldn't help but smile widely, relaxing more and just so happy, bending his body down to kiss Jaehyun, slowly with wordless adoration. Jaehyun is caressing his naked back and thigh gently, not yet heated but Taeyong is already feeling it too much like an overflowing warm waterfall under his skin. When he pulls away just enough to wonder at Jaehyun's beautiful eyes, there are fingers caressing his cheek and they are gazing into each other eyes with unspoken trust and affection.

"Anytime you're ready, babe."

And Taeyong is falling even deeper, heart aching with the want to please Jaehyun, to be good, to be enough. He straightened up and let Jaehyun's big palms on his lower back guide him to where he's supposed to be, heart jumping again as he's kneeling directly above Jaehyun's face.

When Jaehyun's hands are gripping his waist and pulling him down, he stills, "Wait- just a moment," maybe he's not quite ready.

Jaehyun doesn't say anything, only smiling and kissing his inner thighs softly, lips brushing so lightly as if trying to map the skin, gentle yet burning, far than enough to make Taeyong half hard. He may be whining a bit as he's sitting down slowly, nervousness and excitement mixing in the way his body is shivering.

He jolted a bit as Jaehyun's hot breath hits his crotch, shame blooming in his chest, then Jaehyun is shushing him softly, "Put your hands on the armrest, Taeyong."

Taeyong did, always so pliant for Jaehyun, a bit embarrassed to see how his hands are slightly shaking. Why is he so affected? This is the same as a blow job or rimming, right? Because this is Jaehyun, precious Jaehyun and even though he's the one being on top, Jaehyun still holds the reigns.

He hissed when Jaehyun's lips are touching his perineum directly, hot wet tongue licking lightly up to his ball, mouthing at it. Subconsciously, Taeyong brings a hand to his mouth, biting his finger to hold in the noises jumping out his throat. Jaehyun still barely does anything yet his dick is already twitching up, blood rushing madly under his skin, blooming red in the gold.

There's fingers along the wet mouth, grazing the very sensitive skin and he's shuddering when he realizes Jaehyun is wetting his fingers while rimming him shallow. Taeyong feels drenched, filthy and aroused, looking down with bitten fingers at how Jaehyun is looking up to him with dark eyes, heavy with lust under his red, aching dick, the head glistening with precum. He bites his finger harder to deny the moan caused only by the display presented to him, good god his heart may not survive this.

Jaehyun is gliding his dry hand from his thigh to his chest, purposely rubbing over the erected nipples before catching Taeyong's wrist and pulling at it, "Don't hurt yourself, if you want to bite, you can only bite me."

He gasped as he lets go his finger, "I can't- bite you in this position though..."

"Then that means you shouldn't deprive me of your voice, isn't it?"

Taeyong hummed to swallow another moan, closing his eyes tightly since Jaehyun's smirk, from _under_  him, has done so much damage for his heart. And he squirms above Jaehyun's mouth, unable to hold in the moan this time when Jaehyun is tilting his head upwards to chase after him, grazing his teeth over his perineum and tongue flat licking up and down. Jaehyun's fingers are so wet when they’re stroking his rim, teasing with light touches before they’re digging inside too suddenly, breaching past the tight muscle and slick of his insides.

Taeyong’s shuddering with a high pitched moan, one of his knees slips and catches Jaehyun by surprise since he fell, literally sitting on his face with added weight. He splutters incoherently trying to kneel properly again, but the big hand catches his hip and stills him there, at the same time Jaehyun is shifting from his position to align his mouth with Taeyong's curving dick. He only has a second to inhale before Jaehyun is already taking him whole into his hot mouth, rough tongue felt twirling inside, around his sensitive skin, at the same time the two fingers inside him keep moving to open him.

The air in his lungs is pressing his throat to be let out, but he’s also desperately taking in more air that the noises jumping out is no more than soundless whines. Hands reflexively flying from the armrest to dig into the dark hair between his thighs, pulling at it to stop Jaehyun from moving since the sensations are too much, but Jaehyun is stubborn. Taeyong's body is shaking from the way his knees weaken, head thrown back with gaspy moans spilling out of his red, moist lips as Jaehyun keeps blowing and fingering him, mewling loudly when the man takes him deeper, deep throating him and swallowing around the head.

"Jaehyun!" he whines, fingers tight in the dark hair, pulling again to no avail.

Jaehyun ignores him and only looks up with his dark eyes, dominance palpable and wordlessly telling him to stay put, to surrender to the pleasure without question. And Taeyong finds himself complying without resistance, relaxing himself enough to rock back slowly into the ministration and for another finger to fit inside him. Jaehyun is opening him up to four fingers, drenching his insides with trails of saliva rolling down his thighs, dick red, aching and wet when Jaehyun pulls away, a long glistening string stretching from his swollen lips to the head.

Taeyong is subconsciously whimpering when Jaehyun takes out his fingers, a soft hush hitting his thighs as the man is caressing up his thighs to his waist, "Are you ready to ride me, babe?"

Taeyong bites his finger again and nods quickly, causing Jaehyun to grunt and guide him to scotch backward, straddling his lap as he’s sitting up on the couch, "What did I tell you? Only bite me."

"Sorry," Taeyong whispered, nuzzling his nose into Jaehyun's cheek and coiling his arms around his neck, shifting his body to comfortably settle on the thicker thighs under him, remembering then that Jaehyun is still wearing his jeans. He was about to get off from his lap so Jaehyun could take them off, but the hands on his waist tell him otherwise.

"No, just stay there, keep your hands around me and kneel," he unbuttons his jeans then, and when Taeyong is pressing his chest to his face, letting him to kiss the golden skin, his hands slide off the jeans expertly. "That's it, you don't need to get away from me just to take off my jeans, huh?" he grinned and Taeyong chuckled cutely.

"You're acting like you can't be away from me even for just a second," he teased.

"I am, I want you closer actually," Jaehyun winked, making Taeyong blush, and it's just so adorable he can't help but kissing him softly, like the precious man Taeyong is.

"You're so cheesy," Taeyong mutters to the kiss, brushing the lips with the tips of his fingers while gazing into Jaehyun's diamond-like eyes.

"Anything to make you blush, sweetheart."

He hums, swallowing the tightness in his throat as his heart is thundering from the way Jaehyun is calling him _sweetheart,_  so gently, so soft, alighting flame under his skin and the swarm of butterflies in his stomach. How can someone love another this strongly? And as Taeyong keeps his eyes gazing beyond the darkness within Jaehyun's eyes, he thinks, _yes he can, more and beyond_. And he wants so much to voice it out, to speak the three words, holding Jaehyun's face in his hands so close to his own, breath mingling together. But he can't, so he settles with bumping his forehead to Jaehyun's, noticing the slight dampness from the forming sweat on their skin.

"Ready?" Jaehyun asks with a whisper and a smile, soft yet blinding, always so beautiful in Taeyong's eyes.

He kisses him again, responding wordlessly by taking Jaehyun's erection in his hand, pressing it to his opening and going down slowly as not to hurt himself and Jaehyun, taking him in inch by inch with a gaspy breath and savoring the drags. He feels so full, both his heart and inside, going up and down while keeping their gazes intact, arms around each other and their chests colliding gently. He never knew that in this position he could feel so much, their warmth, their hearts, beating together in synch.

Maybe it's their first time to do it this slow, rather than just sex, this is more of them tasting their hearts, caressing deep through their eyes and soft smiles, kissing languidly without hurry, bound to no time, the world feels like it’s just for them both, alone in their cocoon of affection. They're special, ringing loud, melodiously in their thrumming chests. _Yes, they are._

And they are brought to a shaking completion, despite how slow it was, their souls feeling it overwhelmingly more than any meaningless sex could give. Euphoria filling their bodies as they lay together on the narrow couch, soaking in it and catching their breath. After a long moment they finally get up to clean, go to shower together under hot water with kisses and soft touches, giggles echoing in the closed, fogging room.

After a satisfying shower, Jaehyun cuddles him silently on the bed after a way too late breakfast, fingers absentmindedly stirring his damp hair and it almost lulls Taeyong into slumber. And he would fall asleep, if it’s not for the way Jaehyun's eyes look so distant again, mind miles away and he knows the man is haunted by whatever it is that keeps bothering him. So Taeyong kisses him, mapping the pale skin under him with his fingers, his lips to soothe, to _love_. And it must be the confidence growing in his chest as he's trailing his kisses down to the taut muscles of Jaehyun's stomach, hands stroking down the thick thighs and giving Jaehyun a blow job, more fervent and harder than the sex they just had.

Maybe a part of him wants Jaehyun to give him more attention, yeah maybe that’s it, aside from the will to comfort the man. And he feels proud to be able to make Jaehyun come in a short time, chest warm and accomplished as he looks up and see the way Jaehyun is smiling down on him with wrecked look. _You're really special to him, aren't you Taeyong? To be able to affect him that much._

"Still haven't had enough, baby?" Jaehyun grins, fingers brushing Taeyong's hair and tucking it behind his ear, another hand pulling him up to cuddle again and give him a soft kiss to his chin before kissing his lips properly.

"No, I just wanted to do that," Taeyong chuckles, resting his head under Jaehyun's chin and let his hand stroke the firm chest, occasionally grazing his fingers over the perky nipples.

"You really love to grope my chest, huh?"

"Not my fault it fits so well in my hands," he smiled, tilting his head to kiss the collar bone, hands still stroking the chest. "And you have a very nice nipples, so pink."

Jaehyun hums then snickers, "Yeah, I also love to knead your small butt."

Taeyong is quiet for a moment, "since you didn't say it's nonexistent, I'll forgive you."

"I was just censoring my words," he chuckles before yelping when Taeyong pinches his nipple, _hard_ , "Hey!"

"It's not nonexistent! It's there!"

"I don't say it's bad even when it's nonexistent, right? It's cute!" Jaehyun laughed.

"Ugh, whatever," Taeyong grumbles, pushing away the arms around him and sitting up to get away.

"Hey, hey where are you going?" Jaehyun whines, sitting up too, to chase after him, looping his arms around the lean waist to pull Taeyong back down, but Taeyong is pushing him away again.

"Jaehyun, let go," Taeyong says with a sigh, "I just need to go buy groceries, look, it's getting dark already outside, and tomorrow I have work, I can only do it today."

"Oh," Jaehyun lets out, letting Taeyong go but also getting up from the bed, "I'm coming with you."

"I can do it alone though, beside it's not like we don't know how to nullify the distance limit between us anymore-"

"I want to, are you trying to make me wait alone when I can go with you and help?" Jaehyun pouts.

Taeyong sighs with a smile, "Okay then, let's get ready."

Their shopping goes like it does usually, with Jaehyun pushing around the trolley like a kid and following Taeyong who's listing the things he needs to buy, throwing in some snacks that he knows Jaehyun likes. When they go to line up for the cashier, Jaehyun tells Taeyong to wait by the bench outside since the line is pretty long and the human needs some rest. Taeyong argues, as always, but one jerk of Jaehyun's eyebrow shuts him up and he's complying in defeat. Taeyong then waits on the bench obediently, looking around the dark parking lot and watching the bustling city by the road.

Then suddenly his eyes catch a movement in his peripheral vision, a white cat with gray spots sleeping near the wall by the bench. Taeyong's eyes light up since he adores animals, quickly standing up to walk closer to the cat, carefully as to not scare it. The cat must have sensed him since it opens it's eyes to stare at Taeyong and the human is awed by the beautiful, glassy, big eyes the cat has.

"Hi kitty," he smiles, crouching down near the cat with an outstretched hand, fingers wiggling as an invitation, "You're so beautiful, are you a stray? That can't be, how can a ragdoll like you be a stray?"

The cat blinks it's eyes at Taeyong, seemingly in thought before inching closer to his hand, letting Taeyong pet him. And he may have been squealing loudly at how cute the cat was, reaching out with his other hand to stroke it's furry back. The cat is very tame, even letting Taeyong pick it up and hold it in his lap. Taeyong then brings the cat to sit together on the bench, scratching it's chin gently and watching, so smitten since the cat is closing it's eyes at his ministration. It was only a short moment and Taeyong is already feeling so attached, thinking deeply to bring it home since the cat has no collar. Maybe he can ask around later and if it doesn't have an owner, he can adopt it truly. He misses his dog at home, but maybe he can take care of this cat now.

But then suddenly the cat bites his wrist and he yelps, surprised. The bite is not painful but it scared him a bit, "Why did you bite me kitty?"

The cat looks up to him with it's big eyes, then licking the place where it bit, as if asking for forgiveness or the sort. And Taeyong, being smitten as he is, doesn't mind it and starts stroking it again, only mildly thinking about the low burn under the skin of his wrist. He did think it was weird for a soft bite like that to cause such a sensation and he’s also kind of confused looking at the reddish mark in that place, curling almost like a picture of flame. What kind of teeth does this cat have to caused such mark?

He was bending down to open the cat's mouth when Jaehyun's voice was heard calling his name, "Taeyong."

He looks up, surprised since Jaehyun's voice was stern and deep, like he was warning or scolding, "Yes?"

"Put him down, Taeyong, that's no cat," Jaehyun said again with that tone, frowning at the cat without glancing to Taeyong.

"Huh?" he looks down, seeing the cat staring back at Jaehyun but strangely, the mouth is curled as if the cat is smiling. Can a cat smile like that? Taeyong feels goosebumps racking his body at the realization, carefully putting the cat down then dashing to Jaehyun, hiding behind him.

Jaehyun instinctively rounds Taeyong with his arms and shields him with his bigger body, then smirking at the cat, "You're a cat now, huh, Yuta?"

The cat is laying down on the bench with a grin, quite a scary display. Then, shocking Taeyong, the cat speaks clearly with a smug tone,

"And I see that you're awake now, after very long years, Jaehyun."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuta is finally here Yaaaaaay~!
> 
> Also yay Taeyong finally gonna stop his repetitive way of thinking that he's insignificant, now he'll truly see himself in Jaehyun's eyes ٩(๛ ˘ ³˘)۶♥
> 
> And Yaaaay Jaehyun getting possessive, am I right?
> 
> Did anyone figured out already what is it that bothering Jaehyun?
> 
>  
> 
> (And this is for you who kept bothering me to write Taeyong with a cock ring, NOT GONNA HAPPEN AHAHAHAHA)


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No Jaehyun, you're just blinded with rage."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG REVEAL! WOOHOO
> 
> I bet someone can already guess what it is that happened in Jaehyun's past ٩(๛ ˘ ³˘)۶♥
> 
> And I bet this chapter gonna be kinda confusing lololol. Yuta means, more Jaehyun's complicated past and more JELLY Jaehyun ahahaha!
> 
> Thank you Y. S. for always so FAST at editing my shitty grammar :'))
> 
> And I hope you guys like it!!

"Is it okay to just leave him there?" Taeyong asked warily, looking back at the supermarket behind them, where the strange cat was.

"He's a prankster, it'll do us better not to have any contact with him," Jaehyun replied, bringing both the groceries and Taeyong's hand in tow, walking home.

"A prankster? What did he do?"

"Oh, lots, and sometimes it was very elaborate pranks which harmed people. One time he accidentally burnt a whole village only because he wanted to scare a human."

Taeyong shivered, "That sounds...dreadful." He can't believe a cute, sweet cat like that could do that, but what did he know what that world anyway?

"Oh you don't know the half of it. He may be my friend, but once he almost chopped off my head."

"What?" Taeyong slightly screamed, horrified, "Why?"

"He was hunting, but he wasn't looking at his surroundings carefully enough that he attacked me. Boy, he didn't even look guilty and was only laughing his evil laugh," Jaehyun snorted.

"But... That could kill you, right?"

"Of course, which is why I retaliated by chopping off his limbs."

Taeyong is shivering again, scared since Jaehyun is saying it as if it's not a big deal, subconsciously pulling at his hand which was in Jaehyun's hand to get away, causing the man to look back at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a frown, slowly catching the fear in Taeyong's eyes, "Hey, I won't ever hurt you. Besides, it's quite normal to do that between us, we don't easily die like humans, Yuta grew back his limbs in a matter of minutes."

 _Still_ , Taeyong thought, _what if you got angry? Can you control yourself?_ Taeyong remembered when Jaehyun was angry, the way his eyes seemed wild and glinted dangerously, now the images in his mind tainted a little bit. For the first time Taeyong feels fear while looking into Jaehyun's dark eyes. _He's not human_. It never felt so true to Taeyong than in this moment.

"Are you scared of me?" Jaehyun asked, voice soft and a bit sad as the big hand was letting go of his.

"It just-" he become uncertain, because he only knew of a gentle, sweet Jaehyun, but this, "it just feels like I never really know you."

Jaehyun stares quietly into his eyes, deep in thought but also to giving Taeyong time to look beyond within himself. Then he squeezes Taeyong's hand softly, kissing the knuckles as if trying to convey something, "I will never hurt you, I promise."

After a moment Taeyong nodded, reminding himself that Jaehyun will never hurt him in the slightest, trusting the man he had come to know and how they've shown their hearts, "Do you still...?"

"Well, sometimes, but only to our kind since that's just the way we are. But I never use violence without reason, maybe it's hard for you, a human, to understand. But I promise I'll never hurt you," he said firmly, kissing the rose seal on the slender finger for emphasis, a genuine promise.

"I trust you," Taeyong squeezed back the hand in his, slightly taken by surprise when Jaehyun pulling at his hand, bodies colliding lightly and kissed his lips with a smile. "Jaehyun! We're still in public," he hissed softly.

"Then we better go home fast," he winked, tugging at their interlaced hands to start walking again.

 _Home_. Taeyong's house is no longer only his home, but _their home_. It feels so right to walk home together hand in hand, sometimes they're bumping their shoulders playfully with giggles as if they're sharing a secret only they knew. And when Taeyong stares back into Jaehyun's eyes, sparkling prettily under the streetlamps, he asked himself, _how could I even leave a space of doubt towards this man? Who has only shown me kindness and acceptance._

And when they fell asleep in each other’s arms, they fit so perfectly well together, nothing ever felt so right. With Jaehyun, everything feels right.

 

\--

 

They never agreed or planned it, but Jaehyun made it a routine for him to wake up first and cook breakfast for Taeyong. So when the soft sunlight was getting through the curtains and the bed was slightly shaking, Taeyong kept his eyes closed with a contented sigh, knowing that it was morning and Jaehyun would get out of the bed as usual. He smiled to himself as he could stay longer in bed before he had to wake up and start getting ready for work. What kind of better alarm a man can get than this? Very blissful it is.

Yet, there's something different this morning. Jaehyun was nuzzling his nose to his hair and keep sniffing it, he never did that before. Did Taeyong's hair stink? But he washed it just yesterday. Reflexively he's brushing his hair still with closed eyes, bringing it to his nose to see if he could get any smell of it. It doesn't smell. But he's far too sleepy to feel confused and only mildly curious.

Not long after there's a dip on the bed, signalling to Taeyong that Jaehyun had finished cooking and will be waking him up. Yet this time Jaehyun didn't kiss him to wake him up like usually, instead spooning him as if he's trying to get back to sleep with Taeyong. Now, that confused him, Jaehyun always made sure he'll never be late and if they go back to sleep, he's sure he'll be late for work.

And that's not all that is strange, the arms around his naked body feel strange. It feels different than how Jaehyun always feels around him, his usually thick arms now feels leaner and a bit bony, almost similar to his own. And the body pressing to his back is also feels different, Jaehyun's body was fuller than that. Taeyong is frowning with closed eyes, awake yet sleep still hanging persistently, but he's aware enough something feels off. _Did Jaehyun lose weight?_

Before he could turn his body around to take a look, the bedroom door was opened with a loud bang, seeing through his half closed eyes at Jaehyun who's standing by the door with an angry look on his face. _But wait_ , Taeyong is blinking to ward off the sleep and more confusion to take place in his mind, _if Jaehyun is standing there, then who's the one hugging me?_

Fear took place for a split second when Jaehyun lunged to the bed with that angry look, scared and shocked since Taeyong didn't understand what's happening. He unmanly yelped with a swallowed scream, but Jaehyun's hand caught not his throat, but the man who was hugging him from behind. The man chokes, with a laugh and mirth glinting in his yellowish eyes, hands in the air as a sign of surrender. And Taeyong realized belatedly that the man is as naked as him, only that Taeyong wearing a boxer while the man didn't. Taeyong didn't recognize the man, not at all. Or maybe he was too shocked and scared to be able to recognize him. 

"Yuta," Jaehyun growls, pinning the said man to the headboard.

"Good morning to you too, Jaehyun," the man named Yuta said, glancing to Taeyong with a teasing wink before Jaehyun tightening his palm around his neck, "Ow, you're really choking me."

"What are you doing here?" Jaehyun growled again, not yet sparing a glance to Taeyong since he was too focused on the Yuta guy.

"Well, I'm looking for a place to stay and-" he wheezes, still with a smile, "I can't really talk with you being like this."

Only then Jaehyun turned to look at Taeyong, for a quick second he's eyeing the human up and down, "Put on your clothes, Taeyong."

Taeyong blinked once before gathering his consciousness, then getting out the bed and taking the clothes which were placed neatly on the small table near the bed to wear them. His heart was palpitating at how furious Jaehyun seemed, hurriedly putting on the clothes then hiding behind Jaehyun, complying the order those eyes seem to be giving him. He remembers that name, _Yuta_ , that cat he saw just yesterday.

After Jaehyun made sure Taeyong was behind him and away from Yuta, only then he's focusing his eyes back at the man he's pinning to the headboard, "Get out, I don't want you here."

Yuta chuckles, not even looking the slightest bit bothered by the fact his neck is being strangled by Jaehyun, who's _supposedly_ his friend, "I'm afraid that's not possible."

Jaehyun is frowning for a moment of confusion, then realization is filling his wide eyes, turning back to look at Taeyong then back again to Yuta, "You marked him??"

"I mean-" he wheezes a laugh, "I have to so I won't lose him."

"So that's why there's a different smell on him," Jaehyun hisses, totally pissed, "Take it off."

"I don't want to," Yuta jutted out his tongue and coughs a bit when Jaehyun grips his neck tighter, making Yuta put up a finger to signal that he couldn't talk if he does that.

"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't just break your neck," Jaehyun said, so low and with apparent anger latching on his voice. Taeyong then puts his hands on Jaehyun's upper arms, squeezing them as a gesture to stop the man. Jaehyun did look back to him with a troubled look on his face, but he's complying to Taeyong's worried look by loosening his grip on Yuta's neck.

Yuta coughs for a moment before he starts talking again, "Look, I mean nothing, it was just me, you know _me_. I have no intention to hurt your human, really." Then he looks to Taeyong with a more serious expression, "I'm sorry if I surprised you, Taeyong. It was just a prank, no bad intentions."

Taeyong is a bit wary and gets goosebumps when he's reminded that it wasn't Jaehyun who was hugging him, _naked_ , but he thinks no harm’s done so he nodded to Yuta in understanding, which, actually is pissing off Jaehyun more.

"Don't give in that easily to him, Taeyong. He's a good liar."

"No, it's okay, I... He did surprise me, but that's all-"

"He _touched_ you! And- and you were naked!" Jaehyun shouted to which Taeyong shushed him.

"Don't be so loud!" Taeyong is half shouting and whispering, squeezing Jaehyun's arms harder, "it's still early in the morning and it's okay! He didn't do anything, really. No need to get so angry."

"He touched you, that's more than enough reason to get angry," he hissed, pining Yuta with murderous glare.

"Jaehyun," Taeyong said with low warning tone and the man shut his mouth, gritting his teeth in anger yet finally letting go of Yuta's neck.

Yuta didn't smile nor laugh this time, keeping his serious look on his face as he stares at Taeyong, "Can you give us a moment alone?"

The human is looking back and forth between Jaehyun and Yuta, extremely unconvinced to let the two men alone in a closed room after the display of violence, but he chooses to trust Jaehyun and so he nodded, then proceeds to get out of the bedroom with one last look at the men with heavy tension between them.

At the sound of the door closing, a smile played up on Yuta's lips again, "You really know how to choose your humans, huh? First was beautiful Dahlia and now him? Wow."

"Cut the chase, asshole," Jaehyun barked.

"Woah, no need to get all possessive, man," Yuta chuckles with hands in the air, "I really meant nothing bad, honest. I just need a place to stay since I've been stray for quite some time."

It took him a moment to calm down, but eventually Jaehyun sighed deeply and tiredly, willing for the anger under his skin to dissipate, "Don't you have your sorcerer, Yuta? You're supposed to stay with him, or her, whoever that is, you're no longer a free being."

"Ah, it's been hundreds of years since I've been subdued by a human sorcerer," This time it's Yuta who's sighing tiredly, "but the current sorcerer who's the descendant of my first master is far too weak and young to handle me, so I've been a stray until she's strong enough. Doesn't seem to be happening soon though, it's been years."

"Can't believe that I'll see you being so docile, to a human nonetheless," Jaehyun scoffed, sitting at the edge of the bed as Yuta also did.

"I might as well be a free being as of now, but still the bond is there, so I can't really do anything that will violate it," Yuta whines, "Life is so boring lately, so when I smelled you on him, I just had to mark him."

"You can't just do that," Jaehyun sighed, rubbing his face frustratedly, "You can just follow him or ask me decently, not mark him. Break it off."

"I know you won't tell me if I asked," he grinned and he was right, Jaehyun wouldn't, "besides I was too lazy to stalk you so... It's the fastest and easiest way to get to you by marking him, that way no matter where he is, I can just teleported myself to him. I'll erase the mark when I have a decent place to stay, or go back to my new master."

"Will you really not mess with him?"

"Nah, I'm your friend, Jaehyun. I can see how fond and possessive you are of him, so I won't do anything to harm him. If you don't like it, I'll stay in my cat form when I'm around him so you won't get too jealous. I can't promise I won't mess with you though," he grinned widely, nasty and teasing.

"Excuse you, I'm not jealous," Jaehyun grumbled, "cat form or not, it's still you, how is it a compromise? And since when do you like to use cat form? You often use tiger or wolf form."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that you're not jealous, you're a fool if you really believe that," Yuta guffawed, "people are scared of tigers and wolves, dear Jaehyun. Being a cat has it perks, they love to pet me and feed me."

Jaehyun huffed, but it's true that he knows he was jealous, of course he is. Taeyong is his and _only_ his to touch. "And? I don't think you're here just because you need a place to stay."

The look on Yuta's face shifting into a more serious one this time, "I've heard rumors about a certain nephilim searching for you."

That kind of surprises Jaehyun, but not really, he had a hunch, "Was it a nephilim who's a mate to a vampire? I'm sure there's only one person with that description."

"Yeah, that's him, you know him? Or you've met him?"

" _Met him_ , I don't think us bumping accidentally on the road counts as one. But I did meet with his mate, Lee Donghae, and he's been so persistent on giving me a job and a legal ID that I've been shredding his letters away so Taeyong won't find it."

Yuta frowning, "Why would he do that? You never knew him."

"He claimed that he wanted to help me, unknown why," he scoffed.

"Nephilims can be dangerous, remember that time when some nephilim was trying to eradicate us? She was a pain in the ass, quite literally. Ugh, you better be careful."

"Is that why you went searching for me? Even though you didn't know if I was awake yet or not?" Jaehyun smiled with a snort, giving Yuta his mocking look.

"Can't a friend be worried for his friend? Although I heard this nephilim wasn't a bad guy," Yuta shrugged.

Jaehyun thinks for a moment before asking, "You know his name?"

"It was Lee Hyukjae, you may know him."

"Hyukjae? Lee fucking Hyukjae? Yeah I know him, but last time I saw him he was still a jerk and didn't have a vampire mate," Jaehyun is surprised, now reminded again of how long he had slept to have missed that much information. But wait, "I think I heard Donghae said his name but I was too distraught to notice it."

"I know right, he was always looking at us with disgust, yet he also hates those angel folks too. But I heard he changed, he even helped some vampires to get their redemption and breaking their cursed bond with the Devil, not one nephilim ever did that. Hardly believable but considering how chaotic the uproar was, I think it's true. Many said he changed after he took up a human child and raised him," Yuta said, as always up to date with rumors and forever a chatterbox.

"A human child?" Jaehyun lifted an eyebrow in disbelief, because he knows the nephilim Hyukjae who despised his own bloodline, hating everyone and anything, even humans. Many fear the nephilim since he's an offspring of an angel and one of the top princes of hell, making him very strong and his hatred towards any kind makes him even more fearsome. So hearing that kind of man taking care of a human child is almost like a joke.

"Yeah, he adopted a human baby he found buried amongst the dead bodies at _that_ place, I heard he, along with a vampire elder raised the boy like his parents. And, I don't know what happened, no one knows, but years after that the human boy turned into a vampire, whom I'm guessing became Lady Heeyeon's vampire servant."

The words were spinning in Jaehyun's head like the hardest quizzes he’s ever known of, it took quite a while for him to understand what's being said, "You mean to say that the vampire elder who raised the human child with Hyukjae was Lady Heeyeon since the beginning? And that human boy who turned into a vampire was Lee Donghae? His now mate?"

"Yeah, it was him," Yuta nodded with solemn look, "now that you said it, do you think he's been persistent in trying to help you because he want to pay their guilt? He's connected to Lady Heeyeon after all."

"Does she even know me?"

"You know Hyukjae, Jaehyun. And he was there when _that_  happened. He's involved with Lady Heeyeon, he could have told her or his mate."

Jaehyun kept quiet, thinking over the new facts he just heard. Was it really the reason why Lee Donghae been tailing him? All this while he's trying to talk to him by sending him letters almost everyday to Taeyong's home, was for that?

Yuta eyeing him for moment then asking again, "You should ask him, do you have any way to contact him-"

"Wonho," Jaehyun suddenly said with distant eyes, "I thought he looked familiar and now I remember he was one of the vampire elders.... But he didn't recognize me that one time we met with Taeyong, and he's a human, I'm sure of it. How could that be possible?"

"Wonho? You met him where? Last time I heard about him was when he died together with his human lover. That was what I was talking about, Hyukjae helping vampires and one of them was Wonho. Hyukjae also helped turning his vampire servant back into human, Changkyun, do you perhaps know him too?"

"Im Changkyun? Kinda short with big nose?" Jaehyun asked in surprise.

"Yeah, yeah that's him!" Yuta exclaimed with equal surprise.

"He's Taeyong's friend... Then he was really that Wonho? But, how? You said he died, can a vampire elder even die?"

"They can, you know this, they can die only in the hands of their loved one. Which is why you... With Lady Heeyeon..." Yuta trails off, uncertain since it's a sensitive topic for Jaehyun. "Is there anyone named Hyungwon near that Wonho and Changkyun?"

Jaehyun look up with more surprise painted on his face, "Yes there is, a vampire servant, I think he's Lee Donghae's. They... They're all in the same company as Taeyong."

Silence downing on them with realization, until Yuta decided to voice it out, "You've been involved since the start of your awakening, huh? Is that even a coincidence?"

Jaehyun dreaded it, but the thought still leaving his lips, "I don't think it was a coincidence at all." His rose may have been rigged to ended up with Taeyong, a human who's involved closely to the people of Jaehyun's past.

He then hurriedly walking out the bedroom and sees Taeyong sitting on the couch while facing the bedroom door, a look of surprise and caught red handed at trying to eavesdrop painting his face, but Jaehyun didn't even have half a mind to notice it.

"Taeyong, baby, do you have Changkyun's contact number?" Jaehyun asked instantly, making Taeyong even more surprised and confused.

"Y-yes I have it, but why?"

"Wonho, is his real name Wonho?" he asked again.

"Wonho? No... His name is Lee Hoseok, but since Changkyun and Hyungwon called him Wonho, it stuck for us too... Why?"

Yuta, who's following behind Jaehyun, peeks out his head and whispers to Jaehyun, "So I'm guessing Wonho got reincarnated since he doesn't recognize you, but Changkyun and Hyungwon, well, they seem to remember the Wonho we knew. They may also been keeping their eyes on you."

"Do they ever ask about me?" Jaehyun asked to Taeyong.

"...no? Only one time when Wonho asked who was it that picking me up from office, but that's it," Taeyong is frowning and unease starting to fill his eyes, "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Jaehyun said with a forced smile, not convincing anyone. He reaches out his hand then, "can I call Changkyun?"

Taeyong's eyes grow wide, "Why? What for?"

"Yuta," Jaehyun quickly said, much to the surprise of the two men, "He may know Changkyun."

Taeyong narrowing his eyes in disbelief, "I don't think that’s it."

"No shit," Yuta scoffed to Jaehyun's ear.

"Taeyong, please," Jaehyun pleads with urgency, which then Taeyong hesitantly hands over his phone to him.

"I need to... Go to work, so please be quick," he only said, always choosing to trust Jaehyun no matter how irrational it may seem.

"Thank you, love" Jaehyun heaves out breath of relief then kissed him, before walking back into the bedroom with Yuta, leaving Taeyong in shock and blushing furiously at that one, oblivious and having no meaning word.

 _Love_. But Jaehyun said it without any deeper meaning, that much is obvious, he was just saying it in the heat of moment. Still Taeyong's heart flutters in warmth as he runs his fingers on his kissed lips, the ghost of Jaehyun's soft lips lingering longer than it ever have.

Inside the bedroom Yuta clicked his tongue to Jaehyun in disapproval, "Man, you're doing him dirty."

"What?" Jaehyun is not really minding Yuta and instead focusing on finding Changkyun's contact to dial it.

"You kissed him like that just to have your way? I'm beginning to think you're more cruel than me."

"What are you talking about? I kissed him to thank him," Jaehyun said and finally found Changkyun's name and dial it. "Now shut up."

It took quite a while before the call got answered, " _Yes, Taeyong?_ "

"This is Jaehyun, do you know nephilim Hyukjae?" Jaehyun fired immediately, not giving the man a chance to escape.

The line went quiet and only the man's breathing was heard, before finally he answered, " _So I guess you know it already. Whatever it is that you're thinking, I'm not involved in it, but I do know about you. Hyukjae said he will give you a visit once you realize it, you may ask him that. But please don't say anything to Wonho, he doesn't remember anything, he's just a plain, mere human now, don't drag him, nor Hyungwon into whatever it is_."

"So he really intended it for me to wake up here, with Taeyong? And for you guys to keep an eye on me?" Jaehyun asked, doing his best to keep his anger in check.

" _We didn't keep an eye on you_ ," the man replied with a calm tone, " _it just so happens that Taeyong is the only human who's close to us and works under Mr. Donghae, but that's it. It just a way to make it easier for them to make contact with you, but other than that, nothing_."

"So I've been played into their palms since the first, huh?" Jaehyun scoffed, pride hurting and anger washes over him in unrelenting waves.

" _Don't get angry yet, I'm sure you can understand the bigger picture when Hyukjae come to you-_ "

"And I'm sure you know what happened between us since you can say all that, and how am I not angry about it?" he cuts in with a hiss.

" _And I'm not the one who's been rejecting Mr. Donghae's offer and the chance to get more answers,_ " the man said, borderline judging.

"What more I have to know? You know how it goes, were you even there when _that_  happened?"

" _No, I wasn't even born yet when that happened, but I know enough from when I was a vampire_."

"And you dare enough to say I will understand the bigger picture when you didn't see the horror it was!" Jaehyun spat, livid.

" _Is it?_ " the man asked after a silent moment, " _or do you only want someone to blame so your sorrow is more bearable?_ "

"You-!"

" _Bye, it was a nice talk, Mr. Jaehyun_ ," the man said then hung up on him. Jaehyun was about to throw the phone in his anger, but was conscious enough that the phone is Taeyong's and he has no right to break it into pieces, no matter how angry he is.

"In a way," Yuta starts, then putting up his hands when Jaehyun is glaring at him, "I'm not taking anyone's side, I'm just being the reasonable one since you’re clearly unable to think clearly. That Changkyun guy has a point, _in a way_."

"I'm not even gonna ask which point makes sense to you," Jaehyun groaned, then finally starts thinking that he has to give the phone back and bring Taeyong to work.

Yuta sighed with a deep thought, "You went to sleep to run away and now, it seems you woke up to face what you're running away from, isn't it?"

"That day," Jaehyun said in a tired voice, so lost, so dark was his heart, "I thought she would be long dead if I went to sleep. I thought... But now she's still here, cursed into immortality, isn't it like a chance for me? That fate gives me a chance to make it even?"

 

 

Yuta eyed his friend with pity, "No Jaehyun, you're just blinded with rage."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowow~
> 
> Psst, we're getting near to the end ⊙_⊙


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Call me baby again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The little story of vampire elders is actually important :))))) Maybe you can guess what might be happening? Teehee

There's a strange feeling in his chest when Taeyong finally gets ready for work, taking a short shower and then bringing the breakfast that Jaehyun made with him instead of having it right away. A part of him thinks he did that because he's getting late, but another part was that he didn't want to stay longer in his suddenly overcrowded home. _Yuta_. Since that strange guy had appeared, Taeyong had been seeing many of Jaehyun's expressions which he never knew of, it's weird. Maybe that's why there's a strange stir in his chest, something akin to surprise and disappointment. Because for the first time Jaehyun lied to him.

The walk to the office was unusually quiet with no one talking; Jaehyun, who kept glancing at Taeyong and Taeyong, who's doing his best to keep his eyes on the road and ignore those looks. So many questions were in his head, but the disappointment in his heart forbade him for asking them out loud, pride holding them in since he doesn't want to seem too nosy nor not understanding. So if Jaehyun lied to him to hide his secret, despite Taeyong feeling it's unfair because he hides nothing from Jaehyun, he doesn't say it and prefers to keep his silence. If Jaehyun will finally confront him about his silence, well, then it will be a plus.

Usually Jaehyun would send Taeyong off with a smile, but this time Taeyong only nods in his direction, without even sparing a look at the man, and goes into the company. Maybe he's being petty, but this is better than him saying what he didn't mean and possibly hurting them both. When he went to sit at his work cubicle though, Changkyun was already sitting in his own beside him and smiling awkwardly at him. Taeyong knew that look, a _please-don't-ask_ look, so he didn't and chose to sit and smile back at the man like he usually did every morning.

' _How did Jaehyun know about you?’_

_'Who are you, really?'_

_'If Jaehyun and Yuta know you, does that mean you also belong to that side of the world?'_

And many more questions are spinning in Taeyong's head, loud and begging to be let out. But if there's something Taeyong is the best at, it would be swallowing in his words and killing his emotions and wants, from years of mastered practice. Just as he sighed and shook his head to chase away those questions, his eyes caught the redness in his right wrist. Shocked, with a choked noise caught in his throat at seeing the image of red flame twirling there, the place where the cat- _Yuta_ bit him.

"Oh no, oh my god," Taeyong muttered in realization, rubbing a palm over the red flame, and just like he had expected, the mark didn't disappear no matter how hard he tried to rub it. Then he remembers the scene in the morning, when Jaehyun shouted at Yuta about him marking Taeyong, this is the mark he was talking about. What the fuck is this? His right hand is now covered in marks! How the hell is he going to hide it? He's rubbing his face with his palms then, understanding, _So that's why he was so angry..._

But wait, why does he think it's only understandable for Jaehyun to be angry? Does he, in a way, find it normal, the thought of Jaehyun being jealous over him? He blushed then, ashamed but also with a feeling of realization dawning on him. It's kind of shameful that he's being so full of himself and believing that Jaehyun was being jealous, but he also think it's fair since Jaehyun did behave as such on several occasions, which then he somehow got used to without even realizing it. Jaehyun often says stuff like Taeyong is his, only his, he couldn't help it if he thinks so, right? But is it truly what it is?

He's fanning his face to get rid of the heat and the blush, saying to himself, "Stupid."

"A _kitsune_ mark?"

Taeyong snapped his head at the voice, seeing Changkyun covering his mouth in surprise, and from the way his eyes were fleeting to Taeyong's wrist, he knows he was talking about the mark, "You know this?"

"I wasn't supposed to say it out loud, oh my god, I was just thinking but then my mouth just decided to say it, please just forget about it-"

"Changkyun," Taeyong called to stop the man's blabbering, "I won't ask, if you don't want me too. But do you know this mark?"

"I'm sorry, Taeyong," Changkyun finally said with dejected look, "It's just, I'm afraid to tell you since I don't know what Jaehyun wanted, I don't want to say something wrong. And about that mark, yes I know it, it's a mark of a _kitsune_ , a fox from Japan. How did you get marked like that though? Be careful, _kitsune_ are infamous for their playfulness and nasty tricks."

Taeyong eyed the mark of a red flame, ever moving on his skin, beautiful yet not enough to entrance Taeyong since he can only think of one thing to ask, "Are you not human?"

Changkyun's breath hitched and his eyes grew wider, to which Taeyong quickly put up his hand to fix, "No, I'm sorry, I just told you I won't ask, I'm sorry. Just forget it."

"It's okay," Changkyun said to Taeyong's surprise, "I can tell you about me, what I can't tell you is about Jaehyun, you should ask him that yourself."

Taeyong sees the reluctance, "No, it's... I was just curious, I shouldn't force you."

"I never planned on telling you this since it's already in the past, but as you're my important friend, I think it's only fair to tell you now than you somehow find out about it," Changkyun sighed with a smile making Taeyong feel guilty for asking, but also happy to know that Changkyun regarded him that highly.

"I am a human like you, Taeyong."

"Oh," Taeyong lets out.

"Are you disappointed?" Changkyun snickers.

"No, I'm not!" Taeyong denied in hush.

"Your face said it all!" he laughed quietly since it's already working time. But then he's slowing down, giving him a soft smile, "On serious note, I was and am now a human, but it's true there was also a time when I was not."

Taeyong chose to keep quiet since the look in Changkyun's eyes seems too heavy, as if whatever memories there are still inflicting pain on him.

"A very long time ago, I was withering away on my deathbed and Wonho saved me. He was still a vampire elder at that time, oh do you know what that is?" Changkyun stopped to ask, to which Taeyong answered, ' _Yes, I know_ '. "I see, so Jaehyun told you about these things already. And you know then that I was a vampire servant since Wonho changed me into one, to cure my illness at the price of losing the life that I know of. He was my saviour, my brother and it always pains me knowing that he couldn't die when he wished so strongly for it.

"That is until Hyungwon, a human who strangely wasn't too affected by Wonho's seduction power. Wonho fell in love, they both are, and the moment a vampire elder falls in love, it’s then when his downfall starts. A vampire elder is different from any other vampire, they are cursed and bestowed with power by the Devil with a price of immortality. They can't die, no matter what, nothing you could do to them will kill them, nothing. Unless, that person is the one whom the vampire elder is in love with," somehow Changkyun then chuckles, making Taeyong confused since there was nothing funny.

He was also confused why suddenly Changkyun told him all that, but maybe the man needed the talk from the way he looks.

"For people who weren't there, they might think it was all so easy, so funny. It's not though, not at all," Changkyun scoffed with a hollow look, "Wonho was suffering from an unquenchable thirst since he fell in love, no matter how much he drank, he grew thirstier. And if he tried to stop drinking at all, he lost his mind faster. And the only two things which could stop it was for Hyungwon to kill him or for him to drink Hyungwon to death. There was no better answer than the other."

Taeyong then cuts in hesitantly, "Was... Was he our Wonho?" he asked while glancing at the said man's desk across the office room.

Changkyun turned to the same direction, smiling, "Yes, but he wouldn't remember anything even if you ask him, he's a human now, like you, like me."

"How...?"

"Lee Hyukjae happened," Changkyun snorted, "He's a nephilim and our CEO's mate, who's a vampire, talk about funny. They were already mates even then, accompanying Lady Heeyeon, they are much older than you could even imagine. What if I ask you what would you do in that situation?"

"Me?" Taeyong gapes in surprise, why so suddenly? "how would I know?"

"People always said it's best and kinder for Hyungwon to kill Wonho, it's better than letting the man suffer and possibly harming other people, isn't it? He was killing people without even realizing it at that time, it was really bad."

It does seem that killing Wonho was the better answer than the other considering the story, Taeyong thought, but he didn't say it since he didn't want it to come off wrongly and Changkyun can already read the answer in his eyes.

"But if Hyungwon killed Wonho, he would then be the one to carry Wonho's curse, to be the next vampire elder who can't die. This time, there will be no way for him to die because he can only love once, and that once had gone together with Wonho. Isn't that cruel? Knowing this, Wonho chose to suffer alone... But Hyukjae freed them from it, and give them a chance for redemption in a new life. That was now, here, that's why Wonho is now a human without any memories of his previous life.

"Both Wonho and Hyungwon were born again as human now, and I, who was still a vampire at that time, asked Hyukjae to turn me back into human so I could stay and die together with them," Changkyun grinned, "the only thing which kept me from turning into human again right away was because I was waiting for them to be born again, and I have no regrets about it."

"You love them," Taeyong said softly with a smile, hand already up in the air to stroke Changkyun's hair, but he stopped since he realized the man is far older than him despite looking younger, "Sorry."

"Don't treat me differently, I'm now a new Changkyun who's younger than you, treat me like how you used to treat me," he chuckled and Taeyong complied, patting his head softly.

But then he remembers something, "but... Jaehyun said Hyungwon is a vampire....?"

"Ah," Changkyun smiled sadly, "he got cancer few years back, so... Donghae turned him to rid of it, but Hyukjae promised to change him back. The downside of it was he came to remember about his past lives, even about Wonho, who's now Hoseok."

Taeyong hummed, turning his head to stare at Wonho across the room, seemingly focused on his work. It's hard to imagine that Changkyun's story did happen, it sounds so far away, so unbelievable to his human brain.

"About Jaehyun," Changkyun suddenly said breaking Taeyong's reverie, "he contacted me to asked about Donghae and _or_ Hyukjae, I don't know, I don't really know about what happened too."

"I see," Taeyong muttered, heart aching since he had been lied to by the one he trusted the most. But he understands, whatever it is that's bothering the man, it might be something that is hard to say so Taeyong is relenting. Maybe he'll spoil Jaehyun when he gets back home and maybe he'll try to ask about it without pressuring him. "Thank you."

"No, sorry I just- well, I can't stop myself from telling you all that," Changkyun laughed, "I've never had anyone to talk about it so it’s just, bursting out, sorry."

"No, I appreciate it since it seems like you trusted me with it. And, this may sound weird, but knowing all that makes me feel closer to Jaehyun, somewhat. About his world, about the people he knows..."

"He doesn't know me though, at least not personally, neither Donghae. I think, the ones he knows personally are only Hyukjae and Lady Heeyeon."

"Is that so?" Taeyong doesn't know what to make of it since he doesn't even know who those people are, not even their faces. _But, was it these two people who’ve been plaguing Jaehyun's mind_? Taeyong wonders.

"Don't tell him I told you all this, okay?" Changkyun winked, "we better start working though."

Taeyong put all that he heard stored in his mind to look back at later, yet it seemed no matter how hard he tried to focus on his work, his mind keep coming back to it.

 

\--

 

Jaehyun was already waiting for him that evening in front of the company when Taeyong finished his work, although today he didn't greet him with a smile and instead looked somewhat uncertain and still quiet. Perhaps he thought Changkyun might have said something to him or thought that Taeyong was mad at him. Taeyong decided to play the quiet card and only nodded to him before they started walking home together. Jaehyun did try to put an arm on his shoulder though, which Taeyong shrugged off.

"Don't do that, we're in front of my company."

Jaehyun lets out a noise similar to a whine but he didn't say anything. Actually, Taeyong wasn't angry, he never was, but it's kind of cute to see Jaehyun being like this, like a guilty child not knowing how to apologize. Just that look and it's enough for Taeyong to settle his initial disappointment into understanding, not that he would stop to get more of this pouty Jaehyun though.

Taeyong did buy a mango pudding and vanilla ice cream to appease the man later, he knew Jaehyun likes them. They came home to a cat Yuta lounging on the couch in front of the TV, yawning as he saw them coming in.

"He's in his cat form again?" Taeyong asked.

"It's part of our agreement if he wants to stay here," he grumbled, shooing the cat away before throwing himself on the couch, "he has nowhere to go. But this place is too small for three grown men."

"If you say so," Taeyong said, cooing the cat when Yuta rubbed himself to his leg, he knows he's not a real cat but he can't stop himself from liking the cat a tad bit more than he's supposed to.

"No, don't pick him up," Jaehyun warns when Taeyong was about to hold Yuta.

"Huh? Why?"

"Because that's still Yuta although he looks like that? I just don't want you to."

Taeyong lifted his eyebrows in surprise and teases, "I know it's still him, but he's so cute and I've wanted a cat for a while, isn't it okay? I promise I won't do anything that will make him uncomfortable, I'll ask him first if he's okay with me petting him or-"

"No, I don't care about him, I just don't want you to give him too much attention," Jaehyun buried his face into the couch so his voice was kind of muffled, but Taeyong didn't mishear the pout within it.

Taeyong bites in a chuckle when he sees Yuta rolling his eyes tiredly. He walked to the couch and peered down at Jaehyun who's still refusing to show his face, "Why don’t you want me to do that?"

Jaehyun didn't answer and only squirmed into the couch, hiding his face expertly, yet the redness in his ears was so obvious that Taeyong couldn't stop himself from grinning widely, finding the man so adorable. He wanted to cuddle him but he also wanted to tease him more, so he only patted Jaehyun's arm and then went to pick Yuta up, with his fluffy, full fur against his clothed chest.

"I won't give him too much attention, don't worry, I just want to hold him for a while. Look, isn't he so cute? You're okay with me holding you like this right?" Taeyong cooed and Yuta replied by rubbing his head to Taeyong's chin. Jaehyun still keep quiet, so Taeyong went to the kitchen with Yuta in his arms.

"Sorry about that," Taeyong whispered to the cat after making sure Jaehyun wouldn't be able to hear him too clearly. He didn't really know Yuta after all, they're still strangers and it can be offending to be that familiar despite them only meeting for a short while. If it was the human form Yuta, Taeyong would be too wary and awkward, but in his cat form? That Taeyong can't resist. Yuta doesn't mind though, as he grinned then winked to Taeyong, it’s kind of creepy to see a cat do that.

He cradles Yuta as he's putting the pudding and ice cream into the fridge, humming lightly feeling warm and happy with the way the cat snuggles to his chest. He squeals internally, how could he not? Yuta is too cute, he loves this beautiful Ragdoll cat. He's still kind of scared of the human one though. When he was about to kiss the pinkish cute, little nose, Jaehyun shouted from the living room.

"You can't kiss him!"

 _How the hell did he know that?_ Taeyong chuckled softly and got shocked when Yuta whispered, "Jealous brat."

"Oh god, I don't think I'll ever get used to a talking and grinning cat," he grimaced, putting Yuta down before going to Jaehyun, still smiling as he's leaning down to kiss the back of Jaehyun's head since he's still hiding his face.

"Don't kiss me if you kissed him," he said when Taeyong's lips was an inch away from his hair.

He couldn't stop the soft laugh that jumped out of his lips, brushing the dark hair with his fingers to make the man to look at him, but Jaehyun was stubbornly digging his face deeper to the couch, "Hey Jaehyun, look at me."

Silence and Jaehyun stills, letting Taeyong stroke his head yet ignoring him. He dares to imagine that Jaehyun is pouting right now, how cute was he being, sulking like that, this is the first time.

"Are you jealous?" he asked, which got no response. "Jaehyun."

Taeyong almost missed it, but he heard a very low whine muffled by the couch. He's being so adorable that Taeyong couldn't stop the way his chest overflowed with endearment and the urge to coo. Arms scooping down to cradle Jaehyun's head then, squealing internally when Jaehyun pushed his face to Taeyong's chest to hide it, a soft whine vibrating in Taeyong's chest.

"Ow baby, are you really jealous?" Taeyong coos with soft giggles, about to bend down to hug the man when suddenly a strong arm coiled around his waist and yanked him to lay down on top of Jaehyun, eliciting a surprised yelp, "Jaehyun! What did I tell you about surprising me-"

"You called me _baby_ ," Jaehyun cuts in with his soft voice, eyes half-lidded yet with an apparent twinkle in those dark iridescent eyes. He puts his big palms on Taeyong's lean waist, stroking it gently, waking the twirling burn under his skin. They're laying on the couch on their sides, Taeyong's hands pressed in between their chests and faces only a few inches away. Taeyong may or may not squeeze the man boobs a little bit. It feels nice, okay, don't blame him.

"Did I?" Taeyong whispered through bitten lips, a hidden smile and soft blush on his cheeks. He didn't really realize it, but if he thinks about it, he may have called Jaehyun baby. How embarrassing.

Just like Jaehyun always likes it when they're cuddling, he's trailing his big palm from Taeyong's waist to his thigh, pulling at it to circle his own thicker waist, then nuzzling his nose to Taeyong's cheek, "Call me that again."

"...Jaehyun?" Taeyong teased, yelping when the man softly bit his nose.

"Not that, call me baby again," Jaehyun whined, but he's grinning when Taeyong chuckles and ducks his face under Jaehyun's chin.

"You're being really cute right now," Taeyong sighed contently, cupping Jaehyun's slightly chubby cheeks and stroke them gently with his thumbs, their eyes meeting with adoration, "Were you jealous, baby?"

"I am," Jaehyun whispered, eyes flickering between Taeyong's eyes and his lips, "because only I can see you naked, only I can touch you. You're mine."

His body shudders from the intensity in Jaehyun's eyes and voice, from the way those big palms grip his lean waist and pull their bodies even closer, if that's possible. Taeyong lets one of his hands trail down to feel the heat coming off from Jaehyun's chest, the firm muscle underneath his palm and the thrumming of his heart beats to his fingertips. Both their hearts beating faster, strangely in the same rhythm. What are they? Does it matter, when he's looking at him like that? Does it matter, when his heart beats like that for him? Taeyong decides, _no, it does not matter._

"If I'm yours, does that mean you're also mine?" Taeyong asked, trailing his hand back up, fingers grazing the pale skin then the soft lips, vibrating together with his breath.

"Are you not jealous to see someone else touch me?" Jaehyun lifted a questioning eyebrow.

"...Maybe?" Taeyong titled his head with a smile, "Not that I ever see anyone touch you, but I don't think I want to see that."

"You'd better," Jaehyun grinned and was about to kiss Taeyong's lips before a finger on his lips stopped him, "Why?"

"You said you don't want to kiss me if I kissed Yuta?" Taeyong teased, in an instant Jaehyun pouts again.

"Did you really kiss him?"

That made Taeyong laugh, bumping their foreheads together in adoration before he explained, "No, I didn't kiss him, but I don't want you to kiss me, baby."

Jaehyun pouted harder, yet instead of looking angry, this time he looked more like a kicked puppy, "But why?"

Taeyong hummed with a more serious face, fingers tucking in Jaehyun's dark hair behind his ear, "I think you know why, Jaehyun."

Jaehyun settled his breathing, his eyes searching in Taeyong's dark brown eyes. There's a sense of calmness in the air as if they're laying under water, not cold nor hot, just enough, and it’s still like unmoving time.

"I was at a lost of words," Jaehyun said finally, to which Taeyong answered with a hum, "I can't tell you."

"Then why didn't you say so?" Taeyong said in a whisper, slightly disappointed again, "You said it yourself, Jaehyun. You won't ask if I don't want to tell, and so do I. Simply tell me that you can't tell me and I will understand. Don't lie to me, not you, especially you who I've come to trust the most."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking..." Jaehyun whispered back, a genuine apology swimming in his eyes, not once wavering from Taeyong's gaze. And it's more than enough, he cares, he always and still cares, so Taeyong smiles as he caresses his cheek with the back of his fingers.

"I've told you everything, even about... Him. Isn't it ironic when you were the one who taught me to be honest yet you lied to me? It might be a simple thing, or not, I don't know. But I don't want it to come between us, from a simple thing it could escalate or become a habit, which I'm sure you've seen and experienced plenty. With you, I don't want that," he said slowly, heart suddenly aching with the mounting emotions. There was always fear, wasn't it? But he's able to talk it out now rather than mulling about it by himself.

Somehow, Jaehyun is smiling softly while holding Taeyong's shoulder gently, thumbs stroking the soft skin, silently, yet the way he's looking at Taeyong is making the man blush with butterflies suddenly swarming in his stomach, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm happy, and also proud," Jaehyun said, catching Taeyong's neck and squeezing it lightly, "I'm sorry for lying to you, I really am, and I will remind myself not to do that again. And thank you, for being honest with me, for telling me what you're feeling and what you want of me, I'm really, really happy. You always tend to keep your feelings to yourself and to be honest, I don't like it. But now you told me, it makes me proud because you've changed and become stronger, but also I'm so happy because that means you trust me with it."

There's a burning, tickling sensation under his skin, chest bursting in love since Jaehyun is looking at him like that, again, as if he had just done something marvelously world-changing even though it was nothing like it. Without words, Taeyong could see it, feel it in the touches and the way the man got jealous, there's love. _Love_. And just like the love running through his veins, Taeyong pulls Jaehyun into a kiss, passionate like the wordless love between them yet soft like the middle ground within their souls. _Equal_.

Jaehyun's hand just got under Taeyong's shirt and was gliding upwards on the naked skin when a loud meowing was heard, startling the two men on the couch. The cat Yuta was sitting on the couch armrest with a disinterested look, "Yeah bitches, I'm still here."

The incubus groaned hatefully while Taeyong laughed loudly in glee, hugging Jaehyun tighter and leaving a soft kiss on his cheek before getting up to hold Yuta, who -Jaehyun dreaded that fact- was purring and curling cutely in Taeyong's arms.

"Why you keep holding Yuta?" Jaehyun protested loudly, no longer pouting but scowling.

"Don't be extra Jaehyun, he's just a cat.”

"He's not a cat and he's determined to make me suffer!" he exclaimed, eliciting giggles from Taeyong.

"Okay I heard he's a fox, but still, he's just a fox."

"He's definitely not _just_ fox. He's Yuta, and you should only hold me," he whines, back hugging the smaller man while one hand was trying to grab Yuta and possibly toss him away.

"No!" Taeyong screamed, horrified. "Don't throw him! He's a cat!"

"Do you have a special affixation towards cats?" Jaehyun grumbled, letting Taeyong take Yuta back from his hand in defeat.

"With all animals... Or at least the ones with fur or feathers," he cooes, petting Yuta's head while cradling him to his chest. Yuta smugly rests his head on Taeyong's shoulder, grinning evilly at Jaehyun behind Taeyong's watchful eyes.

"I hate you," Jaehyun grumbles to Yuta.

And without the two other men knowing, Taeyong is also smiling to himself. He feels loved, he truly is. He admits he was a bit, well, teasing since Jaehyun's reactions are always so cute and in a way they reassure him. But when _that_  happened, he truly didn't plan it nor did he notice it. So it happened when he was about take a bath, because what's better than a good, hot bath after a long day? He was already naked and just getting into the hot water filled tub, when cat Yuta strutted into the bathroom too.

Honest to god, Taeyong forgot about the fact that Yuta is not a real cat since the guy was always in his cat form and rarely talks as per Jaehyun - Yuta agreements. So when Yuta silently stepped into the bath, all long fluffy fur floating up and curled himself to Taeyong's very much wet and naked chest, soft paws on his equally naked thighs -and Yuta may have accidentally touched (or was it stepped on?) his dick, but Taeyong won't ever tell Jaehyun that, lest the guy gonna go livid-, all Taeyong did think of was, ' _aww cute_ '.

It didn't even take a minute and the bathroom door was slammed opened, and an angry Jaehyun comes in with his furious red face, "Yuta!"

Taeyong jolted, extremely shocked and instinctively feels scared and hugs Yuta to his chest even more, mind not yet working properly to realize that the thing he's doing is exactly what makes Jaehyun so angry. He could only gasp loudly when Jaehyun yanks the cat and tosses him out of the bathroom, which actually Taeyong wanted to stop, but his words died on his tongue after looking at the dark glint in Jaehyun's eyes. Besides, it doesn't seem Yuta minds, if his audible snickers outside the door is any indication.

"Jaehyun...?" Taeyong whispered, kind of scared at the way the man is looming above him, eyes piercing and silent. Almost too suddenly his big hands catch Taeyong's nape and yank lightly at the hair, causing him to gasp in surprise which got swallowed by Jaehyun's mouth, kissing him hungrily, tainted by anger.

"Having fun teasing me?" Jaehyun growls to his lips, biting his lower lip before he's going down to Taeyong's chin then his neck, biting there harder making him jolt and gasp agan.

"No, no, I swear this time I don't-" he moaned when Jaehyun yanked his head backward harder and sucked his way down to his nipple. "Ah! J-Jaehyun, no... It hurts," he whimpered when his nipple got bitten.

Jaehyun stops with a harsh exhale, pressing his forehead on the wet chest, seeing the red blooming on the golden skin and hating the way it smells like Yuta. He growled again, frustrated, getting into the tub himself to hover properly above Taeyong.

"You're getting your clothes wet-" he got kissed again, slower this time though, although the hands which were roaming all around his body were no less possessive. Big hands caught his thighs and pulled them to coils around Jaehyun's waist, grinding down as one hand flew up to catch his nape, this time gentler without yanking at his hair. His naked body was pressed tightly to Jaehyun's clothed body, so much that it felt like the man was trying to fuse them together.

"You let him see and touch you naked," Jaehyun whispered to his neck, biting it softly.

"I'm sorry... I forgot..." he wheezes because of the lack of breath from the kiss, arms wounds tightly around Jaehyun's torso.

"You forgot?" there's a low hiss and disbelief in his tone.

"That he's not a cat... I'm sorry," he rubs his cheek to Jaehyun's cheek when the man sighs deeply.

"What do I do with you, Taeyong."

"I'm sorry, _baby_..." he bit down his growing smile when Jaehyun threw him a narrow look.

"That's not fair."

"I didn't do it deliberately too," Taeyong lifted his head to kiss Jaehyun's lips, softly.

"But you did, sometimes, just to see my reactions."

He giggled, "That, I'm not gonna lie." he moaned softly as Jaehyun pulled at his hair and put his smooth neck on display, to breathe in his scent.

"Only I can touch you like this."

Taeyong mewls when the spot under his ear gets sucked, fingers twisting in Jaehyun's drenched shirt and damp hair, his lean thighs fluttering against the taller man's waist. "Yes..."

"As long as you understand-" Jaehyun was just about to shift into a more comfortable position, but Taeyong stopped him by clinging tighter to his bigger body.

"Don't," Taeyong whispered to his lips, spreading his legs wider and grinding up to Jaehyun's bulge, "Keep going."

In an instant it felt like a wildfire burning uncontrollably within Jaehyun's whole body, caging Taeyong's lithe body with his strong arms and pressing their crotches harder, at the same time they're both grinding back, moans spilling out from their open mouths. Jaehyun only stopped when he felt Taeyong's hands fisting his shoulder and heard pained noises.

"Ow, ouch," Taeyong hissed, but stubbornly didn't say anything.

"God, you have to tell me, I lost my mind for a second there," Jaehyun hissed back, understanding that his sweatpants were too rough on Taeyong's sensitive skin. He pulled down his pants just enough for their arousal to grind directly, moans jumping out of their thundering chests at the amazing contact.

And yet, they got interrupted, again, with a loud scratching sound this time. Jaehyun screamed in frustration while Taeyong only plopped down his head on the tub in defeat. Yuta always did it exactly when things just get better. Jaehyun almost popped a vein in his head if not for Taeyong who was shushing him to calm down with soft kisses and a hand softly caressing his angry, thrumming chest. Although Taeyong's face was kind of strange while doing that.

"Fuck him, let's continue anyway," Jaehyun grumbled before pulling at Taeyong again.

"No, please stop his scratching on the glass, it's physically hurting me," Taeyong grimaced, pressing his palms over his ears as it was getting way too much for him.

Jaehyun groaned before jumping out of the tub, uncaring that he's drenching the floor in his trail, eyes dark and piercing.

"I'm gonna kill him."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jelly Jaehyun and teasing YuTae? What's better than that? Ahahahaha


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That was because of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a small, slight scene with mention of blood and violence at the early part of this chapter.

There was no moon, the night was pitch black, the wind strong and loud. He didn't even notice it when the sky grew brighter, so bright and an angry red, licking up furiously to the black sky. There were ripples in the sky from the rising, unbearable heat and the never ending flowers of fire flying up, screams echoing from everywhere. All he cared about was to tightly holding onto the one person he cared about, running in the road pushed by the sea of people. The smell of fire and blood saturate the air, so thick that he almost threw up if not for the urgency to run.

' _What happened,_ ' he heard from the one he held, it was a scream but he almost didn't hear it since it was swallowed by other loud noises.

And he couldn't answer, he didn't have the chance to, because suddenly that person got separated from him, people pushing at them from every direction, he couldn't keep up. His hand reached out to catch that slim, pale hands flailing at him, but all he managed to catch was empty air. And the next second he was drenched in warm, red liquid, face and body torn, blood dripping to the ground beneath him. The face he saw everyday, the smile which always greeted him, the warmth of that body lost forever in that horror. He could only stood in shock and disbelief, body taken away from the scene as the current keep pushing him away, far away. From the torn face and body he could not recognize anymore. He saw the red eyes glaring at him, a scene he would never forget even after centuries of sleep.

 

A loud scream.

Jaehyun jolted awake in shock, his body and the bed under him damp from his sweat. It took him a couple of seconds to gather his surroundings and realize the scream was coming from beside him, from Taeyong. He hurriedly tried to get to Taeyong, grabbing the man's shoulder only to be slapped away. Taeyong keep screaming, writhing in his sleep as his whole body shook horribly.

"No! Let me go! Stop!"

"Taeyong it's me! It's-" nails digging into his face and scratched it painfully, but Jaehyun still kept trying to hold Taeyong down and stop his movements, "Taeyong wake up!"

"Don't touch me! Let me go!"

Jaehyun pulled back, realizing that holding Taeyong down only worsened it and attempted to wake him with his voice alone, "Wake up! Taeyong!"

Taeyong opened his eyes in a snap, red rimming his eyes and tears spilling out to drench his face, but his breathing was still too erratic, and he kept mumbling, "No, no, please don't, let me go, let me go, please."

And he made his mistake again when he tried to touch Taeyong and accidentally loomed over him, making the man start screaming again, punching, scratching and kicking him away, "Taeyong, it's me!"

"Let me go! Don't touch me! Please, please it hurts! It hurts! Please don't hurt me!"

He's at a loss, it seems no matter what, no voice can get through Taeyong and his heart hurts seeing the terror in Taeyong's wide eyes, "Taeyong, it's just a dream! You're with me now, this is me, this is-"

"Shh," suddenly there's a hand holding down Taeyong's head, gently, and a soft voice keeps shushing the man until he's relaxing and closing his eyes again in much more regular breathing.

Jaehyun looks to the side and sees another man standing by the bed beside Taeyong in the darkness, his yellow eyes dim and mellow before they’re glancing at him, "Yuta, what did you do?"

"I'm using my power to sedate him," he whispered, brushing Taeyong's messy hair to lull him more, "he's still awake, but he's calm now."

"Taeyong?" Jaehyun called hesitantly, looking at him with extreme worry, "Taeyong, can you hear me?"

"Who...?" Taeyong mumbled through closed eyes, tears still rolling down his cheeks, his body more drenched in sweat than Jaehyun’s was.

Slowly Jaehyun tried to hold Taeyong again, there was some resistance, although only the slight movement of him trying to turn away from Jaehyun's touch since his body was spent. So Jaehyun gently pulls him and cradles him in his arms, "That was just a nightmare Taeyong, you're here with me, no one can get you, this is Jaehyun."

"Jaehyun?" Taeyong whispered and opened his eyes slowly, half lidded and just looking so exhausted, "My Jaehyun...?"

Jaehyun's heart flipped at the words, but he embraces Taeyong closer and tighter to his chest, "Yes, this is your Jaehyun."

"Jaehyun... He was-" he starts to sob, the cry racking both his body and Jaehyun's, "he was-"

"It was just a dream, just a dream, you're safe with me now, you're safe with your Jaehyun now," he whispered to the damp hair, kissing it as his heart ached from the cry of his own. He couldn't bear to see Taeyong like that.

Not long later, exhaustion took Taeyong back into slumber and Jaehyun heaved a deep breath while wiping the tears away from his cheeks. But when he closed his eyes with Taeyong still in his embrace, he saw images of an unfamiliar room, drops of blood, and a big man looming over him. He shook his head furiously, "Stop that, Yuta, I don't need to see what he dreamt of."

"Sorry," a whisper came from the man who's sitting down on the edge of the bed near Taeyong, "That was really... It wasn't just a dream, it was a memory."

"I know, I know that already," Jaehyun took a shaky breath, trying to hold in another cry.

"That was because of you."

"What?" he look up in disbelief to see the man amidst the darkness.

"I sensed the darkness from you too, Jaehyun. You were having a nightmare too, weren't you?"

Jaehyun didn't understand what Yuta meant, was he trying to tell him that he caused the nightmare on Taeyong?

"You have bonded with him," Yuta said, softly, as not to wake the sleeping Taeyong. "Because of that bond, whenever you feel overwhelming emotions it will affect him too, and so will his to you."

 _Bonded?_ "No... That's..."

"Do you not feel it? The burning stir in your chest?"

Instinctively Jaehyun clutched onto his chest and realized, yes, it's there. The burn. Yuta didn't say anything else and reaching out his hand to touch Taeyong's head, "His most terrifying memories got dug up due to your nightmare, causing him having a nightmare too. Seeing how thick and strong the images are, I think the bond between you two is also deeper and stronger than I had initially thought."

His heart was beating hard in his chest, cradling Taeyong's head close to his face then, fear swirling within his whole body at what Yuta could have meant. But he pushed the thought away because he has something more important to deal with, "Can you erase his memory of this night? I don't... Want him to suffer, he seems to start forgetting about that past of his, but this could remind him again."

"Or are you just afraid he'll revert back to a state where you couldn't touch his heart?" Yuta smirked, but the glint in his yellow eyes showed how seriously he meant his words.

There's indeed shame, and this is why Jaehyun hates Yuta so much, he could read people, nothing can stay hidden from those yellow piercing eyes. Those eyes told him how selfish he's being, but could you blame Jaehyun? It took him a lot of time and effort to reach where he is with Taeyong, isn't it fair for him to feel scared if this overwhelming nightmare that Taeyong experienced could be a setback? But if there's something about Yuta that Jaehyun greatly appreciates it is that he never really pushes him for an answer, and his ability to predict the future.

"I can erase this night from his memory, but I don't think it's a good solution. So I'll dull this memory and make it much less painful, so that he would still remember it yet it will feel like a long, distant memory instead," Yuta said and motioning to Jaehyun to pass over Taeyong's body to him, to which he only got growled at, "Do you want my help or not?"

"You can do it by touching his head, no need to hold him," Jaehyun protested and got a dramatic eye roll at that.

"Cheapskate, he won't have anything less if I just hold him," Yuta tch-ed.

"I don't trust mind readers and manipulators like you. One time I let you greet Mark, you actually filled his mind with false advertisement about me," Jaehyun spat.

Yuta guffawed, "False advertisement, you say? Ah, I still remember that human kid who was your neighbor, he was afraid of you after that."

"You were the reason I can't have a human life," he scoffed.

"You never belong there," Yuta said with a somewhat sad face, "Are you still searching for that one place where you feel belonged?"

Reflexively, Jaehyun glanced to Taeyong’s sleeping figure in his arms, it was such a natural thing and wasn't what he intended to answer but it was enough for Yuta to see, "You found it, at last, huh?"

"Human's feelings are fleeting though, I don't want it on him."

"It's not your decision alone, it's his too."

Then Yuta walked away, disappearing into the darkness and leaving Jaehyun and Taeyong alone in the dark, closed bedroom. Yuta's words were ringing in his mind, true as they can be, yet still Jaehyun was reluctant. For the first time since he met the human, he started questioning whether it would be better if they never met. Somehow he got reminded of Lee Hyukjae and Jaehyun may have realized what the guy was trying to do.

"Bastard."

 

\--

 

That morning Taeyong woke up alone in his bed, pulling down his bangs to slightly cover his eyes from the pouring sunlight. He's blinking up languidly to the ceiling, last night’s occurrence flashing through his mind like an old dusty photo book. It feels kind of strange but he didn't dwell in it and gets up to make the bed, meticulously, to ward off any ill lingering emotions. He checked his phone, only to smile when he saw Doyoung's text, asking of his well being, that guy always had a sixth sense to whenever Taeyong was feeling down. He made a note to himself to call him later, since their relationship is communicating through their phones for the time being.

When he walked out of his bedroom, he was greeted by the nice smell of coffee wafting in the air and soft noises of Jaehyun doing whatever he does in the kitchen. He was about to go to the kitchen to say hello, but he got distracted by the scene he saw in the living room, more precisely near the balcony where a cat was laying belly up under the warmth of sunlight. Instantly, he coos, walking closer to cat Yuta in all his glee.

"Hi, good morning," he carefully tries to pet the cat's belly and scratches it when Yuta lets him, "Why are you so cute!"

He squeals quietly as he too lays down on the floor on his stomach to press his face into the soft furry belly, snuggling closer when Yuta purrs at him. _Ah, bliss_ , he thought, he's been dreaming to bury his face into a pet's belly like this. Although, Yuta is not a pet, but that's not the issue here. His blissful moment was short lived though, as Jaehyun yelled and loomed above them.

"What are you guys doing!"

" _I just_ \- his belly!" Taeyong sputters and he can't help but cradle Yuta again when the cat wiggles adorably. "He's so cute!"

"Taeyong! That's Yuta!"

"But, _but_! How can I resist? I love cats! And I've been wanting to do this, nuzzling into this soft, squishy belly." he whines, not moving from his position laying down still cradling Yuta tightly.

"If you want a belly to nuzzle into," Jaehyun then lays down on the floor too, "you can do it to mine!"

"But... You have abs, not a soft, furry belly..."

"I gonna start crying," Jaehyun grumbles.

"You're just being dramatic," Taeyong chuckles, nudging Jaehyun's hip with his toes, "he's just a cat."

"No, he's not. Yuta, get back into your human form," he deadpanned to which Yuta rolled his eyes.

"Why should I listen-"

"I gonna chase your sorry furry ass if you don't listen to me," Jaehyun cuts in the cat with a threat.

Yuta scoffed before he's complying and turned back into his human form, due to which Taeyong suddenly got sandwiched between the two men, and might I add gorgeous men. His gay ass panicked with a soft whimpering then, "Umm...."

"Still want to nuzzle to his belly?" Jaehyun challenged and Taeyong not only got intimidated by Jaehyun's tone but also by Yuta's nasty smirk.

So he's inching away from Yuta and clinging to Jaehyun's side instead, "No..."

"Good to know you're finally on the same page as me," Jaehyun snorted smugly while gathering Taeyong in his arms, but get kind of got ticked off when the human kept staring at Yuta, "Don't ogle him, hey!"

"I am not!" Taeyong denied weakly with a blush, but can you blame him, Yuta is absolutely gorgeous to not stare at. The man is very handsome but also extremely pretty, he’s got this androgynous charm that even Taeyong can't stop staring at.

"You totally are," Jaehyun grumbles again, caught in a dilemma since Taeyong can't resist cat Yuta's cuteness and now he can't stop staring at gorgeous human Yuta, "Can you make yourself uglier, Yuta?"

"Sorry, but _ugly_  doesn’t exist in my dictionary," Yuta snickers, earning himself a kick to his thigh courtesy of Jaehyun since he dared to poke Taeyong's arm, with a flirty wink.

"No touching!" Jaehyun stands up with Taeyong in his hold, picking him up like he's a baby in his arms.

"Jaehyun!" he shrieks, gripping tightly on the said man's shoulder since he's suddenly too high up and scared to fall down, even though deep down he knows Jaehyun would never let him fall.

"I cooked you breakfast and this is what I got," Jaehyun pouts, bringing Taeyong to the kitchen and putting him on the chair, "Now, eat that first and start getting ready for work."

"I'm starting to think that you're his mom and not anything else," Yuta mocked effectively.

"Shut up and stay in your human form," Jaehyun orders, knowing that at least Taeyong would not willingly get too close to Yuta in that form since he's kind of intimidated by him. "And I know that you've been feeding off his energy from the contacts, be glad that I allowed you that much."

"He did?" Taeyong asked with a mouth full of food and wide eyes, looking between the other two men.

"Come on, I have to feed still, and it's not like I have to get it with sexual contact like you," Yuta protested, "I'm hungry."

"Then go feed off of someone else! Or better yet go back to that human you fancy so much, smother him instead of _my_ Taeyong."

Taeyong almost choked and blushed furiously from Jaehyun's words, but no one noticed it, thankfully, since they're still in heated arguments. Yuta narrowed his eyes judgingly at Jaehyun, "I can't do that to Sicheng and you know that."

"Is he the reason you ran away from your supposed master?" Jaehyun scoffed in triumph as if he had won from finally hitting Yuta's nerves.

"As long as my master can't contain me, if I get too close to him I might lose it and I don't want that," Yuta grumbles with a slight growl.

"Is not-"

"Whoa wait, wait hold the fuck up," Taeyong cuts in after he swallowed the food in his mouth, "Sicheng? You mean Dong Sicheng?"

The two men look to him then, surprise filling their eyes and asked at the same time, "You know him?"

"Winwin? Yeah I know him, he's Johnny's friend," Taeyong answered with equal surprise, "in fact, not long ago Doyoung was talking about him."

"You still talk with Doyoung?" Jaehyun asked with a strange look but Yuta drowned it with his question.

"I know Johnny, they've been friends since high school right?"

Taeyong gapes, blinking slowly not knowing who's to answer first, "I... Yes, they're friends since high school and yes I'm still talking to Doyoung, he's still my best friend after all."

"You answered Yuta first," Jaehyun grumbled disapprovingly, "what was he talking about with you?"

"Ah... Um," he's fiddling with his fingers, uncertain, "Apparently Winwin has been seeking me out to convince me to talk to Johnny? And Johnny’s been harassing Doyoung through texts to let me finally meet him...?"

Jaehyun keep quiet for a moment with steady eyes on Taeyong, "and?"

"And... I'm ready to meet him...?" he looks up to Jaehyun before then he's staring back at his fingers.

Jaehyun held in the urge to sigh, eyes fleeting to Yuta, finally understanding the reason why he didn't erase Taeyong's memory of last night. Experience, no matter how dark, how painful, it was what makes Taeyong grow and the kicking drive for him to finally gain his strength to face his fight. It makes him kind of angry and hating himself since he can't look that far ahead, but also begrudgingly thankful that Yuta was wise enough to see it.

"When do you plan on seeing him?" he asked with his softest voice.

"I don't know, but... Soon? Maybe next week or tomorrow or... Today?" Taeyong smiled awkwardly.

"Okay," Jaehyun smiled back, stroking Taeyong's head gently with proudness in his heart, "if you need to, I'll be there for you. And I think it's best for you to meet him soon, but not too soon, so maybe tomorrow is a better choice."

He smiled as an agreement although his eyes showed nothing but uneasiness and uncertainty.

Yuta coughed then, deliberately breaking the moment, "So, small world huh?"

Jaehyun groaned frustratingly while Taeyong turned around in surprise and focused back to the other presence in the kitchen, "what?"

"I mean, you know Sicheng too, what are the odds?" he snickers feeling satisfied by Jaehyun's reaction.

"How do you know him?"

"He's the brother of my master," he answered.

"Oh-"

"Hardy har har, come on Taeyong, you should start getting ready or you'll be late," Jaehyun cuts in with a clap of his hand, motioning Taeyong to finish his breakfast.

Yuta laughed loudly though, instead of getting offended, "Possessive bastard."

 

\--

 

"And... How did it come to this?" Taeyong gasped softly as Jaehyun pressed him harder to the toilet cubicle, hands fisting the front of the shirt of the said man.

"Dreams can't beat touching you directly in real life, that jerk Yuta... now I'm deprived of you" he grunts, rutting to Taeyong's crotch slowly, smirking when Taeyong moans to his face, "You feel the same too right?"

"You perverted tease," Taeyong chuckled, kissing Jaehyun's lips while circling his arms around his neck, pulling him closer that their bodies flushing together without any gap. "Don't dirty my clothes."

"I won't," Jaehyun kissed him chastely on the lips before trailing down to Taeyong's buttoned dress pants, breathing on it harshly and although the human can't feel it, his legs quivering as if he could feel it so strongly. Jaehyun looks up with dark suggestive eyes, opening the button then biting the zipper and pulling it down slowly, fingers roaming on Taeyong's butt and his crotch.

His hands found purchase on Jaehyun's dark hair, fisting it and relaxing to brush it back when the man molded his lips on his clothed dick, "Don't..."

"I'm not wetting it," Jaehyun shushes him, pulling down the boxer briefs together with the pants, letting them hang in the middle of Taeyong's spreading legs. "Keep yourself open for me, baby."

He keens, biting his index finger to keep quiet, to which get scolded right away, "What did I tell you about biting?"

"Sorry, but-" his words got caught when Jaehyun pulled off his dark blue shirt, giving it to him.

"Bite this instead. It will be hotter if you bite your shirt and keep it up, but we can't dirty it so this should do."

Somehow Taeyong blushed, but he took the shirt and awkwardly bit it while also inhaling the masculine scent that is Jaehyun, but his heart stutters a bit since his perfume also mixed in it. So damn intimate. His knees buckled when Jaehyun suddenly start sucking him strongly right off the bait, the shirt slipping off his teeth as he gasped, "Jaehyun...!"

"I want to savor it but we have to be fast so you'll have more time to have lunch," Jaehyun gasped with his hot breath hitting Taeyong's wet twitching dick, successfully making the man so affected and more aroused, "Hey, keep my shirt in your mouth and straighten your legs, baby."

If he only knew, Jaehyun's words keep doing things to Taeyong's heart more than his mouth did, making him weak in the knees and butterflies swarming furiously, "stop... Talking."

"Okay, beautiful," Jaehyun hissed before going down again, swallowing when Taeyong's deep in his throat, skill never questioned but Taeyong wished he's a bit bad at it since he could feel he's so close to come undone, embarrassingly fast.

"I told you... Stop talking," he bites again the shirt, wetting it with his saliva and tongue as he's instinctively swirling it in the similar way Jaehyun is doing to him.

And as expected Taeyong came in under a couple of minutes, embarrassment be damned because all he wants to do is to smother Jaehyun with kisses. He was still catching his breath, but when the man stands up, Taeyong is instantly on him, kissing him on the mouth deeply as if his life depend on it, tasting himself in the hot, wet mouth. It would be disgusting for him usually, but with Jaehyun, it just so breathtakingly arousing. He caressed Jaehyun's bare torso, his firm chest, his fluttering abs, kissing down to the pale skin and his collar bones.

"Wow..." Jaehyun lets out before moaning when Taeyong start sucking and biting his nipple, groping the other pair of his chest with his free hand while one going down to palming his clothed dick, "I'm really flattered baby, but we can't do full course now."

"I want to get you off too," Taeyong breathed to Jaehyun's navel, making the man's stomach fluttering again, agile fingers trying to open the jeans when bigger hands stopped him. He looked up in confusion and slight disappointment, finding Jaehyun smiling down at him.

"I know, but I had my fill from just now, don't worry. You have to eat lunch first before going back to your work, I know your deadline is close and you have to do it fast so you can avoid getting home late. Okay? We can throw Yuta out for a moment and continue it later at home, hmm?" Jaehyun strokes his head gently, tucking his short hair behind his ear.

Reluctantly, Taeyong stood up and nodded, fixing his clothes silently, a bit ashamed and still disappointed. Jaehyun seems to noticed it and hugs him, kissing his cheek and temple, "Thank you, baby, I can't wait for it."

He smiled softly to the reassurance, hugging the man back and kissing his lips tenderly, just to feel a bit more, to pour out the emotions filling his suddenly too-tight chest. Jaehyun was touching him so gently, so sweetly that Taeyong felt as if he's floating on clouds, heart aching for more and hating the fact they have to separate again, although only for some hours.

"I-" Jaehyun began, but he shut his mouth abruptly, staring deeply into Taeyong's eyes, thick emotions filling his dark, colorful eyes, yet unreadable for Taeyong.

"...you?" he whispered to encourage Jaehyun to continue what he was trying to say.

Yet he only smiled and kissed his forehead before bumping their foreheads lightly, "I'm so fortunate to have you."

Taeyong's heart burns and leaps madly in his ribcage, gut stirring from the burst of emotions which are mainly happiness and surprise. He kissed Jaehyun again, smiling to his lips and cherishing him by caressing his face, kissing Jaehyun's cheeks, his nose, his eyes. If happiness could kill, Taeyong would already be dead blissfully, somehow tears are brimming in his eyes at how happy he feels.

"Me too, I'm so, so blessed to have you with me," he said, hugging the man tighter, kissing his ear as he whispered, "I don't want to ever lose you, be mine, only mine."

"I'm yours forever," Jaehyun kissed him back, a cry growing in his chest but he hides it, _I will be the one to lose you, Taeyong, I'll be there to watch and embrace you in your end of journey._

 _Not like that_ , Taeyong speak to his heart, quiet, like his shuddering breath, _I want more of our relationship, whatever this is, clearer, confirmed_. But they stay silent in their own thoughts and try to ease the storm in their hearts at how true and comforting their embrace is.

They come home later than usual that day since Taeyong has more things to work on. At one time he got weird looks from Hyungwon who came in to sent in reports to Changkyun, and Taeyong mildly remember that the guy is a vampire, meaning he got a sensitive sense of smell. He felt a bit ashamed at the thought that maybe he smelled something from his previous activity with Jaehyun.

Yuta greeted them at home with a shit eating grin as soon as they walked into the living room, "Kinky, so desperate, huh?"

Taeyong blushed while Jaehyun kicked his shin, Yuta words being a confirmation of what was the meaning of Hyungwon's weird looks. They were bickering like usual and Taeyong let them be to put down his bag at its respective place, then unbuttoning his shirt impatient to get out of the dirty clothes and wash off the grime of the day. But then suddenly Jaehyun and Yuta halted, eyes so wide in alert that if they had cat ears, Taeyong is sure they would perk up in warning.

Wordlessly, and strangely in synch, Jaehyun took a stance at the front while Yuta pulled Taeyong to stay behind him, hands raised in defense, "He's here."

"Oh, I know," Jaehyun growled, but then he's glancing back to Taeyong with unsure eyes, "I can't do anything here."

"You're not supposed to do anything, just _talk_. You got beef with her, not him, besides, what your weak ass can do to him? You would already be dead before he even blinked," Yuta said, clearly mocking, but his serious face was pissing Jaehyun off more.

"Thank you for all the insults you've given me," Jaehyun smiled sarcastically, "and he's with her, I have other problems with him too."

Yuta jerked up an eyebrow, "What problems?"

It was only a split second but Yuta didn't miss the way Jaehyun's eyes flickering to Taeyong and he understood silently. The human though, was growing more uneasy as time ticked by, not understanding a thing about what the two men was saying. He did understand the gist of it, but, "Who's coming?"

Jaehyun growled again instead of answering, so it's Yuta's job to turn around dramatically to answer Taeyong's question.

 

"Lee Hyukjae, the nephilim."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many hints, hints~
> 
> Did anyone get it already? ~\\(≧▽≦)/~


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally revelation about Jaehyun's past~~

Taeyong had a lot of images and assumptions about the nephilim from the way people around him were talking about him, but when Jaehyun opened the door and revealed the said nephilim behind it, he thought his image of him was wrong, at least he thought the guy would look drop dead gorgeous just like the other supernatural beings he had seen. Lee Hyukjae looked _ordinary_ , just like a human with an ordinary Korean face, at first, that is. Until Taeyong looks at him a second longer and somehow he looks more beautiful in every passing second.

He couldn't look away, the nephilim got more and more stunning the longer he looked, so beautiful and pretty Taeyong may have held his breath the more he looked at him. He has a beautiful and feminine face, almost like a woman yet also manly, while the way the man brought himself exudes nothing but dignity and masculinity. Taeyong didn't even realize that both Jaehyun and Yuta has been calling his name to snap out of it, the moment he finally noticed was when Jaehyun called him and snapped his fingers right at his face, but his eyes kept fleeting back to the nephilim who is now smiling softly at him.

"Earth to Taeyong," Yuta calls, shaking his shoulder a little bit while Jaehyun seems to grumble under his breath.

"What?" he looks to Yuta, then Jaehyun, only to glance back to Hyukjae, stunned.

"I'm really sorry about that, I don't intend it but humans are weakest to my aura," the man said with a smile, voice soft like a caress that Taeyong could literally feel it on his skin. "And I apologize for coming without notice."

"Oh no, that's okay, I'm sorry," Taeyong said hurriedly, and if it's not for Yuta holding his shoulder, he might have already been on his knees to bow down to the nephilim, he feels compelled to do it.

"May I have a moment with Jaehyun? I'm sorry to be rude even though this is your home," Hyukjae said again, giving a meaningful look to Jaehyun who in turn tilted his head to motion at Yuta to bring Taeyong inside the bedroom.

"Oh I-" he got cut off with the way Yuta was half dragging him to the bedroom, "Yes, of course, it's okay. Please make yourself most comfortable."

Yuta locked the room after the both of them got inside it, watching carefully as Taeyong regained his senses, "I- wow what was _that_? My body and mouth just moved by itself."

"That's what nephilim do to people, humans feel compelled while we feared them," Yuta snorted, rubbing his arms with both his palms to get rid of the uneasiness, looking curiously at Taeyong who's plastering himself to the door, "what are you doing?"

"I... Wanna listen?" he smiled sheepishly, "but I can't hear anything."

"You won't be able to since I sealed this room."

"Why?"

Yuta's eyes seems a bit distant and hollow, "Because you shouldn't listen, at least to the first part."

Jaehyun at least had the courtesy to let the nephilim sit down on the couch while he settled by sitting on the floor, he doesn't have the willingness to sit on the same couch as him. Hyukjae took it graciously and quietly because although he had questions, it's only fair for Jaehyun to start first.

"Why him? Why Taeyong?" Jaehyun asked right away.

"I know him through Changkyun and as you know I have the ability to see people's past and their personalities, he's just the most fitting," he answered calmly, a contrast to how Jaehyun was clenching his jaw in anger. "I was angry and hated everyone since they're all nothing but a mess and full of hypocrisy, but Heeyeon taught me better than to judge you generally from the few who had shown me how problematic they are."

Jaehyun scoffed sarcastically but Hyukjae continued, "Donghae was a lost child, although I raised him with love together with Heeyeon, his heart was never fulfilled since being an orphanage from a massacre, I dug him out from the piles of corpses myself. From his heartache did I learn how to care, to love and to forgive, does it not sound _familiar_ to you?"

If he could laugh, he would, but what passed his lips was a spit, "So you think it's the best to get me stuck with Taeyong? So I could learn some forgiveness and will forgive her? You planned it all from the start for it to happen like this, and as much I would love to prove you wrong, you successfully fucked me up. But does my forgiveness come so easily? No, an eye for an eye, Hyukjae, that's been the rules in our world."

"And so you'll seek your revenge on her, although it wasn't her fault?"

Jaehyun almost lunged forward in anger, but he chose to hold it in with a growl instead, "Don't you fucking dare say it's not her fault. Do you know how many people were killed and she did nothing about it? If she wasn't so indecisive, if she wasn't taking her time, _she_ could have lived. But no, _she_ was killed, gruesomely before my eyes. I would have tortured him myself if he was still alive, but he's not and all this wouldn't have happened if she didn't make that mistake."

Hyukjae stayed silent with an unreadable face, calm, yet there's many emotions stirring in his dark eyes, "if it were you, could you have killed Taeyong without hesitation?"

That was a hard hit that even Jaehyun knew he couldn't answer, he knew the nephilim was right, his hatred was unjustified. But who to blame then, to cope with his sorrow if there's no answer to it? "Don't you dare twist it, in the end _she_ was killed because of her mistake."

"You wouldn't be able to kill Taeyong, would you? And how do you think she felt then? Heechul was her love, it took more than just bravery to put an end to his chaos. And still, you blame her?" Hyukjae didn't look at him with judgment nor condemn, but his words might as well be, shredding all there's about Jaehyun's beliefs and hatred.

"You wouldn't understand, it wasn't you who witnessed your loved one getting killed in front of you. She was innocent, she didn't deserve it, at all," Jaehyun whispered, eyes burning from the sorrow and anger without closure.

Hyukjae took a deep breath softly, closing his eyes for a moment before staring back at Jaehyun, "And so you're going to harm Donghae, my mate? Because he's as precious as he is to her as Dahlia was to you?"

He clenched his jaw in silence, which was more than enough of an answer for Hyukjae, unrelenting and hardheaded just like the way his heart was growing cold at the painful memories of Dahlia's death. The nephilim looked down to the floor, eyes dimmed and defeated, "So even Taeyong wasn't able to show you beyond the pain."

"I hate you, for your underhanded plan, tinkering with my rose and placing it with him."

"Do you realize you're about to do the same mistake as he did if I didn't try to stop you?" he hissed, his patience running thin.

"And why did Donghae even offer me his help? Pity? Was he trying to make do for her mistake by helping me?" Jaehyun hissed back, unwilling to hear anymore shit Hyukjae was saying.

"He knows nothing about our past, all I did say to him was about an interesting incubus, that was it. I came up with this plan by myself, nobody else knew about it, not Donghae nor Heeyeon."

"You told Changkyun-"

"I only said I have unfinished business with you, even if he managed to figure it out since his Wonho went through the same shit, I never told him anything," he cuts in with another hiss. "It was purely kindness when Donghae offered you his help, because that's just the way he is, nothing else."

"Then where were you, if you could’ve helped Wonho, shouldn't you be able to help him too? If you help him just like you did with Wonho, that wouldn't have happened, _she_ would live, she would-" Jaehyun swallowed in his cry, never will he let his tears out in front of him.

Hyukjae was quiet, until he said softly, almost like a whisper, "I couldn't at that time, and I didn't know him nor Heeyeon at that time. I helped Wonho because I had had enough of my dad's evil doings and I didn't want the past to repeat itself."

"Why now?" Jaehyun finally asked, "if you didn't plan all of this, I would still be in my slumber, so why now?"

"Because I'm reaching my end," Hyukjae said, his eyes solemn as Jaehyun stared back to him, "I am very old already, I existed even before Heechul did and now my time is running out. When I die, Donghae too, as my mate, will die and Heeyeon will be left all alone. I have to knot all the loose ends before that happens and that includes you, Jaehyun."

He didn't want to hear more, "Get out."

"Is there nothing that can change your mind-"

"Maybe I could, if you didn't do this underhand plan and even going as far as involving Taeyong. But for that, I condemn you."

"No, if I didn't show you Taeyong, you wouldn't even want to have a conversation like this with me. But apparently that's not enough to change your mind, maybe what you have with him isn't that important to you."

"Don't you fucking dare!" Jaehyun growled, "You don't have the right to dictate my feelings for him! Get out!"

"I'm terribly sorry this didn't go well," Hyukjae then stood up and walked down the way to the front door, but before he went out, he looked back for the last time, "I'm only protecting my loved ones, just like what you would do for him, and _her_."

As the door closed and the nephilim disappeared from his eyes, Jaehyun wanted to scream in anger and frustration. Anger because the man did have a point and he's lost in his revenge, is what he's doing even right? He knew the answer, but where to go from there then, if he had no other way to escape his sorrow? Yuta's words were ringing in his head and he grew even more livid.

' _You're just blinded with rage_.'

He just want to wreck havoc, but that single soft voice calling out to him managed to stop him, "Jaehyun?"

He look up to see Taeyong staring at him warily, mildly noticing Yuta who's standing behind the human. If it was any other day he would have cried and screamed and just fallen into Taeyong's embrace, and it would be able to soothe him. But now, not even Taeyong could soothe the rage within his whole body, he have to get away, far away from him before he does something he would regret. At least Yuta is here, he could trust the guy to protect Taeyong if anything should happen.

"Jaehyun, are you okay?" Taeyong asked again, about to hug him when Jaehyun walked towards him, yet the man only caught his hand and kissed the seal of the rose.

"I need to be alone, I need to get away for a moment, please," Jaehyun whispered to his skin, pleading and trying his best to hold in the urge to destroy everything in his reach.

Taeyong was baffled and confused, but the urgency pushed him to allow it, "Okay..."

The seal of a rose shone and the distance limitation was broken for a moment, Jaehyun was quick on his heels to get away, but Taeyong caught his wrist, placing a kiss to his cheek, "Please come back to me."

"I will," then he disappeared, far away from Taeyong.

Yuta, who was only watching from the sidelines all this time, patted Taeyong's rigid and unmoving body then as a support, "How are you feeling?"

"Me? I don't know..." he stared at the closed front door, many images flying in his mind but the most distinct was that of Jaehyun running away from him, "I feel, angry? And so.... Sad, I don't know why."

"Those are not your emotions, Taeyong, it was Jaehyun. You feel it because you're connected to him."

Taeyong didn't answer, he couldn't think and he could only slightly notice it when Yuta lead him to sit down on the couch, "Do you know what happened?"

"What do you think it was?" Yuta asked back.

He looked up to him, "From the bits that you let me hear, and from what I know from Changkyun... I think, I know."

"What would you do then?"

"What can I do?" Taeyong hiccups in the start of his cry, "I could feel it hurts him badly, but what can I possibly do? He never even told me anything, how can I do anything?"

Yuta stroking his head then, smiling softly with reassurance, "Just be you, Taeyong. You may not know this, but you helped Jaehyun a lot, so just keep being yourself."

There's many things he doesn't understand, but in the way that Jaehyun trusted Yuta, although they bicker a lot, he knew he could trust him too, so he chose to listen to him. He cried a little bit to let go of the strange overwhelming emotions churning in his chest, then he let Yuta lead him to the bedroom and lay down to rest.

"Don't worry about anything, just sleep, he'll be beside you in the morning," he said and was about to turn off the light before Taeyong stopped him.

"Don't, I... I can only sleep in the dark with him," he said sheepishly.

"Okay," Yuta winked and left the bedside lamp on before he went out and left Taeyong alone with his thoughts.

It was way past midnight when Jaehyun finally came home, welcomed by Yuta who was already expecting him by the front door. He felt so exhausted, so lost that he was slumping and leaning his whole body on Yuta, defeated.

"I hope you didn't kill anyone out there, although, as I didn't smell death on you, that must not be the case," he snorted, gathering Jaehyun in his arms and bringing him to the living room to sit down.

"I may have scared a little kid though."

"Poor kid, you shouldn't do that to a kid," Yuta tch-ed.

"Coming from someone who burnt a whole village for fun? Yeah, convincing."

"You were always the loving one out of us, you shouldn't steal my job," he mocked, yet he's gently stroking Jaehyun's back to comfort him.

"How is he?" Jaehyun asked tiredly.

"Rattled, he could sense your emotions after all, but he has calmed down now."

Jaehyun blinked slowly in thought, "But he can't see my thoughts, right?"

"Nah, just your emotions," he assured him, "and how about you? Find any conclusion?"

"I'm still angry, I still want to avenge her, so no... I'm lost, I don't know what to do. But at the thought of him, I just... I don't want to do anything, I just want to be with him as long as time will allow me to. So, I'll let time decide," Jaehyun sighed, feeling so awful about everything. It was so hard to forgive, and even harder to forget.

Yuta didn't say it right away, but they both know it, "In the end Hyukjae really did it, huh?"

He groaned angrily, "I can't believe he's taming me by using Taeyong, fuck, I hate him."

"Same, to be honest. He was the one who told my first master how to hold onto my weaknesses, I'm stuck in a lifetime contact with the sorcerer's descendants because of him, we should just kill him," he snorted.

"Yeah right, you'll be dead even before he blinked."

"Hey, you just stole my words!" Yuta protested by shoving Jaehyun away, who in turn only snuggled closer to irk him.

"Don't think that you’re the only who can annoy me."

"Bitch."

"Hey to you too, asshole," he snickers to which Yuta rolled his eyes at.

Eventually they’re both smiling though, "The things I do for you, buddy."

"Only fair because I have to tolerate you, bud."  
  
Yuta scoffed, pushing Jaehyun away again in mock, but then abruptly he reminded of something, "Hey remember that time when we had an orgy?"

"What the fuck, dude?" Jaehyun got baffled at the randomness.

"I was trying to comfort you."

"No wonder Taeyong told me I suck ass at comforting him, you rubbed off on me. What kind of comforting is it, telling me about orgy?" Yuta grinned weirdly at him though, "Why are you looking like that?"

"I can't believe I'm hearing this from you, I mean, you're not exactly like your fellow incubus stereotypes. But do I hear it right? This sounds like you're leaning a lot more into monogamy."

"I didn't-"

"You got defensive just now, because you were thinking about Taeyong, right? It just doesn't feel right to talk about your past endeavors when you have him, isn't that it?"

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, then stood up to go to the bedroom, "Have I told you I hate you?"

"Love you too bro," Yuta snickered before turning into his cat form and then curling himself to sleep on the couch.

Jaehyun gets into the bed carefully as not to wake Taeyong, he didn't notice that the man is actually not asleep yet. He's spooning the smaller body close to him, taking in the scent that is Taeyong and is able to calm him down like magic. So precious that his heart is aching even when he has him within his arms, he will always long for this mortal man. He's kissing Taeyong's shoulder softly, hugging him tighter until he finally relaxes enough to fall asleep.

Taeyong blinked awake when he noticed Jaehyun had fallen asleep, turning around in the man's embrace to look into his sleeping face. Jaehyun look so calm, so peaceful and Taeyong was glad he's feeling better, caressing the soft cheeks with his fingers and kissing the corner of his eyes.

"I love you, Jaehyun," he whispered, kissing his lips this time, longing for the man so much even though they're so close and their hearts are beating in synch, there's still a distance he couldn't leap over. "Sucks that I can't tell you that when you're awake."

He snuggled closer under Jaehyun's chin, embracing the man closer for his body to be enveloped by their warmth. He managed to fall asleep for a few hours until he woke up again from worry, he felt uneasy still, but he was a bit comforted when he found Jaehyun resting his head on his chest and his limbs practically caging him tightly as if not wanting to let go. Taeyong stayed for a while in that position, stroking the man's back and occasionally kissing his head, until he decided that he couldn't go back to sleep. So he got out of Jaehyun's embrace carefully, and was glad he didn't wake up. Then he went to the kitchen, passing cat Yuta who was starting at him from the couch.

"Hey, you're not sleeping?" he asked the cat who then turned back to his human form.

"I don't need to sleep, and I heard you waking up, so."

"Oh," he lets out, a bit disappointed since he was planning to pet the cat, but now he's no longer a cat.

"You want to pet me?" Yuta grinned and Taeyong blushed with wide eyes.

"Can you hear my thoughts?"

"I don't need to hear them to understand that look on you, Taeyong. You can still pet me even when I'm in this form, you know," Yuta walked closer but Taeyong quickly shook his head.

"No, thanks."

"Ouch, that hurts," Yuta clutching at his chest in fake pain.

"I don't want him angry, especially after yesterday, he could smell you on me if I pet you," Taeyong explained because although he knows Yuta was only joking, he still felt a bit bad.

"Ah yeah, good thinking. He loves you so much."

He opened his mouth, but he closed it again, deciding not to voice out his question about what Yuta just said and instead went to the kitchen to make early breakfast.

"The sun barely out yet, you can't sleep?" Yuta asked, sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Could you please not sit there? Thank you," Taeyong said, slightly annoyed but glad Yuta listened, "I just can't stop worrying."

"I told you not to worry, time will answer everything, even his pain."

"He loved Dahlia very much, I can't imagine what he's been through," he sighed.

"Yes he did, but you know he loved her in a different way than he loves you, right?"

Taeyong blushed again then, avoiding Yuta's stare, "I guess."

"Don't get jealous, it's all in the past anyway."

"I'm not jealous," Taeyong protested although his blush was saying anything but.

"Yeah, right," he snickers, then leaves the man alone in the kitchen.

Jaehyun woke up when it's half past six in the morning, confused as to why he felt cold and a bit surprised upon seeing Taeyong wasn't beside him. At first he was a bit scared, but then he caught the smell of something being cooked and he exhaled in relief. Yuta was only giving him a side glance when he came out of the bedroom, that guy may as well already be the living room watchman. He sighed again when he finally saw Taeyong chopping up tomatoes in the kitchen, almost instinctively hugging the man from behind and kissing his ear.

"You weren't beside me when I woke up," he pouted, to which Taeyong chuckled.

"I'm still here though," he turned his face to kiss Jaehyun's expecting lips, giggling when he was still pouting, "Don't be so cute early in the morning."

"I'm always cute so your point is invalid."

He laughed then, "Fair enough."

"What are you making?"

"Salad," he hummed when Jaehyun started groping his chest, "I also made some sandwiches and put in more ham in yours since you like it. And hey, stop touching me."

"Why I can't touch you?" he whined like a child, although his hands did not even stop moving about.

Taeyong wiggling with soft laughs, "it tickles and I'm holding a knife, also Yuta is here."

"Why should I care about him?" but he stopped and sat down on the small dining table, eyeing the breakfast with interest. When Taeyong also sat down across the table in front of him, Jaehyun smiled in gratitude, "Thank you."

"For what?" he put down the salad and looked up to him with confusion.

"For not asking, thank you."

Taeyong smiled too, although a bit awkwardly, "There's many things I want to ask, but I trust you and will wait until you're ready to tell me."

Jaehyun took his hand and squeezed it gently, "Thank you."

"Do I get my portion of breakfast too?" Yuta suddenly comes in with a wide grin, successfully annoying Jaehyun again.

"Yes, I made some for you too, although I don't know if you'll like it," Taeyong giggles seeing the look on Jaehyun’s face, pointing to another plate for Yuta.

"You shouldn't bother for him," Jaehyun grumbled and then kicked Yuta's ass, who's only laughing and skipping to sit down together with them too.

"I like cooking, but nowadays I only cook for dinner, so it's nice to cook breakfast again."

"Hear that Jaehyun? He has a heart of gold, what the fuck did you do to deserve him?" Yuta snided while munching his sandwich happily.

"Fuck off," he barked, but then he smiled to Taeyong, "You're right, I don't deserve such a beautiful and precious human like him."

Taeyong blushed furiously while Yuta fake gagged, "Don't make me throw up this delicious food."

"Please don't, that will be nasty to clean up," Taeyong joked, which surprised the other two men, but then Jaehyun grinned widely and gave him a high five.

"That's my man!" he laughed loudly, jutting out his tongue at Yuta who's smirking bitterly to them.

"So that's it, huh? Ganging up on me?"

"I'm only stating a fact," Taeyong said again, happy seeing Jaehyun laughing like a happy child, he didn't think he’s ever seen him like this.

"Yeah bro, what are you talking about," Jaehyun snickers and when Yuta was about to retort, but he cuts in with another subject, "So what's your plan for today, Taeyong?"

"Yeah, do that, ignore my broken heart," Yuta scoffed and Taeyong giggled.

"Go to work like usual and," he look down to his phone beside his elbow, "Winwin texted me last night about meeting up with him... I think he got my number from Doyoung."

Both Jaehyun and Yuta turned serious then, "And are you gonna meet him today?"

Yuta stopped chewing and asked with troubled face then, "Is Sicheng gonna be there?"

"I guess," Taeyong answered the both of them effectively, "I think I better meet up today, if I delay it anymore, I don't think I'll ever be ready."

Jaehyun smiled and was about to stroke Taeyong's head when Yuta suddenly caught his wrist, "Don't even think about it, don't flirt in front of me while eating."

"This is not your house?" Jaehyun said incredulously, "I can do whatever I want."

Taeyong could only chuckle when the two men start bickering again.

But now as he's walking to the office, he's a bit regretful of the fact that he said anything about meeting up with Winwin that day, since he's being escorted by Jaehyun and Yuta. The two of them are very gorgeous looking, Jaehyun alone already gathering them many looks, but with Yuta in addition it was even worse. He ducks his head as he walks to the office, blushing from the unwanted attention the two men were gathering, some people even blunt enough to greet them. He was both surprised and flattered when one of them greeted him instead the other two men, although he was more pleased seeing the disapproving pout on Jaehyun. He thinks, jealous Jaehyun is his favorite.

"Do you guys really have to walk alongside with me?" he asked finally when he can see the tall building of his office, unsure of what to feel about the possibility of his coworkers seeing him with them. Many already asked him about Jaehyun, _the guy who always escorted and picked him up_ , he's not ready for them to ask him about Yuta too.

"Why not? You should be proud you got two handsome men with you. Eh, scratch that, one handsome man," Jaehyun grinned, and coiled one of his arms around Taeyong's lean waist possessively, as if he was trying to show everyone that Taeyong belongs to him.

"That one handsome man is me right? Because you're not handsome, glad to know you realized it," Yuta bounced to walk in front of them.

"You wish, ugly," Jaehyun exclaimed, and they started bickering again.

Taeyong could feel the growing headache, "Please stop guys, not near my office."

Then his breath hitched when he saw who was in front of them, who's also about to walk into the office, his lady boss. She was ogling all of them, but then she looked at Jaehyun's arm around Taeyong and she glared in displeasure at Taeyong.

"You haven't send me your report, Taeyong-shi."

"Oh, um," he bowed awkwardly and stuttered a bit, "but I did it yesterday, ma’am?"

She hmph-ed then stomped away to which both Jaehyun and Yuta snickering to, "Serves her right."

"At least she never harasses you anymore right, Taeyong?" Yuta asked, although he knew the answer already.

Taeyong got surprised, "how do you know?"

"Of course we know!" Jaehyun growled, then rubbed his cheek to Taeyong's cheek, "You had her smell on you before."

"Are you scenting him?" Yuta barked a laugh, "You're no werewolf!"

"Shut up, at least this way he has my scent all over him," Jaehyun jutted his tongue to Yuta.

"I can help you with that," Yuta then walked closer but Jaehyun growled at him.

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Yep, I think he's deluding himself as a werewolf," Yuta snickers and they start again.

"Guys stop it!" he groaned tiredly and left them bickering just like that. He may have cursed at them angrily when he bumped into Hyungwon and the guy smirked with a knowing look to him.

 

Jaehyun’s gonna get it later.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys get it now, right? ^^
> 
> This three combo is so amusing to write lololol, poor Taeyong starting to grow tired with Jaehyun and Yuta.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you... Still feel the same?"

Where was his never ending work when he needs it? Somehow, somewhat, he managed to finish his workload for the day before the time he usually get off from work, why? Because he was too stressed and worked like madman chased by Satan only to finish it quickly and now he wished he hadn't do that? He's not ready to do what he have to do now that he's walking out of his office.

Jaehyun and Yuta was already there, sitting on the bench near his company building and waiting for him. They greeted him with a smile then proceeded to walk alongside him, walking to wherever it was to meet up with Winwin, just as planned and promised. Somehow Winwin wanted to meet up at the park near the company complex, making it a short journey, way too short of a journey for Taeyong who feels like he's being led into his slaughter.

He stopped then, exhaling roughly with shaking fingers, eyes fleeting anxiously to the people walking home, to the road in front of him and the rows of trees he could already see which belongs to the said park. He shook his head, not ready at all as his heart beating faster, cold sweat wetting his temples and every breath he took only makes him feel more breathless. _Panic_ , he's panicking and he was about to turned around to see Yuta and Jaehyun, but he couldn't even move his feet.

"I... I can't do this," he said with trembling voice, bringing his shaking hands to brush back his damp hair, cold under his equally damp palms, "I can't-"

There's a low voice shushing him from behind him, soft and patient, then his mind registered a pair of hands grabbing his lean waist gently, "take it slow, Taeyong, you can do this." Jaehyun.

Taeyong shut his eyes tightly, so hard that it hurts his eyes a little bit, more shaky breath leaving his lips as he shook his head, "no- I... We- we can wait for a moment at some cafe or something, we- there's some time until the time for the meet up, I need... I need it."

"We can wait at the park," Jaehyun said, one arm rest and pulling at his shoulder and the other stroking the side of his head in a comforting way. As if encouraging, but also willing to wait.

Taeyong felt another hand squeezing his arm, and turned to the side to see Yuta smiling to him with support, "let's say we go to the cafe for you to calm down, would you be able to? And would you be able to walk back here after that?"

He didn't need to run the images in his head for Taeyong to know the answer, _no, he wouldn't._ What Yuta said makes sense and it makes him wonder of how much the man understand him. It's already hard for him to go to the park, if he go to the cafe to _escape_ and he got fooled by the pseudo feeling of safety, he knows it'll be harder to leave it and let the meeting happen because the anxiety will get even stronger and clouding his judgement. He might start making excuses and reasons to not go through it and go home instead. _Who the fuck thought he was ready after all? Himself apparently._

"Baby," he heard the soft yet deep voice called for him, looking up to see Jaehyun staring at him with calm eyes, as if he tries to envelope Taeyong with the calmness that currently is absent in both his mind and heart. "You're meeting with Winwin, right? You won't suddenly meet Johnny so you have nothing to be afraid of. The fact that they arranged it that way, means that they understand, they are your friends after all and I will be with you too, can you trust us? Or at least, trust me? Because I know, you need this, a closure."

Taeyong inhales sharply again, it feels like black, dark entity eating away his rationality. He knows that Jaehyun is right, he knows that his fear is without base, but he couldn't help feeling exactly like that and he don't know how to stop. Before he start to choke over his own breathing, Yuta was already placing his palm over his chest and strangely, he's starting to feel calm and breathing more at ease.

"I will be there too," Yuta whispered with a soft smile, unlike his usual teasing ones and there's something in the way his eyes looked that Taeyong feels like that man somehow knew what is it that he's dealing with. Did he saw Taeyong's past? Is that it? He should feel upset since his privacy was being trespassed, yet he only feels glad to have these two men, although inhuman, with him through this... Whatever the fuck this anxiety he's feeling. Yuta must have done something to his mind with his power since he feels a lot better and relaxed.

"Okay," he nodded, resigned and continue walking to the park.

The sky is beautiful with it's red, purplish colors as the sun is setting, gentle wind sometimes caressing his skin and hair, yet his heart only growing unsure and afraid again as time is ticking unmercifully. Yuta went away for a moment to grab a drink for him from the nearby vending machine and it's enough to make his heart palpitating again, he's sure that if his blood pressure get checked, it must be sky rocketing.

Jaehyun seems to caught it since Taeyong start squirming again in his seat, carefully taking his colder and damp hand into his and intertwining their fingers, "you'll be alright."

"Will I? Is it- is it even okay to meet him with you two when I didn't say it to him? What- what if he wants us to talk it private? I- I don't even know to what extent does Winwin know about what's going on with me and... And Johnny," he started to ramble, tongue stumbling over some words since being so anxious, scared and stressed. It feels like his head just about to blow up with only him sitting there, waiting. Waiting for death to come for him, that's what it feels like.

"It'll be okay," Jaehyun reassure, bringing up their intertwine hands to kiss Taeyong's knuckles, "you may see us like this, but Winwin only gonna see you and a cat sitting near you."

Taeyong snapped his head to look at Jaehyun, confused, before he bring his left hand to touch Jaehyun and his guess was proven in the way he couldn't touch him, "you're in your real form?"

"Yeah, I figured it's needed, whatever you two want to discuss, it'll be filtered if there's strangers with you, right? Yuta also used illusion so other people will only see him as a cat, although his form is actually like how you sees him," he smiled.

"I see..." he didn't know what to think about that, but he's still relieved at the support. He realized that Yuta was the one to grab the drink because he needed that small talk with Jaehyun, it will always be Jaehyun who soothe him the most.

Not long Yuta came back with a bottle of pocari for him, explaining that a drink with caffeine will only makes him more tense and the way he's breaking into cold sweat tells him he needs the liquid addition. Jaehyun did remarked playfully that Yuta chose that drink because it came from his homeland and some other things, making them both bickering again although not as heated as they usually was, it's apparent how they try to soothe Taeyong's nerves in the way they're talking. Maybe them bickering wasn't so bad after all because he found himself capable to smile despite still feeling like shit.

"Taeyong?"

He jerked in his seat, scared to look up because, although many years have passed, he could recognize the voice which calling for him. _No_. No, no, it wasn't supposed to be like this, he's far from ready. He knows that even though Winwin also have a deep voice, that voice doesn't belong to him but-

"Johnny..." the name slipped past his lips in disbelief and sudden dread, looking up only to see that his guess have been correct as he saw the tall man standing not too far from him. The will to run away suddenly overwhelmed him, legs jerking in the same exact wish to leap and run. But then there are two hands at both side of his shoulder holding onto him. He's glancing to Jaehyun and Yuta to see the firm stare they're giving him, as if they knew this is how it will turned out.

 _Lies. They did know, they knew._ That's why they're adamant for him to go through this. Betrayal stirring in his chest and gut, they're really leading him to his slaughter.

"I- no, no..." he tried again to stand up to run, but the hands on his shoulder keep him from doing that. _Why, oh why?_

The look on Johnny was unreadable, but there's nothing like disgust, or shame, or even remotely judging before his lips broke out into a soft smile, "it's nice to finally meet you."

Taeyong feels choked, whether it was the rising panic or the growing cry at the back of his throat, he didn't know. And he couldn't formulate words, being it scrambled chaotically in his mind and his brain chose that exact moment to stop working properly and the only thing he could say was, "Winwin...?"

Johnny, just as he remembered him, always able to understand what he was trying to say, "I know you won't want to meet me, so I made it as if you're going to meet him instead of me, I'm sorry."

He jerked again and still he couldn't go anywhere else, he could feel it how his body start to tremble under the hands on him, "I... I can't..."

But Johnny stretched out his arms widely, smiling softly to him with nothing but understanding and patience, "do you not miss me?"

Then, he cried, because yes, he missed his friend so badly, so much yet his fear keep interfering with his wish to see him, time and time again. It's strange how the hands on his shoulder getting loose when he tried to stand up, this time not to run away but to embrace that welcoming arms, as if they understand exactly what is it in his mind. He's still ashamed, still so scared, but he can't deny that what Johnny is gesturing and implicating is a lot like forgiveness and acceptance. Something he had been wishing and hoping for a very long time.

He leaps into the arms and hug the man tightly while crying hard to the broad chest, repeating over and over again as the clothes on his cheek getting damp, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."

Johnny only caught him in his big, long arms, one hand stroking his head while he's shushing him softly, "it's okay, there's nothing to forgive, I never blame you, it's okay."

"I'm so sorry I was such a coward, I'm sorry I- I didn't say anything when they accused you, I'm sorry," he keep crying, arms tight around the bigger build, chest burning and painful in the way his cry racking it so strongly, "I'm sorry, I was so afraid, I- I thought you hate me, you should- you should hate me."

"You fool," Johnny whispered making Taeyong look up to see him smiling softly still, hands patting his back, "I know you, why do you think I should be angry with you? I know the way your mind works, I understand you, I'm no more of a victim than you were and I'm regretting that I wasn't able to protect you like a friend I should be. The only thing which made me angry was the fact that you avoided me and against meeting me anymore. I gave you space because I know you need it, but you ran and ignored me instead, you should start learning to stop running away."

"I'm sorry," Taeyong cries, burying his face to the man's chest again, wetting it even more, "I- I..."

"Go on, say it," Johnny encourage with a chuckle.

"I missed you," Taeyong said finally, a huge relief lifted from his clouded heart, as if the words finally freed him from his sins.

"See? I know you so well right," Johnny chuckles again, patting the smaller body in his arms softly, "I missed you too, you're an important friend for me, so don't run away anymore, I need my best friend."

"Your best friend is Winwin," he hiccups, letting go of Johnny to wipe his wet cheeks.

"What? A man can only have one best friend now?" he laughed softly, ruffling Taeyong's hair, "you're my baby best friend because you're a cry baby, Winwin is the bitchy and nasty best friend because he may look like an angel yet he's nasty as fuck. I bet you missed him too."

"I do... Although I'm not as close to him as I'm with you..." his words left hanging, they both knew there's a name and a certain memory which still burdening them.

The smile on Johnny's lips seems persistent since it never falter, hands still ruffling Taeyong's now already messy hair, "he had wanted to come along too, but I needed to talk to you alone."

"I'm sorry," he whispered and throat tightening again in the renewed cry.

"No more of that, I told you it wasn't your fault nor did I ever blame you," he flicked Taeyong's nose lightly, "it wasn't as bad as you thought, right? Meeting me again? I feel a bit disappointed that you don't know me enough to see that I won't condemn you like what your head probably been telling you. This an overdue reunion, really."

Taeyong blushed a bit, ashamed and anxious again, "I'm sorry... It's- it's not you, it's me... My head."

"I know, I told you I know, you used to shared your thoughts with me, of course I know. And I understand, that's also why I planned this surprise meeting because I know your tendency to run away, but I never blame you, it's never your fault, so stop beating yourself," he said and now tidying up Taeyong's hair, "although I half expected you to come up with Doyoung, but I see now that you have changed, for the better."

"Ah, I-" he look back to see Jaehyun and Yuta waving their hands playfully, reminded that they was never alone, _he was never alone_. So he smiled with relief and some sort of pride in his chest, "I'm not alone."

Johnny jerked up an eyebrow in amusement, "so that cat is yours?"

"Huh?" he look back again to see the both two men, making gestures with their hands, oh right. "No- yes, yes that cat is with me."

" I see," he chuckled, "that's cute."

Taeyong was about to yelp when Johnny suddenly sitting down on the bench, almost sitting down on Jaehyun's lap who was reacting funnily in surprise before sliding away to sit near Yuta by the end of the bench. He almost laugh at the scene, but managed to stop and only giggles softly lest Johnny gonna think he's crazy for laughing without reason.

He could hear the way Jaehyun is grumbling softly, so he sit down to and placed his right hand on his thigh to appease the man, who instantly turned putty and quiet. It almost feels like he have two cats instead of an incubus and a kitsune, although he didn't even know how a kitsune normally behaving.

"You have someone?" Johnny suddenly asked with a smile, when Yuta turned into a cat and leaping to curl on his lap, giving both him and Jaehyun more space to sit on since the bench couldn't possibly contain four grown men.

"W-why you asked that?" he blushed, stuttering against his better judgement.

Johnny chuckled, "I guess I think that's the reason why you're more... At ease? You seem happier and less stressed than how I remember you. Which is a good thing, just saying."

It's a reflex when Taeyong glancing to Jaehyun, who's smiling to him borderline smug, before he stare back to Johnny, "yeah... I guess."

"I don't like that you keep blushing while talking to him," Jaehyun suddenly said after being quiet for so long, gaining a snort from cat Yuta.

"You're just hopelessly jealous."

"I will let you sit on my lap instead, Yuta," Jaehyun said again and Yuta only curling even closer to Taeyong's stomach.

"Bah, I'll rot on your lap, Taeyong's is far nicer, I'm allergic to your pathetic ass."

They start their bickering again while Taeyong trying hard not to give them any attention and instead focus on the slow conversation he's having with Johnny. They talk about what they've been doing after all those years, what their jobs, the mundane things. Johnny seems more interested in Taeyong's love interest and he can only elaborate something along the lines like, _'it's complicated, but I think the feelings are mutual_ ', because it's hard and embarrassing to talk about when the person of interest actually sitting beside him. He needs to choose his words carefully.

After a long talk, Taeyong eventually feeling calm and relaxed in his skin since Johnny really convinced him that there was no grudge between them. Guilt is hard to erase, but the way Johnny talk to him so easily just like old times, makes it a lot bearable for Taeyong, it will take more time for him to really let go of his guilt despite Johnny kept telling him what happened wasn't his fault, maybe someday he'll truly believe that.

The forbidden name was never mentioned and Taeyong is thankful for that. But it was broken when Johnny finally and hesitantly said it, "he... Last time I heard about him, he was admitted into rehabilitation center. It seems, his... I don't know, he was getting severe."

Taeyong's heart start beating faster in sudden stress, knowing perfectly clear who was this ' _he_ ' Johnny was talking about, dull pain felt at certain places of his body as if what happened had only took place just yesterday. But as the pain rise, it also dissipating into nothing along with the fear in his heart, noticing the way Yuta rubbing his head to his stomach. He must have done something, he noticed the kitsune was able to read thoughts and manipulate it, and he's surely soothing Taeyong as of right now. He's really thankful for that because he could keep his clear head.

"I see..." he only said and silence filling in. Johnny appears to have more to say so he relents and asked, "what about him getting severe?"

"I... Heard he got bipolar disorder, last time I saw him he was in depressive phase and... Honestly even though I'm angry with him? He looked really awful."

The words is at the tip of their tongue, Taeyong know it. It hurts, it so dreadful and there's darkness again churning unpleasantly in his mind, images of painful memories flashing through his eyes, but there's something strange at how it feels, distant, as if he's detached, as if he had finally letting it go. Again, it must have been Yuta doings, but there's something that he learnt from Jaehyun, the words which was spoken in a passing moment, words which keep him in the surface and holding him up so not to drown.

"Forgiveness is more healing than hatred," he muttered, he stared to the ground before looking back to Jaehyun who seems to be rather conflicted as he said those words. The words he learnt from Jaehyun, the words Jaehyun learnt from Dahlia. "I don't... Want to know about him, anymore. But for the things he done to me, I forgive him and I chose to forget rather than carry it with me with hatred. Hating and blaming him makes it even harder to let it go, so I'll forgive him."

Johnny breathed in relief, it seems, and he smiled, "there's nothing to justify what he did, but I want you to see that... This is not for him, but for you and I wish you could, somehow let it go after I tell you that he's also... Struggling with his own. But it seems, you have found it already."

Relief and pride washes over Taeyong, and he looks back to Jaehyun again with love and gratefulness through his eyes, he couldn't have made it there without the man. He remembers Jaehyun asked him if there was only bad memories about _the man_ , it wasn't, he was also a good friend to him as Johnny was to him, before that dreadful day happened and it does makes it less hard to decide to forgive him. Time heals, it always was.

"No one get away with anything, Taeyong, everyone pays when it's due," Johnny said, patting his head again softly, "you have really changed and I'm happy to see it, whoever it was who helped you changed, I'm grateful. You have done well."

Taeyong sniffed, reminded of what was it that drawn him to Johnny, it was his words, the way he always said the things he wished to hear from his own father or mother. If Johnny was any older than him, he might probably think of the man as his father instead of his own, no matter how strange that sounds.

"Thank you," he sniffed, not wanting to be emotional again, "and I'm sor-"

"Whoops, not that again," Johnny pressed his index finger to Taeyong's lips to stop him from saying the sorry word, again. "Just smile whenever you feel like you need to apologize to me, I prefer that better."

Taeyong did, he smiled with a soft chuckle, ignoring the soft growl he heard from Jaehyun.

"Pathetic ass," he heard Yuta snickers.

"They were flirting," Jaehyun grumbled and Taeyong was about to retort, in some way without making him look mental to Johnny who couldn't see Jaehyun, but Yuta beat him to it.

"They're as aromantic and platonic as shit, flirting my ass, your jealousy stink."

"I'll strangle you, dirty pussy," Jaehyun growled.

"Ha! I got balls, not pussy in case you're blind. Also, you can't strangle me, you weak shit."

"Try me, pussy cat."

Taeyong rolled his eyes tiredly, these two will never stop. But Johnny took it wrongly, "something wrong?"

"Huh? Uh, I... No, I'm just... Tired," Taeyong makes excuses sheepishly, fingers pinching at Yuta's scuff to put him on Jaehyun's lap, which then makes the two start fighting even worse, the cat scratching and hissing at the incubus who's growling and throwing the cat only to be pounced on again with sharp claws. So distracting.

"I'll let you go only if you promise me you'll never run away from me again," Johnny narrowed his eyes. "By the way your cat is being crazy..."

He chuckled, a bit ashamed from being told off over and over again about his bad habit and chose to ignore Johnny's remark about Yuta, then he answered, "okay."

"Good. Now, give me your number."

A true friend is never lost. Taeyong may cried a little bit more that day and Johnny laughed with his signature funny laughter, ' _still a crybaby, I see_.'

 

\--

 

"I swear I'm not crying a river! I'm- What the fuck? No, I'm not!" Taeyong hissed to his phone, contemplating to chunk it to the wall, face boiling red from embarrassment.

" _May I tell you that, gruesomely, I ended up kinda friends with him? And he told me you rubbed your snot and slobber all over the front of his shirt,_ " Doyoung is cackling.

"Fucking asshole, I'm not, okay? And you hated him, what is this hypocrisy?" he grumbled, swatting Jaehyun's arm from his waist when he felt the man pulling him to the bed, he have no recourse to keep calm and the incubus should deal with his pissy mood for now.

" _I had Winwin explaining to me what happened and I gave him a second chance to prove himself that he's good for you_ ," Doyoung hummed still tainted with a chuckle, " _and I guess Johnny did earned it after he reported to me how much of a cry baby you still are._ "

"God," Taeyong laments, rubbing his face with his free hand. Which is worse? That Winwin actually knew about what happened between them, or that Doyoung is becoming Johnny's friend? "I'm revoking the friendship card from you."

" _Don't you dare. I've already agreed to this, what is_ this _, texts and calls only relationship_ ," Doyoung accused.

There's a silence and Taeyong already can feel it the way Doyoung is about to apologize, so he said instead, "in time."

" _I'm just glad you still want to share things with me_ ," he muttered, low and a bit sad.

"Always, you're my bro," Taeyong said, a bit teasing to reduce the sudden tension.

" _Just remind me if I start to be... Well, demanding or something... But don't run away from me, anymore._ "

"You better do the same," he smiled, although Doyoung couldn't see it, he knows the man could hear it.

" _I'm... Glad you're okay after meeting him. You were always... So, distressed whenever I mentioned him and you never want to meet him._ "

"Honestly, I did got terrified, panicked even, so bad. But turned out it's my anxiety which feeding me horrible what if's, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. That's always what fucked us up, isn't it?" Taeyong said, finally sitting down on his bed since Jaehyun keep pulling at him and pouting.

" _We were... Too lost in our heads, it seems_."

"I'm learning... To just do it without thinking too much now, although easier said than done," he chuckled.

" _Yeah, me too,"_ Doyoung said with a long exhale, " _it's kinda both alarming and relieving to talk with you while also knowing exactly what was wrong with us. But hey, it's better than when we're both oblivious to it, we're working this out, right?_ "

"We are, I told you we never gonna lose us, communicating is important than assuming then proceeding into making one huge ball of mistake."

" _Sure, but it would have been better if you didn't try to run away all the time_ ," Doyoung snorted.

"The mistake didn't lie on me alone, jerk," Taeyong hissed, but it is very liberating to talk like this. "Did I do that a lot? Running away?"

" _You did, you cope with running away and things just... Went worse instead of concluded. But it was also wrong of me to keep a too tight leash on you, instead of pushing you to face it. I guess too much of anything is never good._ "

"You make it sounds like I'm some kind of a dog," Taeyong deadpanned.

" _You are a puppy, I guess, with the way you love to be cuddled and spoiled,_ " he snickers, " _at least here we are, we're learning to be better, human or puppy. We all are learning still, everyone is_."

"What are you on right now? You sound mental, bye I'm hanging up," he exclaimed, offended, well not really he's just being dramatic.

" _You're just angry I called you a puppy, but you are, ask your boyfriend I'm sure he'll agree with me. And look, you're running away again_ ," he laughed, mockingly.

"I'm not a puppy, I'm a majestic tiger-" Taeyong opened his mouth to close it again when he realized he just made no sense, "you know what, I'm going insane from talking with you. And running away from your insufferable ass is justified."

" _Asshole_ -"

Taeyong didn't hear the continuation since he hang up abruptly, throwing his whole body to the bed only for strong arms to catch him, as if Jaehyun knew the exact time he was gonna do that. He sighed deeply when Jaehyun pulled him closer and kissing his cheek, thick fingers brushing away the hair from his face.

"You did well today," he whispered with a smile.

"Do I really do that? Running away?" he mused, eyes up to the ceiling.

"You did," Jaehyun kissed his chin then goes to nuzzle his nose on Taeyong's cheek, "remember when you ran away from me and made out with a stranger? To this day I still don't understand why you did that."

Taeyong turning in Jaehyun's arms, placing his hand on the slightly chubby cheek and caressing it with his thumb as he's gazing into the man's dark, iridescent eyes, "I was afraid... Of getting too attached to you."

"Is that a bad thing?" Jaehyun whispered to his parted lips, kissing it softly.

He keep looking into the dark eyes, seeing the affection and loneliness in it, stirring as a slow flame in his gut, "it feel like it was."

"Why?" Jaehyun mimicked his hand and caressing Taeyong's face, but the touches feels a lot more than just skin upon skin, there's emotions in it, warm and tender. It strange how the touches lingers on his face yet his whole body could feel it buzzing, like tiny sparks tingling under his skin.

"I don't know, I think... One of the reasons was that you're not human. And I'm scared to... Trust, to feel." because what can a human and an incubus be? "At that time, Doyoung was the only person I'm attached to, but look at us before, we were chaotic and toxic for each other and I thought... I thought that's because I love him, my love... My affection ruined him. Then- then _he_  happened and I just- it's hard to believe that it wasn't my affection which turned them bad. I was so sure I'm toxic to everyone near me, who got too close to me and I have no right to feel love or anything like it, because even my parents thrown me away just like that and the only good thing in my life, which was Doyoung, I ruined him. How could I believe anything else? And I was afraid I'll do the same to you and... Lose you. But at the same time I don't want to admit I was weak, that I was... Not right."

"Taeyong..."

"I know, I know better now," Taeyong smiled softly, "you teach me to be better."

"Do you... Still feel the same?"

The way they're gazing at each other's eyes is soft, like gentle buzzing of a breeze caressing the surface of a lake. Yet at the same time it's also intense, because the eyes are the window to one's soul and there's a lot of emotions pouring out from the both of them.

"No," Taeyong found himself said it, "if I could have you like this, no."

The smile Jaehyun graced him was so beautiful, so powerful it tugs at everything that Taeyong's soul are. So he leaned forward, kissing the soft lips softly, feeling how smooth and tender it is on his quivering lips, but also in the way their emotions infusing together like the way their bodies gravitating towards each other.

"Be mine, Jaehyun," he whispered to the lips, licking the man's bottom lip to make it glistening even more under the dim artificial light of his bedside lamp. "If this world full of wrongs, then you're the only right for me."

"I'm yours already," Jaehyun breathed a soft chuckle, kissing him again and running his hand in his hair and the other on his lower back, pulling his smaller body even closer.

"Thank you, for pushing me forward and stop me from running away," Taeyong muttered lowly, not wanting to break the clarity which filling the room.

"I will always be there for you, I told you."

Taeyong smiled, sliding his fingertips on the smooth skin of Jaehyun's face, marveled not only by the beauty the man holds, but mostly because of his heart feels so full of gratefulness and affection. _Love_ , so loud, so explosive. And he wanted it so much to voice it out, when the man is awake, when he could hear him, see it and feel it from his whole being. But he didn't, because he's not ready yet. At least this time he's the waiting, not running away.

"You're so goddamn special, Jaehyun," Taeyong said instead, because both his heart and lips itching to confess his burst of affection. That words is safe enough right?

"Why do you have to swear?" Jaehyun giggled, pinching his cheek playfully before kissing him again, "you're also goddamn special and important to me, Taeyong."

"You also swore," Taeyong grinned, retaliating by pinching his cheek too. Although he was so close to pinch the man's nipple, he did well to stop himself from doing that.

"You teach me so."

"I-" Taeyong looks around then, something feels missing, "usually this is the time Yuta gonna interrupt, where is he?"

Jaehyun grinned impossibly wide, "I threw him out."

" _You threw him out??"_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~ Finally I can update the real chapter, I'm sorry for the previous chapters and if I'm worrying you :')
> 
> Life is still tough, not gonna lie, but your words fills me with happiness and encouragement and I know, even if I fall down, I know I'm not alone and I'll stand right back up again. Thank you, for your kind souls ♥♥♥
> 
> I also have a twitter [@riri_sailing](https://mobile.twitter.com/riri_sailing) and instagram @sailingfreelyart hit me up if you want to talk, I love talking ♥ although I might be shy, or not lol.
> 
>  
> 
> Alsooo, jaeyong being so clingy here, especially Jaehyun~~ Hnggggg. It's so sad to tell you that the next chapter is the LAST chapter :')))
> 
> But I'll still be writing more jaeyong fics, don't worry~ and for those who remembers, I did promised you something hehehe
> 
> Thank you for putting up with me and supporting me, you guys rock!! ♥♥♥♥♥


	34. Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I promise you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!! : There's a bloody scene down there, proceed with caution if you're triggered by it.

They took it slow, clothes off Taeyong's skin slowly, as if savoring the time they have together. Taeyong lets out breathy moans as Jaehyun kissed his skin, almost worshipping him, but maybe that's really what the man was doing. Jaehyun was being so gentle that Taeyong's heart ached at the sweetness of it, heart full and loud within his ribcage. He ran his fingers in Jaehyun's dark hair, pouring the affection he's feeling tingling in his senses.

When the man reached his hand, he groaned in displeasure, "Fuck Yuta for marking you."

Only then did Taeyong stop to think, "Why did he even do that?"

"So he could latch on you, he needed a place to crash after all," Jaehyun grumbled, "With this mark, he can go to wherever you are, this is his insurance. Beside that, he's feeding off your energy through this mark, although it will only works if he's in close contact with you, which is why he's been hovering around you."

Taeyong giggles at how cutely Jaehyun was pouting, cupping the man's cheeks to bring him up and kiss him, "My body is full of marks because of you guys, it's kind of weird nobody sees it. A tattoo doesn't have a good image in this country, I'm lucky I haven't been fired yet."

"Because nobody can see it," Jaehyun chuckled, kissing down to Taeyong's lips again as he pressed the lithe man under him deeper into the soft bed, cold sheet growing warmer under them, "Only beings like us who can see it, along with the bearers of those mark and the few humans who have the ability for it, indigo people as your kind used to call them as."

"Oh," Taeyong lets out, bringing up his hand to see and marvel at it. Yuta's mark is pretty, ever swirling in red flames, while Jaehyun's mark is more simple, black ink twirling into a beautifully aesthetic image of a rose. He blinked a few times, there's something slightly different about Jaehyun's seal than what he remembered, _is it pulsing with a dim blue glow?_ "That's weird..." he muttered.

"What's weird?" Jaehyun turned around in Taeyong's arms, looking at the seal too before staring back at Taeyong, "Something wrong?"

"It's... Pulsing? Your seal, I don't remember it ever doing that, except when you're breaking the distance limitation. And I'm sure that's not what's happening since you're here with me."

There's something in Jaehyun's eyes as he said that, but he didn't respond and instead took Taeyong's hand to kiss it. Jaehyun's kisses on his skin always leave tingling, burning trails that Taeyong got distracted easily and he forgot about his question. Mouth opening without hesitation when Jaehyun kissed him deeply and gently, his thick fingers mapping every bit of Taeyong's skin.

He hissed when Jaehyun was kissing down his stomach and licked into his navel, "If... Yuta's mark attaches him to me, how are you sure he isn't going to barge in, even though you have thrown him out?"

"Well," Jaehyun tsk-ed in annoyance, "there's no telling he's not gonna do that, so I'm only betting on his decency to give us a moment? That's the least he could do for being a freeloader."

"Ah!" Taeyong jerked when Jaehyun began lapping at his arousal, twitching alive from the ministration, fingers flying to the dark hair and pulling at it, "Then- then he could come in when we-"

"Forget about him, focus on me," Jaehyun grunted, fisting him and stroking hard to send Taeyong's mind into oblivion, "Focus only on me, baby."

Taeyong shivered strongly as Jaehyun took him whole into his mouth, loud slurping sounds filling the room the same way they’re pouring oil into Taeyong's desire. He then brought his hands to pull at Jaehyun's shirt, wanting to feel his skin directly on his, but Jaehyun pulled away and held his hands instead, dark eyes staring at him with unreadable emotions.

"I want to feel you..." Taeyong said breathlessly, mild confusion churning in his mind as to why Jaehyun stopped him.

"Leave it on, baby, you can feel me in other ways," he smiled, quite strangely, then he leaned down to kiss Taeyong's lips again with more fervor, hands stroking Taeyong's dick harder making the human lose his mind. But there's still a small part in his brain that is questioning Jaehyun's action, noticing the way the man is distracting him so he won't ask further. _Why?_

He didn't want Jaehyun to stop though, it's been quite long since they could be this close so he held himself back from voicing out his question. He kissed Jaehyun back just as passionately, wrapping his arms around the man's torso and legs hooked around his waist, moans slipping out his mouth from how good it felt. It's a bit disappointing to embrace Jaehyun's clothed body, but he's relishing in the way his body was caging his, embracing him tighter, and the radiating heat coming off of their tangled bodies.

Jaehyun never really let him go even when he was opening up Taeyong's body, thick fingers expertly twirling inside him with excessive lube and four fingers preparing him with much more ease than when they only used their saliva. It felt so vanilla, Taeyong noticed. They did slow sex before, but this feels different, this wasn't just slow, it feels really vanilla.

Not that he's complaining, no, how could he, when he feels like he could orgasm from Jaehyun's kisses alone? But it does feel kind of strange, because Jaehyun always wants to try things even when they're having slow sex, or when they're doing it emotionally. This was no less emotional, Taeyong feels he's being burned by the way Jaehyun was holding him so close, damp chests colliding together and he's completely smothered by Jaehyun's hot body. In all honesty, this feels even more emotional than what they have done and Taeyong's heart stutters from the overwhelming sensations dancing from his head to the tips of his toes.

Jaehyun embraces him tightly as he's pushing in, face tucked in Taeyong's neck and leaving kisses there as he starts to thrust gently, eliciting more moans out of Taeyong. His heart burning so strongly that Taeyong feels his chest is about to explode and it's not from the lack of air alone, but more in the way his emotions are swirling overwhelmingly with the way Jaehyun is holding him so close, so intimately. His fingers were scratching at the man's clothed back as he realized, this truly feels like making love.

This feels as if Jaehyun was trying to tell him wordlessly that he loves him.

The thought alone causes him to harrow his hands on Jaehyun's broad back, legs shuddering around the thick waist and pulling him closer, deeper into him as the mounting flame exploded abruptly and strongly as he orgasms. A soundless scream jumps out of his mouth along with a loud moan of Jaehyun's name, hands pulling at the man's head and he's pressing his face to Jaehyun's shoulder to suppress the way his body was twitching so strongly as the man never stopped thrusting into him hard, yet also still somewhat gentle.

Jaehyun only slowed down when he gradually came down from his high, eyes closed with a shaky breath. Taeyong opened his eyes to see Jaehyun's sweet smile peering down at him, one of his hands cradling his sweaty cheek, "You had a dry orgasm."

It was almost impossible, but Taeyong blushed harder from the words, embarrassed from how he orgasmed so soon. God, he loves this man so much that the thought of him loving him back makes him lose control. He didn't say anything to Jaehyun's remark, he couldn't, but Jaehyun didn't tease him about it. Instead he kissed Taeyong slowly, so softly as if he’s coaxing a flower to bloom and Taeyong reciprocated all too willingly, heart still thundering with the words at the tip of his tongue.

 _'I love you, I love you, Jaehyun, I love you so much_.'

And it feels like Jaehyun is embracing his heart instead of his slightly limp body as he took him in his arms, kissing down to his chin and to his chest where his heart rested, "You're still hard."

Taeyong gasped when he's thrusting in again to make a point, he's still not complete yet, they're still not complete. Almost instinctively he's spreading his legs wider, taking all of Jaehyun deeper inside him, to his body, to his heart. And Jaehyun took it as a cue to continue, rocking them more with determination as he kissed Taeyong's face, neck and chest. Love, so much love that Taeyong was drowning in it and he embraced the man even tighter if possible.

When they both came, it was an explosion within their whole bodies, in their chests. There was a strange pull at his heart as they did so, at the same time he saw pain flickering in Jaehyun's eyes as he's fisting the shirt on his chest, but Taeyong had no space in his mind to even question, _why?_ His insides were painted with all that is Jaehyun, Jaehyun and him alone. And Jaehyun lingers, staying inside of him for as long as he could, arms still tight around Taeyong's limp body, their faces pressed together. Even when they had come down from their euphoria, Taeyong's body was still shivering lightly in Jaehyun's arms from the everlasting emotions filling his entire being, his fingers racking the dark hair, wanting to mold them together as one entity.

It was the moment when Taeyong felt the strongest urge to voice out his feelings, ' _I love you_.'

But he didn't. Yet, it seemed as if Jaehyun could feel it, hear it, when he leaned down to kiss Taeyong's chest again before kissing his lips. It was such a heartfelt gesture Taeyong felt it so strongly along with the whispers which passed the man's lips to his.

"I, to you."

_Is that what I think you said, Jaehyun?_

 

\--

 

Taeyong ended up forgetting to ask Jaehyun why he didn't let him take off his clothes. In the end Yuta did only came back after they were done, mirth in his eyes and an annoying grin on his lips as he teased them, Taeyong felt embarrassed only by remembering it. But now, he's distracted by his two coworkers who are talking animatedly beside his cubicle. Hyungwon is really, _really_ pretty, Taeyong thinks as he's staring at the man while he's talking to Changkyun about a certain project, mildly noticing the way Wonho is stealing glances to their direction -he's still crushing over Hyungwon it seems-. Taeyong was quite in a trance when he blurted out, "Does it hurt?"

He only realized he voiced it out loud when both Hyungwon and Changkyun turned to him, reflexively he clasped his mouth with his hand, "I said it, didn't I?"

"You did," Changkyun said with a smile similar to a grimace.

But Hyungwon knew the question was directed at him, "What hurts?"

"No-" Taeyong waved his hands hurriedly, flustered, "It's nothing."

"It's okay, you can ask," Hyungwon smiled and it made him even prettier, and also kind of funny-looking.

"It's just... I'm curious," Taeyong fiddled with his fingers in hesitation, "When you... Turned into a vampire?"

"Ah," Hyungwon chuckled, sitting down on Changkyun's lap as if it's nothing, seemingly tired from bending his tall body over the table, "It was quite painful, after all, your body is changing into something else."

"Ah," Taeyong nodded, glancing to a grumbling Changkyun.

"You can sit on the table, why my lap? Your bony ass is digging to my thigh."

"It's rude to sit on the table, Changkyun baby," he snickered, earning a pinch to his waist from Changkyun, yet he was wiggling harder just to piss off the shorter man more.

"And it's not rude to sit on me?"

"And why did you ask that, Taeyong?" Hyungwon asked instead of giving Changkyun more attention.

"Just curious..." he said, rubbing both his palms uncomfortably.

"I see," he exhaled deeply, eyes still staring beyond Taeyong's eyes.

"Are you... Reading my mind?" Taeyong asked, getting even more uncomfortable.

"No, I can't do that," he chuckled as if what Taeyong just said was ridiculous, "But I sure hope you asked that not because you have a stupid idea."

Taeyong's heart leaps in alert, "What do you mean...?"

"It's not worth it, Taeyong," This time it was Changkyun who answered, eyes dimmed into something similar to sorrow. "It did give you a long life without illness, you become stronger and having special abilities. But it's not a life without pain, it's a harsh life, it's not worth it. Trust me, I know."

Taeyong looked to the both of them, trying see what they might be hiding within their eyes, "So you do regret it?"

"I..." Changkyun hesitated.

"Honestly, no," Hyungwon answered this time, "It gives me a life where I can be with my loved ones." As he said that, his eyes flickered to where Wonho was sitting at his desk, "It is worth it."

"Hyungwon, don't," Changkyun muttered in warning.

"But it's not for you, Taeyong," Hyungwon continued, words heavy and firm, "It's only for us who have no other way left, and even then, even though it does grant us what we wished for, it's a road full of pain. Are you sure you have no other way?"

It felt like a sharp cut to his chest and Taeyong looked away from Hyungwon's piercing gaze, a bit ashamed from being seen. They knew the moment he asked the question. And if he thinks about it, it's not like he have no other way, he has it, only that it's limited. Only for his short human life span and he never wants the sadness of him leaving on Jaehyun, he didn't want it. It was the only thing that made him consider the stupid idea.

_Did you forget, Taeyong? Jaehyun once said he's grateful for the fact that you're human. If you are no longer one, do you think he'll be happy about it?_

"You can't see it, but when you're on this side of the world, all you could wish for was, if only you were human," Hyungwon said with a smile, as if assuring him, "Don't wish it away, Taeyong, you can be and do so many things when you are one. Be a good human and make it worthwhile. Closing the book when it finishes does feel empty, but there's many things you could experience while you did, which beings like me can't relate to."

"You'll be one again, Hyungwon," Changkyun said lowly, as if he's pained too, from hearing it and he hugged the lanky man on his lap tightly, "You will experience it too."

"That's true," he hugged the shorter man and kissed his head. "Don't be sad now."

"What do you mean?" Taeyong asked.

"I only become what I am now to eradicate the cancer in me, and until then, I keep wishing for the time when I'll turn back into a human. So trust me when I say, you don't want this life."

And Taeyong took the words to his heart although he also felt something akin to disappointment. In the end, his time with Jaehyun will still be limited and he have to learn to accept it.

 

\--

 

By some mistake, Taeyong got off his work later than usual that day, Jaehyun must be waiting outside the office building by the nearby bench already. He sighed tiredly as he got out of the elevator, going past the reception table only to see a very beautiful young woman standing there with a bored look. There's something about the woman that made him stare at her, she stood there with dignity exuding from her whole being and it felt as if she's a lot older than she looked, he felt compelled to halt and stare at her, like some idiot. It doesn't matter that he’s never felt attracted to the opposite sex, she was that charming.

Suddenly the woman's eyes widened before they gave way to annoyance, "You took so long!"

Taeyong reflexively turned around to see who was it that she was speaking to, only to get surprised when he saw his CEO Lee Donghae jog to her with a sheepish grin.

"Sorry, got held up in a meeting, I'm an important person, you know," he said with a wink as he reached the woman, "You usually go to Hyukjae for this."

"I can't reach him," she grunts, "and he's always with you most of the time."

"Did you forget he's a CEO of a rivaling company to me now? How is it possible for him to be with me?" Donghae snickers, pulling something out of his dress coat and giving it to the woman, "Remember not to take too many."

Taeyong, being the curious guy he is, lingered there to see the whole exchange, although unconsciously. Only to realize what he's doing when Lee Donghae's eyes fell on him, and a smile broke on the man's lips.

"Lee Taeyong, right?" the CEO said much to Taeyong dismay, who was flailing on his stood since being flustered from being caught staring.

The woman then turned to see him too, there was no recognition in her eyes, yet there was something strange with the way she looked at him. Taeyong was only able to feel confused for a moment before he got even more panicked since the CEO was walking towards to him.

"So, your incubus has been ignoring me, is he not interested in working for me?" he grinned.

"Um, I..." he stuttered, not knowing what to say, eyes fleeting warily back and forth between the CEO and the woman.

It felt really weird for Taeyong, because his first impression of his CEO was really strong and stern, yet now, it almost felt like he's too easy, too carefree unlike the first impression. Almost childlike, if he dare say. Was it because of the woman? Who is she? She must be an important person too to be able to speak to his CEO in that way. He got more nervous and rigid being surrounded by people of seemingly higher statues, _god he was just a lowly worker, for a CEO to talk to him was very nerve-wracking._

But then the woman looked at him even more weirdly, "Incubus, you say?"

"It was kind of an interesting story, he got sealed with an incubus," Lee Donghae chuckled, not noticing the strange look the woman had been giving Taeyong.

She narrowed her eyes on him, "I know your smell."

There was something that made Taeyong's heart jump, but he didn't understand yet what it was, until the CEO spoke his next words.

"What do you mean, Lady Heeyeon?"

 _That name_. Taeyong has heard it too often not to recognize it. Images of Jaehyun and his hushed talks with Yuta flooded Taeyong's mind at the realization, finally he could put a face to their stories. She's very, very beautiful. There's a small part of him feeling angry knowing she's the cause of Jaehyun's turmoils, but he ceased it down, it wasn't his right, he knew better. Now, he didn't know what to do, what to say, clearly the woman recognized his smell, a smell which most probably belonged to Jaehyun. He didn't know if that's a good thing or not, so he chose to keep mum, if she looked uncertain like that, she probably couldn't remember it.

She was about to say something, but she jerked her head to the side as if she suddenly remembered something, which almost made Taeyong terrified although he didn't really understand why he was so nervous. Her eyes flickered to the building entrance, "Hyukjae is close. I'll go to him."

"But you already got it from me?" Donghae scratched his head in question, the woman and him nodding politely to Taeyong before making their way out the building.

"I prefer his way than yours, obviously," She said as the automatic glass door slides open.

And that was when Taeyong realized what was it that made him so anxious. Jaehyun was out there, and there's no way he wouldn't see them. If it was only Lee Donghae, he thinks it won't be too much of a problem. But her? Taeyong had seen enough of Jaehyun's burning hatred that he knew it won't go well.

It was pure instinct when he ran to them, shouting, "Wait!"

They both turned to him, Lee Donghae looking at him curiously while the woman's eyes were filled with alert, as if she finally put the pieces together, as if she _knew_. But it was too late when Taeyong realized it was a bad idea to call for them, because they focused on him and missed the lurking danger, because his eyes caught the way Jaehyun's murderous eyes focused on her from behind them, long claws which he had never seen growing out from the man's fingers. _Too late_ , and it happened so fast that Taeyong's body reacted on its own.

The next moment all he heard was a loud scream, noises and another shout, feral and unknown to him. Then next came the pain, so much pain and his right eye lost sight, red painting the ground under him and drenching his shirt. It felt like half his face had been clawed out, torn to pieces and his hands flew up to his face only to feel hot liquid spilling out between his fingers as he lets out an agonizing scream.

"Taeyong!" he heard, overlapping voices calling his name, which one of it he knew belonged to Jaehyun. But he couldn't really focus on it as pain clouded his mind and he fell to his knees while cradling his bleeding face desperately and fearfully. So much pain and fear, _what happened? Why is his face bleeding so much?_

"What- Why are you jumping in front of her?!" The voices were shouting again and he felt hands grabbing his shoulder in panic, but another threatening growl was heard again, "Don't touch him!"

The hands on his back faltered before pulling away and gradually, he was able to blink his left eye repeatedly until he could see again, although still latched with pain and tainted with red. He saw Jaehyun crouching in front of him, face terrified and hands flailing about wanting to touch him but too afraid to do that. There was anger boiling inside Taeyong as he looked at him.

"You- you're bleeding-!" He cries, dark eyes full of anger and guilt. But as Jaehyun was about to touch him, Taeyong swung his hand so hard it made contact strongly on the man's cheek, replacing the previous emotions with those of shock, and disbelief. The hot liquid still spilling out through his fingers, some of it smothered on Jaehyun's cheek from where he slapped him; and it took the man a few seconds of shock before he turned his head to stare at him.

 _Why?_ He could almost hear it from the way he looked.

"Do you think this is what she would have wanted?" Taeyong found himself saying that with trembling voice, partly from the intense pain, partly from the mounting emotions burning within him. Jaehyun was looking at him as if he's a ghost, but Taeyong still doesn't stop, not even when he sees Lee Hyukjae standing not too far behind Jaehyun, "Do you really think Dahlia would want this?"

He could see the way Jaehyun's jaw clenched with unreadable emotions contorting his face, but he didn't answer, either he couldn't or he was feeling too angry and guilty to respond with anything. Maybe it's due to the pain, or maybe it's because Taeyong too felt emotions akin to anger and disappointment, so strongly that he couldn't stop the words from spilling out of his mouth.

"You loved her, for so many years, yet you are blind to what she would have wanted?"

"Taeyong," Jaehyun said firmly but also pleadingly, "Let me see your wound first, we have to get you to hospital-"

"Don't touch me!" he hissed when Jaehyun was about to hold him, he held up a finger to Jaehyun as a warning, "You listen to me."

"Taeyong, please," he pleaded, only then did Taeyong notice the brimming tears in his eyes.

But he couldn't stop, he need to voice it out now, there's been too many words he swallowed in and he regretted it, today he won't do that. _Not today_.

"Do you not see me, Jaehyun?"

He was too flustered, too scared to understand what Taeyong meant, "What?"

"Did you even love her at all?" Taeyong pressed the right side of his face harder to try and stop the bleeding, his other hand fisting Jaehyun's collar, "You don't see me, you don't even see her."

It wasn't just his eyes or his face which were bleeding, his heart too, bleeding continuously as the string of words keep pushing out to be freed, "If you see me, Jaehyun, you wouldn't do this. If you love her, you wouldn't even think about doing this. Can't you see? I'm the love that you have learnt from her."

Tears are mixed with blood, his crying eyes gazed deep into Jaehyun's reddening eyes, equally wet with his own tears. He still didn't see it, Taeyong could see it in his eyes, he still didn't see what he's seeing, "You taught me how to love right. The love you have learnt from her. If she hadn't loved you, I wouldn't be here, we wouldn't be here, there would be no you and me. If you really loved her, you will be able to see me, because I am that love."

Taeyong grips the collar tighter, shaking it slightly, "She's alive, Jaehyun, because of you. You taught me her love, how to love right, how to forgive and heal my soul from the pain. She's alive within me because of you, and I am alive because of you, because of her. She's alive in me, in you, can't you see that? And what did you do to her? Do you honestly think she would want you to avenge her like this? Tainting not only her love, but also your hands? Your soul? If you do this, you're killing her."

Jaehyun couldn't say anything, he just cried while staring at Taeyong painfully. Because he knew, he always knew, but he couldn't stop the hatred, the anguish, he just couldn't. He wanted the pain to be inflicted back, that's all that he could think and feel. But Taeyong, he made him realize that it's true, Dahlia is forever alive in his memories and from it, as he gives love to others, she lives. She lives.

He cried harder as Taeyong stroked his cheek with his bloodied hand, how could he be so blind? And now he hurts the one who is important to him, could he be so foolish?

"Can you see her, Jaehyun? Can you see me?" Taeyong whispered.

Jaehyun embraces him with all his soul, his life is for this man, who's a lot smaller than him yet holds power greater than himself.

"I see you."

Taeyong couldn't reciprocate the embrace as he had to hold his wound, head starting to spin from the bleeding, but he let Jaehyun know from the way he was pressing his cheek to Jaehyun's neck, "It's hard to forgive, I know. But I could do it because you were there, can I be that someone for you?"

"I-" Jaehyun's words were cut off as Hyukjae and Donghae started pulling at Taeyong's body.

"We need to get him to hospital fast, it'll be faster to use our car than calling ambulance now," Hyukjae said firmly as Donghae held Taeyong up.

Jaehyun couldn't say anything, but he felt nothing when they took Taeyong, some part of him had let it go as Taeyong's words seeped into his soul deeply. There's exhaustion as he thinks about his anger, his hatred, it just feels empty now, tired and done. Maybe that's why he let them touch Taeyong, why a void fills his chest when he looked at Lady Heeyeon, who at that time was staring back to him with many millions of words hidden within her eyes. For once, this time, he didn't care what she would have to say, he only wanted to embrace Taeyong and never let him go again. Ever.

And he did, he didn't care nor mind the fact that he's riding Lee Hyukjae's car to a hospital, someone he always saw as an enemy, he could only think of Taeyong. He cradled him in his arms, crying still for hurting him, whispering thousands of apologies to which Taeyong didn't reply with anything as he grew more limp in his arms.

"Stay with me, please stay with me love, I'm so sorry for hurting you, but please don't leave me," He cried, heart torn and filled with so much fear. He couldn't lose Taeyong too, he couldn't lose him like this, not by his own hands, not with the pain. He regretted the fact that Yuta wasn't there, if he was, he could have healed Taeyong, but he's not, by fate he wasn't there. Why is fate always so cruel to him?

Yet slowly Taeyong blinked his eyes open to look at Jaehyun, his skin losing the golden gleam and lips turning bluish as he peered up through half lidded eyes, "What did you call me?"

Jaehyun's heart leaped, Taeyong's voice was so thin like a string ready to snap, so painful to hear yet it held a lot of meaning that Jaehyun was afraid to answer. But Taeyong's eyes, they always look so beautiful even more so as it stirred fear inside Jaehyun, he's still feeling pulled into the mirage of a galaxy in Taeyong's eyes. And he couldn't, for he was a weak man, he couldn't hold in the burst of emotions which were racking his chest.

"Love, I love you... Taeyong," he whispered, a cry jumping out his chest and tears spilling from his eyes to Taeyong's cheeks. The dam has been broken.

It was such a beautifully breathtaking sight when a smile grew on Taeyong's lips, as if his face was glowing with soft sparks of happiness as seen in his glistening eyes, "Jae... I..."

"Don't say it," Jaehyun whispered desperately, kissing down on the pale lips softly to seal the words in, "I know, but please don't say it."

Taeyong was too exhausted, head spinning from the blood loss, he couldn't even bring up his hand to caress Jaehyun's cheek. But the look on his face was loud enough to question, _why?_

"Because if you say it, you'll be truly bonded with me and I don't want it on you," Jaehyun whispered, expression far too pained as tears kept rolling down, "I've seen enough to know, and I know, I believe it that you really feel the same way as I did, I do. But a human's feelings are too fleeting, what if you come to love for another person? We never know, and I'm scared to imagine it. If you're bonded with me, the seal will kill you if you love another than me and I- I did rather see you happy with them rather than see you dying, I don't want it, so please don't say it."

_The seal? A bond?_

And it seemed as if Jaehyun could hear his thoughts without saying them, when he pull up his shirt to show his chest. There was a seal over his chest, beautiful lines of colors of celtic marks and flowers in a round shape over where his heart is. The seal of _the one_.

"It wasn't just any love," he says, letting go of his shirt to cradle Taeyong's cheeks, "When I realized it, the seal formed over my chest and I knew, there was no turning back. But it's not for you, we are bonded, but it's still mostly on my side and I'm thankful for that because I want to live with you for as long as your short human life will allow you to. If I have to lose you and I have already accepted it, then I want it to be when you have grown old and found peace in the end of your journey, that's the only way I could let you go."

Taeyong blinks to rid away the brimming tears in his eyes, heart full and content from the way Jaehyun was gazing into him so deeply, filled with love. It was almost hard to believe that the man loves him back, as strong as what he feels for him, but the seal he just saw was real and it's enough confirmation than he had been wishing for. He smiled, tainted with a soft cry and a laugh, strong enough only to grab Jaehyun's lower arm which is on his thrumming chest.

"Idiot," he whispered with a wide, weak smile, "You will see me old, I promise you, and I swear when the time comes, I will still love you."

The moment he spoke the words, there was a burning churn in his chest before it dissipated and he could feel the flood of Jaehyun's emotions filling his heart. And he knew then, the bond was fulfilled. The bond is made.

Shock was written all over Jaehyun's face before he cried again, hands tightening on his cheeks, "Why? You shouldn't-"

"I promise you, Jaehyun, I love you too and I will die when I'm old and find my peace," he pulled weakly at Jaehyun's arm, without any words needed the man leaned down just like he wanted, to kiss him. Soft and gentle, loud with the burst of their love, "I promise, I love you."

Even when Jaehyun kept crying while embracing the human tightly in his arms, fear and worry twisting his insides, he felt happy. For once in his long, agonizing life, he felt happy and content.

From the start, he could only see Taeyong. Now, he'll continue to do so until the end.

 

_For their limited forever._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAAAAH IT'S FINISHED!!! 
> 
> Hdhsbsjdmsl that was a very long ass ride lmao.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of you who keep reading it despite many lackings and WEIRD tags :)))
> 
> Thank you for those who left me beautiful comments, words of encouragement and simple yet meaningful words that I will always be grateful for (･´з`･)♥♥♥
> 
> Thank you the kudos, like?? It's over 1000+???I never even dared to dream of it! Thank you so much for liking this story!!
> 
> And thank you so much for those who reached out to me to help me with my grammar errors hsjsajaks. And Thank you for Y. S. to helped me through it and tolerates my insufferable ass, even now I'm still felt bad for smothering you :'))
> 
> And I'm sorry for the turmoil or my own angst over life that I throw to you, and really, you guys are so kind and awesome, no words can't describe it. You helped me a lot, with words and all.
> 
> It feels kind of empty to finish this, there are some truths and stories behind and after this actually. But I'm thinking to really close it at the EPILOGUE next, I think it's better that way. But, who knows? I may get a strange craving to write a sequel Ahahahaha.
> 
> Once again and forever, thank you so much all of you. I wanted to leave the end note her so the ending in the epilogue will be clean.
> 
> Thank you and see you again in my next jaeyong fic titled Amber Eyes? (this time with Cat Hybrid Taeyong)
> 
> Until we meet again!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥


	35. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Taeyong gazes into Jaehyun's dark, iridescent eyes, he thinks, could he be any happier than this?
> 
> Maybe, maybe not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of TCOTBR now, there's a tint of sadness in my heart when I wrote 'last'. And it's a very fulfilling happiness to be able to see the 'complete' status after a long journey.
> 
> This is the end ;')))
> 
> But their story is still running, with their promised future ♥♥♥
> 
> 'Till we meet again, love.

Doyoung is tired, but mostly irritated. He's still learning to get used to a life without Taeyong beside him, without having to be beside him, and taking care of him. A good part of his life feels hollow, he doesn't know what to do with it. But slowly it allowed him to do the things he couldn't do before, to meet new people, to meet a new, true love. A love which wasn't forced on him, a love which he nurtured by himself.

One time, in the dead of night when he couldn't sleep and anxiety was plaguing him, he had asked through the phone to Taeyong, “Why were we so bad for each other? We never wanted anything bad for each other, why?”

Taeyong, with his hushed, sleepily voice had answered softly, “It was the circumstances, Doyoung.”

“Is it different now, then?”

Doyoung heard another shuffling sound and he figured the man was going somewhere so that his boyfriend wouldn't be able to hear him, “When you find your life and I find mine, I think we'll finally be truly right together.”

 _They were lost in a world where they wanted acceptance and acknowledgement without even knowing what was it_.

Doyoung didn't truly understand it, because he has no one else other than Taeyong, yet. Sometimes he thinks it's kind of unfair for Taeyong to find his life first and leave him clueless by himself, but maybe he would have continued to be blind of what's in front of him if he had stayed. So Doyoung tried to do the things he had wanted to do for a long time, he's juggling with his work and vocal classes. He found his gift there, along with someone who could see him and understand the sorrow in his eyes.

And when he's finally rising and able to get through his days without the ever present Taeyong, Doyoung began to receive a letter at his door every two weeks. From Jaehyun. And it's an understatement to say that he's pissed when he read the short words written in it along with a photo of Taeyong and Jaehyun.

' _Life is good, eh?_ '

' _Look, it's happiness_.'

' _Still figuring out your life?_ '

And he had called Taeyong with long grumbles and protests about that said boyfriend being an ass to him, also how the fuck he know where Doyoung lives to send those annoying letters? Both Taeyong and Jaehyun sounded clueless through the phone, as if they knew nothing about it but Doyoung wasn't having any of it, not knowing that the whole ordeal was done by Yuta instead of Jaehyun. He was making it a job of his to piss people off, but what's new? In a way the irritation drove Doyoung more to find a good lover. So maybe, what Yuta did wasn't so bad and not without reason. Maybe.

Speaking of Yuta, that guy had erased his mark on Taeyong, remarking that he didn't get nearly enough energy from Taeyong, then had gone to god knows where like he never barged into their life. Sometimes Jaehyun heard from the ' _birds_ ' where and what Yuta is doing, crashing into other people's lives and being the chaos he is. Sometimes it was Yuta himself who came to visit saying he missed Taeyong's cooking, or his letters by their door about his adventures, which mainly consisted of creating disasters in some continents. A kitsune through and through.

Winwin was there the second time Taeyong met with Johnny, awkward at first, but then they found themselves able to go back to the old days where they could chat openly with laughter and jokes. Johnny could only stare at them weirdly when both Taeyong and Winwin started talking about a certain kitsune. Winwin was surprised to hear that Yuta stayed with him for a period of time, asking how that happened, which then left Taeyong no choice but to tell him about Jaehyun. It was then he found a friend like no other in Winwin, because he understood and was aware of that other side of world.

Although Winwin had hoped Taeyong could spare him from listening to his non stop stories and problems about a certain incubus, he wanted his rest, okay? Taeyong can be quite annoying when he's talking without stopping and he's tired having to listen to it.

Of course Taeyong could talk about it with Changkyun or Hyungwon, they _are_ in that world. But Changkyun and Hyungwon are almost like a set along with Wonho, where there's Changkyun, Hyungwon would be there and so would Wonho because he's always following Hyungwon. Changkyun is a good listener, he really is, and Taeyong likes it about him despite his ever expressionless face -although he's a little shit still and he doesn't understand how can a person that funny and chaotic could do it with blank expression-, but the same can't be said about Hyungwon, that guy is a little -tall- shit through and through. When Hyungwon listens, there's this ever present smile on his puffy lips, as if he's thinking about how to tease him while listening. And Wonho? Well, that guy is unaware about that side of the world now and he's mostly grinning with a lost look in his eyes.

But Taeyong noticed something that's kind of different between Hyungwon and Wonho, to which Changkyun had said that they had finally, after years and more years pinning over each other, finally resolved it. If only Hyungwon wasn't being the shit he is and teasing Wonho's apparent love for him, they could have been together already years ago.

“He killed me in the previous life, that's the least I could do,” he would joke and Changkyun could only sighed tiredly with a roll of his eyes.

As for Jaehyun, he's still learning to forgive, it will take more time for him to be able to talk to Lady Heeyeon without being like a wolf ready to kill. But he relented to Lee Donghae, after all the guy had no hand in this at all and had always been the kind, welcoming guy he is. After a while he finally accepted Donghae's offer to work for him, making the said vampire elated, very much. Which is kind of weird for Taeyong, why was the man that happy to have Jaehyun?

It was answered when Jaehyun was put into sales department, ah, that makes a lot of sense. Jaehyun, being the alluring, seductive incubus he is to women and men alike, shot up the sales like a dream in a span of a very short period. Who could resist him when he did the best of his best? Jaehyun's work was smooth sailing and with him being the only incubus in the company, it makes him the most sought after by humans and other beings alike, which, _well_ , Taeyong wasn't really pleased about it. And they couldn't be open about their relationship, sadly, after all, they're working in the same company.

After the bloody incident, Taeyong is left with a scar near his right eye, deep and a couple of inches long from his eyebrow to under his eyes. It isn't too big which could alarm people when they see it, but it does make Jaehyun feel guilty whenever he sees it, to which Taeyong always reassures him that it’s fine and he shouldn't think about it. The blood which been shed was a lot, but there was no permanent damage other than the scar, not that Taeyong would ever tell Jaehyun that sometimes his right eye stung or that his sight was a bit blurry. He'll take it to his grave rather than make Jaehyun worry. In some way, the scar is forever a reminder for Jaehyun to be a better person, and repentance.

Sometimes Taeyong, Jaehyun, Lee Donghae and Lee Hyukjae have an outing together, as weird as it is, but it was purely due to Donghae's clingy and warm personality. Sometimes it was Taeyong, Changkyun and Hyungwon with the CEOs as they're in the same circle, occasionally with another vampire named Kihyun that Taeyong knows nothing about. He can only wish that he won't get further drifted away from his human life, being dragged around with these... Beings. There was a time when Taeyong was slightly tipsy with no Jaehyun around that he talked about his early years in the company, about being harassed by his lady boss to the crowd, and hadn't noticed the disapproving looks in both Donghae's and Hyukjae's eyes as they heard it. In the next few days the news came about the lady boss got transferred to another company branch out of town, and Taeyong could only feel half confused and half thankful to have a new, understanding and kind boss.

When he and Jaehyun went out drinking with the two CEOs, Jaehyun and Hyukjae would always have _civilized_  fights and arguments, most of the time it was them having a drinking competition and Donghae would laugh along beside Taeyong, talking about another round of money being wasted because the two could drink half the bar's storeroom and still wouldn't get drunk. But one look at the glint in Jaehyun's eyes, and Taeyong knows he's having fun despite his everlasting hate speech about the certain nephilim.

Their life is getting more colorful with all these people around and Taeyong feels truly blessed to have it, it finally feel like he's really living it. Many years ago, he wouldn't believe it if someone had told him that his life will get better, because in the darkness all he could see was darkness. But it does get better, _it does_.

When Taeyong could take a paid vacation, he would go on a journey with Jaehyun. It's kind of a surprise when he finds out that Jaehyun can drive, but he used it to the fullest when they would go on long drives with a rented car, alternating their driving time to wherever the road takes them. Even if they spent their time mostly driving the car, gazing at the landscape and smiling without reason when the conversation dies out, it's a happy and fulfilled moment. Sometimes they would stop by a lake or a river, getting a breather and playing in it if they could, spreading cloth and having an impromptu picnic with intertwined fingers. Sometimes they stayed in a guest house, a cheap motel, or slept in the car with the starry sky as their blanket.

When Taeyong gazes into Jaehyun's dark, iridescent eyes, he thinks, could he be any happier than this? Maybe, maybe not, no one knows what life has in store for them. But as long as they are together, Taeyong thinks they could get through any storms which come their way.

So when he took Jaehyun's hand and kissed the back of it, he smiled to the skin, at how calming his familiar scent is to him, "You know what?"

"Know what, love?" Jaehyun smiled back, picking up a habit of calling Taeyong ' _love_ ' since no more secrets are hidden.

Taeyong giggles from how his heart feels tickled from the way Jaehyun is looking at him like he's the sun, like he's the treasure of life. Maybe he is, just like Jaehyun is to him. "When I first got to know you, I thought, I hate you so much that I'm definitely cursed."

Jaehyun chuckled before he's leaning over the car handle to kiss his cheek, then his lips, whispering to them, "And what about now?"

They shared a long kiss, foreheads connected like their souls are intertwined, "I think, that blue rose is a blessing to my life."

They will make sure to make the most of their life.

 

 

An everlasting love in their limited time which will create a timeless story.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!!!
> 
> Thank you for giving this story a chance even when the tags are questionable,
> 
> Thank you for staying despite the long chapters
> 
> Thank you for giving it love and kudos even though I'm lacking a lot
> 
> Thank you for liking the story and giving me beautiful feedbacks
> 
> And thank you, a thousand and more thank you for being kind and sweet to me through the storm.
> 
> This story, the friends I found through it, the courage and bravery I learnt from you guys, I am most grateful and will never forget it.
> 
> All, in a special part of my heart ♥♥♥♥
> 
> Thank you.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is not an update. I just want to tell you guys who's following me in twitter that my acc got suspended due to a ONE joke which got misunderstood terribly by twitter. I've filed an appeal and just hoping they'll get to me again and I can get it back.
> 
> But chances are slim, so I have a new [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/BlueButterflyJY)
> 
> If you're willing to give me "prompts" (please check my pinned tweet), I'll be happy to do it! I need help for my life, thank you very much lovelies 💓💕💗💖💞💓💕💗

(Please read the Notes above).

Also, I'll use this chance to tell you guys that I might not be able to update or make any stories for a while now (except if it's a "given prompts"). There are a lot of happenings in my life and I need a moment to heal myself.

But please, if you could help me "give me prompts", that's a lot of help I really needed, thank you very much.


End file.
